Author's Note: This is based upon the preview for tonight's episode. It's short and angsty but it wouldn't leave me alone to do my real job.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I'm just playing with him and his stable of Ho's to pass the time.
Something Real, Something True
The California breeze that rustle's his brown curls is warm. So why does it cut through her like an arctic wind?
"There has to be something I can do."
She smiles sadly at his constant desire to make all the wrong things right. But after her evaluation, Sarah has to wonder if maybe this isn't the right thing…the best thing…for Chuck. She's listened to Casey's snide remarks about her 'lady feelings' for over a year, completely confident that she wasn't compromised.
Then Cole Barker came along. He turned everything on its head, but more importantly he threw everything into sharp relief. Cole was the kind of man she would have gone for before she met Chuck…even now, he still held great appeal, but it just wasn't enough. Nothing would be…except Chuck. By the fountain, he laid out his plans for a future, a future that included her…a future she wanted desperately to share.
Her thoughts that night mirror her advice to him now, "It was only a matter of time. There's no point in fighting it." Strange how the same words can be colored with such different meaning based solely on context.
Pain sears across his countenance. She's seen it many times before and been the cause of it more often than not. But there's something distinctly different about Chuck's grim resignation. Her gut clenches in anger and self-loathing when she recognizes the disparity; today's wound is mortal. She never wanted him to be like her…she never wanted to see him broken.
The secrets of this life have been nothing but poison to his decent, honest nature. She prays that her confession will make a suitable antidote. "Chuck, do you remember when you asked me to tell you something…anything real about myself?"
He nods, too choked up to speak.
Sarah slides her fingers up to the base of his neck, "I couldn't tell you then, I wasn't ready." She holds his gaze lovingly, committed that he understand this if nothing else before they part, "Chuck, I've lived a life based on nothing but lies. You are the one real, true thing I've ever known. You made me real."
He draws in a shaky breathe and a lone tear escapes. Unconsciously her had drifts forward to capture it, cupping his jaw lightly. He leans into the touch, covering her small hand with his own and her lungs burn with the exertion of restraining her sobs.
Chuck turns her palm up and gently kisses it. The gesture is reverent and it causes her to shudder when she thinks how much blood she's spilt with that hand. Chuck shouldn't be tainted by her influence and if she were a better agent, a better person, she would walk away now. Instead she clasps their hands together and leans into the impending kiss. It was only a matter of time. There's no point in fighting it.
Intensity gives way to tenderness. It's messy, dangerous, tinged with sadness, and driven by foolish hope…it's a perfect summation of their journey together. Suddenly she's overcome by the urge to bite his lip, to draw blood and ruin this moment so the aftermath of 'never again' isn't as devastating. Instead she becomes even more pliant in his arms, more coaxing and gentle in their exploration of each others mouths and lips. She's so dizzy when they finally break apart that her head drops to his shoulder of its own volition. She can feel his ragged pants tickling her ear and she wonders if he's masking a howl of suffering beneath each breathe too.
"Sarah?"
She shakes her head, unable to answer and offer anything more of herself. He's left her with so little, but even that is more than what she started with…a spook. A ghost. But somehow, he made her real.
"Sarah." Not a question this time, but a calling. She draws back slowly, dragging against his stubble and skin, determined to prolong her contact with him for as long as her insanity allows.
He tucks a stray hair behind her ear, tilting her head up to meet his gaze. It's warm, unbroken and little of her own soul heals at the sight.
Then Chuck does the thing she least expects, he smiles, "Does that mean that your middle name isn't Lisa?"
Her mouth drops open in absolute shock before twitching into convulsive laughter. His rich tenor joins with her voice to orchestrate a beautiful melody. Slowly, the giddiness fades. Sarah takes a step back, keeping their hands entwined, "My middle name is Lisa." Chuck touches her cheek, silently thanking her for that concession and begging for it to not be the last.
Her eyes are watering, burning with the desire to make that promise. Instead she shakes her head and gestures to the Porsche. Chuck swallows tightly, squeezing her hands before letting go, but his eyes won't release her. They stay with her as she climbs into the car and turns over the engine. They wait for her to gather the courage to meet him again.
Sarah looks into those dark chocolate eyes for the last time. "Thank you, Chuck." Those aren't the three little words he wants to hear, but at least these will hurt less over time.
Driving to the airport, the warm California air whips though her blonde hair, freezing the tracks of her tears.
Author's Note: Always interested to hear your thoughts. I normally do the happy ending thing, but today just felt different. Loved it...hated it...want to take this opportunity to badger me about the next Chapter of Chuck Vs. The Morgan Door (FYI - should be up in the next 3 days)...use the little blue button. Cheers!