What the Fire Flower?!
Author's Note:
Inspired by the videos "Why Mario is mental part 1", "Why Mario is mental part 2", "Rosalina UNMASKED pt. 1 (Super Mario Galaxy)" and "Rosalina UNMASKED pt. 2 (Super Mario Galaxy)" by The Game Theorists. Special thanks to MatPat, my friend Chris, my friend Jerry and my friend Jeremy for inspiring me.
I own nothing, this is just a story based off a theory I found from YouTube. This is also a parody of television soap-operas. The "Super Mario Bros." series is owned by Nintendo. This story will NOT be cannon towards my other stories and so-on. This story was NOT meant to be taken seriously, just embracing a theory that inspired me for this story that you are reading right now. This takes place before "Super Mario Galaxy"...I should just shut up and let you read now before I accidentally give anything away. Okay, so...please review and whatever else.
It was dark at The Mushroom Kingdom, and the princess in pink had just finished eating dinner with the plumber in red.
Toadsworth had just poured the two some tea. "There you go, your highness and hero of our world."
"Thank you," Princess Peach said politely. "Please bring out the sugar."
"One lump, or two?"
"Just-a bring the whole-a damn bowl." Mario muttered.
"What was that, Master Mario?" Toadsworth asked.
"N-Nothing. I was just-a saying...you should-a NEVER eat a meat-a ball whole." Mario looked nervous.
Very few people knew about Mario's...real personality. And that REAL personality was really a monster. He could only hide it at certain points...that's why he LOVES it when the princess gets captured...so he can go on rampage on koopas, goombas and various creatures.
"Oh my...such grace when eating Italian feast." Toadsworth complimented, as he walked back to the royal kitchen.
"Nice-a night, eh, Peachy?"
"Why yes...it is nice." She smiled.
"How-a romantic, huh?"
"I guess..."
"Koopa tea, nice-a night, you're-a looking-a...sexy..."
"Excuse me?"
"I said that you're-a looking," Mario slid his s'spenders down slowly. "Sexy..."
Peach looked at Mario nervously. "Uh..."
Mario put his finger onto Peach's mouth, silencing her. "Just-a...relax..." He turned the radio's romantic station on.
"What the hell is going on in Mario's head? I thought that we were JUST dating, not...this." Peach thought.
Mario started trying to make out with Peach, pinning her to the floor.
"Mario! Stop!"
"Your lips-a say "no, no.", but-a my mouth-a says-a "yes, yes". Just-a give in to the lus-"
"THAT'S IT!" Peach pushed Mario off her. "Mario, are we dating because you want ME...or is it because you just want ass?!"
"Baby, you-a know me. It's-a me, Mario. You know that-a what I want is-a us."
"Well...it doesn't seem that way. All you've been trying to do is **** me for the past month. I'm not feeling the love...just your dirty thoughts."
"W-W-What? That's not-a true."
"Prove it." She crossed her arms.
"Well...I save-a you EVERY ****ing time that-a BASTARD Bowser kidnaps you!"
"Don't you shout at me!"
"Well, it's the truth-a!"
"When BOWSER kidnaps me, atLEAST he doesn't try to get with me!"
"I bet he-a WILL!"
"Yeah, but I ALWAYS said "no" because I thought that I loved YOU!"
"I always-a SAVED-A you from a ****ing turtle dragon b****!"
"Don't cuss in here! This is MY castle! Show some class and respect."
"Oh-a, my bad! Well EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME, princess b****!"
"Y'know, let me check something."
"What? To see if BOWSER'S-a calling?"
"Shut the **** up about Bowser! I'm gonna check the phone that YOU left in my bedroom where in FACT, I think you tried to "get-a lucky"!"
"Don't you-a make fun of the way I-A TALK!"
The princess ran towards the bedroom.
Toadsworth came out the kitchen, holding the sugar bowl. "Oh my, what happened, Master Mario?"
Mario growled, as he reached for the knife. He threw it at Toadsworth.
Toadsworth shrieked, as the knife penetrated his shoulder.
Mario slammed his tea cup, as it broke. His sanity hiding ability...was gone.
The pissed off plumber ran after Princess Peach.
Princess Peach had locked the bedroom door, as she desperately looked through the drawer.
She found Mario's Mailbox SP. She pressed the right button and looked through Mario's e-mails.
