DISCLAIMER: *Done in typical Hillbilly accent* I don't own nothin'! SO GET OUT OF HERE! *Shoots shotgun at you* Ya'll come back now, y'hear?!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This begins the tale of psychic powers. This story continues after "Lepidoptera and Arachnidia", that wonderful base-story which I can use to start many a story from! Will be DATR, eventually. But first they have to stop yelling at each other! *Laughs*
BTW, in case you're confused, talking will be in double quotations, ie, "Like this", and thoughts will be in single quotes, 'Like this'.
Also, the quotes from Alice in Wonderland contain their original grammar.
I'm also irritated that the document manager didn't keep the original indentation I had! *Sighs* Too late to change it now! It's late, and my eyes are sleepy~! *Moans* Stupid , editing out triple exclamation points and indentations! The title was originally supposed to have three exclamation points, for impressive effect~!
Again, more Author's Notes will be at the end of the story!
PSYCH-OUT!
...Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. 'What a funny watch!' she remarked. 'It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'
'Why should it?' muttered the Hatter. 'Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?'
'Of course not,' Alice replied very readily: 'but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together.'
'Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English...
-Excerpt from "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland", by Lewis Carroll
In much a similar fashion, this was happening to Tak. Dib had insisted that she come along and dragged her into his room to show her something that could, quote, "Increase your psychic abilities!" Trying to insist that hers weren't entirely natural, but rather the product of a cybernetic implant, was impossible. He seemed to think that it had no basis on this one psychic "charm" thingy.
Whatever it was, she was pretty sure it wasn't exactly up to snuff; and she didn't care much, either. Ever since they'd teamed up to destroy Zim, (who seemed mysteriously impervious to physical destruction) he'd been pestering her about putting her psychic abilities to some serious use. Hypnotism wasn't useful enough, he seemed to think. In any case, he'd just now "remembered" something. She wasn't sure she should be placating him right now; she still needed to finish off their new plans for destroying Zim. She was planning on putting Dib right in the middle of it all, since he seemed to draw any cross-fire. That Dib had a mysteriously "paranormal" head, in her mind.
"Look, you know how you like putting that kind of, uhm, suggestion in peoples' heads?" He explained as he rifled through a very large bin of various psychic, paranormal stuff for the hundredth time since he'd suggested it. "Well, this will enhance any psychic abilities that you have!" Rolling her eyes, she hoped he'd find it soon so she didn't have to listen to this again. The next thing he said was sort-of terrifying, "I dunno why so many people died having it, maybe their brains couldn't handle the insane pressures of the psychic powers? Anyways, with this, you can use those psychic powers to help me capture and destroy Zim!"
Looking at him with slightly widened eyes, she was almost considering saying no first, before she'd even seen it. But then he pulled up a string of something, which had several other things attached to it. "A-HAH! There it is!" He said, before fiddling with a long, silver chain, and trying to untangle it from the mess of other "charming" implements. That done, he held it out to see in the bright light that streamed in through the window. ('The moon's suspiciously bright tonight,' was all Dib thought about it.)
"Why didn't you just turn on a light?" Asked Tak, as she noticed him examining it in the low light.
"Huh? Oh, no, that's okay -I don't need it. I'm used to working in low light." Responded Dib naturally, as if it was an everyday thing.
"But it could've saved you some time," Responded Tak factually.
Dib's brain seemed to halt as he thought about this. It didn't even seem to occur to him. Finally, he used his curious sense of ego to reply, slightly angered, "Look, do you want this, or not?" He held up the strange-looking, silver thing.
Sighing, and knowing that there was no way to get him off the subject until she just accepted it, proved whether it worked or not, and got on with business, Tak replied, "Oh, alRIGHT, ALRIGHT! *Sigh* Just explain it! I've got to get back to that plan..." Trailing off, she wondered if he was actually paying attention to her as he grinned cornily with an exclamation.
"OKAY, GREAT!" Holding up the shining bauble so she could see it, she almost gaped, sweat-dropping, at what shape it had.
"It's...a heart." She stated, simply.
"Urhm..." Looking down at it, Dib realized what she was talking about. The silver shape around the fuchsia vertical, oblong stone was indeed a heart-shape with engraved designs on it. About the size of a Raquet ball, it had a roundish thickness, suggesting more weight; yet wasn't so heavy. It was quite lovely. "Yeah."
"IT'S...a...heart." She stated again, punctuating each word to stress their value. She didn't know whether to laugh or get angry at this strange occurrence.
"I know that, but- well, anyways, the stone in the middle is a special kind of stone that enhances psychic powers! I know, that sounds rather silly and corny, but it is! It was made somewhere in South or Central America, and most people suspect that it's Mayan, although -"
"IT'S_A_HEART!" Shouted Tak loudly. He just didn't seem to be listening, although the information was useful, in some respects.
"Oh, come ON!" Replied Dib, "I doubt the ancient Mayans even associated this shape with love!"
"And I bet everyone else will!" Replied Tak easily. This kid didn't seem to want to listen. She had contemplated that maybe if she went along with it, he'd stop being annoying. She didn't mind that he was so willing to share information; but after several days straight, she kind-of wanted to kill his head to stop him from talking. But he was just being even more annoying, now.
"Look, will you just TRY it? And if it doesn't work, well, then, uhm..." he stopped as he tried to think up a good idea. It didn't work, so he just continued, "Oh, anyhow, just come ON! Besides, it's the stone that makes it work, not the silver -well, I think...!" He trailed off as he examined it. Wanting to end this and get back to their plans of killing/capturing/torturing Zim, Tak finally acquiesced.
"Okay, FINE! Let's get this over with!..." She said, and instantly would know that this was the moment she'd rue for the rest of her life. Well, at least for a very good portion of it. Not exactly long; just horrible.
Grinning happily, Dib reached over un-permissed, and put the necklace on her: as if he didn't trust her to do it herself!
Glaring at him for personal space invasion, but looking down at the necklace, she didn't think it looked like anything special. "Okaaay...greaaat... Thanks." Then, looking up at him, she said, "What is it?"
He'd been leaning in close, as if he expected her to explode with psychic powers any second. Well, technically, he wouldn't really be able to see it; but still! "Do you...feel any...different!?" He said this with such a hilarous screech at the end that she almost had to laugh at how excited he was.
"I'm sorry, but I still feel the same as before you hung this thing around my neck," she replied, hinting at the personal space invasion moment. Obviously, being an excited, 11-year old boy, he didn't notice. He also didn't seem to know the idea of tact, as his next comment showed.
"Cool! Then that means that maybe, when you use this, your head won't explode!" He said happily. She snarled. Did he just give her a potentially dangerous gift!?
"DIB!" She shouted. "Just tell me EXACTLY what you know about how anyone who possessed this thingy fared, specifically if they DIED, and, what kind of measures I'll have to take in order to use this thingy safely!"
"Erphm! Yes!" Dib was suddenly jarred out of his excited happiness by the thought of potential doom; thankfully Gaz had somewhat been "training" him when to expect that. "The possible origins are unknown; however, several theories are still considered plausible. The first theory holds that it was a part of the sacred 'bowel' ritual, and that all holders had to undergo a strict coffee-regimen. The second one holds that it was for 'reanimated life' attempts: using telekenesis or other psychic powers to make it seem like someone had come back to life. This holds some significance, since the Mexicans also believed that priests could communicate with the dead, but that was several hundred years after this was first carved, and it has been long considered a fable. The third one holds that it was simply a gift a skilled craftsman made for his girlfriend, and that the psychic abilities-enhancement was unintentional. However, there is very little evidence for any of these things." His full explanation on the origins was unexpected a little stiff; as if it was rehearsed.
"Hhhmmm..." Tak considered these things thoughtfully. If the first one was true, then it would be very weird -although control over one's own bodily-functions was intriguing usage. The second one did seem the most useful purpose for it, but without much evidence it was hard to explain how one would do that. And the third one just plain sounded like a wild theory. However, something kept nagging in the back of her mind. Annoyed by it, she shook her head, and then replied to Dib's oration.
