AN: Couldn't help myself. I've had this in my flashdrive for a while and since I've been in Hawaii I'm on like RAMY fluff mode. This is my version of what happened the day AFTER the "...Or not to be" episode. And it's full of Ricky Underwood insight. Hope you enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!
The Morning After
Sunlight streamed in through the bedroom window blinds as the distant sound of the coffee maker filtered in from the kitchen. It was, usually, at about this time that Ricky would just be stirring from sleep, gearing up for the day ahead. But, that morning, he had already been up for a couple hours watching Amy Juergens sleep soundly at his side.
He had hoped that their day would have found them up north in some decent hotel, curled up in this same position, satisfied in the way he had been hoping to be satisfied for months now. Their morning untainted by the events of the previous day. But everything changed with the text message from Grace that Adrian and Ben were at the hospital awaiting their baby girl.
Ricky allowed his eyes to rake over Amy's form, curled up into him and peaceful with a soft smile on her face. He couldn't help but smile as well, thinking on how beautiful she looked wrapped in his sheets and how beautiful she had been that night. He had known that being together, in that way again, would be extremely enjoyable for the both of them. But something in the pit of his stomach turned uncomfortably, forcing the smile on his face down with doubts.
He considered himself an expert on sex. After all he had been privy to a lot of different sexual partners. And one thing that he had learned from all that experience was that, in sex, emotion could sometimes be dangerous to deal with.
He had been with angry girls, girls who had wanted to take out their frustrations on him and just needed more of a body than a partner.
He had been with depressed girls, girls who wanted to feel loved, wanted to convince themselves they were good enough for any man to love them, they just hadn't found him yet and Ricky would do for that moment.
And then he had even been with a few of those lonely girls who had experienced loss in their lives in the form of their dad or the love of their life leaving and they needed that emotional connection that sex could sometimes fake. They wanted to feel whole again and he had been there before where girls had wanted him to complete them.
Those were the girls that he was quick to boot out in the middle of the night or leave behind in the morning. Mostly because if they stuck around they could cling. That's what had happened with Adrian after all.
But Amy was different, there was no kicking her out or leaving her behind. He wanted her to cling to him; to hold onto him forever. But he also didn't want her to just be using him in the heat of emotion.
That's why it all seemed so confusing.
With the death of Adrian and Ben's baby the both of them had been in an emotional pit when they had come home together. He had, honestly, just wanted to lie there with her and relish in the fact that they had each other and they had John and that they had not had to go through what Ben and Adrian were going through. But when she had spoken, softly offering him what he had practically been begging for for months he didn't question losing himself to her.
Until he woke up.
The evening hadn't felt like all those times before when he would submit himself to an emotional girl. It had actually felt different; a kind of wonderful different that he strongly believed had a lot to do with how much he loved Amy and how willing he was to be with her, and only her, for the rest of their lives.
But had she felt the same way?
He had been with lots of girls who had been in love, with sex, with the idea of him, with him. But he had never really been with a girl he was in love with. That was the major difference.
And it left him twisted inside with questions that could really only be answered by Amy Juergens herself. But he was almost afraid of the answer. What if she regretted it? What if she picked up and left? What if she realized that she wasn't really in love?
Suddenly a soft murmur escaped from Amy's sleeping form and she began to stretch, pulling away from him only slightly before burying her face again into the crook of his neck. He felt her press her lips against his collar bone and shuddered.
'Kisses,' he thought. 'Kisses are good. Right?'
Instinctively he pulled her closer and pressed his own lips to her forehead, feeling her sigh beneath him and cling tighter. "Good morning Gorgeous. How you feeling?"
She didn't respond right away, which left him uneasy, but he heard her yawn and felt her nod. "Better. Much better." He let out a breath that he hadn't even realized he had been holding and buried his face into her hair, shifting only slightly in order to pull her closer to him. He felt her body on his and couldn't help the smirk as his thoughts returned to the night before; all the activities that they had gotten to. He was surprised by how busy they had been and the memory only widened his smile.
Amy, of course, didn't help the situation as she slowly began to pepper kisses from his collar bone up to his face snaking her hand up his form to cup his cheek, much as she did last night. When she reached his chin he tilted her own up to face him and pressed his lips to hers, letting that memory he had been picturing fuel his body. Maybe the questions could wait until later.
Much later.
Soon enough Amy's body had swung itself above his and was teasing him in the most primal of senses. She pulled away from his lips and chuckled breathlessly, "How about you?" she whispered, kissing her way down to his ear. "How are you feeling?"
