Who Batman Really Is

by Windrises

Carmine Falcone gets out of prison and wants to get rid of Batman. His scheme involves a situation where Batman will have to tell Catwoman who he really is.

Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane.

Batman stood upon the rooftop of Gotham's prison. Carmine Falcone, Batman's arch-enemy back in the days before the Joker, was being released from prison. Carmine had served out his prison sentence, but Batman had very little trust for the corrupt businessman.

Carmine let out a sigh of relief and said, "It's nice to finally enjoy the outside air."

Batman appeared behind him and replied, "Don't expect to get much free air."

Carmine glared at Batman and asked, "What do you want from me? I've served out my time."

Batman angrily stared at Carmine and replied, "You were supposed to be in prison for much longer. The members of your old gang that haven't been locked up paid to bail you out a few years earlier than you were supposed to get out."

Carmine smiled and said, "My gang of friends are reliable. It seems like friendship is magic."

Batman grabbed Carmine and replied, "Don't joke around me. I'm tired of dealing with crooks who act like that."

Carmine gently pushed Batman and asked, "Will you leave me alone?"

Batman answered, "Yes, but if you go back to your old crimes I'll make sure that you deal with the long prison sentence that you deserve."

Carmine went back to his old business building The Penguin was in charge of business during the time that Carmine was in prison. However, Carmine was unaware of that. He looked around and saw that most of the pictures of him and his family had been removed. He walked over to the secretary and said, "Let me see the temporary boss of my business."

The secretary replied, "He's in room 10."

Carmine walked over to the room. He was surprised by all of the decorations of penguins. He whispered, "This is supposed to be a solid family business, not a penguin showcase."

The Penguin saw Carmine and said, "Greetings Mr. Falcone. I'm Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot, but please call me the Penguin."

Carmine whispered, "Why have all the freaks in Gotham named themselves after an animal?"

The Penguin poured two glasses of orange juice and asked, "Are you thirsty?"

Carmine answered, "I want a real drink. We're adults, not five year-olds."

The Penguin asked, "So you'd prefer a soda?"

Carmine sighed and said, "Close enough." The Penguin handed him a fancy bottle of soda.

The Penguin asked, "How can my company help you?"

Carmine angrily said, "Don't assume you own more than you do. I'm the boss of this company. You weren't even the temporary boss that I hired. Where's Carla?"

The Penguin said, "She got a job working for Black Mask, because he pays his workers more."

Carmine asked, "Where are my sons?"

The Penguin said, "They couldn't stand the pressure of being in the crime business so they surrendered themselves to the police. They'll be out in a few years."

Carmine sighed and replied, "I wanted to see my family right away."

The Penguin responded, "You could see Selina Kyle, the daughter you always ignored."

Carmine replied, "She's not a Falcone."

The Penguin said, "The DNA test she took a few years ago proves that she's been your daughter this whole time."

Carmine punched a hole in the desk and said, "My top priority is seeing my sons again. I'll have to bail them out. Fetch me however much the bail costs."

The Penguin asked, "Do you think that you have any power here old man?"

Carmine said, "Of course I do. I'm the boss."

The Penguin replied, "You're the former boss. I'll need to ask you to leave."

Carmine angrily responded, "How dare you to try to take my family's business away from me."

Carmine was about to choke the Penguin, but Penguin asked, "Do you want to go back to prison to prison and go over a decade without seeing your family?"

Carmine got his hands off of Penguin and said, "I'm going to find a way to get my company back."

Carmine walked outside and saw brief glimpses of Batman in the shadows. He said, "I blame him for this mess. I would still be with my family and have my business if he hadn't arrested me. I'm going to have to ruin his business." He thought about it and said, "Getting rid of Batman won't make rich again."

An hour later Carmine met up with Firefly in an alley. Carmine said, "I can't pay you in advance, but I can get you up to a million dollars after I get my company back."

Firefly replied, "You got me excited. What do I need to do?"

Carmine said, "Get rid of Bruce Wayne. The Falcones and the Waynes have been friends for decades. Bruce is unaware that I had his will changed. The Falcone family will inherit the Wayne fortune as long as there are no Waynes left. Bruce is the only one left so I need you to get rid of him."

