Author's Note: Been a while, I know but I was working on a different story that just didn't pan out. However, I had another idea I wanted to pursue and by its title alone, it needed to be done. Like in the vein of my previous story, My New Best Friend, the boys are going to be ten years old, like in the show, and pretty much this is going to try and be written like an episode of South Park. Another thing, the version of General Zod being used is the one from Superman II as played by Terence Stamp. Essentially, Zod speaks in the third person. You can find a bunch of clips on Youtube if you're interested. Now, without further ado, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.

Warning: language, death

Chapter 1

Miscellaneous Launch Site, North Korea

The missile was ready, their glorious country was ready, and their youthful and awesome Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un was ready. It was time for them at the miscellaneous and totally undiscovered launch site that they were absolutely sure the Americans had not found out to show what they were made of.

On the launch pad rested their nuclear weapon, a warhead that was targeted to hit America's west coast and show everyone that North Korea was not to be underestimated. They had firepower, they had honor, and more importantly they had balls. Not little ones like you would find in Japan, or as they called it on base "America's Bitch," but great big ones.

And nothing was ballsier than striking at the heart of America's imperial power: Hollywood.

If you could believe this, their great and glorious leader Kim Jong Un was turned down for a role in a blockbuster action film. Turned. Down. This was unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. No, this was an insult to the North Korean people and North Koreans never took insults sitting down.

So while their great and glorious leader was being put down for naptime, they were preparing to launch a load of nuclear-powered whoop ass on those liberal and greedy Americans. This was going to show those heartless bastards that they weren't top dogs anymore.

The following dialogue has been subtitled so as to allow the standard non-Korean speaking American to understand what is being said.

"Commence countdown," a general of unknown rank ordered. From a large screen that captured the beauty of their nuclear payload sitting on the launch pad, everyone minus technicians watched as final adjustments to the rocket's trajectory was made.

Overhead a pleasant yet stern Korean woman's voice began to countdown starting from, "Yeol. Ahop. Yeodeol."

This was a momentous occasion, one that nobody on base wanted to miss. Unless they were absolutely integral to the launching process, the remaining North Korean technicians lifted their eyes up to see the large screen at the front of the room, sadly not plasma as that was fancy.

"Ilgop. Yeoseot."

A fellow North Korean officer joined the unknown ranked general. "Is everything ready?"

"Countdown has begun. Those American pigs wirr not know what hit them," the general replied as the countdown reached daseot.

"Grory to the Supreme Reader," the officer agreed.

"Net. Set."

The general straightened his shoulders at the moment that was at hand. Two more counts and they would be forever giving the United States the finger and nonverbally saying "suck our barrs!" Perhaps that should be incorporated into their Supreme Leader's address to the world community?

"Dul."

No prayers would be made here. Everyone here officially had no religion.

"Hana."

Show time.

They all watched a plume of smoke erupted from beneath the rocket, watched with pride as it was fired off and up into the sky, going and going further and further away, higher and higher…and higher…and…higher.

Why was it going straight up?

As the seconds ticked up, it soon became obvious that they had had another launching malfunction. That missile wasn't heading to Hollywood, it was heading up into outer space…where it wouldn't do any harm.

"So…what do we do now?" the officer beside the general asked.

A burst of inspiration came to the general but at this point, he was trying to come up with any reason how he could save his own neck from Kim Jong Un's ire. "Congraturations! This is North Korea's first successfur space shuttre! North Korea's crassified space program has its first success!"

Picking up the general's train of thought, the officer began to clap loud and fast, prompting the other people in the control room to do the same, more out of a sense of self-preservation than because they wanted to.

However, this story does not end with yet another embarrassment to North Korea in the making. It continues with the errant nuclear missile as it exited Earth's atmosphere and continued out into the vastness of space. It was programed to detonate upon impact but with nothing to impact with, the missile continued on and on without detonating.

That is until it came into contact with an odd, spinning, glass-like panel.

The blast was massive but short lived. Flames died as soon as they were birthed and all the radiation that spilt out was swallowed into the cosmos itself. No one would ever know this blast had occurred…at least no one on Earth.

