Well, at least I got it posted you damn irritant! You have no reason to keep pestering me any longer. (words directed at subconscious)
Ashina: Ha! And you called me cheap, Pudding-chan! Well…I am kind of cheap… (hears snickering in the background) Shut up!
Pudding: Loser! And you tried to lull me with that crappy drawing!
Ashina: Ah! I'm sorry, senpai!!! I didn't mean to act as though I was ungrateful towards all of your love and wisdom…though at some points I'm sure it could be classified as abuse…
Pudding: What did you say?!
Ashina: (runs away from flying kunai knives)
Anyway, on with the story.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The brilliance of it all belongs the wonderfully magnificent Stephanie Meyer…I hope I make you proud ma'am!
A/N: This is more of a side story/crack fic, I can't quite pin down when this is supposed to be, but I was thinking that it might work before the wedding. If you haven't read the third book, I suggest you get your butt to the bookstore this instant and buy/read Eclipse. This is told from Edward's POV; otherwise it wouldn't be so funny.
------U R Darkest's Pawn-----
I lay there in wonder, as Bella slept through the early morning darkness. Her soft brown hair caressing her heart-shaped face. I leaned down and brushed my lips softly against her cheek. She trembled in my arms, mumbled a soft "Edward", then turned and curled against my chest once more.
I couldn't pretend as if her reactions still weren't as pleasant as the first time that I advanced on her. It seemed that the closer I got to her, the more actively she seemed to be responding. I would have laughed, but she might have woken up.
The sun's rays were barely coming over the top of the trees in the forest, and I found myself staring longingly at the increasing sunlight. How long had I internally begged for a chance to 'normal'? How long, and I couldn't quite count my time with Bella as such, had I tried to fit in?
The answers to my questions were easily answered. Until I met her, I gave no second thought to what other might have thought of me. I would have loved to go on in my little with world with as little contact as possible with those whose worlds were filled with internal deceit and greed.
Bella had been the one to show me how be 'normal'. Though if I looked up the word in a dictionary, surely it would say something like conforming to the standard or the common type, I realized long ago that I couldn't quite live by the book. That had ended a long time ago.
My thoughts scattered as Bella's grip on my shirt tightened.
"Mmm…Edward…fuzzy."
I choked back the laughter that threatened to break through. My poor, adorable Bella was comical when she was completely and utterly defenseless. I hugged her tighter, inhaling her soft scent, though I was sure that it was floral, sometimes I could be mistaken by thinking perhaps that it was dog.
A dark hatred grew in my chest as I thought of Jacob. I knew that I'd taken care of him, but nonetheless, I felt obliged to protect Bella from all the lies I knew he could spin in her head. It wasn't really that hard to get her to believe anyways.
The reason that I'd felt so compelled to return was not only because of the straining love, but because I was worried that she might find herself in a situation that she was not well-equipped or prepared for.
There was nothing that told me that she was that type of person, but I was never too sure with humans.
But now that I had the Black child out of my way, Bella would be mine, for all eternity.
------U R Darkest's Pawn-----
"Ah…" Bella sighed as she stretched from her cramped position on the couch. She'd been sitting with Alice, planning the wedding invitations, with a very little enthusiasm. It was amusing, but I could tell that Alice was beginning to wonder if this was worth it.
"So, which one do you think would be better? The lace or the ribbon?" she held up two cards, one of white, the other of pink, and watched Bella's expression very carefully. While Bella continued to speculate, which seemed like it took her at least five minutes to fully look over the two dimensional piece of tree, Alice sighed in her mind, begging for some hint at motivation.
'Edward, you tell your bride-to-be that if she doesn't pick something soon, that I am personally going to destroy any of her choices and she is going to be forcibly paraded around the town to have pictures taken of her.'
I laughed and Bella looked at me quizzically. I shook my head, hoping that it would encourage her to become a bit more serious. But I realized only moments later that it wasn't going to do much good to try and spark Bella into doing something, whereas it would only irritate Alice. I began wondering if there was anything that could possibly make Bella want to behave and cooperate.
Then an idea sprang to life in my mind. Although it irritated me, the memory that had given me my wonderful idea, I knew that it would do something to make her want to act properly.
