Dark Past
By Dave Mycock
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any of the other characters except those I have created, they belong to Joss Whedon.
Pairing: Xander/Laura:
Summary: Set ten years after season five or maybe six. Xander and the remainder of the Scooby gang must prepare for a battle against old enemies.
I'd like to thank my beta Grossclout for all his help with this story.
New York:
Xander walked down the dark alley toward the Fury nightclub, knowing the new Slayer would be somewhere near trying to have a good time. His memory took him back to his days with Buffy, the first slayer he ever met; how he and Willow, his former friend, got involved with fighting the darkness. How he trained so hard after the deaths of Willow, Dawn, Anya and Riley to take revenge alongside Buffy, Tara, Giles and Oz and how, in that final battle, he was turned into a vampire, as was Buffy, by the man she had loved, by Angel, who had once again lost his soul and became Angelus.
Afterward, Buffy and Angelus had tried to kill Tara, Oz and Giles, but he had intervened and made sure they were allowed to leave Sunnydale alive. For his actions, he had paid a price… he was forced to leave Sunnydale by Buffy and never to return. It had been ten years since that day. Seven of those years he had spent killing the people he used to protect and trying to raise many demons. He made a name for himself and other vampires feared him.
Then he bumped into Tara, Oz and Giles and they managed to capture him. Tara performed the gypsy spell to restore his soul. The memory of what he had done had almost destroyed him. He finally knew how Angel felt, Tara and Giles helped him come to terms with his past and convinced him to join them. Although none of them had any real reason to continue the fight, they wanted to avenge Willow and the others who had lost their lives. So he once again took up the fight against the darkness.
Giles brought him up to date with Angelus and Buffy's actions and he was surprised to learn Sunnydale was now fully controlled by vampires. He was also informed that there had been three slayers called since Buffy was turned and that the first two of them had been killed by Buffy herself. Faith was still in jail and had been left alone for some unknown reason. The third new slayer had just recently been called and they wanted him to guard her. He left his friends and headed for LA to find the girl. It took him the remaining three years to find the girl, as the Watchers council kept moving her so Buffy and Angelus couldn't find her. He hadn't seen or heard anything about Tara and the others, but he hoped they were safe.
He walked towards the door of the club when he spotted a girl fighting a vampire and he watched as she dusted him quickly. He smiled as she reminded him of the old Buffy. She began to turn away when she noticed him. He watched as she approached him and then as she stopped and looked at him he was amazed that she had the same determined look in her eyes that Buffy did, she was also just as beautiful.
"Problem?" he asked.
"That depends on you, are you looking for someone?" she asked
"You, as it happens, but don't worry, I don't bite… well not anymore," he replied, trying to smile as she raised her stake
"Who are you?" she asked.
"The name is Xander. I was friends with a slayer ten years ago. I'm sure your Watcher has told you all about Buffy Summers," he answered.
"Oh, I know all about that bitch. She was classed as the best slayer ever now she's the worst vampire there has been since Angelus, Spike and the Master," she spat. "And I know who you are… Alexander Harris, one of her friends who helped her fight until you were turned then you left a massive wake of death behind you until three years ago," she added
"Well, what you probably don't know is that after the final battle with Angelus and we were turned, I saved the remaining members of our friends from Buffy and Angelus. I was banished for my actions. I left but I couldn't stop my demon from getting out until three years ago. I bumped into the friends I saved. Tara, a witch, restored my soul and I was back on the side of good. They asked me to find you and protect you from Buffy. I agreed; however, since the council kept moving you, I've had to wait to meet you until now. I'm sure your Watcher has told you about how Angelus helped Buffy when he had his soul until he lost it and turned evil once again?" he informed her.
"Yeah I know, but how do I know you've got your soul back?" she asked him.
"Take me to your watcher, he'll know a way," he replied simply.
"No, that's too risky," she replied.
"Here, take this to him and then meet me here tomorrow. It's a letter from Rupert Giles," he sighed.
"Buffy's former Watcher?" she asked.
"It'll explain my presence here, and really, since I haven't tried to kill you, I think that is proof enough that I'm on your side," he answered.
"We'll see, but before you go, tell me why you saved your friends from Buffy when you were first turned?" she asked.
He smiled at her at the innocence of her question.
"I was newly turned and still had my memories of how Angelus had killed my longest friend, Willow; my girlfriend, Anya; my friend's sister, Dawn, and one of my best friends, Riley, I also still remembered how I cared for the ones remaining: Tara, Giles and Oz. I couldn't let them die and so I stopped them dying. I killed three of Angelus's guards and held a stake to Buffy's heart. He had no choice but to let them go, and the only reason I wasn't killed was because Buffy wanted to torture me to keep me alive and to know that I'll never have her, not in life and not in death." He watched as the slayer's eyes showed she understood.
"I guess the real reason was because I had hated Angel since I first met him and I still hated him when Buffy turned me," he added.
"Buffy turned you? But the records say it was Angel," she said in surprise.
"Better tell the council to change them," he laughed as he turned and was swallowed up by the night leaving the slayer stunned in silence.
The next night Xander waited until the slayer returned along with a tall man with black hair and green eyes, he walked slowly out of his hiding spot and waited until they walked over to him.
"Mr Harris?" the man said.
"Just call me Xander," he replied, annoyed.
"Mr Giles's letter has informed me how we can make sure your story is true. So, will you follow me please?" the man added.
"Lead the way," Xander replied.
They walked in silence without any trouble until they arrived at what looked like a school. He couldn't help smiling at the irony of it, once they were in the library.
Xander slumped down onto one of the chairs and put his feet on the table.
"Reminds me of the old days," he remarked.
"Whys that?" the slayer asked.
"We used to hang in the school library as well, at the beginning. When it all started, I never guessed it could lead to what it did; my friends dead, the girl I loved turned into the one thing she hated the most and me turned into a creature with no soul and no conscience." His voice turned bitter as he spoke.
"I guess when your soul was restored, it must of been hard," said the slayer.
"Hard? You have no idea, I finally understood Angel's torment and why he was always depressed, but it was even worse for me to know I failed to save Buffy. The guilt almost convinced me to commit suicide. If not for Giles, Oz and Tara's help, I wouldn't be here," he spat.
He watched as her eyes seemed to take on a new aspect, one of pity, but that annoyed him even more. He didn't want pity.
"Save it, it's my fault. I should have been more alert. I failed her and now I have to live with it, along with the memories of the people I've killed," he told her.
"There's always redemption. If you really are on my side help me stop Buffy and Angelus," she said and, as she said, it he could hear the fire in her words and he could tell she had a strong sprit.