"I don't know if we can count on any of those to lend us a clue to its origins; let's just stick with the facts," she decided. "What about its previous owners?"
"Its prior owners all suffered some sort of calamity or set-back," replied Dib in that same slightly stiff manner. And was it her imagination, or were his eyes staring blankly? "There were reports I looked up, of ones using the necklace successfully at first; but then coming to find that it had either stopped working, or were unable to control its powers. Some were unable to use it altogether, while others fell victim to thieves who were willing to kill to get it. Some became despondent after using it too long, and others weren't able to control it from the start. Though there are no concrete explanations, some users were heard to report, ironically enough, 'It's like it didn't accept us.' I suppose the stone must require a mind of a certain type to utilize its power, but I'll have no proof until someone tries it." The end of his speech was reached, and Tak gave him a curious eye.
Waving her hand in front of his face, she was surprised to see that he was staring back at her in bemusement. "Uhh...what are you doing?" He asked as she waved her hand at him.
"Uhm, just -nevermind," she replied, slightly embarrassed. 'Okay, that did seem slightly unnatural; but he doesn't seem to be hypnotized, almost like my own suggestion-planting hypnosis. But that's impossible, since I wasn't trying to use it... Maybe he was just being weird, like usual?' As she thought this, Dib gave her a confused look, but didn't let this slow down the progress of discovery.
"Well, anyways, let's try something!" He suggested. "Why don't you try some telekinesis, or -ooh! ooh! PYROKENESIS!" Giggling like a little kid in a candy-store, he was having fun trying to think things up to experiment with.
"Why don't I try a little suggestive hypnosis on you~?" She asked, smirking.
"Oh, come on! I'm trying to be serious, here! This is a major experiment!" Replied Dib, as if he hadn't just been giggling about telepathy.
"I'm not trained in telekenesis, I'm trained in hypnotic suggestions!" Replied Tak easily. "And besides, we'll have plenty of time for this, AFTER we've completed those plans to destroy Zim." She decided she'd had enough of this frivolity and turned to escape his big-head ramblings.
"But come OOOONNN HERE~!" Exclaim-moaned Dib, as he followed after her when she turned to leave. "This is a great experiment~!" His words could be heard down the hall as they both left the room.
The next day, after another failed attempt at either capturing Zim or destroying him (and quite frankly, they couldn't remember which as they'd bumbled through various plans,) they'd come to one of at least three conclusions. The first two shall be revealed here, the others saved for later.
First: Zim is officially the hardest creature to eliminate in existence, and not even fire-extinguishers and laughing-gas could cure his pathetic excuse for a life.
Second: Dib had absolutely NO, and absolutely stressed on this, NO! psychic abilities to speak of. He couldn't even receive telepathic warnings, like, "WATCH OUT FOR YOUR HEAD!" and "DON'T USE THE FIRE IN THE HOLE!" -which might need to be explained, except that I'm lazy and I don't want to! And so it won't be explained here. Even after experimenting all they wanted to with the necklace, the best Tak could do was to order Zim to do things, -though he was still terrible, causing mass mayhem, did most things stupidly, and his survival instinct kicked in before they could get him. But they'd come to the conclusion that solving the problems with organization -and Dib's apparent inexperience- was the key to helping them win. And it certainly didn't help that they were about at each other's necks with this failure to catch Zim. Or kill him. Whichever came first.
"Look, I'm SORRY!" Shouted Dib as he walked down the hallway, following Tak. "I didn't MEAN to hit you with the sharpen-er, uhm, thingy!"
"SHUT-UP! I don't care if it WAS your fault!" Shouted Tak angrily, though still not looking at him. "Just get this through your THICK HEAD like anything else: YOU'RE A HORRIBLE PARTNER!"
"Wh-AT!?" Exclaimed Dib in a slight shriek. That really hit low on his chart. He'd never had a partner before, so he was hoping that they'd work well together. "That's not FAIR! We just need to coordinate bet-"
"Just SHUT-UP!" Tak suddenly turned and shouted towards his head. "And leave me alone! I'm going home, and I DON'T wish to be disturbed!"
"But-!"
"EVER!"
Dib pouted as she left, and grumbled about not being able to understand aliens and stuff. He went back to his room and shut the door.
The next day, he was amazed to find Tak calling him after school. She didn't need to bother with going to school after she last disappeared; her current mission didn't require it. Although she still used a holographic disguise, it was a different one so no one would get suspicious. This day, Tak hadn't spoken with him at all, and he decided she was more than the usual amount of angry today. Getting a sudden call after school as he sat down to take notes at his lap-top, was curious.
"I wonder what she wants," he said as he answered the beeping screen that hovered in front of him. "Hello?"
"Good evening," replied Tak, smirking somewhat evilly, in a tone that made him want to re-think why he was working with her. "And how are you, Mr. Big Head, today?"
Glaring, Dib said, "Just fine, no thanks to you."
"Are you free right now?" She asked, after getting the reaction she'd been expecting.
"Uhm, well, I was just typing up these notes on Zim from today, -'cause he's up to something shady, he's hardly talking to anyone! And-" after Tak cleared her throat, he remembered he was getting off-track, and continued, "Anyways, after I get this typed up, I just have some quick homework to do. So, uhm, yeah, I suppose I'm free. What's up?"
"Good. Because I'll be over there in a few minutes. I have a surprise for you," she said with a smile, still with that disturbing tone in her voice, and then hung up on him.
"Uhm...ooohhhkaaaayyy... *Sigh* I wonder why all the girls I ever encounter are always scary?" He thought out loud, and then -surprisingly- heard Gaz voice her own two cents from the hallway.
"Because you have an Oedipus Complex?"
"Grr, shut-up, Gaz! And that doesn't even make sense; I hardly remember mother!" Replied Dib, no longer concerned with why she wanted to speak up at this very moment.
"Nyeh..." Gaz seemed to shrug her shoulders. "It could happen." Was all she said before disappearing again.
"Okay...then I guess it's back to work..." so he said, but for some reason Dib's head wouldn't quit wondering whether it was possible to have a "Mother Complex" without having a mother around. It was so absorbing a thought, that he didn't even notice how time had passed; and now it was about time for Tak to come. Deciding not to finish up his typing until she was gone, he saved his work and shut the lap-top.
There was a knock on the door that jarred him awake; as he'd been so absorbed in his thoughts that he couldn't help but jump in shock. "Wh-wh-who is it?"
"It's me, Tak," came the answer from the other side of his door. Sighing with relief, Dib gladly assented entrance.
"Come in," he replied, and, putting aside some of his notes, he tried to prepare himself for whatever weird tricks she might have up her sleeve. Just because. She had been pretty mad at him, earlier.
"Hey..." she said, and trailed off as she saw him putting some of his stuff away. "What's up?"
"Neyh!?" Asked Dib, a bit too suddenly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was just wondering if you were going to shoot me or something for losing Zim again."
Tak's eyes narrowed, but she said, "No. But I had been considering it."
"O-oh..." said Dib, wondering if he was glad that she hadn't.
"But then I decided that this might be a bit more productive," she said, and then produced a small, shining, silver and blue piece of something from her pak.
Looking at it closely from his safe distance at about four feet, Dib asked, "What is it?"
"Well, since you'd just so insistently asked that I use this, 'Psychic Amplifier'," she pointed to the necklace that Dib also noticed was around her neck and not hidden like she usually did, "I thought that I'd solve that little problem of yours about you not picking up any psychic signals."
"Whauh!?" Said Dib. He was unaware that one could do this. "What is it? I mean, what'd you come up with?"
Sighing, and aware that they were entering that same little tête–à–tête, she simply stated, "I created a psychic transceiver that will translate the psychic signals into something your own brain can understand and receive. It'll help us to communicate."
"Woah...!" Was all Dib said, before it suddenly occurred to his brain that this was just too good. "Hey, wait a minute, this isn't some kind of an evil trap, is it?! I mean, are you seriously trying to make me believe that just that little...uhm...ring-looking thing, is going to help me do, uh, psychic things?"