As the remnants of the explosion faded away, something was left over, something that hadn't been there before. It was human by all appearances, clothed in black apparel, and sporting a connecting beard and mustache as well as the beginning stages of balding up top. Cold, blank, blue eyes gazed into the vastness of space, taking in the nothingness before turning towards the blue planet not far from his position.

As if determining that that was where he wanted to go, the masculine in appearance humanoid began his descent towards the planet and to the ignorant population that lived upon it.

It was a boring day in South Park, which was saying a lot. Usually there was something going on that was the very opposite of boring. Yet, today there was nothing going on which made it quite an unusual day.

If you judged this by the calm atmosphere of four certain boys, you wouldn't be able to tell that this indeed was a boring day.

"Did you guys know that when you have an aneurysm, your skull bursts open and your brains splatter all over the place?" a fat boy in a red coat and yellow poof ball hat spoke up.

"What?" a boy in a brown jacket with a red poof ball hat said more than asked, brow creasing in exasperation.

"That's not physically possible," a boy in an orange jacket and green ushanka stated.

"I'm totally serious, I saw it on TV last night," the fat boy declared. "It blew my mind. You see it was this bald guy in a suit, he's sitting in front of this room of people and there's this other guy sitting beside him making sex faces and then the bald guy has an aneurysm and his head blows up."

A boy in an orange parka piped up and though his voice was muffled, his words were translated as, "There's no fucking way."

"You said it Kenny," the boy in the brown coat and red poof ball hat agreed.

"Are you sure you weren't watching that movie Scanners, Cartman?" the boy in the orange jacket and green ushanka added.

"Of course not, Kyle," Cartman retorted. "It was an informative documentary about head stuff and everything. The guy who had an aneurysm even said what the symptoms of one was before his head exploded. Earaches, nausea, headaches, I think. There were others too."

"That sounds an awful lot like Scanners," Kyle said dubiously.

"You know what? I bet you ten bucks your brains explode all over the place when you have an aneurysm," Cartman dared.

As Kyle was about to reply, most likely to accept the bet, the boy in the brown jacket and red poof ball hat cut in. "Don't say anything Kyle. You know how this is going to go. Cartman says something that sounds ridiculous, no one believes him, he offers to bet ten bucks that it happens, and then by some weird coincidence, it happens and you owe him ten bucks. Don't do it."

"But Stan!" Kyle protested. "It's physically impossible for your head to explode by itself! And he most likely watched Scanners last night and not some bogus documentary!"

"Kyle, face it, the world is out to screw you over. Don't do it," Stan warned him.

"Hah! You see? Even Stan says it's possible!" Cartman boasted. "But if you're so sure you're right, take the bet Kyle. If you're so right, then you can only gain here. You can gain ten bucks. Listen to your Jewishness, Kyle. Ten bucks. That's a lot of money for a money-grubbing Jew like you. You know you can't resist."

"Shut up, fatty," Kyle spat out.

"Oh boy, here we go," Stan rolled his eyes.

"Are you scared Kyle? Scared that I'm right and that you'll lose ten bucks?" Cartman taunted. "Not that I blame you since I am so obviously ahead of the curve. My genius knows no bounds, Kyle."

"Then why were you watching a show where someone's head explodes?" Kyle snarked.

"To stimulate my brains," Cartman huffed.

"What brains? You mean that pea in that cavern you call a head?" Kyle argued.

"I am rubber you are glue Kyle. You know what that means? Whatever you throw at me bounces off me and sticks to you. You, you gluey Jew. It sticks to you," Cartman said pretentiously, adding some finger pointing to emphasize his point.

"That arguments only for five year olds," Kyle deadpanned.

"But it doesn't make it any less true," Cartman quipped.

Some mumbles came from Kenny who had been silent the whole time. However, the boy was not paying any mind to the riveting conversation happening next to him. No, he was looking straight up at the sky and even took to raising his hand up to point.

"A shooting star? Those only happen at night, Kenny," Cartman scoffed. "Are you high again because—oh wow, a shooting star!"