"Stop them. Angelus and Buffy control a whole town filled with vamps now." He stopped speaking and then smiled. "I'll help you, all you have to do is ask, but Angelus is mine. No one kills him but me," he told her.
"We'll see, Xander," she said and, at that moment, all he could do to stop himself crying was to laugh.
He stopped when her watcher walked in with some items and an old book. Xander couldn't help but remember Giles.
"O.k., in order for this to work, I'll need you to hold onto this ring, Xander, and then I want you to grasp Miss March's hand once I begin the chant necessary for this spell to work," he instructed them.
"Sure." Xander replied taking hold of the ring as he lent forward.
"O.k. take hold of Miss March's hand now," the Watcher said.
Xander reached out and took hold of the slayer's hand and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate of his past.
"Pre dente va nu tracandra ka lay, soul of darkness, soul of light, make thee known to one who asks," the watcher chanted.
As he did, a brilliant gold light began to form around the slayer and Xander. As the Watcher finished chanting, the light turned to white and seemed to hang around them.
"You were telling the truth because the light turned white; it proves you have a soul. So, Xander, why did Mr Giles send you to us? Why does he think you are capable of keeping Miss March safe when the council's own fighters have failed to protect the two after Miss Summers?" the watcher asked.
"I guess because I know Buffy and Angelus. I've had experience in fighting vamps and many other demons and I know Sunnydale like the back of my hand," he answered.
"But if I recall you love Miss Summers, do you not? I doubt you'd be willing to kill her," he retorted.
"Hey, that's harsh asking him that. Man, sometimes you can be so English, Tarin," the slayer cut in.
"Its o.k., Buffy needs killing and kill her I will," Xander sighed.
"But why don't you just give her soul back?" asked the slayer.
"I wouldn't be so cruel, . I know Tara only did it to help me and help you and the council, but they don't know what it like," he answered.
"Well, for now, I guess we should just get some rest. We'll talk more tomorrow night," the watcher now known as Tarin spoke.
"Why tomorrow night? Why not tomorrow morning?" asked Xander with a grin.
"Be...because Vampires can't walk in the sun," Tarin answered.
"I can," Xander said smugly.
"But how is that possible?" asked the slayer.
"Tara made some changes to the soul spell so I wouldn't have any real restrictions. She also made sure I'd never lose my soul and so, if I was to experience a true moment of happiness, I wouldn't end up turning into an evil demon again like Angel did," he informed them.
"She must be very powerful indeed to do something like that," Tarin mused.
"She is. Now I'm going to get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow," Xander answered him. He then got up and vanished.
"Wish he wouldn't do that," the slayer said.
"I know what you mean. I hated it as well when Angel was around and I was human," Xander's voice drifted back into the room and the slayer couldn't help but smile.
The next morning, as Tarin entered the library with the slayer beside him, he was shocked to see Xander sitting by the table looking through one of his books. He looked up when he saw them and smiled.
"Morning," was all he said.
"I see your dress style hasn't improved Mr. 'all dressed in black'," the slayer said.
"I hate it, but, for some reason, I feel comfortable wearing black. I guess Angel was the same when he first began helping us," Xander said smiling. "By the way, I still don't know your first name," he added.
"It's Laura," she replied.
"So exactly how is it that you will function here in the day, Xander?" Tarin asked.
"I hacked into the mainframe and joined the school," Xander said.
"You're joking, right?" asked Tarin.
"Nope. Willow taught me how to hack computers before she died. I thought it might come in handy one day and it has, just in case Buffy tries to use some sort of demon to kill Laura during the day," he answered sadly.
"Well... this is quite strange, I take it you've put yourself in her classes?" Tarin asked.
"Not all of them. Since I still look like a teenager, no one will know the difference," he answered.
"What about him vamping out?" asked Laura?
"Don't worry, I have full control of my demon now and I only vamp out when in a fight," he cut in before Tarin could answer.
"Do you remember how to act when in school? You know, with teachers and other students, including the nasty ones?" Laura questioned him.
"It's only been ten years, I remember being in school like it was yesterday and that's why it hurts so much, . I can't forget, Buffy, Willow and the others laughing, joking, having fun and then the memory twists and I see Willow's body hung up on a cross with Angelus laughing at me. I see Buffy, no longer the girl who gave my life new meaning, trying to kill me and my remaining friends and then her Turing me and I remember the pain when she banished me," he said and, as he spoke, Laura noticed how his voice became dark and angry and she could only try and understand what he had gone through.
"Would you take any of it back if you could?" she couldn't help but ask.
"No matter how much we've suffered, I don't think any of us would change it because we helped people and saved lives," he said sombrely.
"At the cost of your own life and soul," she said.
"Some would say that's a small price to pay to stop the darkness. Would you change anything?" he returned.
"I don't know. Although I have friends, none of them know I'm the slayer, so I guess I don't have to worry about them being killed or turned when I patrol and me being there to see it," she replied.
"Then count yourself lucky. That was another of Buffy's fears,. When we first got involved, Jesse, mine and Willow's other friend, got turned and I was forced to stake him," he told her.
"The first of many scars?" she asked.
He nodded as they heard the school bell ring to inform the pupils it was the beginning of the day, Tarin still looked a little uneasy about Xander's plan.
"I know you're a little unsure about me, Tarin, just like Giles was with Angel when Buffy told him. But, like Angel, I will prove myself to you and the council," he told him. "And now I have Biology so I've got to go, I'll see you in English," he said to Laura as he picked up a bag that was next to the seat he had been sitting in and then turned and left.
"You know, he's not bad for a vampire, Laura mused as she headed towards her own class. She didn't see the frown on her watcher's face at her comment.
Sunnydale:
Buffy summers walked towards the building that used to be the Bronze night club, hoping to talk with Angelus, but she knew he'd properly be with Darla like he had been since they'd turned Sunnydale into vamp central.
He'd used her and she knew it and that annoyed her more than anything and she couldn't help but wish Xander was still here. She remembered how he had held the stake to her heart so Angelus would let Tara, Oz and Giles go so they could live. She knew he wouldn't kill her; even through he was a vampire. She was his sire. She had turned him and some times she hated herself for doing it; for making him into something she herself had hated, but after Angel had turned her all she could think about was turning Xander and making him her own but things had changed and she had banished him for taking the side of humans against her.
As she entered the old Bronze, she noticed Angelus and Darla talking with two new comers. One she recognised as Drusilla, the other wasn't Spike that was for sure. He'd been dusted a year ago, or so they'd heard, but for some reason she didn't believe that.
Angelus noticed her and waved her over, she walked slowly until she stood in front of him and Darla.
"What's up?" she asked.
