Whisperings: Finding Peace

By kiragecko

The sequel to Whisperings. Did you know that people actually gave me feedback on that story? Told me they wanted more? Isn't that amazing? So here it is, almost a year later. You've probably forgotten the first one but this took a while to write. Hope you enjoy it. And if you give feedback more often I might get faster at responding!

"Brit?"

"What?"

She can't be Brit, of course. Brit doesn't exist. I feel stupid for saying the name and try to figure out what to do.

"What did you just say?"

"Um… sorry… um… You're Miss Lee!"

Everything falls into place. Miss Lee is younger, of course. They always looked alike.

"I… guess you could call me Miss Lee. It's Jubilee, though. Miss Lee seems weird. Who are you? I'm not British."

She's looking at me like I probably insane. Okay. Can I do this in fifty words or less? No.

"Ask the X-Men. Sorry about that. I thought you were someone else. See you later."

I escape, and manage to hold back the tears until I'm out of her sight. I remember both of them, the Wisdoms, my family, and everyone else, random memories, not the important stuff. Mostly somersaults on the lawn. While we were in the Danger Room they'd be doing gymnastics outside. We thought saving the world was a duty, Brit thought it was fun. We waited until we were needed again, Brit happily broke all the rules and upset all the important people and helped those who needed it.

I hear a noise and stop crying. Kurt's in front of me, looking worried. I wince. I really don't want to deal with this right now.

"Do you need to talk?"

I say no, of course, but somehow it doesn't make it out of my mouth. Instead my head nods without permission. He leads me over to a bench, his guiding hand burning my back. Then he listens.

My traitorous mouth, which a moment ago wouldn't open, pours forth my past.

"Just saw Miss Lee. Reminds me of Brit. I miss her. Celebration Lee. Called herself Celebrity for a while, isn't that terrible? Only saw her for a couple weeks each year but they were amazing weeks."

Miss Lee is looking at me now and I nod and motion to the bench beside me. Don't know why.

"Miss Lee and Brit would come flying in on their bike without any warning and suddenly everything was bright and happy. Brit would crash class if we had one and drag me off and for the next couple days no one would even try to force me back because you can't fight Brit."

"My daughter?"

"Yeah. Celebration Lee."

"I named her WHAT?"

I grin.

"You were only sixteen."

"Ah, before good taste. Sixteen, eh. Wonder what Wolverine had to say about that. Who was the guy?"

My grins gone. Should have seen that coming.

"This is why I don't tell people their alternate history. This is your fault for exploiting a moment of weakness."

I glare at the person beside me and then remember that it's Kurt. I turn away but Miss Lee's on the other side, waiting. I'm hurting and suddenly I'm talking again, trying to transfer the pain to someone else.

"I'm not even sure you knew who the guy was. You just showed up crying and Logan disappeared with you and it was never mentioned again. I don't think it was your choice."

She looks too much like Brit, though, and I don't want her hurting either.

"Miss Lee was fine, though. She thought Brit was the best thing that ever happened to her. They looked exactly alike and had the same powers and even moved the same. Brit was doing flips before she turned four. They'd practice on the lawn."

I get lost in that memory again. I'm crying again, remembering them working perfectly in tandem, and I wonder if this hollowness inside of me is ever going to go away. My lips form C

atholic prayers I haven't spoken in years. Finally I remember the people around me.

"They were really good and a lot of fun. Brit never took anything seriously and could put things into perspective. It helped, especially whenever I started planning how to kill my mother without anyone finding out."

I sort of smile back at them as I'm leaving. He's giving her a look, saying don't ask the question you want to ask. I don't care, I wouldn't have answered anyways. Let him do the explaining.

I head back to the mansion to argue about costumes again. Wish I had Mr. Wisdom for back up. I'm not wandering around in material so thin you might as well not be wearing it. Maybe if I had my mother's figure but I'm a tank, not a goddess. Big, bulky, and powerful. I'm holding out for cargos.

Logan and Storm are out back, talking. I watch, wondering whether to cry or smile. There's been to much crying today, though, so I grin and slip inside before he notices. He's a nice guy. She could definitely do worse. Better then Forge. Much better then Forge.

Forge. Why didn't I think of that before?

Scott's going to kill me. I've missed my third meeting. What if he goes through with his threat and chooses a costume for me? Do I go head to head with my leader over a scrap of spandex? I guess that decision can wait until after this. If this works it won't matter, anyways.