Indeed, above the heads of these ten year old boys, something small and on fire darted across the sky, heading straight towards one of the mountains that encircled their little town. Even from where they stood, they could hear the small boom and a heartbeat later see the small trail of smoke that rose from the impact site.

"Whoa…I think it landed," Stan said with awe.

"We have got to check it out," Cartman said. "A shooting star has landed on Earth in broad daylight. What am I saying, we don't have to check it out, we need to check it out. That way, tomorrow, we can go to school and tell everybody that we found a shooting star and then everybody's gonna be jealous and we'll be so cool."

"I'm not sure about that," Kyle said, trying to be the voice of reason for the group.

"It's going to be alright, Kyle," Stan said. "This is a once in a lifetime event! We really need to check it out. Come on!"

"That is a brilliant thing you said Stan. See Kyle, even Stan wants to check it out. But if you want to be a Negative Nancy and stay behind, you can show up at school tomorrow and be jealous like everyone else will be," Cartman said dismissively. "Now that I think about it, the awesomeness of this would probably give you an aneurysm and your brains will explode. It's best that you stay behind. That way your Jewness won't contaminate the awesomeness."

"Screw you, you fat asshole," Kyle glared at the clinically obese boy. "Fine, I'll come!" With that, Kyle took the lead as he marched off ahead of the other boys.

"You really know how to press Kyle's buttons," Stan remarked.

"Yeah, it's a gift, what can I say?" Cartman boasted.

It was very fortunate that the four boys found a gravel road when they did. It made it easier for them to make their way to where they believed the shooting star had landed. Also…

"You guys…I think we should have…stayed in town," Cartman huffed and puffed. Two much uphill walking was not good for someone who was totally fit like he was. He just hadn't…stretched first. Warmed up. Yeah, that was it. Cartman hadn't warmed up. A person with such a delicate body such as his needed a good warm up before doing so much physical activity.

"Come on Cartman. I think we're close," Stan said, not even showing a bit of sweat. Freaking weirdo.

"Now who's the Negative Nancy?" Kyle taunted.

Freaking Jew. "Shut up, Kyle! I'm just…concerned about Kenny is all." He may have needed to make something up but it was all to save face and—

Kenny walked past him without even looking at him, keeping up with the other two freakishly skinny assholes.

—ey! Get back behind him, you poor asshole! You're making him look bad!

Kenny spoke up, his words muffled but Cartman understood him all too clearly.

"Ey! My body is rippling fit and in perfect physical condition!" he argued.

"If by perfect you mean pathetic, then yeah, you totally are," Kyle piped up.

Before Cartman could make a totally awesome comeback that would have knocked Kyle's socks off, Stan exclaimed, "I see smoke up ahead! We're close!

Well about damn time! All this walking around was messing up his fab bod. Even though he didn't want to, Cartman increased his pace as the other three assholes did, wanting to also see the sure to be awesome shooting star before someone's, not going to say who, Jewness ruined it. If he could beat Kyle to seeing it first, he would be so ha—

The three assholes came to a stop and Cartman ended up running into them, causing him to stumble back but luckily not causing him to fall on his ass. See? Perfect physical condition!

"Watch where you're going tubby!" Kyle hissed at him.

"Well you shouldn't stop without warning a guy, sheesh!" Cartman retorted.

"Will you two knock it off? I think I see someone," Stan shushed them. "Kenny, go check it out."

"What? No way in hell am I checking it out," came Kenny's muffled response. "I might get killed!"

"There's no way you're going to get killed," Stan rolled his eyes. "Come on, don't you want to see the shooting star? What if someone already found it and is going to take our credit for it?"

"Let them have it," was Kenny's muffled retort.

"God, you're such a pussy," Cartman teased.

"What don't you go look?" was Kenny's muffled question.

"Because…uh…because the walk has made me really tired and I'm not on my A-game, Kenny. What if it's some guy who broke out of the insane asylum and he wants to kill the first person he sees? I'm so tired that I wouldn't be able to get away from him," Cartman reasoned.

"So much for being in perfect physical condition," Kyle taunted and that Jew was asking for it, wasn't he? "Hey, what's that?" Kyle asked as a continuous crunching sound came to their attention. It sounded like a car was heading their way.