"Dru and her new friend here think they've sighted our old pal Xander. Remember him, your white knight?" he replied .
"Where?" she asked, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.
"New York," Dru answered.
"Wonder why he'd be up there," she said.
"Maybe he's looking for something… or someone. The last we heard of him he was in LA, trying to raise some old demon like the Master and then he vanished, never to be heard of again. I thought he'd been dusted," Angelus spoke up.
"Xander is smarter than to let someone get close enough to get dusted, . Something must have happened in LA. Do Wesley and Cordelia still live up there?" Buffy asked.
"Sorry, we killed them before we came here," Dru said.
Buffy wanted to kill Dru for that; all she could think about was finding Xander.
"I'm going to New York to see if he is there," Buffy told them.
"Why?" asked Darla.
"That's my business, I'm his sire remember that," she hissed.
"I take it your going alone?" Angelus stated.
"Yes, I'm going alone. I'm not needed here so I was planning a vacation and now I have somewhere to go," she replied.
"Fine, but be careful. The last time you saw him, you banished him," Angelus warned her
"Xander could never stay mad at me and, even now, I bet he still cares for me, so I don't think that's a problem, . I'll leave tomorrow night if I can" she countered as she turned and left.
New York:
Xander walked into the English classroom and noticed Laura sitting at the back of the room and he couldn't stop the memories of his days with Buffy, Willow and Giles in Sunnydale high. He shook the memory away as she noticed him and waved him over. He walked towards her and sat down, trying not to draw any attention to himself.
"So how was Biology?" she asked.
"Just as fun as when I was in Sunnydale with Buffy and Willow," he replied and then his smile vanished as he realised that he had said that too easily.
"It must be hard for you sometimes, when the memories haunt you," she said. All he could do was nod. "So, how many of my classes are you in?" she added.
"You have seven periods, take a guess?" he replied with a grin.
"Four?" she inquired.
"Five, just in case. Buffy and Angelus can be very sneaky and dangerous," he told her.
"Hey Laura, got yourself a boyfriend?" asked one of the girls as she entered along with three other girls, reminding Xander of Cordelia and Harmony and their little group.
"No, he's an old friend from LA who's transferred here," Laura replied and Xander could tell she didn't like this girl or her friends.
"I guess there's a group like that in every school and every generation," he whispered to Laura.
"Was there one in you school?" she asked.
He couldn't help but laugh at her question. "Yeah, her name was Cordelia and she was followed by a group of nobodies. Me and Cordelia dated for a while until she caught me kissing Willow," he replied.
"You cheated on her?" Laura seemed shocked.
"I didn't intend to, Willow was dating Oz and I was with Cordy. Then, on the night of our prom, we had what we called a 'clothes fluke' and we kissed. It happened a few more times and then Spike took me and Willow hostage so Willow could do a love spell on Dru who had left him. When he went to get supplies, I woke up as I had been knocked out and we ended up kissing just as Oz and Cordy found us, thanks to Oz's werewolf's senses," he told her with another sad smile. "The real shame came later. Oz and Willow managed to sort their problems out but Cordy and I never got back together, although sometimes I'm glad we didn't," he added.
"You must have had some cool adventures," she mused.
"Oh, we did and some bad ones and I wasn't the only one who paid a price. Tara, Willow, Faith, Buffy and Giles and the others, we all pay in someway," he told her.
"Faith was the slayer called after Kendra, right? One thing I never knew was how there came to be two slayers?" Laura asked him.
"Giles found out about a prophecy that Buffy would die at the hands of the master. I found out a little later than the others. I couldn't just stand around and wait, so I got Angel to take me to the Master's liar.
When we arrived, Buffy was dead; however, I tried CPR and managed to save her life. She then went on to kill the Master, Kendra showed up sometimes later. You see, although Buffy was still alive, she had been dead for a few minutes and, as I'm sure you know, when one slayer dies, the next is called and so Kendra was the next slayer. But, because I saved Buffy, the council now had two slayers Buffy and Kendra.
Kendra died at the hands of Angelus and then Faith turned up. Now Faith was cool and very good at slaying. We all became friends with her. However, after an accident, she turned against us and helped the mayor, but Buffy managed to beat her into a coma. A year or so later, she came out of it and wanted revenge and changed bodies with Buffy and caused a few problems, but then something happened to her and, instead of escaping, she helped save some people from a group of vamps and Buffy managed to get her body back.
She then went to LA and tried to kill Angel but he convinced her to become a good guy again and she turned herself in and, at this moment, is in prison. I feel somewhat responsible about what happened to her. We could have been better friends and maybe she might have stayed on our side, . Hell, me and her even had sex before she turned; however she only did it because she was worked up." As he recited his tale, Laura showed how amazed she was at what Xander and his friends had encountered.
Before Laura could ask another question though, the teacher came through the doors and began the lesson and Xander just couldn't help smiling at being back in a school classroom.
Tarin was surprised when he noticed Laura laughing as she entered the library side-by-side with the Vampire with a soul. Since his arrival, Tarin had believed it important that he know as much as he could about him, about his activities before and after he had been turned.
He had been surprised the council had detailed files on all the people who had helped Miss Summers before she was turned and he was pleased to know that Xander Harris was very loyal and, as long as he had his soul, he would protect Laura until he died. He sat down as the two arrived and sat facing him; each seemed to be enjoying getting to know one another.
"Enjoying been back at school, Xander?" asked Tarin.
"Yeah, didn't know I've missed it as much as I have," he replied.
"So, do you expect Miss Summers to show anytime soon?" Tarin couldn't help but ask.
"She'll show, mate," said a new voice and one Xander was shocked to hear he stood and faced his friend and enemy, Spike.
"Spike? But how is this possible?" asked the vampire.
"I ran into Red's girlfriend and she gave me my soul back, bloody hell the pain you experience is really something. I never want to go through again," he replied, lighting a cig.
"You're lying," Xander said.
"Yeah, I am. No, I found a talisman which was used by an ancient vampire and it allowed him to walk in the sun," he said with a wicked grin.
"So do you still have that chip in your head?" Xander asked.
"Sort of. You see, after that business with Dru's return, she helped me ignore the pain, but it is still there and, for now, it's doing its job," he answered.
"How did you find me?" asked Xander.
"Ran into an old friend, but you've got a problem; one of Dru's old pals saw you as well and told her and her new man and they've gone back to Sunnydale and I'm sure that by now, Buffy and Angelus know where you are," Spike answered.
"When will she arrive?" Xander sighed.
"She won't for a while. I've brought us some time" the blond vampire said with grin.
"How?" this came from Laura.