Sighing, Tak said, "No, Dib, it's NOT going to 'help you do psychic things', it's just going to work as a communications link. And as for the technical aspect of it..." she then proceeded to explain everything about how it worked, which would look really cool written out here, but the basic gist of it was that it worked as a transceiver to receive Tak's personal psychic wavelength, and translate that into neural signals which would then be transmitted to his brain through his own body's natural electro-chemical nerve functions. It could essentially "piggy-back" a ride using them. After the talk, Dib was sitting there with his mouth wide open, looking sufficiently impressed.
"Well, is that enough technical information?" She asked, as she looked at his wide-mouthed head. Like a cod-fish. Just pathetic.
"Wow... Uh, that's, uh..." Dib mumbled, trying to find the words by forming them with his mouth instead of his brain, first.
"Anyways, are you willing to try it out, now?" She asked as she held it out to him.
"Well, uhm," Dib had gotten up off his chair, as he was officially curious about the item which she held, now. "I guess it could work..." he said as he leaned forward to inspect it. It was just an ordinary-looking piece of jewelry.
Ironically smiling, Dib felt like asking if the choice was indicative of the "heart-shaped necklace" problem. It did seem like an interesting choice. The metal was silver-ish, although he didn't know whether it was real silver or not. The little designs on the sides looked purely decorative, and the one big blue orb in the middle was shining like ...one big blue orb that was shining. It really wasn't all that special, and if he'd thought about it, it could probably pass for any sort of college ring. Complete with an annoying roommate. "No heart-shape, eh?" He said as he smirked. He watched as her eye narrowed, but she said nothing.
"I didn't like the style..." was all she said in reply to it. Then, tilting her head to one side a bit, she said in a slightly annoyed tone, "Do you want it, or not?!"
It looked like she'd probably hurt him for going any farther with this, but he just had to make sure. "And how do you know it'll work? I mean, if it translates things into my neuro-signals, then how can you be sure that it'll work?"
"Well, you DID use my ship an awful lot..." she smiled as she watched him squirm under her gaze.
"Oh, right! I almost forgot -the personality programming! It was erased, but I'm sure that the ship had some kind of memory of it...like a little 'black box' or something... Yeah," Was all he said, as he hoped he wasn't looking too nervous. 'Never show you're weak, never show you're we- Aw, crud! Just forget this!' He thought to himself.
"Put out your hand, Dib." Ordered Tak, at length while he squirmed with his uneasy reminiscing.
"But, but-!" He started, but she stared at him in such a way he thought it was hard to distinguish it from Gaz's gaze.
"You forced me to use this pathetic piece of jewelry, and NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!" She shouted and, without other warning, she grabbed his left arm and shoved the ring on a finger. Though Dib struggled, the sudden attack was just unexpected, and he found the ring shoved "lightly" onto his poor middle finger. (A/N: Remember, the human chars have four fingers in this show, eh? Remember?!) Dunno why I just wrote that.
Dib pulled back at last when she'd let go, "Whaaaah!" Looking down at his arm and holding it like it'd been diseased or something, Dib said, "Okay, now what? ...!" Suddenly his face scrunched up in pain as he felt something sharp boring into the finger. "AAWW, AAAAWWWUUUGH!"
Finally the pain subsided, and he stood, holding his hand and some stray tears in. "Wh-wh-wh-"
"Good, the neuro-attachment is complete," she said, looking every bit like a little cheshire cat who was eating a blue-footed booby. 'Very funny,' she thought. It served him right for that pathetic attempt at shooting a flaming fire-extinguisher through the flaming garbage ca- oh, wait, that was that other time. 'PFoo, no matter! I'm tired of hearing his whining-baby excuses. Either he can work together with me, or I'll just use this to take control of his brain -hopefully- it's not important which.'
"Wha- The neuro-attachment?! That felt like it drilled a hole through my BONE!" Exclaimed Dib in fright. "What'd you do to me!?"
"Oh, MAN-UP," replied Tak sharply. "It's just making a physical link with your hand. ...Oh, and YES, it did drill a screw into your bone." She finished this with a smirk.
Glaring at her, he then said, "But it was already on my hand -why'd it have to drill a screw into it?!"
Deciding it'd be best not to explain that she didn't want him to take it off, just in case she needed to take control of his brain, she simply shrugged. "It serves you right." And left it at that.
Dib glared at her, certain that she'd only wanted to bring him pain, but decided that making her angry would probably only facilitate painful problems; and he'd wanted to try out the thing, anyways. "Okay, then, let's see if it works... What am I thinking right now?"
"'What am I thinking right now'," she replied easily.
"What? No, that's what I said!" Dib exclaimed.
"Well, you weren't thinking anything else!" Replied Tak, annoyed.
"No, I -oh, wait, I wasn't... Hah hah hah...!" He laughed nervously, but then said, "Okay, then... What number am I thinking of?"
"42," she replied. (A/N: Oh, come on! Like nobody saw that Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference coming a MILE away! ...Just be glad it wasn't the Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure reference...)
"Oh, wow! Cool!" Exclaimed Dib happily. "Okay, now YOU think of something!"
'Oh great, I can't believe I'm stuck with this idiotic kid...' she directed this thought towards him, and it was instantly heard.
"Oh, wow! I actually heard that IN MY HEAD!" He exclaimed, grabbing his own head for emphasis. "... Hey, wait a minute! I'm not idiotic!"
"Aw, shucks, it worked," she replied with saccharine sweetness. 'Just how in the world am I ever going to endure?!' She thought at him again, just to jibe.
"Hey!" He exclaimed once again. He was getting even more annoying. "That's just mean!"
"Dib, you've got to understand the difference between VERBAL talk and MENTAL talk! If you keep doing this, you're going to give away all our plans!" Tak decided some "Telepathic Etiquette" might come in handy. And they couldn't wait until he learned it on his own.
Glaring, Dib hated the fact that she was right. "Okay, but only if you promise to stop insulting me! Okay?!"
Pouting that her fun was over, Tak simply said, "Fine. Now, we're going to try having two conversations. PLEASE try to keep up, or I'll have no choice but to use your head as an intergalactic speed-bump!"
"Two conversations?" Replied Dib with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes. One mental, the other verbal. Let's start with something simple: Hey, nice weather we're having, huh?" She said, then added mentally, 'So, how are those plans coming?'
"A- oh, we've already started? Okay...well, no, wait...uhm, 'N-Nice weather, right!'" Then he thought, 'Plans? What plans?' and, 'Am I doing this right?'
'Good, it looks like you're keeping up. We may have to do this often, so keep practicing.' Tak then said, "It was all cloudy yesterday, but today it's so warm, I like it!"
"Uhm, good, yeah, I, uh, know what you mean!" Dib grinned cheesily. 'How am I doing?'
'I think your acting needs a little work,' replied Tak. "I sure could go for some ice-cream!"
"Hey! It's pretty good for not knowing what I'm acting for!" He stated, completely failing practice. 'And seriously? Ice-cream?!'
"DANG-IT, Dib!" Shouted Tak. She growled, trying to calm herself down. This was going to take a while. Sighing, she said, "Let's start over. TRY and not reply to the opposite conversations this time!"
"U-Oh," replied Dib, realizing what he'd just done. "I'll try."
"Let's start again: Hey, what's up?" Then, thinking, 'Let's try not to mess up, now.'
"Why'd you start a new conversation?!" Exclaimed Dib, before he realized, "Oh! I mean, Nothing much..."
After an hour and a half of trying to drill Dib in telepathic conversational techniques, they took a break. Dib went downstairs to get a drink of something, and Tak followed because there was nothing better to do. Then they tried concentrating on more telepathic conversation practice, but when it was time for Mysterious Mysteries, Tak completely lost his focus. She decided there was nothing more to do that night, and left.
Dib had a hard time sleeping that night; not because of anything special, but just that he was so excited about this new "psychic link" thing that he kept pestering Tak. However, soon she removed the necklace from her person and the link went dead. He'd been quite upset about that, but he figured it was time to get the rest of his work done, if he wasn't going to sleep yet.
