Five years.
The time it had been since I lost the one thing that mattered to me the most.
He had been my best friend, the person I knew I could rely on no matter what. He wasn't the most intelligent mage, but he cared about his friends more than anyone. That was an undisputed fact.
The battle against Zeref was over. Natsu had defeated him, but at a high price. The damage he sustained was too severe for anyone to be able to save him, as much as Wendy had tried.
I still remember the horror on everyone's faces, hot tears spilling down as the fire dragon slayer smiled bravely at them even as he collapsed, well aware that he did not have long left.
I had bent down and pulled him onto my lap. He was covered in blood, both his own and his enemy's.
He gazed up at me, weakly raising his shaking hand to stroke my hair.
I gritted my teeth, trying to choke back the tears threatening to fall. "Natsu, please… Hold on. You can make it through this… Y-you can't leave… I need you. We all need you…"
"I'm sorry, Luce… I wanted to stay with you. I wanted to spend our whole lives together… I… I wanted to watch our child grow up together." Natsu whispered, his voice barely audible as he struggled to speak.
"You… You knew?" My voice was shaking.
"Yeah." He managed to grin up at me. He slowly turned his head toward the rest of the guild. "Everyone, take care of my family for me. Gray…" Natsu paused, staring at him.
"Yeah. I know. I'll make sure she's alright." Gray was staring at the ground, biting his lip. Even the ice mage who fought so often with his guildmate was suffering terribly. Tears were welling up in his eyes as he tried to stay strong.
"Natsu…" Happy walked towards us, his cheeks drenched. The exceed pressed his face against Natsu, crying in disbelief.
"Happy… I'll miss you, buddy. I'm sorry." Natsu stroked the exceed's head as Happy hugged him, his breathing heavy and shuddering as he held onto his best friend for what would be the final time.
Natsu turned back to look at me.
"It'll be okay, Luce. I swear it'll be okay. I'm gonna see Igneel again, and we'll watch over you. You'll never be alone." He promised, attempting to assure me. His fingers gently brushed my cheek and I leaned into his touch.
"D-don't leave me…" I cried, holding him closer to my body, desperately clinging to the hope that he would somehow recover, even though I could see he was slipping away.
"I love you, Luce."
I leaned down and softly pressed my lips against his for the last time. I felt him try to lean up, although he hardly had the energy to move.
"I love you too, Natsu."
At this, his expression softened. He had a small smile on his face, despite the wet stream of tears that began to trail down his face.
Tears of regret. Regret that he would miss out on so much of the life we should have had together.
He closed his eyes and exhaled his final breath, his body going limp.
Natsu Dragneel was not merely a friend. He was my lover.
I attended his funeral.
Levy tried speak to me, but Erza held her back, frowning and shaking her head sadly. The entire guild was there, along with some members from the other guilds who had come to pay their respects. Natsu had saved all our lives. Natsu had made Fairy Tail the guild it was.
I had not returned to the guild since his death. I couldn't bear to go there and not hear him call out to me, and tell me about the new job he and Happy had picked out that would be perfect for us.
Happy had originally stayed with me. We had spent many sleepless nights holding each other and sobbing, for closing our eyes meant images of Natsu would flash through our minds. Sleeping meant nightmares. Eventually, he decided to stay with Wendy and Carla, who were doing their best to comfort him as he grieved.
Levy had attempted to convince me to stay with her in Fairy Hills, but I couldn't. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to talk to anyone.
The funeral was silent until people stood to give their speeches.
Erza was first.
"Natsu was like family to me. He always stood up for what he believed in, even if it meant he was standing alone. He was brave and kind…" Erza's voice trailed off. We all knew she had been planning this speech, and she wanted it to be perfect. Natsu deserved only the best for all he had sacrificed for us. But the pain of speaking about him made it difficult to force the words out.
"Without Natsu… I wouldn't be here today." She managed to say, her eyes welling up with tears.
Gray stood up and smiled grimly at Erza before looking ahead at the guild.