Firefly replied, "That's cold, but the money's too good to reject. I'll have Bruce gone by the end of the day." Carmine and Firefly shook hands.

Meanwhile, Bruce was on a date with Selina Kyle. Bruce felt that he had to be more immature than he actually was to keep anybody from finding out his secret identity. He said, "Batman's costume is so cool. He's very hip for a vigilante."

Selina replied, "That's about the most shallow way of describing it. He's creative and special. A mysterious and charming man of the shadows."

Bruce jokingly said, "You're starting to make me feel jealous."

Selina sighed and replied, "I'm sorry. I miss my days as Catwoman."

Bruce asked, "Aren't things better now?"

Selina answered, "Yes, I'm no longer a criminal. However, I'm guilty of missing the thrilling fun of all those robberies."

Bruce replied, "Following the rules may not seem as much fun, but I guarantee that it leads to a happier life."

Selina smiled and responded, "You're right. I should forget about the crimes. I've already forgotten about Batman."

Bruce asked, "Really?"

Selina answered, "If I hadn't gotten over Batman, I wouldn't of met you."

There was a loud knock on the door so Alfred Pennyworth opened the door. Firefly was at the door. He grabbed Alfred and threw him outside. Firefly went into the dining room and saw Bruce and Selina.

Bruce asked, "What's going room?"

Firefly said, "The end of Bruce Wayne." He used the flame starters on his costume to set the mansion on fire. He flew out of the mansion.

Bruce said, "We need to run quickly."

Selina looked at the front door and said, "There's no way we'd get through there. The fire would get us."

Bruce said, "Then follow me." Bruce opened his grandfather clock and opened it up.

Selina asked, "What's going on?"

Bruce answered, "I'm afraid that I have to show you my biggest secret." He and Selina walked inside. Firefly didn't know about the grandfather clock leading to the Batcave so he didn't put any fire near the block.

Selina nervously asked, "You're Batman?"

Bruce nodded and walked over to his Batcomputer. He said, "I had a button on my computer that puts out fires." He pressed a button that put out the fire in the mansion.

Alfred used the back entrance to get into the Batcave. He said, "I'm afraid that the fire destroyed almost everything."

Bruce replied, "The important thing is that you and Selina didn't get hurt. I had to reveal who I am to save her."

Alfred asked, "Should I give her a bribe to not tell anybody?"

Selina smiled and said, "I have been wanting more money."

Bruce replied, "I'll pay you whatever it takes."

Selina had a mischievous smile on her face while saying, "I'm expecting a billion dollars." Alfred gasped.

Bruce replied, "Get real."

Selina chuckled and said, "I was joking around. You saved my life and I care about you so I couldn't tell your enemies your secret identity."

Bruce replied, "Thank you."

Alfred said, "I'm going to go call a home improvement crew." He walked outside.

Selina asked, "Why would that fire dude try to get rid of you?"

Bruce answered, "Your dad hired him. I don't know why he tried to get rid of me instead of my superhero alter-ego, but the top priority is bringing him down."

Selina said, "You're such a good detective that you probably know what he's up to now."

Bruce replied, "I do. He's going to have Firefly get rid of the Penguin. I'm going to go stop those maniacs. Care to join me?"

Selina said, "I haven't been Catwoman in years."

Bruce replied, "This time you won't be Catwoman the jewel thief. You'll be Catwoman, the hero." Selina smiled and pulled her Catwoman costume out of her purse. Bruce and Selina got on their superhero costumes and went into the Batmobile.

Meanwhile, Firefly burst into Penguin's building. He was instructed by Carmine to get rid of Penguin, not the building so he avoided burning the place down while beating up the guards.

Firefly went into Penguin's office. Penguin nervously asked, "What are you up to?"

Firefly said, "I'm going to put an end to your business."

The Penguin confidently replied, "I doubt that you're actually going to go through with it."

Firefly asked, "How arrogant are you?"

The Penguin said, "I can pay you lots of money."

Firefly asked, "Can you top a million dollar bribe?"

The Penguin was so greedy that he said, "No."

Firefly replied, "Then prepare for the end of your dumb business."

Firefly was about to get rid of Penguin, but Batman and Catwoman burst into the room. Batman grabbed Firefly and punched him into a wall. Firefly said, "Don't make me use the fire launchers on my costume."