The next day at school, though slightly tired, Dib kept an eye on Zim to find out what his plan was. He'd been awfully quite, and was tilting his head once in a while, like he was trying to catch a sound. Although he couldn't quite clearly see, it also seemed to Dib as if his wig raised every few seconds a couple of centimeters. Was he nervous? Were his antenna twitching in response to something? 'Wait, what do Irken antenna do again? Dang-it! I wish I could ask Tak...' Thought Dib as he glared on in silence.
"DIB!" Shouted Ms. Bitters. Looks like Dib had been quiet far too long, and she suspected he wasn't paying attention. "Tell the class, 'what is the area of Sarcasimo's principle'?" She waited patiently as she enjoyed watching him squirm in surprise.
"Ur-uhm! Yeah, Sarcasimo's principle's area... 'The principle in this area appeals to all languages of no particular origin, to come up with some really good sarcastic, biting responses.' Or something..." Rolling his eyes with a "psh", he was glad he was smart enough to wing it on the fly when he wasn't paying attention. It saved him so much pain from his already painful life.
Glaring and snarling with what the whole class had come to know was actually esteemed pleasure, Ms. Bitters said, "That is correct. You even got the eye-roll right. Next year you have Mrs. Cuttingham. She's especially good with teenagers."
Blinking and raising an eyebrow, Dib replied, "But, that's just 5th grade!"
"Exactly." She then shadowly-slithered back up to the blackboard, and wrote something on it. "This next part will be on the test. Unfortunately, we're only allowed to have 70 pop-quizzes in a year, and thanks to our two friends, ZIM and DIB," she sent a hissful glare at each of them, "I've already used up all of them." The entire class sighed with relief. Perhaps there was a use for those guys after all? With about three months left 'till Summer Vacation, it was worth it. "BUT! That just means that I'll be giving you all EXTRA TEST QUESTIONS!" Everyone in the class moaned, and sent hateful glares towards the two aforementioned offenders. They were going to get them on the playground at lunch time.
Still confused as to her previous statement, but now worried about avoiding some angry school-bullies, Dib just said, "Well, at least we'll be prepared for it!" and tried grinning cheesily. Everyone else still sent him hateful glares, excepting Zim, who was actually not paying any attention. Irritated that he wasn't enduring the hateful glares as well, Dib said, "Hey, Zim, are you ready for 'Sardonism: Ironic Meets Sarcastic?'" as he read off the words Ms. Bitters had just written with squeaking chalk on the blackboard.
"Ye-heaaahhh!?" Squeak-'huh'ed Zim as he jumped up in his chair. Dib was entertained seeing his wig almost go flying off his head as he leapt. "Uh-uh, I, I uhm-!"
Seething with renewed vigor at his obvious obliviousness, Ms. Bitters descended upon her helpless prey, and demanded he read from the book their next chapter. Dib grinned and snickered at this, looking at the other classmates for their approval, but they all were too busy paying attention to Zim. Smiling, Dib let himself relax and turned back to his book, listening to Zim's horribly-awful line-readings. There were actual paragraphs after this. Just wonderful...
'Heh. I wonder if his antenna will knock his wig off with enough shock?' Dib thought to himself sardonically. '"With enough shock?" What in the heck are you thinking about?' Came a new, foreign thought into his head.
Blinking in shock, Dib had to cover his mouth to make sure he didn't gasp in surprise. 'Tak! What are you doing?! Why'd you contact me?!' He thought back.
'What, I can't practice my psychic powers without your permission, now?' She thought back sarcastically. 'I was just trying out some long-distance telepathy. I've found it works best with you since you have the transceiver; but it's still hard to concentrate on other peoples' minds when they're farther away.'
'But how do you focus on someone's mind if they're not psychics?' Dib thought back, after taking a look around to make sure no one knew he wasn't paying attention to the book. Most of the class was either paying attention to Zim's horrible reading, or zoning out. So he looked down at his book and stared intently.
'Lots of people have a latent psychic ability, -unlike you- but I can control even those who don't if I'm looking straight at them. However, I still haven't figured out how to control them from afar. That's why I'm practicing. Thought I'd check in on you, and found you were wondering about absurd things.'
'Well, I don't know very much about your species,' countered Dib defensively. 'And by the way, what exactly do those antenna of yours do?'
Sighing mentally, Tak rolled her eyes and said, 'This isn't the time for Irken biology-'
'What, is it top-secret or something?'
'Not really, it's just that I have a feeling you're spacing out, and peope will notice.'
'You're avoiding the question! Come on,' replied Dib annoyedly.
'It's not that special; they're not even used for that anymore!' Replied Tak with another sigh. 'They're mostly just used to salute and give signals, sometimes in military combat, but usually just to indicate emotion.'
'Wait, there was something else you weren't saying,' pried Dib. 'Come on, I'm not an enemy! Just tell me and I'll get off your back about it!'
'Oh, alright! But I just know you'll bug me about it,' replied Tak. 'Chemical signals used to be used as a natural part of Irken biology; but now it's been reduced to a few small chemical emissions. This was done because aliens were learning how to read the chemical signals and it made us more vulnerable. We don't need them anymore, with our technology.'
'Oh, wow! ...Cool...' Thought Dib, his mind now reeling with possible reasons for chemical emissions. Then another thought occurred to him. 'Hey, if Irkens are so different now, what did your people originally look like?'
'Not that different. Although some had harder body-shells. And I believe some races also had hair and retractable claws...'
'Hair and retractable claws?! Really!?' Dib was totally interested now. 'Anything else?!'
'You see what I said about bugging me?!' Replied Tak angrily. Then, sighing, 'I wish that talk about energy wings was real: then that would be really useful!'
'Energy wings?' Thought Dib, just as Ms. Bitters slammed her hand down on the desk and demanded he recite the 'two rules of Sardonism'. He hadn't been paying attention, so he had to look down at his book -before realizing it was just at the place Ms. Bitters' hand was covering. Gulping, Dib thought, 'I think my teacher suspects I wasn't paying any attention...' And braced himself for the inevitable.
Tak's stinging laughter was heard in his brain before fading out; and Ms. Bitters made Dib stay in from recess after lunch, and after school for detention.
At least he got to read the lesson and memorize it for the test. And Zim got beaten up at recess!
So it wasn't all bad.
The next day was met with crushing and disappointment. First of all, Zim's avoidance and silence was all just because he'd gotten tinnitus in his ears; and second of all, Tak was injured when Dib forgot the "Telepathic Etiquette" she had taught him, and responded out loud to a mental comment. Though Dib wasn't all that worried about Tak; instead, he was worried about how he was going to remove the giant block of wood that was still stuck to his head after crushing him.
"Dang-it, Tak! I really didn't mean to!" He apologized for about the three hundredth time since they'd left. He was now sitting at his desk at home, with his lap-top open to recount the events that transpired, the holo-screen floating up above it. He'd gotten the angry reaction when he'd tried to call Tak to get some collaboration on the notes, seeing if there was anything he'd left out. Tak was still upset that he'd totally blundered the telepathic etiquette at the most important moment. Though Tak hadn't expected him to get used to it the first time they'd tried it, she was still rather ticked at him.
"What is it about your BRAIN that can't remember even the simplest of instructions at important moments!?" She exclaimed over the communicator. They were no longer using the telepathic link, because, quite frankly, Tak had a desire to share her spiteful hating, and Dib had a headache about as large as the ionisphere that he could share with her.
"Look, I just forgot, okay!? It was just a-a-"
"A brain-fart?" Tak added for him, managing with a snide smirk.
Glaring, Dib replied, "Yes. You could call it that."
"Yeah, well, thanks to your mental flatulence," she stressed these words a little too much, "Your mistake has cost us a lot of work! Though we did manage to get Mimi's memory disk back," she pointed over to her SIR-Unit, who was now standing at attention, eyes glowing readily. "I still had to fix a few things on it: that little garbage-bin Zim calls a robot messed it up a bit."
