A/N: With Stephanie Sheh and Michelle Ruff lending their voices to the new Sailor Moon dub, I can safely say I will never be able to take the show seriously anymore. It just HAD to be done.
"This is unfair," Luna grumbled, glaring at the praying mantis lounging on the windowsill. It cocked its head this way and that, carefree and standing there for no discernible reason like a praying mantis should.
Usagi sighed and set the pencil down next to her homework. She didn't really want to do it—math was so hard and full of numbers and letters that didn't make any sense! But she was bored and Luna had insisted on getting it done, and so she had resigned herself to her fate. "Chikane…."
"No, really, this is so unfair. You get reincarnated into a family that looks nothing like you (because either one of your so-called parents has a recessive gene or you're not their child!)." She lifted her head and directed her glare to the skyline, beyond the horizon, beyond Earth, across the universe. "Me? I come back as a cat. A CAT. From outer space."
"Chikane, we've been over this already. Like, uh," Usagi ticked off her fingers. "Wow, ten times. This really must be fate!"
"It doesn't change the fact that loving you now constitutes as bestiality!" exclaimed Luna, and suddenly sneezed only a cat can make. She licked a paw and wiped her face, sniffling. "The things I did for you, and this is what I get. Maybe I deserve this."
"Don't say that! I mean, yeah we came back as different people…but hey! At least we're together again! Right?"
Luna shook her head. "It's not the same. We were together for a long time. We did things for each other. We did things to each other! And just like that we die and come back only to forget."
"Look at it this way: the last time we saw each other, it was in the middle of a street. And we met again on a street! Not a busy street, but still a street!"
"Even as a slacker, you still retain your optimism. I wish I could feel the same way, but I just can't." Her eyes bore into the mantis. The mantis took two tiny steps forward, twitched its elongated forelegs, and blinked. Just like a praying mantis should.
"Everything will be alright once we find the Moon Princess," said Usagi. "I'd really like to meet her, so let's focus on that and make sure Queen Beryl and the others don't get to her!"
"Yeah." Luna squared her shoulders, bunched the muscles in her hind legs.
Usagi looked between her and the praying mantis. "Do you think you can get that?"
"I can try. I can probably jump as high as a cat like I did as a shrine maiden. The physiological gap between human and feline forms can't be too different." She stared down the mantis. The mantis clicked its mandibles and moved its front legs in little nonsense circles. A ray of sunlight fought its way through the cloud blocking it and shined on her eyes, narrowing the pupils.
Usagi held her breath.
Somewhere, some place, someone honked their car horn. A dog barked.
Luna pounced, claws out and flashing. The praying mantis jumped and took flight, and Luna sailed over the window. "Oh shitshitshitshitSHIT!" Paws scrambling for purchase she slipped, rolled down the shingled roof, and fell.
Usagi winced as she heard the cat land with a metallic crash. She leaned out and saw the trash can on its side, the lid sticking out at a haphazard angle. "Are you okay?" she called down.
There was the faint sound of sobbing. "Divine punishment, Himeko!" Luna wailed. "This. Is. Punishment!"
Usagi sighed and covered her face with a palm. This…was going to take some getting used to.