"I'll be right back." I said, moving from my love's side. She looked at me with an expression that begged for me to stay. I kissed her lips softly and disappeared. Alice laughed at my retreating back. 'I really hope that you know what you're getting yourself into.' At the same time, I wondered if what I was doing was a good thing. Only Alice knew what sort of trouble I was ensnaring myself in.
------U R Darkest's Pawn-----
When I returned, Bella had a bit of a paler look to her, and I could only assume that Alice had finally taken her lack of patience out on her and threatened her with something that would never have possibly be thought up by me. But then again, I could have easily thought of the same sort of threat if provoked enough. I could only hope that what I'd gone and done was enough.
"Bella?" I called out. She turned to me immediately, as if my voice was an automatic attraction. "I got you something."
She turned back and tried to avoid me. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. She was so reluctant to take the wedding ring, but it was only thing that I could do to get her to become maybe a bit more animated.
I walked back to the kitchen and grabbed the box that sat on the counter. Then I appeared next to her and placed it into her lap. There was a noise of disagreement that came when I set it down. The surprise that spread across her face betrayed her previous defiance. I had no option than to chuckle. It was adorable when she was so utterly amazed by what a vampire was able to do in his spare time.
"W-What is it?" she still wasn't fully prepared to have any of this placed on her.
I smiled. "Just open it Bella."
And she took the small white box, pulling the red ribbon as slowly as humanly possible. Its four walls fell open to reveal a small white kitten. It looked at Bella with such pure yellow eyes that she was just as speechless as she had been when I told her that she was receiving anything.
It meowed softly, and her face lit up. Then she turned to me. "Thank you, Edward." Her happiness gushed like a never-ending spring. She leaned over and kissed me softly, then turned back to the small amount of life sitting in her lap like mother attending to her new-born child.
The small cat rubbed its head against her hand, meowing once more, looking quite pleased to be seated in the lap of a woman of such beauty. I suddenly felt as though I would come to regret this in time. I felt as though I was going to be cursed to vie for first place in Bella's life for a while now. But why was that? What could possibly go wrong by having this small…thing opposing me in this life?
Little did I know it would be one of the worst mistakes that I had ever made? How wrong I was, to think that something so small and innocently cute could cause no harm and be not a suspect of treachery.
------U R Darkest's Pawn-----
"Oh, you're so cute, yes you are! Yes you are!" Bella nuzzled her face against the cat. It had taken a serious liking to her.
I felt no need in calling it by the name.
Two days had passed since I'd given Bella the kitten, and it had become my living nightmare. She'd named it Edward, saying that it reminded her of me, it's white fur and it's golden eyes, but it somehow seemed like it was only trying to ruin my time. I was going to go insane if that thing decided to continue to destroy my peaceful life with my wife-to-be. It's incessant meowing was like poison to my ears. It rang when she was sleeping and I watched with delight, it rang in my eardrums when we were at my house, even though it was at least twenty miles away, I even heard it while I had the most atrocious music blaring. It had become that even Rosalie and Emmett had come to tell me that I ought to 'shut off the damn music before I found my white butt in the cold'.
Even Carlisle had had enough and asked me, as kindly though with the same authority a father would use, to turn the music down a bit.
When I was at her house, the thing pounced on my head and looked at me, as if to say, 'Ha! She loves me more than you! 'Coz I'm cuddly and I'm so much more fun! And I meow!'
When I glared back, Bella's reactions were absurd. She looked as though I'd had the intention to harm her precious child. It was far worse than I'd thought. There were even times when I wondered if she'd throw me out of her life if I tried to take the thing back to the store, there were two outcomes to this: either I'd be taken out of her life, or this would have a better affect than I could possibly imagine.
"Hey, Bella, what do you think about giving the cat a rest and helping Esme today with the shopping?" When I had asked her that, she turned cold eyes towards me and said…
"No." That was the only reply I received from her before she stalked off to play with her adorable little world. It seemed as though I no longer had any place in her life. And with that…I disappeared into darkness once again. That is, until the light became all too close for comfort…
…So much for my "nap".
------U R Darkest's Pawn-----
This didn't quite turn out how I wanted it to, but I did this for Pudding-chan and I only hope that she liked it. I love you and I'm sorry that I missed your birthday.
Reviews would be much appreciated, no matter how demeaning or cruel they are. Just no flaming please. IF you didn't like it, just say so.