"Pshh, don't even get me started on that little bucket of bolts!" Replied Dib with seething anger. "If he hadn't pointed me out to Zim, I wouldn't have this heaping block of super-compressed iron wood stuck on my head!" He pointed to the large, dark wooden block that was stuck at an angle to his bizarrely large head.
"Oh, and that reminds me: Zim used polarizing compression agents with his ion-rearrangement ray. You could probably just use water to upset the chemicals' magnetization and remove the wood." Replied Tak, as if it was an afterthought.
"Oh, really?!" Replied Dib, looking up at his head and thinking about it. "Geeze, leave it to me to get something terribly painful done to my head, that could easily be fixed if I took a bath or something!" He commented sardonically.
"I already told you that!" Shouted Gaz from down the hall, loud enough for Tak to hear and giggle at Dib's expense.
"Oh, and thanks for the loan of the ship," replied Tak, still giggling. After much argument about the ship -because, let's face it, Dib got totally hung up on the idea of having his own ship- the ship itself had suggested that it could keep an eye on Dib's doings if it stayed with him.
Though Tak now had the transceiver to spy on Dib's doings, she couldn't be spying on him all the time; and the ship never got tired. So it was insurance. Tak could have the ship's computer tap into Dib's computer and spy on him all it wanted to. He had the lamest habit of recording absolutely every that happened in a typed record. Dib didn't notice; or if he did, he didn't say it. Tak could always command the ship to return to her if he caused any trouble with it. And Dib still thought he had her on the whole, "I've planted a brain-bomb in your head" thing. Life was sweet.
"No problem," Dib replied nonchalantly. "I figured you'd need it if you had to use the medical stasis tube." Then he proceeded to downplay his own physical encumberment with a manly display of macho-macho. Since he now knew how to remove it. "I guess I'll go and take a shower now, try and get this thing off my head -I've been through much worse." He replied with a cheesy-looking grin.
"Yeah, I'VE beaten him up!" Replied Gaz, again, from down the hallway. Tak proceeded to burst out laughing again.
"Man, how does she do that!?" Mumbled Dib in exclamation on her strange doings. It hadn't occurred to him until recently how strange it was that she acted like that. Well, it had occurred to him; he just hadn't commented on it.
Smiling on the other side of the floating hover-screen, Tak just said, "Goodnight, then, Dib."
Sighing and closing his lap-top, Dib replied in a low tone, "Goodnight," before heading off to the bathroom. He wondered if his head would still be moderately round after he extracted the wood.
"I know, you know, that I'm not tellin' the truth," played on the T.V. in the living room as Dib walked in. It was the next day, in the evening, and he'd decided to take a break after that last debacle -actually, Tak had decided, and he thought it sounded like a good idea- and so he'd wandered into the living room to find out what Gaz was watching on T.V. Apparently it was "Psychey". She actually somewhat liked that show, although it wasn't her usual fare.
"Watching Psychey, huh?" Said Dib as he walked into the room and sat down on the couch.
"Nyeh," she replied with a shrug, "There wasn't anything else on." Seeing as she wasn't all-too keen on this subject, Dib changed it.
"I was thinkin' of watchin' a movie tonight."
"Mmm? You're not going out to 'capture/kill Zim' with Tak tonight?" Asked Gaz with slight interest. Just slight. Just because the show wasn't interesting enough.
"Uh-uh. After that last attack, we really needed the rest." Dib replied. He couldn't see Gaz's slight smile as she thought about what kind of snide remarks she could make. Then he sighed and rubbed the left side of his head that wasn't sore. "Man... That block of wood came off alright, but then it swelled up abnormally large and exploded in the bathtub...*Sigh* Dad really got mad, huh?"
"I remember. I had to help clean it up," she said in a dangerously annoyed tone. Though she'd painfully doomed him for that, she still didn't like being reminded of it.
"Huh? Oh, yeah: I must be missing my memory from when you painfully beat me up. ...Why do I remember Blarnkey the Teddy Bear?" Dib replied in confusion, wondering why he had a memory of a beloved children's show stuffed animal toy beating up on him...or was it just looming? He could never be too sure about those robot-toys of hers.
Gaz was contented that he'd just been punished enough to develop traumatic amnesia; so she left it at that.
"Hhhm..." Dib then pulled up the "Nap-sticks" screen on their big, Internet-connected Television and asked Gaz, "Hey, what kind of movie do you want?"
"Hhhrm... Something weird and probably gory. Oh! And one where the guy finally DOESN'T get the girl!" She smiled evilly at him, as if it was to comment on something about his self or what he was doing. Since he had no idea what she meant, thought, the meaning was lost.
"Huh?" Was all he asked as he observed her glaring sardonism.
"Tch," was all she said as she stood up and walked to the kitchen for some popcorn, muttering, "What a moronic boob-tubed-big-head!"
Still looking after her with glaring obliviousness, he said nothing, and then went back to his searching. Clicking on "Positive-Sad Chainsaw Motor", he sighed as he sat back and watched the screen load. Which only took about three seconds.
"HEY! You didn't start that movie without me-!" Warned Gaz from the kitchen.
Picking up the remote again, Dib pressed the "pause" button and then said, "Nope! Just finished loading: don't worry, I paused it!"
Glaring and growling her acceptance, she continued preparing the large bowl of popcorn.
After she came back in with the bowl and a poop, she pressed play. "Hey, where's my drink?" Asked Dib, probably still slightly amnesiac after the beating he'd received, because he must've forgotten she never served him drinks.
"Get it yourself!" Was all she said in reply, an obvious answer to the oblivious question. Dib realized his mistake and acted accordingly. He sat and watched the fancy, cinematic opening before getting up.
After watching the first half of the rather freaky exploits of a guy and girl fighting off a chainsaw-weilding maniac who comes out of the full moon at night, Dib was growing rather bored with it. Just when were they going to explain why she was fighting him and where he came from?! And wasn't she interested in that guy yet? "Come on, it's been almost an hour, now! Just LIKE the guy already and get it over with!" Dib thought, but realized after his sister scoffed at it that he'd said it aloud.
"'Just LIKE the guy already and get it over with'?! Gee, I didn't know you were such a Romantic!" Scoffed Gaz. Despite not being the 'gorror' movie she'd hoped for, It was a cool-looking movie, and she didn't mind the ambling story-line. She was used to things like that.
"Huh?!" Asked Dib, for one brief moment thinking that she'd somehow read his mind; but then he realized his typical tendency. "Oh! I'm, uh, sorry, it's just that the plot's moving really really slowly!" He replied with a nervous smile.
"*Sigh* Not all relationships are like Dizzeney movies!" She said in an annoyed tone. Then, before he could reply with a "The heck, I wasn't talking about that!" she said, "Ssshhh! They're talking!"
Giving her a look that she easily ignored, he resigned himself to watching the rest of the movie in silence. It just wasn't worth it to reply when she said to be quiet, tonight. He was already pained from the last punishment.
On the whole, it was a really nice movie, reminding one of a certain manga about a gas-mask-wearing girl who fought strange bag-headed men with a propane-tank. Only it wasn't a propane tank that she used -it was blades and knives and such. After the movie ended and Gaz beat Dib in a psychological debate about what in the heck was all going on in the movie -Dib's idea of a grim reaper coming back for her soul after the car accident was squashed by Gaz's accurate observation that nothing like that was even mentioned, and it was obviously a physical manifestation of her own grief and self-blame- she decided to go to bed and put the popcorn bowl in the sink. Sighing, Dib picked up his own trash and threw it away, before retiring himself. He was usually more energetic that this; he assumed the recent events had just caught up to him. He was a growing boy, after all.
Today he'd woken up late; he did practically nothing, -because it was Saturday- and then went to bed at about 9:00. He fully expected to not be able to sleep; but surprisingly, he drifted off quite easily. Whenever he awoke in the morning at 5:00, he was shocked. "What in the world?!" He exclaimed to himself, as he turned to look at his clock. "Man, have I got my schedule switched around again?! Geeze, I sure hope not!" He remembered spending many late-nights observing paranormal phenomenon and getting chewed out by his dad for not getting "Proper rest at the appropriate times", despite the fact that his father was pretty bad at doing that, himself. In any case, it surely wasn't worth the time and effort it took to switch it back to normal. Finding he couldn't go back to sleep, he decided to get up.