There's security, of course, but it's old, obsolete years before my time. I've seen most of it before, while breaking into this very building. There's a lot of emotion stored here. Mostly anger. I brush a floppy strand of hair from my face and remove the door. I can here a distant alarm and it infuriates me. He doesn't even have me on his list of allies. Stupid Forge. I knock a couple of gadgets over and a few windows out. Air fills the room, flowing and eddying. I look around for a time machine. One that works and can be directed. Stupid Forge. Everything in here is antique. He's not around. He's never around. How am I supposed to find what I want if he doesn't label anything? I hate him. I hate this stupid building and everything he's ever made. If I didn't need that machine I'd just flatten the entire place.

"Please put your hands up and explain what you're doing here. Trust me, you don't want to get hit by this gu…"

"How DARE you threaten me, you jerk! How could you…"

Snap out of it, Whisper! He doesn't even know who you are! You've got to stop doing this, forgetting where you are. Put the man down slowly and drop the gale force winds. Calm down. Beruhigen Sie sich. Calm down.

"Sorry about that, Forge. Please forgive me. I got distracted."

"So you threw me into a wall and started screaming at me."

"Sorry! I needed a time machine, and I started thinking about… stuff and… you DO have a time machine, don't you? I mean, you can invent ANYTHING so you must have a time machine."

"Who are you?"

"..."

"PUT ME DOWN!"

I hate this. I shouldn't have come. I can't be pleasant to this man and I can't forget the past and I'm going to kill him if he keeps saying things like that.

"I'm the daughter you abandoned and I want to go home so I can kill you for it properly. So I need your time machine. Don't worry, I'm not your real daughter, it's already too late for that. Here you didn't let her say yes. I want to go home to where you did ruin her life by not abandoning her before she married you and instead abandoned her AFTER she married you. I want to see my real papa and argue religion and annoy my mother and forget you exist entirely. I don't want to run around in spandex and watch my friends get killed. I want to have friends again. I don't want to speak to you or look at you and even be here but I can't go home unless I do so stop staring at me and get the machine before I slam you THROUGH the wall!"

I know before he speaks that he doesn't have one. Tears paint my cheeks as I turn away. He's walking towards me and I want to leave but I don't seem to have the strength. Why is my body betraying me today?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything your father did. For everything I did. I'm sorry… that I let Ororo go."

"He wasn't my father, you aren't either, and I don't want you to have anything to do with Storm, she seems to be doing fine without you. I shouldn't have come. This isn't your fault. It probably wasn't his either. She couldn't survive without the X-Men. I should just go. Forget all about this. Everyone says he's a good man. You probably are too. I'm sorry. I just want to go home."

I can remember this place, running through the piles of materials and machinery while Forge worked at his desk. The brief moments when he'd look up and smile. How it wasn't enough, even though it was what I craved most. Then papa came and I stopped wanting to come here. Started hating this place where I was to often alone, even when Forge was only a few meters away.

I give him a half smile and walk out. I even place the windows back in their frames. Good quality windows. He probably designed them.

Scott does try to kill me – by boredom. I get a two hour lecture about mature decisions and whether I'm ready to be on the team. I don't bother arguing. Eventually he notices and asks if anything's wrong. Why would there be anything wrong, I ask, I always skip meetings for fun. Then I skip out on him.

I really need to deal with my issues, you know? Talk to my papa, tell Storm she's made a good choice, settle in instead of sitting around waiting to go home. I head into the woods to visit with the fog for a while. It's peaceful and I'm not peaceful very often. Miss Frost catches me first. Forgot about that. Tell something to Scott and his lady love knows all. She better not ask me what's wrong, I've spilled to too many people today.

"Explain why I shouldn't lobotomize you for your treatment of Scott."

Wasn't expecting that.

"You're a kind, understanding person who thinks he can take care of himself?"

"Have you seen anything to suggest such an interpretation? Am I kind to injured wildlife? Do I leave decisions to my dashing significant other?"

"How about you think there's a good chance that you'll get kicked off the team if I'm found drooling out here?"

"It would be worth it. Do you have any way of defending your actions?"

"The first 98 minutes gave me a very good idea what the next 22 would hold?"

"So you walked out halfway through his sentence and slammed the door in his face?"

The words 'pretty much' almost slip through my lips but Miss Frost might actually be capable of lobotomy. I decide on partial truth instead.

"The mother of my best friend is here."

"Katherine has been here for quite a while and you have at least been civil with Scott."

"Miss Lee. Brit's mom. They look exactly alike."

She sits down with me. Her eyes look more like they did back home, before I came here. Soft. Looks like I'm going to spill more. Sigh.