A look back the way they came revealed a cop car was heading their way and that wasn't good. They were on private property and the last thing they needed was for some cop nark to nark on them to their parents.

"Oh man, it's Officer Barbrady," Stan moaned. "Quick, hide!"

The smartest thing that Cartman had heard to date. With all the trees and bushes around, it was easy for them to hide, Cartman throwing himself behind one of said bushes and waiting as Barbrady's car passed by. Man, this was annoying. And lame. An adult was going to see the shooting star first! Major lame!

There was tension as the police car rolled up to then passed by them, the four of them peeking their heads out to keep an eye on the car, making sure that they hadn't been spotted yet. Why did an adult cockblock, whatever that was, have to come now and rob him of his glory of seeing the dead ass remains of a shooting star? It wasn't fair!

The car pulled out of sight as it reached a turn in the road. Quickly, the three of them God-fearing Christians and Godless Jew scrambled out of their hiding places and returned to the road. Sharing looks with one another, they hurried after Barbrady but as soon as they reached the turn, they had to stop.

Barbrady hadn't gone very far and had stopped several years ahead. Had he found the shooting star? Son of a bitch! They had been so close too! Now all the newspaper articles with his picture in them and the endorsements that were sure to come were beyond these ten year olds' reach. So freaking close!

Barbrady pulled himself out of the car and much to the boys' confusion began saying out loud, "Alright everybody, there's nothing to see here. Go back to your homes."

Again they froze. Had Barbrady seen them? Wait, no, didn't look like it. Barbrady was not even looking towards them but straight ahead where the shooting star should be and man was there a lot of smoke. Now that Cartman was taking the time, he could see a bunch of trees were singed while others were knocked over, some of their roots exposed. Something had definitely crashed here.

Wait, if Barbrady was speaking to someone up ahead, that meant someone else had found the shooting star! Fucking monkey balls! Who the hell had beaten them to it? Was it Craig and those guys? Oh, he was going to kick someone in the nuts for this! Hopefully Kyle's nuts but someone, no matter how it happened, was going to have his size 6 shoe in their nads!

"Whose he talking to?" Stan asked in a hushed voice. Without waiting for an answer, their representative animal-loving hippie took the lead. Cartman found himself dead last, trailing after both poor boy and the Jew as they crept their way up to Barbrady's car.

Keeping out of sight, they snuck around the cop car's side and finally got a look at what had been blocked off from their sight only a moment ago.

Dead ahead stood some weirdo none of them had seen before and what was that outfit he was wearing? So freaking gay. He could see the queermo's chest from here! And that beard? Actually, the beard looked cool to Cartman. He was definitely going to have to grow one of those when he got older. Other than that, he was stupid looking, what with him standing there, legs apart and hands behind his back.

Odd how there was a lot of smoke behind him…

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. I don't know what happened but this looks like…this looks like…what are they called again?" Barbrady attempted to take control of the situation but seemed to be having some problems there. "I know this one, I swear…learned all about it in the academy… Oh wait, I know! This looks like a movie scene! No, wait, that's not it."

The obviously homosexual man continued to stand there, trading Barbrady look for look though his was not as confused or…what was that word… right, stupid.

"Well, whatever it's called, I'm going to have to tell you to step away from it. This is now a police investigation," Barbrady continued, deciding to move on. "Leave now or I will be forced to arrest you for con…con…con…tam…in…atoring a crime scene. That's what it's called! A crime scene!"

"You dare tell Zod what he can or cannot do," the man spoke up. Oh wow, that sounded like butter to Cartman's ears, it was so smooth.

"Well, I'm a cop. If you don't listen to me, I'll have to arrest you," Barbrady shrugged.

Now, Cartman couldn't be sure but from where he was standing, he almost swore that this Zod guy's eyes were turning red. Which was purely ridiculous—

Two red beams of light shot from Zod's eyes and struck the lights on Barbrady's car, destroying them and sending sparks all over the place.

—holy shit!