Heading into the kitchen, he got himself some cereal and sat down to have a bowl. At least the early-morning cartoons would be on; he could never wake up in time to watch them, and although later on he would be very disappointed about what kind of shows they had, right now he was happy he could have the chance to catch them. He only wished someone else was up; it felt weird eating breakfast without Gaz growling at him, or his father bursting in with new firing technology or something about anchovy farts; that one was weird. Then he remembered the mental link, and decided it was worth a shot: he was bored.
'Hey, Tak, what's up?' He asked mentally, although he was sure she wouldn't respond. She didn't need to sleep, but she also didn't care enough to keep the necklace on all the time; he doubted she wanted him talking to her at all hours of the day and night. Kind-of like his sister. Huh. After contemplating this bizarre coincidence, he finally decided it must have something to do with his personality...because apparently he was boring when he spoke. Apparently, he also couldn't stop talking to himself. But that was an entirely different matter...
"...'Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.'
Chorus
(In which the baby and the cook joined):
Wow, wow, wow!'...''
...Was what he heard in return, and he had to stop and blink, before realizing that it must be a quote of some kind. And it was rather familiar... 'Hey, Tak! Just what in the heck WAS that?!' He thought at her, now thoroughly confused.
'Hah hah hah~! I'm remembering a quote from a story we read in class; it seemed quite apropos~!' She replied with joy.
Dib recognized himself as the "little boy" in that quote, but he had no idea what "sneezing" had to do with anything! "Uhm, okay... That's weird...!" He mumbled to himself as he turned back to his cereal.
'Hhhm... Did you just SPEAK that last sentence?' She asked, like a teacher eyeing their student for some mistake.
"Erm!" Said Dib, but then immediately caught himself. 'No, well, it's not like the rest of my family is up, yet. I slept a lot yesterday and last night; man, I dunno what's wrong with me. It's probably just nothing...' then he realized he was rambling, and said, 'Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-'
'Nuh? Oh, that's alright; I've been practicing on tuning you out. Quite frankly, your dreams are projected through this psychic connection, and it makes things difficult.'
'My DREAMS are PROJECTED!?' Dib mentally exclaimed, putting his spoon in front of his mouth to avoid shouting it out loud.
'Yeup! It makes things difficult if I try to use the Psychic Necklace. You try working with telepathy while someone is projecting their smeety-dreams about fake ghosts into your head, and see how well you can do it! So I've had to learn how to tune it out. 'Course, it doesn't work entirely.'
'"Smeety-dreams about fake ghosts"?!' He repeated in his head. He was doing surprisingly good on this whole, "don't speak out loud when using telepathy" thing. 'First of all, that's a pretty horrifying dream -I finally discover ghosts and it's fake, just like Skoopy-Doh! And secondly, what's "smeety-dreams" mean?'
'Huh? You really haven't studied much in the Irken language, have you? *Sigh* "Smeet" means child, and "smeety-dreams" means dreams typical of a small smeet who is scared of stupid things!' She replied, not happy at all with the predicament she had to deal with. She wished she could just go back to ignoring him again. Then it wasn't quite so annoying.
"Look, I kept meaning to get to it, alright!?" He replied aloud, breaking his current record of not speaking telepathic conversations out loud.
'Sheesh, Dib! You seriously need to practice more on controlling your anger and your tongue!' She replied with a disappointed feeling transmitted along with the words. It made it all the more stinging a reprimand.
"Well, what would y-" started Dib, before realizing that this was just what she was talking about. 'Uooh! You think you're so smart!? Then why don't you try something like, oh, say -going into someone's mind and exploring around with your astral projection?! Or, hey! Maybe even get to work on that pyrokinesis! That'll come in real handy!' He tried to use the most infuriating, sarcastic things he could think of. 'You haven't even progressed beyond controlling people with suggestions! Just admit it! You're not any better than I am!'
'WWWHhhoowwwooohhh!' She started, and he knew that she must be making verbal sounds as well, especially when she ordered Mimi to grab some explosives or something. 'It's NOT like this thing comes with any INSTRUCTIONS!' She replied finally. 'I'll have you know, it's FAR harder than it looks, whenever one has absolutely no idea what kind of psychic necklace they're dealing with!'
'Oh, well-' Dib tried to think of something to say. 'Why don't we try and find some sort of "Psychic Instruction Book" or something!?' He finally exclaimed, half-sarcastic, half-seriously considering looking for that.
'Oh, well that's FINE with me!' She replied back.
'Fine!'
'FINE!'
'I'll call you when I have the information!'
'And I'll do some of my own investigating!'
'Alright then, that's fiii~iiine with me!'
'Fine with ME, TOO!'
'Good day!'
'Good day to you, too!'
After psychically hanging up, Dib didn't bother contemplating what kind of "fine" conversation had just went on there. He just wanted to eat his cereal, watch cartoons, and be done with it.
He grumbled for a few minutes and munched his cereal, before finally just picking up the bowl and going to the living room to watch cartoons. Maybe some mindless drivel would drown out the annoyance he felt. 'And NOW I have to find someone who teaches psychics!' He found he couldn't help but think.
After a few more shows, he decided he was officially tired of the mindless drivel, and went upstairs to do some research on 'Psychic Teachers'. He'd only gotten as far as a few internet searches, before he heard his dad and sister get up; he ran downstairs to greet them because, quite frankly, Gaz got rather angry if he didn't -their dad liked the idea of the whole family being together whenever they could.
It was later on in the day when he got a call from Tak; via the traditional way. 'Apparently she doesn't want to hear my annoying thoughts,' Dib was thinking, as he answered the hovering screen over his desk. Though he'd contacted several Swollen Eyeball members, he couldn't guarantee that they'd give him any good leads -they weren't going to take his, "I found out I actually do have psychic powers after all that time of not having any, and I wanted to find out if there was anyone who could actually teach me," line at face-value. He was afraid they'd ask for more information, and could he say something to them about Tak without their knowledge? He didn't want to find out.
"Good afternoon, Brain-Bean..." she said in a tone somewhat reminiscent of Alfred Hitchrooster's opening of "Alfred Hitchrooster Presents". They'd now resorted to somewhat petty name-calling, but he had yet to find any pattern in her behavior, besides getting angry with him and plotting things. Yes, she was good with plotting things.
"Good afternoon, Smarty-pants!" Replied Dib sarcastically.
"So... What's up?" She asked nonchalantly, even examining her gloved nails as if to inspect them beneath the leather.
"Come on, I know you want something, so why don't you just come out and say it?!" He replied in exhasperation. He was getting tired of their little tête–à–tête. It was so easy to fall into that pattern, though, especially when they didn't trust each other quite yet.
"Oh, alright," she said, as if her fun had been cut short, "I want to know if you've gotten anywhere with that 'Psychic Instructor' idea?" She knew it wasn't too likely, but she was getting impatient just waiting on him. She'd usually do her own research, only he actually had the contacts that would aid especially well in this respect.
"Oh, that," he replied with a "ppsshh"! "I can't say I'll have everything in one day: even when I used that whole, 'I just found out I actually do have psychic powers, so is there anyone who can teach me?' lie, I doubt they'll do much without actual proof of my powers. *Sigh* Maybe that wasn't the best lie to use..."
"I don't think you'll have any reason to doubt that; if they're at least as smart as you, then they won't take things you say at face-value." Then she let out a breath, "However, since you've obviously been working hard on this, I suppose I'll help back you up. If they ask for more proof, just say that you were lying because your 'friend' who has psychic powers, was nervous about letting anyone know about it, and that she's afraid she'll cause trouble without knowing how to control them, and that that's why she wishes to see a Psychic Instructor. Capisce?" After taking a rest from his inane chatter today, she'd calmed down enough to start manipulating him in a more constructive manner. "Throw a dog a bone" came to mind right now.