"
I have a few friends here and there and by now they've launched their attacks and making sure Buffy and Angelus can't leave, also I paid a very nasty sorcerer to place a field around the place so no one can get in or out but it won't last forever," he told them.
"Why would you help us?" Tarin asked.
"Why did I help Buffy and her squad is another question you could ask. Pal. You see, because of my alliances with Buffy, I'm not exactly the most liked vampire and neither is Xander. I mean we're both feared, but we are also hated," Spike explained.
"Have you heard anything?" Xander was hesitant at asking this, but he had to know so he continued, "about Giles, Oz or Tara?"
"Last I heard, they were somewhere in LA; however, they went to ground, but I do have some bad news for you; Dru and her new guy killed Cordelia and Wesley before they left LA," Spike said this quickly.
Xander slumped back into his chair, another two dead.
"Sorry mate," Spike said.
"Why should you feel any remorse? You're a vampire with no soul," Tarin asked.
"I may have no soul, watcher dude, but I did know the two I just mentioned and I actually liked them," he answered, putting his cig out.
"Why are you helping us really, Spike?" asked Xander.
"Angelus has put out a contract on me and I intend to kill him before some demon or vamp lackey takes me. Is that good enough for you?" he answered.
"Yeah. Seeing as you're the only other guy I know that hates that bastard as much as I do," said Xander.
"Not just that, man, but you and I are in the same boat and I guess because I consider you a friend, maybe not my best friend, but a friend nevertheless," Spike added.
Xander stood and walked over to Spike and offered his hand. Spike smiled and shook it.
"It's good to see you again, mate," Spike told him.
"Yeah, you too, man," Xander agreed.
"Excuse me, Xander, but how do we know we can trust Spike?" Laura asked.
"I guess we don't, really, but then the same could be said of me. I may have a soul, but anything can happen, but believe me, if Spike did try something, I'd die before I'd let him kill you," Xander told her.
"Listen, slayer. You can't ask for a better guard, . Angelus had a nickname for Xand back when he and Buffy were human and he kept protecting Buffy and also stopped Angelus's plans. That nickname was 'White Knight'," Spike told her.
"I know, I have detailed reports from the council about all of that and before you ask how they knew about that. I'm afraid I can't tell you," Tarin stepped into the conversation.
"Whatever. I'm going for a walk to talk with Spike; I'll catch you later," Xander said as he turned and began leaving.
"Be careful, Xand." Laura's concerned voice echoed at his back.
"I will," he told her as he and Spike vanished.
"Great, two vampires," said Tarin.
"I trust Xander and I can tell from your voice, you do, too," Laura responded.
"Spike wasn't kidding about Xander being a bodyguard to Miss Summers; he almost died quite a few times saving her life." Tarin started before Laura interrupted him.
"I hate to bring this up, Tarin; it did cost him his life; loving Buffy and being involved in her calling got him and his friends killed." Laura said this with a little anger
"I know, but they chose to fight, and, as much as the council tried to break them up, their reports on Xander and the others are quite impressive. As for Spike, I don't know if we can trust him; however, the council also has documented him to be one of Miss Summers' best allies before she turned and, like Xander said, he'll die before he can try something," Tarin added.
Laura nodded but she could tell from Xander's reaction he was pleased to see Spike as much as she picked up a hint of hate as well. She wondered what would happen if Buffy did turn up. The thought suddenly sent a shiver up her spine.
"I want you to call the council and try and get them to find Xander's friends. I think we're going to need them, o.k.?" she asked facing her watcher.
"Very well, Laura, I guess we're going to need all the help we can get," he reluctantly agreed walking towards his office.
Xander and Spike walked next to each across the school fields, talking about how things had changed since they had last met each other. Although it was hard to relive some of the past, Xander couldn't help it.
"So how come you stayed low for so long?" asked Xander?
"Had no choice; Buffy and Angelus came after me, along with some very nasty lackeys? They caught up with me in Miami, where I was trying to find a vampire wizard who could send me back in time," he answered.
"Why go back in time?" he asked.
"I planned to stop Angelus from turning Buffy and her turning you, and before you ask why, I did it because I miss the old days," he replied.
"Me, too, but we have to face it, they're gone and now we're gonna have a war on our hands," Xander sighed.
"Buffy will come for you, she is your sire," Spike warned him.
"I know, ever since I woke, I felt as if I had a connection with Buffy, then she banished me and it began to make me feel ill and it's not gone away since," Xander told him
"Yeah, it was the same for me when Dru left me," Spike nodded in understanding.
"You know, I can't help but feel glad. When she comes for me, I'll finally get to face her again; but, like I said to Laura, before anyone can try something to harm her, they will die by my hands," Xander told the blond vampire.
"Don't tell me you're falling for this new slayer?" Spike shot him a curious look.
"I don't know, even though I have my soul back, I have trouble understanding my feelings. I have found girls I've thought were good looking, but I couldn't tell if I liked them more than that," Xander shrugged as he explained.
"Maybe we should go to Sunnydale instead of waiting for Buffy to come here? Spike questioned.
Xander shook his head at the suggestion. As much as he would love to go home, he knew it was no longer his home. Buffy wasn't waiting for him and neither was Willow or any of the others. Some were dead, another was a vampire and the remaining ones were hiding; his time to face Buffy and Angelus would come, but not yet.
"Lets go to the pub, I need a pint," Xander said, Spike nodded with a smile not knowing they were been watched.
Laura looked up as the doors to the library shot open and Xander walked in with Spike following behind him. They had been gone for two hours and, although she knew she shouldn't, she had gotten worried.
"Hey, where have you been?" she asked.
"Down at the pub." Xander smiled sitting next to her as Spike sat on the other side of the table.
"Xander, I've asked Tarin to get the council to locate your friends, hopefully they'll be here before Buffy arrives," Laura told him with a smile, catching Xander by surprise.
"Now that will be fun when good old Giles get here," Spike commented.
"Y...eah," Xander's voice took on a haunted tone.
Laura stared at the vampire with a confused look. She thought he would be glad to see his remaining friends alive and well, but then it came to her that maybe seeing them again could cause even more pain to him, and her own smile began to fade as she looked into his eyes to see the pain he hid.
"I didn't think," she started.
"Its o.k., really. It would be nice to have them around," Xander interrupted her with a confident smile. She nodded as Tarin entered the library.
"So, will they help?" she asked.
"Yes and no; they weren't happy to hear that Xander had turned up here to help and have instructed me to ask him to leave right away, . I didn't tell them about Spike as it would of been pointless, they have begun a search for Mr Giles and the others and, once found, will bring them here once they are sure Xander is gone," Tarin informed them as sat down in front of them.
"Why wouldn't they be happy Xander is here?" asked Laura.