Batman replied, "You need to protect this building in order to get the million dollar bribe so I'm not worried about that."

Firefly said, "Carmine gave me permission to get rid of this old office."

Batman faced Penguin and said, "I'll save you if you give the police evidence of your crimes."

The Penguin replied, "That would lead to the end of my business. I refuse to give up everything."

Catwoman had a sneaky smile on her face and said, "Batman and I will leave you alone with Firefly if you don't agree to the deal."

The Penguin nervously gulped while thinking about what to do. He sighed and said, "Just save me."

Batman and Catwoman battled Firefly. Firefly tried to use his fire launchers, but Catwoman clawed the weapons apart. Firefly was barely a threat without his fire launchers so Batman and Catwoman easily beat him up. Firefly passed out.

Batman said, "Catwoman, you were a great help. Thank you."

Catwoman replied, "You're welcome darling."

The Penguin overheard them and said, "Darling? The bat and the cat have become a couple? How amusing."

Catwoman replied, "The amusing thing is how long your prison sentence is." Penguin whined while Batman and Catwoman kissed.

A few minutes later Batman and Catwoman drove the city to find Carmine. They paid close attention to the dark alleys. Batman looked around and saw Carmine. He quickly parked the Batmobile and ran out. Catwoman followed him.

Carmine looked behind him and saw that Batman was behind him. He said, "Oh crap. He's messing up everything in my life."

Batman ran up to Carmine. He grabbed him and said, "You're pathetic. It seems like you value your business more than my family."

Carmine angrily replied, "How dare you accuse me of that. My family has always been my top priority."

Catwoman took off her mask and said, "Hi Dad."

Carmine replied, "I'm sorry for ignoring you all these years. I partially suspected that you were one of my daughters, but I tried to deny it as much as I could."

Batman responded, "You spent your time trying to get your precious company back instead of spending time with your daughter."

Carmine sighed and said, "I was trying to get the company so I could get the money I needed. I wanted to reunite the family and save the Falcone family business. It seems like I'm not going to see my family for a decade and I may never get the Falcone business back."

Catwoman folded her arms and asked, "Do you have anything to say to me before you spend ten years locked up?"

Carmine hugged Catwoman and said, "Don't be like me. I thought I was the hero of the Falcone family, but I've been corrupting it this whole time. Stay away from the life of crime that I had. The best thing that you can do for the family legacy is not be the type of greed obsessed fool that I was."

Catwoman replied, "I have a soft spot for the excitement of robberies, but the biggest soft spot in my heart is for a special someone." She briefly looked over at Batman.

Batman put handcuffs on Carmine and said, "I'm sorry that I have to send you back."

Carmine replied, "I'm the one who has the sorrow. I messed up as a brother, a father, and a businessman."

Catwoman tried to make Carmine feel a little better while saying, "I assure you that things are going to be better. When your sons get out of jail, I'll visit them. I have a rich friend who can take care of their finical needs. My special friend might even help you after you serve your sentence."

Carmine smiled and replied, "You're a Falcone after all. You're more of a Falcone than I'll ever be and I'm proud of you for that."

Catwoman responded, "Thank you Dad. I'll visit you on the holidays."

Carmine whispered, "I still get chills from thinking about holidays." Commissioner Gordon arrived and started taking Carmine to his police car.

Carmine looked at Batman and asked, "Did Bruce Wayne survive the fire?" Batman nodded. Carmine said, "That's good. I've ruined enough lives. Part of me is glad to be done with the Falcone crime business." He got into the car. Commissioner Gordon drove away.

Batman looked at Catwoman and said, "I'm proud of you. Cats are known for landing on their feet, but you landed on a path to justice."

Catwoman smiled and replied, "Sounds like somebody's resorting to corny compliments."

Batman lightly smiled back and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm just happy and excited to be with you. Carmine needed to let go of his business a long time ago, you needed to stop being a jewel thief, and I needed to stop ignoring how my heart felt."

Catwoman asked, "What does your heart feel now?"

Batman answered, "Happiness, because of you." Catwoman kissed him. They went into the Batmobile and started heading back home. They looked forward to making Gotham a better place together.