Dib was impressed as he stared, blinking. "Wow, that's awesome! And that sounds so...TRUTHFUL! I'm sure they'll accept -hey, wait a minute!" He suddenly had a revelation, "What if they ask to meet with you? Oh, wait, you've got that hologram...but what if they have scanners?" The thoughts were whirling through his mind at a mile a minute, and he just couldn't keep his mouth shut. Tak sighed. Oh, well. At least he wasn't speaking aloud while they were having a telepathic conversation.
"I'll make sure to prepare for all that; and make another- hey, HEY!" She waved her hand in front of the screen, "Are you listening?!"
Dib stopped in his babbling and stared at her, "Uhm... Yeeesss...?" He replied nervously.
Tak literally face-palmed, and then looked at him again, "I will prepare for all of that stuff you were babbling about, if you'll just calm down, and keep whatever appointments you have with them. Oh, and don't worry: if I fooled you, I can fool them, too." She smiled, but not sincerely. She just wanted him not to freak out and make a mistake while they tried to fool the Swollen Eyeballs, whom he would normally confide in.
"Okay, I'll do that!" Replied Dib with very sincere smirk. After hanging up, they both pondered the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, before finally deciding to concentrate on the question, instead. This next question is not that question.
Why was Dib not confiding in the Swollen Eyeball about not only a CONFIRMED ALIEN, but one capable of utilizing PSYCHIC POWERS, and, who hadn't been rejected by that mysterious necklace-thingy -yet-? At first, he'd been worried she would tap into his messages or computer, and find out about it. It was pretty obvious how upset she'd be about that.
But afterwards, he'd been worried about how the other Swollen Eyeball members would react. If he had a bone-fied alien there, wouldn't they want to capture her for themselves? Wouldn't they be mad that he wasn't turning her in, or at least allowing them to verify her existence? And even though he could account for the reliability of at least one of them -Agent Darkbooty- could he really count on the others as well?
He felt he was in between a rock and a hard place, and he seriously wanted to expose Zim before anything else happened. He was annoyed that he'd never doubted their help until now; after all, when they were this close group of serious, fellow Paranormal Investigators, why would he? But now he felt almost dreadful that he couldn't just pick one side or the other. If this situation had a gray-area, then he must've fallen into it. Like the Twilight Zone.
Hearing the "doo dee doo doo" from the opening theme of the Twilight Zone drifting on the wind, he thought nothing of it like a normal character in a story should, and went on to check his messages for any new developments. Nothing showing up yet, he devoted his time to searching the Internet's less-than-reliable web of interdependent lies and truths for something useful. This took up a remarkably long amount of time; and he was surprised to find out that it was 5:00 in the evening when he chanced to look at his clock -and that was only because he got hungry.
He went downstairs, confident that he'd have yet another day to wait in painful anticipation of an answer to his messages.
Elsewhere, a Yeti and a Sasquatch were conversing, waiting on their friend, the Bigfoot. "And so," the Yeti resumed, "As I said, there was this giant-"
"Hey, hey, wait- Is that there the same story you said that Big Head kid was in?" Interrupted the Sasquatch with a somewhat Canadian accent.
"Yes, yes, I'm gettin' to that!" Exclaimed the Yeti at his incredible lack of patience. "Anyways, as I was sayin', this giant explosion blows up that little shack in the middle of the park, and WHO do you think I see, runnin' just like the hounds of the place beneath the over-world were after 'im?" His native Appalachian mountains accent was starting to show through his cultured tongue. That happened if someone got him excited enough.
"Oohh, oooh! It was that BIG-HEADED KID?!" Exclaimed the Sasquatch.
"Suore 'nuff!" Replied the Yeti with a naturally nigh-unsettling grin. Then, after thinking, he added, "That, and there was this odd-looking woman with him -well, I jus' assumed she was a woman, 'cause of the way she was actin'- you can always tell, can't ya'? Anyways, it looked like she had two long antenna on her head, but not like any bug-creature I ever known." Then he thought a minute and cleared his mouth to get a handle on his accent. Nobody took him seriously as a college professor if he used his native accent. "I assume she was an alien, although I could be wrong; I haven't seen every monster there ever was..."
"Mmmhumm, mmmhmmm!" Hummed the Sasquatch in agreement, and they continued conversing whilest waiting for their friend.
Eventually, about five minutes later, a very large, hairy creature came lumbering towards them: Bigfoot. "I'm sorry I'm late, guys; I had to check my messages on the computer, an' you know how that goes," he rolled his eyes as if it was a very big inconvenience.
"Oh, COME ON!" Replied the Sasquatch. "Harry Misanthropomorph, that's been your excuse for the last ...uh, three meetings, at least!"
"Now, look here, just because it's my job-" started Harry the Bigfoot, but the Yeti interrupted them.
"He's right, Mary," the Yeti used Harry's annoying nickname. But, once you got a nickname down south, it sticks for your whole life through! "You've sure been paying extra-special attention to that 'job'!"
"*Sigh* Alright, okay..." began Harry, annoyed, "But only because I don't have the energy to mess with you guys today." The others looked at him with new interest as he regaled them, "The 'Big-Headed Kid', as we all like to call him, has been making calls to that supposed 'Secret Society' that I'm supposed to keep an eye on, you know, the 'Swollen Eyeball'?" The others nodded, bored with the lack of new information. "But this time, he's askin' people about 'Psychic Ability Teachers'!" The other two looked surprised.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Replied the Sasquatch thoughtfully, "I thought he didn't have any!"
"Besides, isn't he focusing his attention on that alien in his neighborhood, you know, who even goes to his school?" Added the Yeti, with a snicker at the end, since it was rather silly that no one noticed him with that TERRIBLE disguise.
"Yeah, yeah, I know -but wait 'till I get to the good part!" Replied Harry with a grin. "It looks like he's been working along with an alien -according to Mr Aho, the ghost who hid in his toilet for a few weeks- to try an' destroy that alien who lives in his neighborhood!"
The others laughed a little at the irony. "But he's the most freakishly-large-headed blabbermouth we've ever seen!" Shouted the Yeti over the others' laughter.
"And-and-and that alien's a girl!" The Sasquatch continued sniggering.
"Billy-bo, what'chu goin' on about?" Asked Harry, mocking the Yeti's accent. "Billy-bo" was the Sasquatch's nick-name, since his name was "Bill Beauregard". The Yeti gave Harry a humorous look that said, "Seriously?" but said nothing.
"That-that-" the Sasquatch stifled his laughter for a few seconds and was able to finally get the words out, "That was that story Fred was tellin' us about -that-!" He put his hand over his mouth and finally succumbed to giggling again.
Fred, the Yeti, whose full name was "Fredrick Frankenstean", -not to be confused with "Frankenstein"- spoke up in Bill's behalf, "I was just telling him how I'd seen the strangest thing in "Agony Acres' Park", you know, that really big one, around the edge of town?" Harry nodded. "I was walkin' by -in my disguise, mind you- and I happened to see what looked like pale plumes of smoke coming out of one of those -oh, what's it called?- those grate-things that they have by the little shack in the middle of the park -the one where they store all their park stuff. In any case, I thought it was weird, and just as I was considering calling 911 for dangerous fumes, it occurred to me that I saw two strange little figures going into that shed. (I was too far away to see them clearly, the sun was in my eyes.)
"Well, for a while, as I sat there on the bench nearest the shack and watched, nothing happened. But then, just as I was remembering the stench from the pale fumes smelt of radioactive materials, I reached down for my phone and, and- BAM!" He emphasised this with his hands. "There was an explosion and the shed and junk went everywhere! But no sooner had I uncovered my eyes, that I spied two of those little rascals that probably caused it -they were talking about someone else, as if they were tryin' to capture him or something. It seemed a little odd at the time, because it was that Big-Headed kid, with another person who just had to be female, I mean, she acted like it! In any case, she was green with long, curly antenna and big, dark eyes -purple, or somethin'- and for some reason she didn't have any disguise on; but that didn't matter, 'cause after shouting at him she went invisible." Fred the Yeti's native accent had slipped in again, and after his long, rambling explanation, Harry felt like his mind was freed from imprisonment.
