Letters
A Law and Order SVU fanfic by Jaime
A/N- I'm relatively new to the SVU universe, so if some things aren't exactly how they are in canon, I apologize. I've started many fics, both in my head and my computer, but this is the first one I ever got the nerve to publish. The idea hit me last night, and I literally spent the next 9 hours banging this out. Its mostly finished, maybe two or three chapters yet to be written, so let me know if you think I should continue. This is a semi-song fic, but I didn't make sure that the songs lined up with the SVU time line, I used what I thought would fit.
Disclaimer- Don't own the show, don't own the characters, don't own the songs
Olivia Benson sat and stared miserably around her government appointed apartment in the middle of Oregon. She couldn't believe how fast things had moved after she got "arrested" back in New York. One minute, she thought she was going to be able to go home, and the next she's being told "Congrats! You're in! You get to jump bail and get on a plane to the other side of the country! By the way, you can't tell anyone you care about what's going on!" Vacation it was not.
Sure, it was actually quite a beautiful place, but Olivia Benson is a city girl, not a nature girl. Then again, that was the heart of the matter, isn't it? Olivia Benson may not be a nature girl, but Persephone James is. Persephone James is a crusader all things green and non human, while Olivia Benson is a crusader for all things human. It's a constant struggle to keep all the contradictions straight in her head, because one minor screw up, and it could cost her her life. And she wasn't about to give up her life for these FBI assholes who took her away from everyone she knows and cares about, without even giving her an option. Without letting her say goodbye to anyone… without letting her say goodbye to Elliot.
God, Elliot. This was going to crush him, as much as it was crushing her. But at least she knew why, he was left without any answers, not knowing where she was and if she was OK. He was still in the middle of a messy divorce with Kathy, and there were days where she was the only one who could pull him away from the edge, the edge of what, she wasn't sure, but she knew she didn't want to find out. And she wasn't there for him. He's got to be so pissed, she thought. She couldn't blame him though, she knew if he did the same thing to her, she would be threatening severe bodily harm as soon as she laid eyes on him again.
They were finally doing better, too. After Gitano, and her brief stint in computer crimes, he was so angry at her. Olivia knew what happened, things got intense with them, both at the train station, and the warehouse, and she got scared, and she ran. Things were changing between them, and as much as people liked to say that 'change is good', change scared the hell out of Olivia Benson. When she finally got the nerve to return to SVU, to Elliot, there was this wall between them that had never existed before. It broke her heart, but she knew it was what she deserved. She swore then, that she would do whatever it took to get his trust back, and to destroy that wall, even if she had to blow the damn thing up herself.
It worked though, no C4 required. Slowly but surely, they were chipping away at that stone. They were open with each other again, and she had her best friend back. Lately it felt like they were back to that almost suspended animation they were stuck in before Gitano, but this time she didn't want to fight it. After hearing about him nearly getting blown up, she knew, she couldn't do it anymore. As she was sitting in the back of the police van, she knew that as soon as she got those damn cuffs off, she was going to his side, and never leaving. Then Dana fucking Lewis walks in and throws her ass on a plane to Oregon. Olivia loves stories of star crossed lovers and all that nonsense, but this, she realized, was borderline ridiculous.
She wasn't going to lose him, not again. As much as she wasn't willing to give up her life for these FBI assholes, neither was she willing to give up her life with Elliot for these FBI assholes. She couldn't call him, she couldn't e mail him, and she couldn't put her real name on any form of communication, but she could write to him… an actual letter like people used to write to each other to stay in touch. No return address, no signature, no personal information, but he'd know it was her, and what she was trying to say. Because it was them, and they knew each other, he'd know her handwriting, hell, they could both forge each other's signatures. Her handler would kill her, she knew, but he was kind of a jackass. She didn't get a choice in this assignment, so they don't get a choice in how she deals with it. If it gets her thrown off the case, oh well… that would get her back to New York faster anyway. So she grabbed a piece of paper, and started the most vague letter she has ever written in her life.