How to Charm a Witch

by ChatterChick

Summary: Colin Longbottom wants nothing more than to impress Lily Luna Potter. Unfortunately he has all the charm of your typical Longbottom male.

A/N: This is a light and fluffy Next-Gen rom-con. It features Colin Longbottom, the eldest child of Neville and Hannah Longbottom (in my headcanon anyway). I appreciate any feedback, so let me know if you have some :) Colin kinda turned into this moody little thing when I started writing him, but I guess being fifteen isn't fun. Especially when your entire family likes to tease you. Cheers!

Chapter 1: Remember Her Birthday

The little scops owl tapping at his windowsill was not a welcome sight.

Colin dreaded seeing the tiny bundle of feathers, knowing that it meant another letter from Holly Summers. He gritted his teeth. They had snogged a few times during the last week of classes and now she wouldn't leave him alone. Holly sent a letter every week telling him about her week and asking about his. He'd write back a half-hearted response, not wanting to be rude. He suspected that she was hoping they'd start dating once they returned in September.

He opened the window, letting the hyper little owl dive into his room. Colin ducked, narrowly avoiding having Tinkerbell whack him in the head like she had the first time.

Holly was pretty. Holly was fun to kiss. Holly felt nice in his hands.

But Holly Summers wasn't Lily Potter.

While Colin knew that he liked kissing Holly, he also knew it wasn't fair to Holly to have a boyfriend who was pretending she was her dormmate. He thought if he didn't act any further, Holly would take the hint and leave him alone.

Dryly, he wondered if he should give a bigger hint.

The little owl danced around his desk as Colin tried to untie the letter from her foot. He frowned in confusion, that wasn't an ordinary envelope. It was bright red, a change from the usual yellowish parchment their world used.

It curled into a pair of lips once he removed it from Holly's owl and that was the moment he realized it.

Holly had sent him a Howler.

"Colin Longbottom!" Her angry voice bellowed. "I'm hurt my own boyfriend couldn't even remember my birthday! You always remember Lily's, but you can't even think to send me a card?We're through! Don't even try to apologise!" The letter promptly ripped itself to shreds, falling into a pile on Colin's desk.

The first thought Colin had, after getting over the surprise, was that he didn't realize he was Holly's boyfriend.

Tinkerbell was silent, standing on his desk with her head tilted up at him. She had stopped hopping around when she heard her human's voice, seeming to understand that Colin was in serious trouble with Holly.

"I didn't know!" Colin lamely defended himself against the owl's accusing stare.

He hastily wrote Holly an apology, although he hoped that their 'relationship' was wrecked beyond repair. Just as he was sending Tinkerbell out the window, there was a knock on his bedroom door.

"Colin?" He heard his dad ask.

"Just a minute!" Colin dumped the remains of the howler in his rubbish bin, not wanting his dad to see it. Although it was very likely that he heard every word. "Come in!"

The door opened and Neville poked his head in. Colin sat as innocently as he could manage, hoping his dad hadn't come upstairs to see what the yelling had been about. To Colin's good fortune, Neville didn't even mention it.

"Hogwarts letters are on their way," he said. "I told Wayne to send them by owl post this time, more fun for your sisters, I think."

Most years Neville would just give him the letter, rather than use one of the school's post owls. Although this year the twins were starting their first year, and getting that acceptance letter in the post was half the fun. They'd probably go out for supper and ice cream to celebrate after the letters arrived.

Neville looked a little nervous as he sat down on Colin's unmade bed. "But that reminded me, you're starting your fifth year soon and I thought we should have a talk."

Colin felt his cheeks burn, and there was a bit of an annoying whine to his voice. "Dad is this really necessary?"

He had been half-expecting this and half-dreading this. He had been given a less detailed version before he started his first year, and that had been traumatising enough. The exact mechanics had been glossed over, but held the unspoken promise that there would eventually be a part two. He had lived in a boys' dorm for the past four years and had read plenty of Playwizard. Colin had heard stories from the older boys and could figure out which bits went where. There was really no need for him and Neville to have any sort of conversation regarding witches.

