Okay, to understand the whole Frodum thing, you have to read my other fic,
"Frodo - how did he get so skinny anyway?". To understand the whole Frodum
thing and attain Zen, you have to read and review my other fic, "Frodo -
how did he get so skinny anyway?"
Disclaimer: I own no recognizable characters.
This is really really OOC, and oh yes, there will be a sequel.
****
The Misadventures of Frodum
One day Frodum and Precious the boot were hiding out in Aragorn's closet.
"Quietly now Precioussessuss" hissed Frodum, and the boot obliged by making no response. "Can't let the humanssessussess know we're here!" Unfortunately, Frodum yelled that last part as loud as he possibly could, and the closet door was burst open by Aragorn and Arwen.
"SHRIEK!" exclaimed Arwen.
"SHRIEK!" added Aragorn.
"SHRIEKSEYESSESSESSUSS!" was Frodum's reply, and with that he hurled Precious at Arwen which killed her, against all probability.
And then Frodum and Aragorn fell madly in love.
At least, madly in love until Frodum got Aragorn's pants off and stormed away, shaken and outraged by Aragorn's little "abnormality".
Frodum and Precious wandered for a little while, Precious contemplating life and Frodum muttering angrily. And then they were on top of Mount Doom. Frodum looked around, and then noticed the 90 foot high Pub. The Nyne Riders Blayke was owned and run by the 9 black riders of Sauron, and since his downfall, ie, they're sudden unemployment, they started they're own Pub.
"Hissss, hissss... what is it, Precioussessussess?" asked Frodum. I just told you, you stupid FREAK! *thwak* Now get your scrawny ass in there!
And so, cowering from the nasssty author, Frodum stumbled into the Pub....
.... which turned out to be a Theatre House. On the stage, the 9 black riders were doing the Nutcracker. Frodum, wondering if this sort of blatant sexual display was legal, turned to the rest of the room. The only other people here were Orcs dressed up like elf maidens, and who were making - picture frames? - and a big evil guy dressed all in red. Frodum stared at the big evil guy for a second, and gasped. It was Sauron Claus! Frodum knew all about Sauron Claus - everyone did. He was that annoying homocidal war lord that lived on Mount Doom and every year he made picture frames for all the good little boys and girls, all the bad little boys and girls, all the boys and girls who were sometimes bad and sometimes good, all the parents, all the single people, all the transexuals, all the dead people, all the elves, all the orcs, all the dwarves, all the wargs, all the homosexuals, all eagles, all the ents, and especially for little angry pigs named Steven. Whether they wanted picture frames or not.
Suddenly, Sauron Claus spotted him
"Frodum! What an amazing boot you have! Won't you slay my guide tonight?" Sauron Claus cried. There was a hush, all the orcs held still, the Black Riders ceased they're sordid activities. Frodum was silent for a long time, and then he decided -
"No!" and threw Precious at Sauron Claus *thok!* and knocked him dead. And then everybody loved him, and they shouted out with glee "No more Sauron Claus! Hee hee!!"
And The Black Riders exclaimed "Hurray for Frodum!" But Frodum didn't hear them, because he was halfway down Mount Doom, looking for rocks to eat.
"Precioussesssusss!!"
Disclaimer: I own no recognizable characters.
This is really really OOC, and oh yes, there will be a sequel.
****
The Misadventures of Frodum
One day Frodum and Precious the boot were hiding out in Aragorn's closet.
"Quietly now Precioussessuss" hissed Frodum, and the boot obliged by making no response. "Can't let the humanssessussess know we're here!" Unfortunately, Frodum yelled that last part as loud as he possibly could, and the closet door was burst open by Aragorn and Arwen.
"SHRIEK!" exclaimed Arwen.
"SHRIEK!" added Aragorn.
"SHRIEKSEYESSESSESSUSS!" was Frodum's reply, and with that he hurled Precious at Arwen which killed her, against all probability.
And then Frodum and Aragorn fell madly in love.
At least, madly in love until Frodum got Aragorn's pants off and stormed away, shaken and outraged by Aragorn's little "abnormality".
Frodum and Precious wandered for a little while, Precious contemplating life and Frodum muttering angrily. And then they were on top of Mount Doom. Frodum looked around, and then noticed the 90 foot high Pub. The Nyne Riders Blayke was owned and run by the 9 black riders of Sauron, and since his downfall, ie, they're sudden unemployment, they started they're own Pub.
"Hissss, hissss... what is it, Precioussessussess?" asked Frodum. I just told you, you stupid FREAK! *thwak* Now get your scrawny ass in there!
And so, cowering from the nasssty author, Frodum stumbled into the Pub....
.... which turned out to be a Theatre House. On the stage, the 9 black riders were doing the Nutcracker. Frodum, wondering if this sort of blatant sexual display was legal, turned to the rest of the room. The only other people here were Orcs dressed up like elf maidens, and who were making - picture frames? - and a big evil guy dressed all in red. Frodum stared at the big evil guy for a second, and gasped. It was Sauron Claus! Frodum knew all about Sauron Claus - everyone did. He was that annoying homocidal war lord that lived on Mount Doom and every year he made picture frames for all the good little boys and girls, all the bad little boys and girls, all the boys and girls who were sometimes bad and sometimes good, all the parents, all the single people, all the transexuals, all the dead people, all the elves, all the orcs, all the dwarves, all the wargs, all the homosexuals, all eagles, all the ents, and especially for little angry pigs named Steven. Whether they wanted picture frames or not.
Suddenly, Sauron Claus spotted him
"Frodum! What an amazing boot you have! Won't you slay my guide tonight?" Sauron Claus cried. There was a hush, all the orcs held still, the Black Riders ceased they're sordid activities. Frodum was silent for a long time, and then he decided -
"No!" and threw Precious at Sauron Claus *thok!* and knocked him dead. And then everybody loved him, and they shouted out with glee "No more Sauron Claus! Hee hee!!"
And The Black Riders exclaimed "Hurray for Frodum!" But Frodum didn't hear them, because he was halfway down Mount Doom, looking for rocks to eat.
"Precioussesssusss!!"