"They fear you'll break away from them like Buffy did if you had a loyal bunch of friends to help you out; they can't afford another slayer rebelling like Buffy and Faith. Right Tarin?" Xander answered before Tarin could.
"
Y...Y-Yes, I'm afraid so, now I, like Mr Giles, have tried to get the council to relax the pressure on the slayers and so I have no intention to ask you and Spike to leave, but you will have to hide when the council arrives along with Mr Giles and your other friends," Tarin replied.
"You've gotten attached to your slayer. According to the council, that's bad. That's why Giles got fired." Xander said.
"Yes, well, we managed to pass their little test without letting on that we've become more than Slayer and Watcher, we've become friends," said Tarin. This seemed to please Xander a lot.
"Buffy would be glad to hear that, that the next slayer isn't alone," Xander said this with a painful expression.
"I guess that was another of her fears, right?" Laura asked this quietly.
"Yeah," Xander answered.
The bell rung loud as it signalled the end of the day, Spike decided to head home as Xander and Laura headed out to do a patrol run.
After three months, Xander, Laura, Tarin and Spike had become a close knit unit, Laura had become good friends with Xander and had come to know him very well and although she liked Spike, she tried to avoid hanging with him on patrol.
Tarin still had some concerns about the closeness of his slayer's relationship with the ensouled vampire, but he did trust him, whilst he kept an eye on Spike who he didn't like 'cause of his care free attitude.
Tarin sat talking with Spike over the details of the last night's patrol whilst Xander and Laura were in history. Xander tried to concentrate on what the history teacher was saying, but he couldn't stop his memories of Buffy surfacing. He saw her as he had first seen her, a vibrant young woman with a great future ahead of her, then as the girl who was the slayer and their first adventurer together and the others they had faced and then he saw her as the vampire she had become, the one who was his sire.
He shook his head and tried to forget the look on her face when she had banished him from Sunnydale. It wasn't hatred, it was more anger and surprise that he hadn't backed her up. He suddenly noticed Laura watching him with a curious glance. He tried to smile but he couldn't, things had never been right since Buffy had been turned. It had destroyed them all. His thoughts suddenly became clear and he vowed to make sure Laura would never suffer the same fate as Buffy that she would survive to live a happy life, one that she would not have to worry about the darkness.
As the bell rung to end the day, he couldn't help but remember how he had always looked forward to the end of school, whilst Willow actually liked being at school and Buffy, well, he never knew what she felt about school.
"Hey, you o.k.?" he heard Laura ask
"Oh, yeah, just thinking a few things through. Since I've turned up here, my feelings have been a mess, and then again they always are these days," Xander replied.
"What will you do when Buffy arrives?" asked Laura. "I know it's a sore spot, but I need to know," she added as they headed to the library.
"Buffy won't be like other vamps you've met; remember, she was a slayer so she may not be so bad as we think, she'll be after me at first and then you," he told them.
"How do you know that?" she asked, perplexed.
"She's my sire and my former friend and I guess the woman I love and I know her; she wants me either out of the way or backing her up for something," he replied.
"So she may be distracted?" she asked again.
"Yeah, and that gives us a chance," he told her as they entered the library.
"What about Angelus?" asked Laura?
"I've got a feeling he won't be with her; I guess it has to do with the link between the sire and her charge," he shrugged.
As they looked up, they noticed Tarin standing next to four people: two girls and two boys. Xander's face lit up as he recognised them instantly; it was Giles, Tara, Oz and Faith.
They noticed him enter and stood facing him; Laura went and stood next to Tarin as Xander approached his friends. He quickly swept Tara into a hug and then Faith before she could object he shook hands with Oz who just smiled and nodded and then he embraced Giles.
"It's good to see you guys again," he said as he let go of Giles.
"Yes, I'm sure it is. Xander, the council located us on the out skirts of town and brought us here; luckily they left straight away," Giles told them.
"Has Tarin told you Spike is here as well?" Xander asked.
"Yes, and really I'm glad; he may be of some help in the coming fight," Giles nodded in confirmation.
"How are you holding up, Xand?" This came from Tara.
"I get through day to day without to much trouble, but now and again the nightmares really get to me, but I feel better knowing you guys are alright," he replied with a grim smile.
"I know it wasn't easy for you at first, but it was necessary," Tara explained.
"Yeah," he said walking over to a chair and sitting down.
"Do we know for sure Spike's wizard guy actually managed to catch Buffy?' Faith asked.
"No, I'm not," said Spike as he entered the library.
"Thought you'd gone home," Tarin said.
"Did, but I sensed I was been watched. I think she's here," Spike told them as he sat next to Xander and lit a cig.
Before anyone could say anything, the doors burst open again and Buffy walked in, looking like she had the last time they had seen each other. Xander jumped to his feet and walked in front of Laura. Spike also jumped to the defence whilst the others stood in shook.
"Buffy," Xander said with a voice filled with many different emotions, among them love, hate and anger.
"Xander, I was hoping Dru's info was right and you were alive," she said with a flirtatious smile.
"What are you doing here, Buff?" he asked.
"I've come to take you home," she answered, stepping closer.
"He's not going anywhere with you," Laura hissed, stepping around Xander holding a stake.
"The new slayer, hmmm got to say you look tougher than the two before you, so Whats going on here, Xand? Why are you hanging with them?" she said in a commanding tone.
Xander suddenly felt compelled to answer his sire and so he walked over and faced her for the first time in ten years.
"I have my soul back, just like Angel did, and I am the slayer's protector. I won't let you or Angelus kill her or any of her friends… or mine," he told her.
"Who gave you your soul?" she inquired.
"I did; we needed his help," Tara answered.
"What gave you the right to inflict that punishment on him? How dare you inflict that type of pain on him?" she hissed.
"I deserved it for all the pain and all the suffering I've caused since you turned me, Buff, and you know that deep down," he returned with a steady glance.
"Always got to take the hard road, didn't you, Xand. I should never have banished you. I should of known Angel was using me, but you, you always stayed by my side until the end and now I want you back so I'll make you a deal; you come back to Sunnydale with me and I'll let you're new friends and our old ones live," she said.
"I've got a deal for you, summers, help us retake Sunnydale and we'll let you live with your soul intact," Laura broke into the conversation, ignoring the stare from Xander.
"I don't think…" Buffy started to say when she suddenly collapsed. Xander caught her and noticed the blue light fading from Tara. Spike helped him put her onto the table and Xander whirled on Laura.
"I told you I wouldn't inflict that on her," he said, trying to stay in control of his demon which, for the first time in three years, threatened to break out.
"I know and I'm sorry, Xand, but we could use her help and I don't want you turning on me," Laura answered trying to avoid his eyes.