Ever.

While Neville somehow managed this cool professor façade at school, Colin knew exactly how dorky and awkward his dad could be. This would probably make Top Five Embarrassing Dad moments. Possibly up there with Neville having to dock points from Colin and Holly when he caught them snogging after curfew in an empty classroom. That had been at the end of fourth year, so the memory was probably just as fresh in Neville's mind as it was in Colin's.

"I thought I owed you an explanation – "

"Really, Dad, it's fine, I get it!" Colin interrupted, he felt like his cheeks were on fire. He must have been spending too much time with Hugo and Lily, because he seemed to have adopted the infamous Weasley blush. "I know what you saw, but it's nothing serious. Holly probably won't even want to look at me now, never mind the other stuff."

Neville stared blankly at him, before a strange smile came over his face. He looked like he was actually enjoying Colin's discomfort. Jerk. "That's not where this was going. Although if there was something else you wanted to - ?"

"Nope," Colin hurriedly cut him off, feeling like such a fool now. "Carry on, you wanted to explain - ?"

"Right, well, I thought it was only fair to explain to you that I can't make you a prefect. I'm sure you know how that would look to the other students."

"Oh yeah, that's fine." He hadn't even considered that. He supposed it would look really bad if the Head of Gryffindor picked his son for honours like prefect. It was a bit disappointing, because he was sure out of all the Gryffindor boys in his year, he would have been the best pick. Plus Lily was probably going to be the female prefect and it would have meant hours wandering empty corridors alone with her. "Did Hugo get it then?"

"I can't say," Neville said with a smile. "You'll find out soon enough, I imagine."

His dad was always trying to be fair, not wanting anyone to say that Colin was given special treatment because his parents were both staff at the school. Neville taught Herbology while Colin's mum, Hannah, ran the school's Hospital Wing. Neville rarely rewarded Colin house points, and he had one of the NEWT students grade Colin's Herbology homework and tests for extra credit.

Not that that stopped some people from saying harsh things about favouritism.

"I'll be doing the same thing for Anthony and the girls, regardless of what house they're in."

The professors had all known the Longbottom children since they were in nappies. Colin knew many of the professors had a soft spot for them for that very reason, although they didn't show it once Colin became a student. It still put them in a tough spot, as Colin was the son of their colleagues. Usually whenever Colin got into trouble, they'd give him detention with his dad. Or if they were particularly cruel, they'd give him detention with his mum.

"For what it's worth, I think you would have made an excellent prefect. I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you."

Colin gave a small smile. "It's fine, really."

"You're still my favourite, but don't tell the other students that," his dad said, getting up to leave the room.

Colin rolled his eyes. If only the other students could see how corny his dad was outside of school, then they'd stop telling him how lucky he was to be Neville's kid. They all expected the wizard who led Dumbledore's Army into battle and beheaded Voldemort's snake to be a badass in every day life. He wasn't. He'd leave the house with his robes inside-out if someone didn't point it out to him.

"By the way, Colin?" Neville stopped in the doorway, seeming to remember something else. "If you and Ms Summers do try anything in the Gryffindor dorms, there's a jinx that lets the Head of House know."

Colin blushed furiously, calling out after him, "Yeah? Well, there's plenty of empty classrooms!"

Having your dad be your Head of House really sucked at times.

Shortly after Neville left, Colin decided he had had enough of the four walls of his room. He wondered if his mum had prepared lunch yet and decided to venture downstairs. He didn't make it far, however, because the door next to his room opened the moment he walked out. Colin's eleven-year-old sister, Alice, was grinning at him from within her doorway.

"Colin's got a girlfriend," Alice said in that perfected sing-songy little sister voice. "And he's in trouble cause he forgot her birthday!"

