AN: This is my favorite dynamic to explore - the Paige/Emily/Alison triangle of sorts. Anyway, this has been sitting collecting digital dust on my coputer for a bit now lol. I really wanted to get it out before the Christmas Special, and seeing as that's today(ish) here it is. Hopefully the second half doesn't feel too rushed. Also, in case anyone is wondering, timeline wise, this would fit somewhere before the girls suspect Alison of being -A and before Emily & Paige get back together. Enjoy, guys :)
She hears the thud of a body hitting the lockers.
It's a sound that isn't that hard to recognize, if she's honest.
(Years of hearing the bodies of the swim team members bounce off of them in either excitement, playfulness, frustration or anger – it's not that hard to identify.)
(She knows exactly what sound her own body makes.
It's always been out of frustration.)
(And anger.)
No one should be in the locker room, though. Practice ended almost an hour ago, which means all the girls should have cleared out by now.
Paige is only there because she accidentally left her headphones behind in her locker and was now going to retrieve them.
A voice rings out clearly in the locker room, and Paige feels a cold shiver run down her spine.
She'd recognize that voice anywhere.
(Especially in her nightmares.)
"Are you going to hit me?"
(And she wonder how in the world Alison DiLaurentis can make the words hit and kiss sound so fucking similar.
Paige suspects that to Alison, there is no difference.)
"Why are you following me?"
And it's – it's Emily.
Paige can't help herself, she wants to see – despite the voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Emily as well, telling her to walk away; that she doesn't need to see this.
Paige looks anyway.
From her place glancing around a row of lockers she can see Alison's body pressed completely against Emily's locker. Emily's right arm is stretched out, her palm placed directly against the locker door; her arm blocking out what would be Alison's view of Paige.
"I wanted to talk. And you know, for someone who has been so dead-set on hearing me explain myself, you sure are avoiding listening."
The snark in her voice is palpable. Paige clenches her fists; shehates hearing that tone of voice being directed at Emily.
"I'm not avoiding you. I'm avoiding your lies." Emily responds and she sounds so serious, sohard.
Paige has never heard her speak that way.
At least, not to her.
A beat passes.
"There's nothing I can do or say to make you believe I'm telling the truth, is there?" Alison asks, and she sounds... she sounds almost vulnerable.
Paige shakes her head. This girl is clearly one master manipulator.
"I don't know."
"I meant what I said the other night... I meant what we did." Alison says, in that soft tone of voice again.
Paige feels her stomach drop.
What night? What who did?
"Alison..."
"I'd wanted that for so long." Alison continues to speak, as if not hearing Emily speak. "I'd wanted you for so long."
"Stop..."
"The way you kissed me, the way you touched me..."
"Please stop." Emily speaks again this time louder.
Paige wants nothing more than to second her pleas.
"Emily, you and I together – "
The sound of something hitting the locker doors rings out.
Paige jumps back, startled by the noise. When she peers around the lockers again, she sees that the sound came from Emily having pulled back her arm and punched the locker. She's leaning forward now, her forehead pressed against Alison's.
Emily's eyes are closed.
"Please, stop." Her voice cracks. "I... I can't..."
"Em." Alison says, her left hand reaching out to caress Emily's cheek.
"What do you want from me?"
"I want you to take what you want."
Emily opens her eyes at this and pulls back to look at Alison.
A beat passes before her hand uncurls from its shape as a fist and is then taking a hold of Alison's hair. Her left hand going to hold the blonde's head on the other side.
Emily kisses Alison, roughly.
It's a clash of teeth and lips and tongues – and Paige pulls back.
Emily's never been that rough with her, and she wonders if that's a blessing or a curse.
She hears another thud and then some moaning.
Paige hates the fact that instead of walking out, she turns to look once more.
Emily's hands are still in their place, but Alison's have moved. One to Emily's lower back, the other to her ass. Emily has one of her legs in between Alison's, the blonde slightly rocking her hips in place.
Paige watches them for another moment and wonders if this was always the inevitable conclusion. If she had deluded herself into thinking once upon a time that she might actually get the girl.
She was never the hero of this story was she?
Paige wonders if that makes her the villain.
(She refuses to be the villain.)