"I have some more bad news for you, Xander, we've already arranged to give Buffy back her soul even if we have to incapacitate you; we need her and so do you," Giles interrupted them and Xander faced him with a cold hard stare.
"I won't stand here and watch this," he shouted and then turned and exited the library, Spike shook his head and followed without a second glance at his old friends.
"I don't think he's gonna forgive you for that," Laura said.
"No, maybe not but we have no choice; we need Buffy and so we have to, Spike will keep him out of trouble, I hope. Now I need to confer with your watcher whilst you try and get to know Faith and the others," Giles nodded.
"I think I should go and talk to Xand, Giles. He may need to understand a few things," Oz said and then he left as well, leaving Giles to talk with Tarin and a timid Laura talking with Tara and Faith.
Xander tried to ignore the demon withering inside him as he downed his third pint without stopping once, . Spike had been talking about something but he hadn't been listening. He ordered another pint when he noticed Oz walk into the bar. He watched as Oz took a seat next to him and ordered a pint of his own.
"What do you want, Oz?" he asked, facing his old friend.
"I know you don't want Buffy going through what you went through, but we have no choice, ; we really need her help in destroying all the vamps in Sunnydale, especially Angelus and Drusilla," Oz replied.
"You don't know Whats it like; it'll be a hundred times worse for Buffy. She was a slayer and she sacrificed her family, her friends and her life and then she got turned into the one thing she hated most.
That in itself will almost tear her apart inside. Add the pain and the memories of the suffering she has inflicted, … the memories of the people she has killed, it will almost drive her mad," he said this in a dark voice. He paused as he downed his pint then spoke again. "So are you gonna tell me that inflicting that on her is worth it in the long run?" his eyes were dark as Spike leaned in to hear Oz's reply.
"Maybe, maybe not. I guess we'll only know that when we attack Sunnydale." Oz sighed as he drank his own pint. Once he had finished, he faced his friend again.
"I know it's hard, but we're gonna need you there to help," he added, . Xander drank the last of his pint and nodded as he stood.
"Let's go," he spat, heading to the door with Oz and Spike following in his wake.
Laura watched as Xander seemed to stalk into the library as if he was facing his own execution, followed by Spike who looked as calm as usual and Oz. She noticed the grim expression on his face as he sat facing Buffy's unconscious form, next to Tara who seemed sad and Faith who just stared at the wall. She had learned quite a lot from her talks with Tara and Faith, not just about themselves, but about Xander during his human days.
Tara had told her how devastated he was when her girlfriend and his long time friend Willow died, the anger and hatred for Angelus had grown ten fold as Angelus picked off Anya, then Riley and finally Dawn.
Once he had killed Buffy's sister. Both Buffy and Xander had pushed for an attack; they wouldn't listen to any argument from Giles, they wanted revenge and, in the end, it had cost them their own lives and souls. Tara had explained how Xander had begged for death once his soul was restored; a detail Xander had not told her. It had taken a lot to convince him to help to find the new slayer and protect her and now a new pain was gonna be inflicted on him, but they were convinced it was a necessary one.
Faith had not seen Xander in at least eleven years and so she could only tell of how he used to always make jokes and mess around, but he had been risky as well in trying to keep his friends safe, especially Buffy, and she could imagine the pain he must of felt as they died one by one and the guilt crept in. Laura had learned that Tara and Faith were two different people, Tara had a lasting sadness around her, her eyes were haunted by the memories; however she was caring and happy at times.
Faith was too calm and sometimes acted like nothing mattered in the world and even though she had only known her for a few hours, that scared her and it was strange having another slayer around.
Giles and Tarin walked out of his office carrying a couple of books and some others stuff which Laura guessed was for the spell to restore a vampire's soul.
"We'll need an Orb of Thesula," Tara told them as she looked at their supplies once they had put them on the table.
"There's a magic shop just three blocks down from the school, maybe Laura and Xander should go and buy one," Tarin replied.
"Sure why not," Laura nodded whilst Xander just grunted and stood ready to leave. Laura felt uneasy about the way he was acting, but she couldn't blame him.
"How long will your spell last, Tara?" Xander finally spoke.
"Oh she'll stay unconscious until I perform the counter spell," she replied, "so you don't have to worry about her waking up."
Xander nodded and walked towards the doors. Laura winced and followed, glancing back at her watcher before she left.
As they walked towards the magic shop, Laura could feel the anger radiating from her friend and the more intense it got, the more worried she got. They needed him and so did she and the thought that this might send him over the edge scared her.
"Penny for your thoughts?" she heard him ask.
"I'm worried about you," she answered.
"I know, I haven't been my usual self and I'm beginning to act all broody and angry. Don't worry, I'm not gonna snap on you, Laura. I won't allow the demon to win," he tried to assure her.
"I know, Xand, but this is adding to all that pain you hold inside. I know you well enough now to know when something is wrong with you," she shot back.
"Yeah, I know," he said with a glance in her direction. "Buffy is going to be in a lot of pain and she will need me to help her find her peace so I maybe won't be able to hang with you for a while. I'll get Spike to patrol with you," he added.
"Why can't Giles and the others help her adjust?" she inquired.
"Once her soul is returned, she won't what to listen to any of them or even see them for awhile," he answered.
"So what makes you think she'll listen to you?" Laura asked.
"She's my sire," he answered simply as they entered the shop.
Once they had what they needed, they quickly headed back to the library. They found the others seated with grim expressions on their faces.
"What's going on?" asked Laura as she placed the Orb of the Thesula on the table next to the other things needed for the spell.
"Spike just got word from one his friends; the field around Sunnydale has collapsed; so, if Angelus wants to find you or Buffy, he can do so freely," Giles replied.
"Then we must hurry," said Xander grimly.
"We'll be in the history classroom when we perform the spell; I think you should be the only one there when she awakens with her soul restored, Xander," Giles said hurriedly.
"Yeah, she may try and kill you for doing this to her," Xander joked dryly.
"You are not making this any easier for any of us, Xander," Tarin tried to push their point across.
"I know this is hard, Xand, but as much as this may hurt Buffy, would you rather we leave her to kill people so in the end we have to slay her?" Faith interjected next.
Slowly Xander turned to face the rogue slayer, now once again free from jail and once again working for the council. She still looked as stunning as when he had first seen her, but her face showed the pain she had encountered during her life so far.
"Maybe Faith, but how much can any of us take, even Buffy; she's gone through so much. Do you think even she can handle another blow like this?" he asked with troubled eyes.