She saw a message from Luigi that read "Hey Mario, just got home and wondered how you were doing. I got Yoshi's food and got those rubber things that you were talking about. Just what ARE they and what are they for? Aw well, you said that they're "important for Pauline" later...I don't know what you mean by that. Anyway, why I messaged is just checking on you. Love you bro! E-mail back whenever. -Luigi".
"What the he-" was all Peach could say when all of a sudden...Mario was banging the door.
Peach looked fast and put duct-tape on the entire door. "There, that should hold him."
She looked through his OTHER messages and sent messages.
She found just mail from Luigi to which Mario NEVER replied to, no matter how nice Luigi was. "Luigi's one of the sweetest people I know. I wonder why Mario NEVER talks to him on this."
But just then...She found something...interesting...
She saw a couple messages from her friend, Pauline.
She clicked the subject. It read "Hey babe, missin you. I'm feeling...alone. Can't wait to have dinner with you here. D.K. is out swimming so this would be the PERFECT time for you to come over. 3 -Pauline".
Mario had replied with "Can't wait. I have a lil something special, just for you ;)"
"WHAT THE ****?! H-He's cheating on me?! With Pauline?!" Peach was pissed.
She looked through more and more, as the messages (and pictures) got dirtier...and dirtier.
Peach growled, as she saw something that REALLY broke her heart; Mario was sexting Daisy. She cried, wordless.
Daisy in the message was just bewildered at Mario's messages, telling him to stop because he was dating Peach.
"T-T-Thank you, Daisy." Peach wept.
But, Mario DIDN'T stop.
"THAT BASTARD!"
Then, Peach saw that Mario was STILL banging on the door.
"GET THE **** OUT OF HERE MARIO!"
"GIVE-A ME MY PHONE!"
"NO!"
"FINE, I'M-A GOING! GONNA GO GET A MEGA MUSH-A-ROOM!"
Peach took down the duct-tape and opened the door. She threw Mario's Mailbox SP to the ground and kicked him in the...well, since I KNOW kids are reading...she kicked him in the mushrooms.
"**** YOU, YOU PIECE OF ****!" Peach cursed. "WE'RE DONE! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"
"FINE!" Mario pushed Peach aside.
"What the f-"
Mario ran and jumped out Peach's window.
"What the fire-flower?! My window!" Peach just fell to her knees, crying.
The scene cuts to Mario walking away from the castle.
"Hi, Mario!" Toad greets with a friendly wave.
Mario kicked him in the mushrooms, without a word.
Toad fell to the ground. "F-F-Fire-flower you...son of a Bowser."
A random koopa giggled. "Yo, sup, Mario."
Mario jumped onto the koopa and threw the shell at Toad.
"****ing-a b****." Mario muttered. "Good-a riddance, WHO needs-a her? I'll waste her like a ****ing goomba one of these-a days. I guess I'll-a sock Luigi in the arm and-a steal his-a Whacka-juice."
Mario arrived to his destination; him and Luigi's house.
Mario opened the door. Luigi greeted him, offering him a hug.
The plumber in red just grinded his brother's foot in with his, wordless.
"Hey, what's-a up with-a you, bro? You okay?"
"**** no, I just-a came from The Mush-a-room Kingdom."
"What-a happened there?"
Mario toke the Whacka-juice from the fridge. "Peach-a dumped me."
"WHAT? Why?"
"Because she's a b****". Mario toke a drink.
"What-a happened?"
Mario was immoral, cruel and cold-hearted. He told his brother in green...a lie. " She invited me for-a dinner and-a treated me like-a sh**. She-a toke my hammer and whacked-a me over the head and-a called me "her-a b****"."
"Oh my, what the hell? Has the princess-a gone CRAZY?!"
"I guess-a so..." Mario belched.
"Hey, that was-a MY Whacka-juice."
"Well, it's-a gone now..."
Luigi growled but then just turned the other cheek, since he was good and kind...he just forgave Mario. "It's-a okay...that's what-a brothers are for-a, right?" He chuckled.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just-a has a bad-a night."
"Got you those-a "rubber things" as you asked-a me, bro. Just what ARE those-a things?"
Mario got a smug look to him. "You'll find-a out later on in life, little brother."
Luigi handed Mario the "rubber things".
"Well, guess I should-a be going."
"Where-a to?
"I've-a got a date with-a Pauline."
"O-Okie dokie, Mario. I-If you need-a anything-a, just call-"
Mario slammed the door shut.
