Notes: Although this story stands alone, it is a sequel to We'll Always Have Risa. The Dårlig Ulv Stranden scene in Doomsday was from Rose's point of view. I decided to see it from the Doctor's view point. I don't think the series gave enough time to the Doctor's bereavement.
Chapter One
The Doctor walked towards the large, now featureless white wall at the end of the room. He was numb with disbelief. No, it was worse than that, he was empty.
He had just helplessly watched his soul-mate fall towards the breach between universes where she would have spent eternity just drifting alone.
He had just decided to jump after her, to embrace her so that they would be together. However, Pete Tyler suddenly appeared, grabbed her and disappeared back to his alternate universe.
He reached the wall and rested his head against the cool surface. Something tingled in his mind, it was Rose. He could feel her standing in the same spot!
He raised his hand and felt her hand occupying the same position, feeling the same bit of wall. His breath caught in his throat, he could feel her anguish and pain.
The cracks between the universes were healing and the sensation started to fade.
She was gone!
Forever!
He put his hands in his pockets and slowly walked away, his feet heavy; reluctant to leave the last place he had seen his Rose.
He wandered unhindered through corridors and stairwells, making his way back to the TARDIS. He could feel her calling him back to her present location in the main warehouse.
The Touchwood staff were either wandering about in shock or they were dead, deleted by Cybermen or exterminated by Daleks.
The TARDIS was standing alone, a sentinel in the dimly lit warehouse. He lovingly touched the blue wooden panelling. A warm 'hum' filled his mind as the TARDIS welcomed him back.
He stepped inside and leaned back against the door, clicking it shut. His head rested against the door as he stared at the arched ceiling. The TARDIS song had changed to harmonics in a minor key.
It was a Gallifreyan lament for the dead, when the last regeneration had ended and the Time Lord or Lady had finally succumbed to time itself.
The TARDIS and Rose were sisters. Rose had once risked everything to look in to the heart of the TARDIS to save the Doctor, and the TARDIS had looked in to Rose.
It had given her the power to save her Time Lord, while trying to protect her from the very same force that would kill her. And now she was lost, the TARDIS felt that loss as much as the Doctor.
The Doctor felt tears burning his eyes and he looked down from the ceiling over to the console. What he saw next tipped him over the edge as he took a ragged breath and started to weep.
Rose's blue hoodie was draped over the handrail. He remembered her leaving it there. She was always leaving her jackets over the handrail.
He slowly slid down the door and ended in a heap on the floor. Tears came freely now as his hearts broke and he cried. The song of the TARDIS changed as she joined him in weeping for their lost soul-mate.
The Doctor watched in horror as her grip started to fail. He was helpless to save her. She was achingly close, but if he let go to try to reach her, he would immediately be sucked in to the rift.
"ROSE, HOLD ON. HOLD ON," he shouted to her.
Silently she looked at him. She could feel the cramp in her fingers causing them to one by one relinquish their hold on the lever. Her body was now horizontal with the force of the pull.
Time seemed to slow down for her as the last finger gave up its hold and she fell toward the rift between universes. She heard the anguished cry of the man she loved, calling her name.
"ROSE! NOOOOOOOOO!" He looked on in utter disbelief as the woman he had come to love like no other, headed towards oblivion.
He woke with a start. He didn't realise he had fallen asleep. There was an insistent urging in his mind; the TARDIS wanted him to come to the console.
He looked up from the floor and gasped. Rose was standing in front of him wearing those sexy, tight jeans and her union jack tee shirt.
"Come on then," she said, holding out her hand to him. "Show me your moves."
He reached up to her and she faded away. "Oh great! Now I'm going crazy," he said out loud, wiping his wet cheeks with his hand.
He wasn't going crazy. He knew it was part of the grieving process. His brain would hallucinate to try to compensate for his loss; he would see Rose when he normally expected to see her.
The urgency of the TARDIS's calling increased. "Alright Old Girl, I'm coming," he told her. "What's got you all fired up?" He asked her. He walked up the ramp passing the discarded hoodie and touched it gently as he walked by.
He got to the console and looked at the monitor. His 'Old Girl' had been monitoring the repair of the fractured universe. It started at the epicentre and was spreading outwards.
The TARDIS had highlighted an area on the star chart where a large star was currently in its death throws before it went nova. It was close to a fracture that would be the final point at which the breach would heal.
"Oh you clever girl! You clever, clever Old Girl," he said as he ran around the console to set the coordinates and activate the time rotor. The TARDIS started its familiar wheeze as it squeezed and stretched the very fabric of time and space.
He closed his eyes, and using the TARDIS as a transmission booster, he called out to Rose across this universe and into the next. The TARDIS used her link with Rose to find her and call her to the place where the breach connected the two universes.