She flashed him a tired smile as she understood his question; she had asked herself that many times in jail. How much could she take? She'd had one trial after another since been called as the slayer and each one had been a blow to her, emotionally and physically, but even after all she had taken, Buffy had suffered a lot more… and so had Xander.
"Xand, I don't know what will happen to any of us, but I now that, deep down, you want this. You know it's for the best but you're afraid she'll blame you for making her suffer even more but I'm afraid we're gonna have to take a chance… all of us. Remember, you're not Buffy's helper anymore; your Laura's protector now," she answered him finally, . Xander cast a brief glance at Laura and gave her a small nod which she returned.
"I know, Faith, and nothing will change that and I wouldn't want to change it, but you also know we are still a part of trying to help Buffy. Nothing, not even our pain or our suffering, will change that or make us want to change it; it's why we were born and why we must go on to carry our burdens until Buffy's fight is over and her destiny is achieved," Xander replied with a grim smile. "We are all a part of her destiny, each a helper. We have lost allies along the way, some who died before their time, but still the fight goes on and we all must do what we have to. This is meant to happen," he added, standing and leaning against the wall.
"How do you know that?" asked Tara confused.
"The PTB have made sure I know," he added with pure venom.
"So why fight us on this issue, man?" Oz said with a raised eyebrow.
"A part of me, the part that is still human in my head and heart, is fighting what
I know must be, because I believe she's done enough, but I can't fight the PTB and so the fight goes on," he answered and Laura detected the truth in his words and the bitterness.
"That's true, kid, you can't fight the PTB," said a voice which seemed Irish and they turned to see a small man standing by the door; he had slick black hair and dark brown eyes.
"Who are you?" Xander asked taking a stance near Laura..
"The name is Doyle, I used to help Angel and Cordelia," he answered.
"And from what I remember, you died," Xander grunted, recalling Cordelia's frantic call so long ago.
"Yeah, but the PTB have brought me back to help to make sure you stay the path so the fight can continue, so we have a chance of winning," he replied with a wide grin which suddenly vanished. "Unfortunately, they couldn't bring me back to save Cordy." His voice had turned hard.
"Nothing ever goes the way we want it, man," Oz said, remembering his own torment and pain.
"No, it doesn't, but if we fail because one of us falters, then it's all for nothing; all the death, the suffering and the loss it will be for nothing and you will hate yourself all the more, all of you," Doyle warned them.
"So is that all you are here for? Just to make sure Xander does what the PTB want him to?' Laura asked.
"Course not, I'm not supposed to help but I want to; I want revenge like Xander and the others, plus I've brought some more help," he said with a smile as a tall woman with shoulder length blonde hair and blue eyes walked into the library.
"Who's this?" asked Xander.
"This is Kate Lockley, former police detective, she worked with Angel from time to time until an incident occurred that changed her mind about vamps of any kind," Doyle explained.
"Great, more of Angel's friends," spat Spike.
"Hey, I didn't need to come here, pal, and neither did I have to drag Kate down here, but we are here to help. Now you may hate Angel for all he's done, but that doesn't mean you have to hate the friends he made through his life," Doyle said becoming angry.
"Maybe, but why is she here to help?" Xander asked, stepping closer to Doyle.
"She wants Angel to pay as much as anyone," Doyle answered.
"She has the stench of love for him," Xander hissed as he stepped right into Kate's face, which caused Kate to blush hard as Xander sensed her deep and hidden attraction to Angel.
"I was attracted to him when he had his soul, but now he doesn't and so he pays," she said, trying to sound angry. Laura walked over and placed her hand on Xander's arm, causing him to look at her. He stared into her eyes and then understood he was letting his anger get the better of him. He smiled gratefully and faced Kate again. "Sorry, I loose my temper very easily nowadays," he apologised and then turned and sat on the table just next to Buffy.
"We are wasting time. Now, everyone bar Xander, please head for the history classroom, Spike, will you help Oz bring in the supplies?" Giles butted in
"Sure G-man," Spike smiled as he picked up the orb and a few other supplies whilst Oz picked up the others and then followed Giles and the others; only Laura stayed behind.
"Good luck, Xand," she said and then she, too, left, leaving Xander to stare at the empty room.
Tara stood near the door as Giles and Tarin prepared everything for the soul spell when the memories of Xander's face when his soul was restored surfaced; the anguish and the fear, the self loathing afterwards. She knew how much he got screwed up by having his soul back and although in the end they had managed to repair some of the damage so he could be of some help, she wondered if they could be as lucky with Buffy. She looked across the room at the faces of her friends,
Faith seemed to be fighting her emotions on the subject; in fact, since they had hooked up and they had filled her in on everything that had happened, she had been waging a war inside her,
Laura seemed deeply concerned about how all this would affect Xander and she couldn't blame her. Oz was sitting contemplating what was going to happen, Spike surprised her by actually seeming concerned about all this, Doyle seemed concerned about how things would turn out, Kate didn't seem to understand what was going on and Giles and Tarin just seemed to be ignoring all the implications.
Finally, Giles turned to her and nodded and forced a smile which she tried to return. She sat and facing the spell book and began to chant. As she read the words, the orb began to glow and she felt the same power embrace her as she had when she had first done this; she pictured Willow's face to steady herself as the power threatened to overwhelm her. She sensed the others backing away as the glow began to spread around her and, just as she read out the last passage, she pictured Xander's despairing face as they found Willow's corpse on the cross as Angelus smiled at them.
As the orb returned to normal and the power fell away, she stood too quickly and Giles quickly steadied her. She wanted to go and see Xander before she reversed the spell that kept Buffy asleep.
Finally, she felt strong enough and headed towards the library to find Xander still sitting facing the doors, he looked at her with a steady glance. "I have to be here to perform my counter spell," she said.
"I want you here. I may need your help," he replied which caused her to smile; it also surprised her. She stood just beside him as he slipped off the table and faced Buffy's unconscious form
"Do it," he whispered, she nodded and closed her and eyes and summoned the power to end Buffy's sleep. A green mist shot from her and engulfed Buffy, quickly lifting her up a few feet and them letting her drop again slowly. Finally the mist seemed to seep into Buffy's body and then vanish. Tara opened her eyes and watched as Buffy began to stir.
She felt Xander's hand grasp hers as Buffy's eyes fluttered opened and focused on them. "Buffy?" Xander said, suddenly Buffy's face contorted in pain as the memories engulfed her… all her actions since been turned, Xander could only stand and watch and remembered going through this himself. "Get the others," he whispered to Tara who squeezed his hand and then left the room.
He watched as Buffy jumped off the table and flew into a corner as tears came flooding down her face at the horrible things she had done, the faces of the people she had killed.