Now, Cartman would deny this to his dying day, but something that did not sound anything like a manly shriek escaped his mouth…though he was more than willing to point out that everyone else screamed like little girls though Kenny was more muffled.

He didn't know what was going on but whatever it was, it was time to get the hell out of here! Then, Barbrady's car lifted up and off the ground, held up in the air by Zod who was gripping it with only one hand. Cold blue eyes gazed down on them dispassionately, freezing the four of them in their tracks.

"Zod is not amused. You bring children to fight Zod?" Zod demanded, eyes turning to glare at Barbrady.

"Hey…what are you kids doing out here?" Barbrady questioned, somehow overlooking the fact that some weirdo ass guy was holding his car in the air with a single freaking hand. "Aren't you supposed to be in school or something?"

"Look, we don't want any trouble," Stan spoke for the four of them, hands held up in surrender. That actually was a pretty good idea and Cartman copied him. If he looked helpless, perhaps he wouldn't get hurt. "We're just…uh…"

""We're camping!" Kyle exclaimed, trying to excuse them. "Really! Our camp is not far from here!"

"What Jew boy said!" Cartman agreed.

Zod's eyes were back on them. "What planet is this?" It was not asked as a question and after having to endure this man's gaze for a little too long, Cartman was more than willing to answer him.

"It's Earth!" he answered as quickly as possible. When he saw how the other three hippies were looking at him, "What? I just want to go home."

"Earth," Zod repeated, as if tasting the word. "It is decided. Zod shall conquer Earth and rule over the inferior Earthians."

"You can't do that," Kyle piped up, falling silent quickly as Zod glared at him. You couldn't tell it was a glare since Zod's facial features hadn't changed a bit this whole time but you just knew he had a problem with what Kyle had said.

"Are you telling Zod what he can and cannot do?" Zod intoned.

"It's just…you have to get elected first!" Kyle squeaked.

"Yeah!" Stan picked up. "We vote on Earth and stuff. No one will ever take you seriously if you don't get elected."

"They will take Zod seriously if Zod kills them," Zod stated.

"Well, okay, you got a point, but if you seize power, then you have to spend the rest of your life holding onto it," Kyle pointed out. "If people give you power, then you don't have to fight anybody off. And people are going to be more willing to do what you want them to do."

Zod paused. "Zod does not understand what you are telling him but it makes sense. Very well, Earthian child, when is the next election?"

Kyle looked at the rest of them but Cartman wasn't about to say anything. It was mostly from not knowing the answer himself but he wasn't about to say that out loud.

"I guess we could find out in town," Barbrady said.

"Then take Zod to this town," Zod ordered.

"Sure but you're going to have to put my car down," Barbrady answered. "It has a GPS thing in it that tells me where I am at all times. I wouldn't be able to find my way out of bed without it."

The citizens of South Park didn't pay any mind to the strange man in the weird black outfit. It was just another thing to see in an out of the way mountain town that hardly anybody willingly went to. On the plus side, that meant there was hardly any traffic.

That didn't change the fact that Kyle was nervous. He knew they shouldn't have gone off to find that shooting star. But he had to be manipulated into it like he always was. When was he ever going to learn?

With some weird, alien megalomaniac ordering them around, Kyle wasn't willing to redirect the man's ire to him. Then again, he couldn't tell if this man was angry. He had that impassive look on his face as if he was telling the world he wasn't impressed with it. That face was practically granite as they stood in front of the local electronics store, watching the display of TVs as they were going over the who's who of who was currently running for office.

Since it was 2014, it was only congressional elections that nobody really paid attention to. The presidential election had been over for quite some time so yeah, this Zod guy's timing couldn't have been any worse. If he wanted to run for president, he was going to have to wait until 2016 before he could.

"Zod does not know what he is watching but it is annoying Zod," Zod said.

"That's how most people are after an hour of watching politics," Stan said.

"Are any of these people of importance?" Zod demanded.

"Well, most of them are state and local level," Kyle explained. "Only like seven of them are important but they're senators and representatives."

"Zod does not represent anyone but himself," Zod said. "Who is the most important Earthian here?"

"It's not Earthian, it's human," Kyle corrected.