Emily suddenly pulls back and stumbles as she walks, still facing Alison, around the bench placed between the rows of lockers.
Her back hits the locker directly across from hers, and she tips her head, resting it against the locker door. She closes her eyes.
Alison hasn't moved from her place, her eyes closed as well, and all that can be heard now from either of them is heavy breathing.
Paige feels like she's watching her whole life crumble right in front of her – and what if she hadn't come back for those stupid headphones?
(It's a stupid what if, but it's all she has right now.)
(Paige likes to pretend that given the chance she wouldn't have walked through those doors.)
(She knows she would have anyway.)
"Emily..." Alison calls out to her from where she's still pressed against Emily's locker. "Em, will you look at me please." She sounds almost pleading – or as pleading as Alison DiLaurentis can sound.
"What do you want from me?" Emily asks, her voice surprisingly steady.
(Paige wonders how she does it – how she deals with Alison and all she does, all she represents, without breaking.)
(Paige wonders if they're all already broken anyway.)
"Do I really have to say it?" Alison asks.
"So, what? You want us to walk down the hallway holding hands? You want me to be your girlfriend –" Emily's voice cracks on the wordgirlfriend, and if that doesn't mean something - "Why? What would you get out of that?"
Alison doesn't answer, the two of them staring right at each other.
"Right." Emily answers, her voice hardened again.
She pushes off the locker and starts to walk towards the exit. Paige quickly moves back and freezes.
"Can you handle it? If I actually say it?" Alison asks, her voice determined – hard, but not biting.
A beat passes.
"I don't know. But I need to hear it anyways."
Paige decides to glance around again.
(The Emily-voice in her head keeps getting louder, telling her to leave.)
(Paige ignores it.)
(She hates herself for it.)
"I love you."
(Paige wonders if Alison has practiced it – practiced saying it, the way she herself has.)
(In front of the mirror, starting quietly and meekly until she found the confidence to say it louder.
Saying it with different inflections and intonations and just needing to find the way to say itright.
Because being able to say it to Emily is something that she never wanted to take for granted.)
(Like if I say it just right it'll fix things.)
Emily's head is down, her hair sort of covering her face, but the shuddering breath she releases can be seen clear as day. Emily walks straight towards the doors – not once looking back, or saying anything – and leaves.
(Paige held her breath the moment she passed by her, Emily clearly too wrapped up in her own head to notice her.)
(And if that doesn't mean something.)
A silence engulfs the locker room and Paige begins to think maybe Alison vanished into thin air.
Until she hears it.
A small moan.
Paige quickly looks around again and sees her.
Alison's still pressed against that damn locker, her right hand under her dress, clearly pressing between her legs. Alison's eyes are closed and she's biting her lips.
Paige's eyes widen at the scene in front of her.
Suddenly Alison's left hand curls into a fist and slams back against the locker. She pushes herself off of it and goes to straighten her dress. Her hands are shaking as she does and she's breathing quickly like she's almost hyperventilating.
"Fuck." She mutters under her breath before her hand reaches for her purse that lays discarded on the floor next to the bench. She quickly pulls out a compact mirror and proceeds to fix her hair. She then takes out some lip gloss and redoes her lips. She smacks them and closes the mirror before throwing it back inside her purse.
She closes her eyes and takes two deep breaths, before she turns and struts straight out of the locker room – also missing Paige's presence – as if nothing had happened.
As if Paige hadn't just seen her almost break down and then put her armor back on.
(Because that's what that is to girls like Alison – her armor.)
Paige finally walks over to her locker and gets her headphones out. She closes her locker door and suddenly stares at the headphones in her hand.
A beat passes.
She punches the locker next to hers with that same hand.
"Fuck."
Paige lets her head fall against her locker. She can feel the tears start to form in her eyes.
And she wonders when this pain will finally pass. When she'll finally stop loving Emily the way she does.
A bitter laugh escapes her – because she's sure now that it probably never will. Because if Emily and Alison are any indication, you always love the ones that break you.
(Paige likes to pretend that given the chance to walk away from it all, that she would.)
(She's been given chances.)
(She's not walking away.)
(She might not be the villain, but she's one hell of a goddamn idiot.)
(Paige wonders if that's any better.)
(She doesn't care.)
You deserve the best of everything.
That's what I had.