"Although he may have been an idiot at times, flame brain was always there for us. He was my rival, and I could not have asked for a better friend. Hell, I'm sure he wouldn't want us to be upset… If only it were so simple. I'm going to miss you, Natsu."
Gray returned to his seat. Happy was crying too hard to make his speech. I hadn't intended on talking, but I stood up and faced everyone.
"Natsu gave everything for us. He wasn't simply a friend; he was the heart of Fairy Tail. The guild won't be the same without him.
He… He was an amazing friend. He saved me many times, and I wish I could have repaid the favour. I hate that I couldn't save him. Everything he's done for me, and all I could do was sit there and watch him die.
He was the best boyfriend I could have asked for… and… and I know he would have been the greatest father in the world."
My speech ended in sobbing. None of us had been able to speak for long before being overcome by sadness. Happy flew to me and hugged me tightly, and we cried out our pain together.
Months later, I gave birth to Nashi.
Before Natsu's departure, he had once mentioned the name to me. At the time, I didn't think much of it. But as I lay in the darkness waiting to fall into the horrible nightmares that plagued my every night, the memory of him telling me about his 'brilliant name idea' hit me.
I was willing to grant his wish.
It was hard, not having him there by my side. I had expected him to stand there with me, holding my hand and encouraging me through the unimaginable pain.
But I did it.
Nashi was handed to me wrapped up in a towel. She cried as I held her to my chest, and I smiled softly at her as I thought about how Natsu would have loved her. I was exhausted and covered in sweat, but I held her to me as long as I could.
I would do my best and raise her as Natsu would have wanted. She would still have me, no matter what happened.
It was hard.
I had expected raising a child to be difficult, and I was prepared for the pain and suffering I would endure whilst she grew up.
What I wasn't prepared for was the way her grin and salmon hair reminded me of him.
"Mummy, where's daddy?"
I stared into her hazel eyes. She was so innocent.
"Daddy… Daddy passed away before you were born." I couldn't lie to her.
"Oh. What's 'passed away'?" Nashi asked me.
I didn't want her to see me like this. I was meant to be strong for her, but I couldn't stop myself. I fell to my knees and cried.
"It… It means that daddy's gone. He will never come back… But he didn't want to leave. Daddy loved us very much." My breath shuddered as I forced myself to speak between sobs.
Nashi began to cry. "I wish I could meet daddy." She hugged me, and I sat back, pulling her onto my lap and holding onto her tightly.
We spent hours talking about him.
Time flew by. Nashi was turning five in a few months, and I could hardly believe how much she resembled her father.
Today, she was spending time with Gray and his family, and I was using my day off to try and write more of my book.
I had not had much time for it whilst I was raising Nashi, and progress was slow anyway as I had spent so long trying to get over Natsu, but I could never move on no matter how hard I tried.
The protagonist of my story reminded me so much of him. Strong, caring, brave, and a little stupid at times.
I glanced at the window, seeing it was slightly open. I sighed, about to get up and close it when I remembered how he used to climb in through the window, stating the door was too obvious an entry.
I couldn't stop it. Tears dripped down my face, droplets falling onto my page and blurring the ink where I had been writing moments ago. I tried to calm down, inhaling and exhaling slowly, but it didn't help. Five years, and I was still breaking down when I thought about him.
Sudden warmth pressed against my shoulder.
"Hey, Luce."
The voice was soft, barely even a whisper.
I spun my desk chair around. "Natsu!" I cried out, freezing to the spot when I saw the familiar figure before me. His trademark scarf hanging around his neck. No injuries. He was clear as day before me.
He smiled at me, holding his arms out wide to invite me into his embrace as he grinned at me.
He didn't have to ask twice. I leaped forward, jumping into his arms. His arms wrapped around me as they had many times before. I welcomed his touch, leaning into him, overjoyed he was here with me.
As quickly as it had appeared, his touch was gone again. I fell forward onto the floor, shocked as I looked around.
He was gone.
I was alone again, or perhaps I had been the entire time.
"Natsu… W-why…"
I gave up, allowing myself to fall onto my side as I curled up and covered my face in my hands.
"Why did you have to leave me?"