"Are you correcting Zod?"

"No, I'm just…telling you what we humans call ourselves," Kyle backpedalled. Sheesh, for a second there, Zod's eyes were glowing again. He didn't want to think of what would happen to him is those red laser beams were shot at him.

"That is a stupid name, human. Earthian tells the rest of the universe that you are from the planet Earth. Human means absolutely nothing. It would be like calling a Kryptonian a Slor," Zod ranted.

"I totally get where you're coming from," Cartman said. "Calling ourselves human? That's stupid. You know who you should take this up with? Obama."

"And who is this Obama?" Zod inquired, his attention now on Cartman.

"Why, he's the president," Cartman answered. "He's the most important Earthian even though he's black and had to have stolen the last election because when have black people never stolen something?"

"He was elected fair and square," Kyle cut in, glaring at the fat boy. "Just because you have some grudge against him doesn't mean you have to blame him for everything."

"But he promised us change and where is it?" Cartman demanded. "Tell me Kyle. I would love to know where all his change is."

Kenny spoke up, his voice muffled.

"What did he say?" Zod said, not asking because apparently this guy didn't ask questions.

"He said Obama's change is in his front pocket. Where else would it be?" Stan translated.

"Oh ha, ha, Kenny, you must think you're so smart," Cartman mocked.

"Silence," Zod ordered. All four of them shut their mouths. "This Obama Earthian is the human who was elected to be in charge of your planet?"

"Actually, it's more like the nation we're in," Kyle answered helpfully.

"Don't mind him, the Jew over there is really into technicalities," Cartman said. "Pretty much, Obama is in charge of the planet, even if he is a black man."

"Very well then, Zod has decided," Zod said. "From this moment, Zod declares his candidacy for president. When is the soonest Zod can be elected?"

"I think in two years?" Kyle said hesitantly.

"Two years? That is way too long. Zod shall run for president in this election cycle," Zod declared.

"Oh boy," Stan uttered and it was obvious that he couldn't come up with anything better to say. Kyle admitted, though, that his best friend's words summed up the situation. Maybe not perfectly but it was a good try.

But then, someone who happened to be passing by as Zod made his declaration decided to stop and face the oddly-dressed man. "Sorry, but I heard you say that you would be running for president. You're going to have to wait two more years buddy."

"Are you telling Zod what he can and cannot do?" Zod asked in that tone of voice that made it obvious that he wasn't asking anything.

"Look, I'm just trying to tell you how it is. You have to wait like everybody else for the presidential election. It's only the congressional ones that nobody cares about," the passerby said and Kyle winced. The guy sounded explanatory but he wasn't doing or saying anything that might pacify Zod's anger.

"You mock Zod," Zod stated.

"No, that's pretty much the way it is. It's not like you can change how we've been doing things all by yourself," the guy said.

Zod's eyes narrowed, glowing with an eerie red light that didn't look like anything natural. Oh crap, he was about to—

Twin laser beams blasted from Zod's eyes and nailed the man he was speaking with in the head. There were odd sounds screeching from the man's mouth as his head began to swell bigger and bigger, turning a pinkish-red color before exploding and sending bits of brain and tissue all over the place. Some of it splattered onto his orange coat but Stan ended up with more on him seeing as how he was closer to the now dead man.

There was silence on the street, everyone's attention captured at the horrific sight. The only one who seemed completely unfazed was none other than Zod who had that same bland expression on his face though there was a hint of something, superiority, embedded in those facial muscles.

Suddenly, a woman cried out, "Did you see that? That man just had an aneurysm!"

…what?

"See!" Cartman crowed. "You owe me ten bucks, Kyle!"

"I don't owe you shit! We never bet!" Kyle snarled back, completely letting the horrific death of another human being slip his mind. For the time being, at least.

"Now that Zod has your attention, listen well," Zod announced. "I, General Zod, am announcing my candidacy to be your next president during the current election. Zod expects you all to participate in the electoral process and choose General Zod as your next ruler."

Silence fell upon the city street as the citizens of South Park stared at Zod. One could only hope that no one was going to question this man.

"Is it primary season already?" someone asked.