After looking from one to the other, Harry finally addressed both of them, simply wondering, "Did that story really have to be told?!" After recieving a couple of good "whap"s in response to this, the Bigfoot rubbed his head where Fred had hit him and thought about it. "Well, if he's working with someone else, then maybe they're the psychic?"
"Y-Yeah, that's what I thought!" Replied Bill, finally freed from laughter -well, almost.
"And you know what was weird about it?" Added Fred after he'd had some time to think. "I could swear I'd seen that necklace around her neck before... Like, it was almost in a dream..." He mumbled this last part, it not being very relevant to the others.
"'That necklace'?" Asked both Bill and Harry at the same time. A sure sign of friendship, that.
"Oh," said Fred as if he was awoken out of his reverie, "Yeah, it was silver, on a silver chain, in a heart-shape, with a pinkish-purpleish stone in the center of it. ...Oh." Then suddenly his face dropped.
Bill was the first one to get this, and frowned. "What?" Asked Harry, before his mind started working and he simply said, "Oh."
After that, Fred the Yeti swiftly left, and the other two decided to do the same. Things were getting serious; especially if "That Necklace" was involved. And thus, the un-official, yet officially Friendship-ified meeting of the Yeti, Bigfoot, and Saquatch was adjourned early.
Just what was so horrifying about "That Necklace", that it simply couldn't be ignored? Dib was going to find out the hard way. In due time.
In the meantime, though, (at around 7:30) he found himself answering a call from Agent Darkbooty about his question. He'd found someone who called themselves a "Psychic Re-trainer, specializing in teaching ones to harness their latent psychic skills", but as the reports about their success were limited, he warned Dib not to put too much stock into what they claimed.
"It's okay, Agent Darkbooty, I'm pretty good at recognizing fake psychics," he explained.
"Oookaaayyy..." Agent Darkbooty seemed less-than-convinced. "I also just want to point out: That there's been a suspicious report about the 'Heart Reaper' necklace... Chances are, someone's trying to use it again."
"The what?" Asked Dib, confused. He didn't remember hearing that name before.
"Well, if you've never even heard of it, that's okay," Darkbooty back-peddled suddenly, "Just warning you to STAY AWAY from any silver necklaces about the size of a tennis-ball, heart-shaped, with a gem of pink-purple in the center, and mystical psychic powers! People have been known to do horrible, horrible things to get their hands on it! Also, there can be some horrible side-effects from using it." His previous statement had now changed into a severe warning.
"Erm, alright..." replied Dib, still confused as to what he was getting at. "But if I find out where it is, I should tell you guys, right?"
"HECK, NO!" Darkbooty suddenly exclaimed. "WE DON'T WANT THAT THING ANYWHERE NEAR US!"
The call ended, and Dib stared, beweildered, at the silent hover-screen. It took a few seconds until he finally realized what he'd meant. "That's weird." Was all he had to say in response to this revelation. Not only had he never heard the name of "The Heart Reaper" anywhere that he knew of -maybe it was a newer name?- but he also couldn't figure out why the Swollen Eyeball Network wouldn't want anything to do with it. 'I mean, I know that it's not the easiest thing to use, but come on -the "Heart Reaper"?! That's just ridiculous!' He thought as he closed his lap-top and walked downstairs to watch some mindless chatter on television.
END CHAPTER 1
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Some "Mindless Chatter", eh? Just like his head! *Laughs* The author apologizes for the obvious joke, but it just had to be done~! As for some of my own comments on this story... I actually couldn't think of anything to happen between this time and the dramatic parts of the story, although I had some idea that they'd be having insane, crazy, psychic adventures now that Tak has that necklace. That's why part-way though it becomes rather silly and meandering; although I like the fun play with all the various conversations and such, it becomes rather a task to move the story along with only those things. In any case, it was finally decided how they would proceed, and I'm rather happy with the end result! (Especially 'cause I've been wanting to get this first chapter finished before I post the first chappy of another story I'm doing~! EEEEEEEEEEEEEES~! *Squeals like an insane child at seeing a cat*) That's all I have to say! The next notes are about questionable things in the story itself!
1: The "Oedipus Complex" thing: Gaz was just messing with him. It really doesn't have any meaning, besides being a funny revelation into the way Gaz acts. (I figured it'd make sense if she acted a lot like her mother.) Dib mentioned that "All the girls he knows are scary", and Gaz says that...yeah. Anyways, speaking of her, Gaz is the only character who seems to be partially aware of things which would be impossible for ordinary beings to discern, which is why I don't mind using her to make hilarious stabs at reveals into characters' backgrounds, feelings, etc., or even to poik at the fourth wall sometimes! 'Cause she's just that cool, like that~!
2: Anyone who knows what the "What number am I thinking of?" thing in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" reference that I make a stab at, you're my new best friend~! 'Cause, you know, I didn't exactly say it!
3: Anyone who gets the very vague "Sarcasimo" reference doesn't get anything, because I wasn't very fond of that show, although it was sometimes rather funny...
4: What Irkens Looked Like Before Bio-genetic Engineering: That part was rather fun to use, since it's all a part of my "MY IZ Universe" on my Deviant Art account! You can find the link on my profile page, and the rest should be in my gallery under "MY IZ Universe"! (Though I haven't gotten to the part about "Energy Wings", that'll be covered later~!)
5: "...Zim used polarizing compression agents with his ion-rearrangement ray. You could probably just use water to upset the chemicals' magnetization and remove the wood." - I wanted something moderately sciencey to explain why Dib could remove the wood with the simple introduction of water. It sounded pseudo-sciencey enough to put in there, at the very least! I'm not a physicist!
6: "Blarnkey the Teddy-Bear", "Nap-sticks", "Psychey", "Dizzeney", and "Positive-Sad Chainsaw Motor", and others:
I wanted to add a few funny "Alternate Universe" references, and so I came up with some! (That, and laziness at my lack of ideas ensued~!) "Blarnkey", obviously a pun on "Barney", except that it's a far cuter Teddy-Bear instead of a dinosaur.
"Nap-sticks" is a pun on "Netflicks", and an homage to "Napster", which was by far the most innovative things ever come up with, and it also had a cute little kitty-cat with headphones, sleeping, as its logo! *Sniffs* Fare thee well, brave young Warrior: You instilled a sense of courage (and cheapness) into many an internet geek!
"Psychey", Psych, get it?! If you don't, I'll just assume you live in some country where they don't broadcast that awesome show.
"Dizzeney", oh, come on! Haven't you ever heard of that Once-good, now-turned-Evil Megalo-corporate company? Huh?! Huh?! HUH!?
"Positive-Sad Chainsaw Motor" is "Negative-Happy Chainsaw Edge". Need I say more? Great movie, not the "gorror-fest" I was expecting!
"Alfred Hitchrooster" was also a rather lazy joke on "Alfred Hitchcock". Mmmyups~!
7: And a happy shout-out to "Gas-Mask Girl", which is an AWESOME manga, you should really go read it, especially because the similarities of this movie to the manga (which I think the movie aped the manga, not the other way around, hm, have to look at its publishing date...) are very strong! Oh, yes, and... GAS-MASK GIRL IS SSSOOO COOOL!
8: The Sasquatch, the Yeti, and the Bigfoot: Okay, if you're wondering, their involvement will be explained much later on, specifically in a different story! Oh, and yes: Harry the Bigfoot was the one Dib had seen in his garage, using the belt-sander. It was the only way to get those annoying corns off his feet! *Snickers* But suffice it to say that for now, Harry is supposed to be keeping an eye on the Swollen Eyeball Network, so as to protect, um, people like him! (It'll all be explained later! I promise!)
Anyways, that's all for this installment of "Meet Your Maker"! Eer, I mean, Read and Review! *Giggles*