She nipped at him and he let out a hiss, feeling the goosebumps erupt all over his body as she chuckled and continued her work on him. Ricky let out a waited breath and kissed her shoulder. "I feel like I'm going to go crazy over here."
She giggled and kissed him once more, meaning for it to be a quick peck, but he followed her as she tried to pull away, sitting the both of them up. She laughed out loud this time. "Well you certainly went crazy last night," she teased. "Maybe that means we'll just have to solve it the same way."
He allowed her to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into a passionate kiss, his own arms gripping her tighter to his body. They persisted like that for what felt like forever without any sign of stopping when finally Ricky felt her hand snaking down his body past his belly button. His breath hitched, "Amy-"
Suddenly all of his doubts came flashing at him at once and he knew that if he let them go on without talking about anything that they would never talk about it again. He could not stand to forever watch her while she slept, wondering if the only reason for their evening was the emotional death of Ben and Adrian's baby.
So before Amy could reach her sought-out destination Ricky grabbed her arm. "Wait," he said, successfully pulling himself out of the lust-filled stupor, though Amy still seemed dazed. "We need to talk first."
Amy pulled back confused, the look on her face similar to if she had fallen off the bed out of a dream. She leaned back, pulling the sheet up around her and covering her previously exposed breasts, causing Ricky to kick himself internally at the lost sight of them. "What? Is something wrong?"
She suddenly looked vulnerable and not at all as confident as she had, only a few seconds ago and he sighed. "No-" he started, "well, yes but-" The worry lines on her forehead grew deeper and she clutched the sheets closer to her body and tried to shy away, but he didn't let her.
He set his gaze on her and brought a hand to her face, his other reaching for her own so he could bring it to his lips. He kissed it and then let it drop, snaking his arm around her waist once more. "I love you." He sighed, deciding it best to start with that.
Amy looked thoroughly lost. She seemed uncertain on how to take the news, the thoughts flashing across her face apparent and, again, endearing. He could tell she was waiting for the ball to drop, the 'I love you, but...' to happen, which made him try to smile to reassure her.
"But we need to talk about last night."
She furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"
He pulled her towards him and settled her back into her place at his side, resting his back up against the headboard. She in turn scooted up closer to him, resting her own body against the headboard, but putting a small distance between them, enough to run if necessary.
He didn't want that to happen so he, very smoothly, closed that gap by snaking his arm around her shoulder. "I just wanted to talk about last night and make sure there are no regrets." Her eyes widened at his words and shook her head, causing her bangs to fall in front of her face, which she quickly brushed away.
"What? No, of course not," she said. "Why? Do you have regrets?"
"No," he said quickly, though the look on Amy's face made him purse his lips. "No I don't. Well, not about anything we did. It's more what we didn't do." He sighed, "I regret not talking to you about what happened yesterday before we did what we did. I mean, you were emotional, I was emotional, we should have talked through it all first like adults instead of just...jumping each other's bones."
She looked shocked, unsure of what to say, until she quietly whispered, "So, you didn't want to sleep with me?" The look on her face drove a wedge into his heart.
"No! That's not it at all, I did and I still do. Trust me, I want us to do that every night for the rest of our lives, but..." He paused, trying to find a way to explain to her his fears without offending her or having her misunderstand. But he just had to tell her, the silence was way worse than anything he could say. "Adrian and Ben just lost their baby. So, I gotta know...you didn't suddenly want to sleep together because it hurt too much to think about if that had been...us, did you?"
Amy didn't speak at first, she seemed to be confused as his question settled in her mind and he watched her face carefully as the gears turned within her. "You think," she finally started, "that was the reason for last night?" Her tone wasn't angry, more incredulous, and he scooted closer to her to throw his hands up in a sort of surrender.
"I just want to be sure that it was actually what you wanted and I didn't just...take advantage of you." Flashbacks of that night at band camp came at him in spades. He knew that they were both to blame for that night, but e the reality that he may have made the same mistake made him cringe inside. That night had resulted in a two year separation between them, he didn't think he could handle another one.
Suddenly Amy reached out and pulled him to her, her lips acting as magnets for his and she drew him in, releasing an outpour of passion that he had not been ready for. Instinctively he responded, his arms finding their way around her once more as she placed herself on his lap again. When she pulled away she met his gaze, her eyes clouded over with lust and something more, just as he suspected his eyes were. "You can be really sweet sometimes you know that?"