"Good-a grief. He's SO-A angry. I wonder what's-a happened to the princess-a." Luigi worried.
"Yoshi?" Yoshi asked.
"Oh, it's-a nothing, Yoshi." Luigi answered. "Just-a Mario drama."
"Yoshi?"
"Yes-a. Peach-a dumped him."
"Yosh- **** that "Yoshi" stuff. Surprised that you even understand me."
"Y-Y-Yoshi?"
"Yea, it's me. Da dinosaur that saved y'all from dying on my island."
"You can-a talk?"
"Yea.."
"O-Okay-a then..."
"Look, Mario's actually lying. You DO know dat, right?"
"W-W-What?! What you-a mean?"
"Plain and simple: I know dat "plumber". He's all pretending dat he's some type-a "hero". Shoot, he ain't no ****ing hero."
"Why do you think-a that?"
"Because...he might've been cool as a baby...but I noticed something after that motha****a punched me, making me extend my tongue to eat those f***as and sh**."
"Please-a stop swearing. I-It's kinda making me feel-a...uncomfortable..." Luigi was sweet on the inside and out. He doesn't really LIKE cussing or hearing them.
"Iight. So anyways...he's been lyin to you, Luigi. He don't even claim us as family."
"D-D-Don't-a say that. H-H-He's probably just stressed all of-a the time so it-a just-a SEEMS that-a way."
"Look, Lou...I HATE to break it to you...I hate thinkin, knowin AND tellin but...it's true. Mario's actually a psychopath."
Luigi was just bewildered.
"I've heard him talkin and all of that stuff. He's just a maniac. Why do you think HE don't know that I talk? because, I was just layin low, collecting info. Y'know what I'm saying?"
"Yes-a...I...I need-a second." A tear ran down Luigi's eye.
"There, there. It's okay, Luigi. I got your back, bro." Yoshi hugged Luigi.
"I need to rest-a m-my head."
"It's iight, come back out here when you're ready."
Luigi ran to his bedroom.
"Man it sucks that Mario's just a ****in sick-o." Yoshi remarks.
The scene goes to a split-screen with Luigi, crying in his pillow and Princess Peach sitting on the floor on her knees, crying.
"I can't-a BELIEVE Mario's a frickin-a psycho!" Luigi cried.
"I can't BELIEVE Mario's a ****ing prick!" Peach wept.
Scene cuts to Peach.
Peach gasped. "I-I should warn Luigi about Mario. Luigi's just so...nice that he probably COULDN'T notice Mario being a d***." She grabbed Mario's Mailbox SP and started typing "Luigi, Mario's on rampage! I toke his Mailbox SP and writing this warning for you and Yoshi. Please write back A.S.A.P. -Peach.".
Scene cuts to Luigi.
The green plumber is still crying when all of a sudden, he received the message. "Holy crap-a!"
Luigi sent Mario's Mailbox SP a video chat invitation.
Peach accepted, as she arrived the video chat, with camera on.
"Peach!"
"Luigi, listen. I know that Mario's PROBABLY trying to manipulate yo-"
"He's already tried!" Luigi was practically drowning in his pillow. "Y-Y-Yoshi can apparently talk and-a told me EVERYTHING."
"At this point, I'm not surprised that Yoshi can talk. Either way, can you bring Yoshi and come to the castle? We need to talk...in real life."
"S-Sure...we'll be over right-a now."
"Okay. Be safe." Peach said, as she left the video chat.
Luigi hang up and got up. "Yoshi! We need to go."
"Okay, hop on my back."
Luigi got on Yoshi's back, as they walked out the bedroom.
"S-Should we talk to-a Sonic and his-a friends later?"
"Yea. The more people that know about Mario, the better."
Yoshi walked out the front door, letting Luigi close it.
"Giddy up-a, Yoshi!" Luigi exclaimed.
"I'm not a damn horse." Yoshi joked.
"Whatever." Luigi laughed.
Yoshi ran as fast as he could.
"What do you think's happening at-a Pauline's-a house?"
"Let's just say...it's goin on like Donkey Kong."
"What's that-a mean?"
Yoshi chuckled at Luigi not getting that joke. "I'll tell you later.."
"W-W-Wanna get donuts-a later?"
"Sure."
"Great."
"I hope that they have Yoshi Fruit ones." Yoshi licked his lips.