"I miss home. I mean, it wasn't the greatest place, we hid in our little town and didn't leave, most of the adults had trouble with keeping an actual job, and half of their friends were either in jail or dead, but it wasn't bad either. People weren't trying to kill us. We weren't putting ourselves into suicidal situations. Us kids got to grow up almost normal. There actually WERE kids."

I blink back tears again and lean against her. Crying is exhausting and I wish I could sleep.

"I want to go back. Is that too much to ask?"

I'm sobbing into her shoulder when Mr. Lebeau arrives. He stares.

"Whisper, you be bringing people wit' you from dis other dimension?"

"What?"

Miss Frost dusts herself off and gets up.

"He means that I am incapable of kindness or empathy and so it can't actually be me here right now. I'll see you later, Whisper."

I just stare at her retreating back for a moment, kind of out of it from crying. Then I realize what just happened.

"You j - "

"Sorry, Sorry, Gambit wasn' thinking. He never imagine he see something like that. Calm down."

If I wasn't so tired he would be plastered to a tree by now. How could he be so insensitive and cruel? How could anyone?

"Just leave. Monster."

So, how many people have I wanted to kill today? A lot. It might be safer if I avoid Storm for the next few hours. What am I going to do? How am I supposed to deal with issues if I spend all my time either sobbing or screaming?

"So, an alternate dimension. Cool."

"Hey, Miss Lee."

"You look tired."

"Just crying on Miss Frost's shoulder."

"You're braver then me. Love the lady, but I'd never mess up her shirt like that. Oh, right, she's stopped wearing shirts again so it isn't a problem. Hmm, what was it like?"

"Crying on her shoulder?"

"Yeah. I mean, the skin on her shoulders might actually be real. Nothing else is."

"Will everyone please stop insulting Miss Frost! I like her!"

"No need to yell, I like her too. Doesn't change the fact she's more plastic then skin. What were you crying about, or is that one of the 'I wouldn't ask about that' questions Kurt warned me about?"

"Just homesick. Nothing new. All the other temporally displaced mutants at least didn't have anything to return to."

She doesn't know what to say. Neither do I. Eventually I get up and say goodbye. She nods. I feel empty. Hopeless. As if there's no point to living.

I wander randomly for a while and then see light in the chapel. Mass. I haven't been to Mass in years. I go to a church where you can sing and dance and people fall down when they get prayed for and I can go in cargos and spiked hair and not get stared at. Still, God can still be there in scripted prayers and words you don't understand. I go inside.

It's just Kurt and I, of course. The X-Men aren't big on religion. I sit in the tiny room and watch Kurt go through the service I used to know by heart. There is peace here, maybe enough to keep going. Maybe even enough to deal with my problems. Speak to the people I need to.

I make my decision. I just need some moral support. I smile at Kurt and head for a phone.

"Hello, Mr. Wisdom? Yeah. You don't know me but I need your help. If someone was forcing you to wear spandex to be on their team and you needed to be on their team because the person you care about – no, this isn't a joke. This is about me and I thought you could help. Because of, you know. Would you have worn the spandex? This ISN'T a joke! Look, I've had a really rough day – it's too hard to explain – it's a simple question! … Okay. I'm from an alternate reality. Okay? That's why I didn't want to explain, I know what you think of those things. NO, I'm not your kid! NO! … I'm just your kid's friend. Yeah. So, now that I've explained, would you wear spandex? It's important because Scott is going to kill me and I… needed to hear your voice because you think all of this is stupid and that makes things okay. Yeah. You wouldn't? What if the person you cared about couldn't survive without the X-Men? Something was missing without them? NO, this isn't about you! She would have been fine– ignore what I just said. Not talking about that, she already hates me. She controls the security system, how am I supposed to know if she's listening? You think Scott'll give in? I don't know much about him, just stories. Yeah, he did, when I was really young. Thanks. Oh, right, I'm Whisper. Danae, sorry, but if I had a cool last name I wouldn't need a code name either. Okay, you too. Bye."

Deep breath. You can do this, Whisper. You've submitted your costume, told Scott it was better then Frost's so he'd have to live with it, even smiled at Storm - you can do this.

I just care so much what he thinks. What if he doesn't think it's important? What if he doesn't like the idea? I can handle Storm, but not papa. Papa's held me together for to many years, I don't have any defences against him rejecting me. What if he thinks that because it isn't blood he's not my father?

I wave at Miss Lee and Mr. Drake. They wave back and Bobby makes some comment I'm to far away to hear. They both laugh, of course. I smile a little, too. They're my friends, you know, and Logan and Miss Frost and even Ororo have been there for me. I can handle rejection. I can handle this.

"Kurt, can I talk to you?"