He nodded his head, but became too intoxicated by the way her lips moved just above his and leaned forward to draw her. They kissed again, this time slow and sensual, her fingers lacing into his hair as he felt the sheet slowly slip between them and her skin was suddenly pressed to his. He felt the goosebumps again, shivers running down his spine as one hand slipped from his hair, down to his shoulder, then to his chest. But soon enough he felt the pressure of Amy's hand and he pulled away. She offered him one last chaste kiss and pulled back, that hand on his chest then sneaking up to his cheek as she bit her lip through a smile.
"You wanted to talk right? You wanted answers?"
It took awhile for her words to register and it wasn't until she let out a small, endearing giggle that he realized he hadn't answered yet. "Yeah," he breathed out, "I guess that was what I was asking for, before you distracted to me."
The slight upturn of her lip brought a smile to his and he leaned back, mentally noting how she didn't cover herself up this time, but slide herself up, rather deliciously, until her head rested just under his. He wrapped his arms around her as she sighed into his embrace. "Last night, at the hospital, I was so sad for Ben and Adrian. To have to watch them go through that, to be so helpless as their friend, and to know that they must be hurting to see us, happy, together and with John, it was all just..."
She couldn't even finish the sentence, but Ricky nodded, knowing what she meant. He understood and had felt the same way in trying to comfort Ben. It had to have been hard for both Ben and Adrian to see them, they had been less enthusiastic about their pregnancy, had not gotten married, had fought throughout the whole thing, even considered an adoption and John came into the world safe and sound. They had done everything conservatively right and their baby girl was gone in an instant. He would have felt slapped in the face if the roles were reversed.
And yet, "I hate to say it but...I was kind of relieved that it wasn't us." He admitted, pressing his face into her hair and shutting his eyes. "When we found out all I could think of was John and how broken and messed up I would be if that had been us."
Amy nodded this time and looked up to his face, her eyes sad and filled with remorse, "Me too." Then she sighed, "And to be honest, when we came home, I wasn't really expecting our first-or second time to happen like that but..."
She trailed off and he waited, again the rising discomfort in his stomach making him uneasy. "But then you had that moment when you didn't know whether to change or not. I could see you confused, unsure what to do, and then you..."
"Just climbed into bed with you," he finished, glancing down at her. "I really just had every intention of lying there with you and being with you. We didn't have to do anything, just like we planned. And I was almost certain you needed me there to hold you more than anything else."
"And that's when I knew," Amy said, smiling up at him. "That's when I knew that I couldn't stand another second with this huge wall up that I had been using to keep us apart."
Ricky let her words settle in his mind, but had trouble comprehending what she was trying to say. He attributed it to the fact that she was naked and pressed up against his body as well as the fact that she smelled amazing right now, so close to him. But, he was still confused.
"So...you wanted to have sex with me last night because...I was okay with not having sex?"
Amy laughed, "Exactly."
"What?" He was so confused, but Amy just laughed once again and sat up, pressing her lips to his and smiling as he responded. When she pulled away again, she used her thumb to trace his lips and cocked her head to the side, her hair falling like a veil in front of her face. He sighed, "You're crazy, you know that?"
She laughed once again and let her hand fall to his chest. "But you love me," she stated, her hand slowly inching further and further down his chest. "And last night you proved it." He chuckled at the way she said it, with a hint of underlying meaning, and nodded, aware of her actions as her hand slipped down to his abs.
"I do and I did," he smirked. "But the question is, do you love me?" Amy offered him a smirk and nodded, though her mouth stayed shut as his eyes clouded over at how low her hand was reaching. He leaned forward until he hovered just centimeters over her lips. "Then prove it."
And with that she kissed him, pulling him to her with a fierce magnetism that left them both breathless. Ricky rolled them over onto the bed, their giggles and smiles escaping here and there as they fell into each other more and more. His heart was beating fast as she showered him with kisses and Ricky Underwood couldn't help the smile as he returned them, that same indescribable, wonderful emotion bubbled up and over all of the doubts that he had woken up to that morning. Her words from last night echoing in his head as he pulled back and let his gaze settle in with hers.
"Now and Forever"
With a smile he kissed her again, this time promising to make that a reality.
AN: Also, if you have not checked out my other story, "Weekend At Amy's" please do so and REVIEW! That one is one chapter shy of being completed, but I'm hoping to have that done within the next week or two. Busy busy busy, but I'll hopefully get inspired to finish it after next week's prom episode. SO EXCITED! Peace, love, and Ramy fluff to you all.