"She's not my girlfriend!" he hotly insisted. He had thought he got off lucky when his dad didn't question him about the howler. Unfortunately, he wasn't going to escape it a second time. Especially not with Alice.

"That's not what I heard," she brightly replied.

The door opened wider, and they were joined by Alice's twin, Gracie. Although she was sweeter than Alice, she could be equally annoying. "Did you kiss her?"

"That's none of your business!"

"You kissed a girl and she wasn't your girlfriend?" Gracie sounded scandalized.

"I'm telling Mum!" Alice announced.

There was a momentary debate whether he should explain that people didn't have to date to kiss. It would stop them from looking at him like he had committed some horrible crime. In the end, he decided that he'd rather his younger sisters remain oblivious to such things for a while. Even if that meant they thought he had no morals. "You won't tell Mum, or I'll tell her what really happened to her glass badger."

There was a huff, but it seemed that the three of them were in agreement for the meantime. The trouble they would get in for breaking an ornament and blaming the family owl was not worth the pleasure they would get from watching him squirm during lunch.

"Hello love," Hannah brightly greeted him when he entered the kitchen. She was supervising the stew as it self-stirred. His mum used to run The Leaky Cauldron with his uncle Luke, but left it to pursue a career as a Healer. She was still an amazing cook though, and Colin was one of the few students at Hogwarts to honestly miss home cooked meals.

"Is lunch almost ready? I'm starving."

"You'd think I never feed you," she teased. He couldn't help it, he was a growing teenage wizard. "It's just about ready, why don't you set the table?"

There was a bit of grumbling, because he knew she could do it faster and easier with just a flick of her wand. He couldn't wait until he turned seventeen and could do magic outside of school. He'd never have to do a single household chore again!

Neville greeted Hannah with a kiss on the cheek. "Something smells good."

Colin wrinkled his nose in disgust. Honestly, why couldn't he have normal parents? Ones who didn't behave like love-sick teenagers?

Hannah made a 'hmm' sound in agreement. With the wave of her wand, a stack of bowls floated out of the cupboard and the ladle came to life, scooping out steaming bowls. She passed two bowls to Colin to take to the table, with warnings not to spill it.

"Are we going to the Leaky tonight?" Colin asked. He hadn't seen Uncle Luke in a while and it would be fun to go there. "We went when Anthony got his acceptance letter."

"We'll let the girls pick," Hannah said. "Although they'll probably want that muggle place in Inverness again. McDonalds?"

His mum was firmly of the opinion that McDonalds wasn't real food, although Colin and his siblings begged to differ. They didn't get to go often as a result, although it was usually their first choice. Lately it hadn't mattered much to Colin anyway. He had discovered that most muggle cities had one, and he had introduced it to Lily and Hugo when they were exploring London one day.

"Kids, lunch!" Hannah called up the stairs.

Alice and Gracie were the first to come bounding down the stairs. They were then followed by their brother, Anthony, the forgotten middle child of the family. He was considerably quieter than Colin and the twins and he seemed to blend into the background. Except this time.

As everyone settled around the table for lunch, he just had to ask, "What was the screaming about upstairs?"

"Nothing." Colin avoided eye contact with Alice, who was across from him at the table. "Some dramatic program on the wireless. I shut it off."

"I heard some of it," Alice smugly informed the family. "Nasty breakup."

"Badger," he mouthed. That quickly silenced her, and lunch was passed with few problems. Hannah asked each of them about their day so far, and what they were planning to do for the rest of it.

"I'm going to Hugo's!" Colin announced after he was done, jumping up from the table. He grabbed his trainers, knowing that they would probably leave the Weasleys' house at some point.

"Be home before five!" Hannah told him.

"Sure, sure."

"Colin?" Hannah sweetly asked. Although, the smile on her face reminded him that badgers were a very underestimated and very devious creature. "Next time you date a girl, maybe try asking for her birthday sooner."

His parents were the worst.