She heard what sounded like a door opening and she tried to make out the people who had entered "X... Xand… Xander?" she whimpered as the tears continued to fall. He didn't move, he just stared at her and, although he wanted to comfort her, he couldn't and he really didn't think it would be a good idea, he turned and faced the others. "Take care of her," he said and then he vanished through the doors, confusing everyone except Laura and Tara who shared a look.
Xander stood staring out across New York, admiring the gleam of the city in the darkness, how it seemed to speak to him. He felt his own demon rage inside him as he remembered watching Buffy's face contort in agony as she remembered what she had become and what she had done.
He wondered how long her initial reaction would last,; his had lasted all night and even then hadn't really finished. He knew he should be there trying to help but for some reason he couldn't stand and watch, couldn't even try and bring himself to help but he didn't know why.
He shook his head in confusion as he watched the traffic and the people below go about their own business, not realising what really went on in the night. As he turned and looked towards where the school was, he sensed the familiar presence of Laura approaching. He smiled, knowing she was worried about him and he also guessed she was trying to sneak up on him because she believed he'd try and run. He waited until she appeared on the roof before stepping into her line of sight. She didn't even flinch which surprised him, a month after they had become friends she stopped getting nervous when he was around and she didn't flinch when he just appeared out of no where. She smiled as he stepped closer to her
"Knew I'd find you here," she said. He nodded in response.
"How she doing?" he asked.
"She seemed to be calming down, thanks to Tara and Giles" she told him.
"Guess she found some new spells that could help her get to grips with Whats happened." This came out bitterly and he saw that Laura noticed it.
"I guess that sort of stings," she said.
"Can't help it," he shrugged,
"No need to tell me, I understand, Xand; Faith told me to tell you to meet her near the fury night club if you want to do a patrol run," she said with a comforting smile.
"I think I will do a patrol run, I can't face her yet, Laura," he told her.
"I know," she said as she turned and headed back to the school.
Xander just smiled and then turned and headed to the night club to meet Faith.
He quickly noticed Faith standing near the exit to the club, along with Spike, who looked a little pissed. Once he stopped, Spike nodded and then headed off.
"Where's he going?" he asked.
"Giles just sent him to make sure we met up without any trouble just in case Angelus in already here; he's heading back to see how Buffy is," she answered with a grim smile.
"So why aren't you at the school?" he asked.
"I couldn't stand and watch her go through that, Xand; it was too much for me to stand, just as it was for you," she answered. Her eyes took on a haunted look which he knew too well, he smiled and nodded.
"Ready to rock?" he said. She nodded.
Buffy looked around the library, still reeling from the pain of the memories that had flooded through her. She remembered how Angel had described it and, after having experienced, it she knew it was worse than anything he had said. She found Giles and Oz kneeling in front of her just in case she tried to run again. She looked around and noticed Spike talking with Tara and, across from them, stood a tall man dressed in tweed which she guessed was a watcher and he was talking to a tall brunette, which she remembered was the new slayer.
"
Xander?" she asked.
"I'm afraid he is on patrol with Faith," Giles answered.
"Xander?" she asked again wanting nothing more than to hold him.
"Buffy, he is not here at the moment," Giles told her.
"Why not?" she hissed at her former watcher.
"Faith needed his help in case she ran into trouble," Oz answered this time.
Buffy stood and took a few steps back from her two former friends as a realisation came upon her like a thunder bolt.
"I'm a... a vampire," she said simply and as she said it she noticed the nervous glances from Giles, Oz, Spike and Tara.
"I'm afraid you are, Buffy, ten years ago you were turned by Angelus and you, in turn, turned Xander," Giles nodded.
"No! Damn you damn you all," she spat as she began crying again falling back to her knees. Giles and Oz didn't know what to say, not this time; their experience with Xander had been traumatic for all of them and, really, Buffy was acting differently from Xander and this had thrown them of track. "I want Xander now," Buffy whispered. "I need him," she added.
Laura had been listening to everything Buffy had said and she had taken into account that Giles and Oz seemed a little off with dealing with her and so she decided to give it a try. She walked over to where Buffy lay and knelt in front of her.
"Hi Buffy, I'm Laura," she said and waited until Buffy looked at her.
"You're the new slayer," Buffy said to which Laura nodded. "Can you get Xander?" she asked,
Laura looked towards the window, knowing Xander wasn't ready to talk to Buffy yet and yet she had a feeling he was the only one that could help Buffy. She knew she didn't want to do this, but she had to make Xander face his fear.
"Yeah, I can bring him here. I'll be back soon. Tara, can you come with me?" she replied finally, and then she left with Tara following close behind.
Xander flung the vampire over his shoulder and smiled as he heard the dull thud as it crashed into the nearby gravestone. He walked slowly towards it. As the vampire tried to push himself up, he kicked it hard in the ribs and smiled again as he heard a few of its ribs crack. As the vampire sat up, Xander rammed his stake right into its heart and then watched as it turned to ash.
"You've changed a lot, Xand," he heard Faith say behind him.
"Tell me about it," he snorted.
"Well, at least I know why no one came to visit me whilst I was in the slammer." She tried a lame attempt at humour to lighten the atmosphere.
"Didn't think the prison board would appreciate a psycho murderer visiting one of their recovering inmates," he replied with a grim smile that sent a cold shiver down her spine.
"Xander, Faith you there?" they heard Tara's voice suddenly out of the dark.
"
Yeah we're here," Faith shouted back.
They watched as Tara and Laura stepped into view from the east side of the cemetery, both wore grim faces and, from Laura's expression, Xander could tell she was about to say something he wouldn't like.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked.
"We have a problem, Xand. Buffy needs to speak to you; she won't listen to any of us. She needs you," Laura told him.
"I told you before I am not ready, I may never be ready," he answered with a dark glare at the young slayer.
"I know, Xander, and I wish I didn't have to do this, but I don't see any other way," Laura shot back.
"Can't you use a spell Tara?" Faith asked.
"There is no spell that will cure your conscience," Tara replied.
"She'll work it out herself; it's Buffy after all." He sighed and began walking away until Laura grabbed his arm and turned him round.
"There is another reason you won't face her; why?" she asked her friend.
"Be… because I did something I promised myself I'd never let happen and if I face Buffy, then I believe things will just blow up in my face and make it that much worse," he replied.
"What did you do?" asked a curious Faith.
Xander looked at her for a few seconds and then turned and looked at Laura again and she began to feel that whatever Xander had done was to do with her, Tara watched them both and suddenly she knew why Xander did not dare face Buffy again and she would not make him.
"Its okay, Xand, we'll deal with Buffy; you stay and finish the patrol," she told her friend.
"Thanks, Tara," he said, giving her a small smile that she returned.