Separation
Author: Lysis (Copyright 2012 by Lysis)
Summary: Picks up where Catch the Wind leaves off. It was suggested that I reconcile these two misfits, and I will soon... It's another song Fic.
Angst, angst and more angst.
Song lyrics by Savage Garden: I Knew I Loved You, Crash and Burn by D. Jones & Darren Hayes, So Beautiful By Darren Hayes
*****Hephaistion notices some disturbing changes in Alexander and is concerned by them.
Maybe it's intuition,
Some thing's you just don't question,
Like in your eyes I see my future in an instant,
There it goes, I think I've found my best friend...
The lights had burned low, mere flickers against the dark shadows of the walls of their chamber. The room was sharp with the scent with roses, Hephaistion looked at his bed, upon the pillow sat a small bouquet of the wild roses, the barest blush of pink painted their silky bed, their scent was heady. He plucked them up smiling inhaling them the scent deeply as he set them carefully to the side on his night table where they would lay as he slept.
"Ah, Demades, dearest cousin. He chuckled lightly as he drew off his chiton and bathed. He hummed softly to himself and glanced over at Alexander.
"Xandros, are you awake, Xandros?" He moves softly across the small expanse between their beds. A smile played along his lips. He had missed his company sorely and had been looking forward to their nightly talk. Disappointed, Hephaistion noted he seemed deeply asleep. With a sigh he, turned toward his own bed, but turned back. He really wanted to talk with him. He had missed him, he had been absent a good deal lately and Hephaistion felt somewhat lost without him. Gently he leaned over his companion. Alexander was on his side facing the wall, he seemed a tight little ball nearly engulfed by his red lightweight woollen blanket. The dim glow the night lamp glistened in his hair, those heavy golden locks that always delighted Hephaistion's eye. No matter where they were, he could always tell Alexander was nearby by the glint of Helios's rays against the gleaming curls. He began to reach out and then pulled his arm back. Non, he would not disturb him. It would break his sleep. Frowning, as he blew out his night lamp, Hephaistion wondered again for the fourth time in as many days, what ailed Alexander? Was he ill, for he was beginning to think it must be so? He was so unlike himself of late. He no longer seemed interested in joining in games of ball or knucklebones and the hundred other things youths their age did for pleasure. Why, yesterday he had excused himself to go riding with him and Demades. That Alexander would refuse a chance to go riding, to be with his beloved Boukephalus had been the thing that had truly begun to worry Hephaistion. It was simply not Alexander. Aye, he decided he would speak with Aristotle in the morning. For something was amiss. He could not bear to see Alexander this way; it hurt something within himself, almost as though when Alexander hurt, he hurt. He glanced down on Alexander's sleeping form and felt stricken by something he could not give name to. He wanted to reach out to him, but felt held back, and did not know how to reach him.
"Whatever is it that makes you so sad I will find it out and help you. This I promise you. " His voice was not even a whisper but a prayer made to the Gods.
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment a please to tame your wild, wild heart.
Alexander had been so quiet of late, so solemn, almost if, he, Hephaistion did not know him as well as he thought. He seemed struck by a deep melancholy. Yet, he could Hephaistion could think of no reason for the cause of it. There had not been any letters from the court of late, so that could not be the problem. Yet, something seemed to have cast a cloud upon him. Hephaistion had seen it, he would come with he or Demades to swim in the river, he seemed to wander listlessly about the surrounding forests and when Hephaistion would ask what troubled him so. Alexander's response was a sweet, but sad smile. He would press a hand against Hephaistion's arm and shake his head and pass along to wherever he was going, alone. For he seemed to make clear, at least Hephaistion thought so that he wished for no companionship. This puzzled him and hurt him. They had always gone everywhere together. What happened to make Alexander shun his company? The thought was hard and hurt. Alexandros was all to him... he slipped beneath the covers of his bed wiping away tears that had come unbidden and hid his sniffles in the blue embroidered cover of his pillow.
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you,
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel you can't take anymore...
As he lay back he thought back on the last few days. What a happy time! Demades' high spirits and silly hi-jinx had always brought joy to him. He had been the one thing that had brought happiness to Hephaistion when he had been a small boy, so many years ago after his mother Pharanarte had died. As a small boy barely five summers he had been sent to the house of his uncle Timarkos while his father. Amyntor took a new bride. Although his stay in Athens was brief, barely three months, it was one of the most miserable periods of his young life. Demades, his younger cousin was the only bright spot during those lonely days. He wanted to share all this with Alexander, but somehow Alexander had become as a shadow that seemed to haunt him, he would hear his voice but when he arrived upon the place it had come from he was no longer there. He would not look at him during lessons. He begged off supper and took to their rooms and would pick listlessly at a bowl of soup and bread.
Hephaistion awoke suddenly. Something...someone... He glanced over at Alexander. His slender frame was shivering.
"Xandros, are you ill? He flew from his bed touching the golden head. He seemed warm, hot even, had he been stricken with fever? No! The thought terrified Hephaistion and for a moment a terrible fear rose up within him. He managed to calm himself. "Xandros, please speak, what is it that hurts you?" Try as he might he could not rouse him and this made him fearful. Fighting off a sense of panic he tucked the blanket tightly about his sleeping companion, whispered something to him and flinging open the door flew down the hall calling for Aristotle
Alexandros who lay with eyes wide open having lain awake the night long had heard Hephaistion's word. His offering had mistaken for another's. He sighed heavily, so heavily that for a moment he thought he might never breath again, quietly he rose, wiping the tears from his face, gathered his chiton, his dagger, and threw his cloak about his shoulders. He touched Hephaistion's pillow and as he left, the tears on his face dipped wetting its covering.
Softly he crept from the dwelling into the night, into the forest his thoughts on Hephaistion. He walked without thinking and as he left Mieza behind he cried.
I have lost my illusions; I have drowned in your words,
I have left my confusion to a cynical world
I have thrown myself at things I don't understand
Discovered enlightenment holding your hand,
You are so beautiful...
To be continued...