He opened his eyes and looked up from the controls. He saw Rose curled up on the jump seat reading a holo-book on the e-pad. She looked up at him and gave him that heart-melting, loving smile. Then, like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland, she faded away until even that wonderful, heart breaking smile was gone.
Four hours and 25 minutes later he saw her again, but this time it was no hallucination. Standing on the floor grating next to the console was her full size hologram, wearing a black leather jacket and baggy jeans. The too long sleeves of her jumper peeked out from inside the jacket.
"Where are you," she asked imploringly, a sad, haunted look in her eyes.
"Inside the TARDIS," he told her. "There's one tiny little gap in the Universe left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a super nova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."
She shakes her head gently. "You look like a ghost."
"Hold on," he says as he uses his sonic screwdriver to solidify his image.
Rose walks forwards and raises her hand towards his face. "Can I t..."
"I'm still just an image. No touch," he sadly tells her.
"Can't you come through properly?" she asks him. It sounds like the pleading of a small child. She's seen him do impossible stuff before, surely he can do this.
"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse," he explains, a sad look in his eyes.
"So?" she asks, trying to lighten the mood. It worked. The slightest of smiles graces his still gorgeous lips as they stand there just looking longingly at each other.
His enquiring Time Lord brain suddenly kicks in to try to keep the conversation going. "Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"
"We're in Norway," she tells him.
He raises his eyebrows. "Norway… Right."
She continues. "About fifty miles out of Burgen. It's called 'Dalek Ulv Stranden'.
Did he just hear that right? "Dalek?"
"Dårlig," she corrects him. "It's Norwegian for bad. This translates as Bad Wolf Bay." She rolls her eyes and they both laugh.
'What are the chances of that?' he thought. That damn phrase still haunts them.
"How long have we got?" she asks him, her voice breaking. No amount of time would ever be enough.
"About two minutes," he replied.
"I can't think of what to say!" All the months of longing to see him again, needing to hear his voice, see his smile. If it wasn't so tragic it would be funny.
He looked over the expanded hologram to the figures in the distance. They were semi-transparent against the walls of the TARDIS. "You've still got Mister Mickey, then?" he noticed.
"There's five of us now," she explained. "Mum, Dad, Mickey and… the baby."
The Doctor's heart missed a beat. Not his Rose? Not already? He had to know but didn't want to hear the answer. "You're not?"
She suddenly realized what he was thinking and laughed. "No. It's mum. She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."
'Three months' he thought. The fracture has extended into the future of the other universe.
He looked over with admiration at Jackie and Pete and then back in to those beautiful brown eyes. "And what about you? Are you…"
"Yeah, I'm back working in the shop," she said holding back a smile. She still couldn't resist teasing him.
"Oh, good for you," he said, but he didn't really mean it. His Rose deserved so much more.
She saw through him straight away. "Shut up. No, I'm not." Her voice started to break with the emotion she was feeling. "There's still a Torchwood on this planet. It's open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens."
Now he did mean it when he said. "Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth." She could hear the pride in his voice and see it in his smile.
His face suddenly became serious. "You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead." Tears started to well in both their eyes. Rose lost it first and tears started to roll down her cheeks.
He smiled at her, willing the tears to stop. "Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have."
She had picked up on the finality of that sentence. "Am I ever going to see you again?" she asked him, openly crying now.
"You can't," he stated simply.
"What're you going to do?" she wailed.
His mouth was smiling but his eyes were now crying along with Rose. "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords."
"On your own," she asked. She couldn't bear the thought of him being on his own. Who would look out for him, keep him in check?
He silently nodded at her. He couldn't speak.
"I…." The words caught in her throat. "I love you," she cried, covering her eyes to try to hide her tears.
He wanted to see her smile one last time. "Quite right, too," he said, and those beautiful lips formed that gorgeous smile that he missed so much.
The TARDIS on the other hand gave him a mental version of a kick on the shin. She was urging him to say it. Even if she knew it, Rose needed to hear it, and it was the least she deserved.
In an instant he knew that the TARDIS was right. He looked into Rose's eyes. "And I suppose, if it's one last chance to say it," he started, summoning all his courage and love for this extraordinary human standing before him. "Rose Tyler, I love you."
The image of Rose had faded but he carried on. "I think I loved you from the moment I first held your hand and our time lines became fixed. And I definitely loved you when you risked yourself to save me on satellite 5."
The TARDIS started to sing the lament in his head again as he continued. Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks. "Gallifreyan's don't have the concept of human love. It's different for us, and I've had to learn it, and I've had the best teacher."
He thought again about how he had regenerated in her image. She was dying from the energy that she had used to save him. He kissed her to take the energy into his own body, sacrificing that regeneration for her.
His latest regeneration had been particularly difficult because it was formed to be an exact match for a particular pink and yellow human female.
He wiped his eyes and started to compartmentalise his brain and get his emotions in check. He started to organise his thoughts and made a mental checklist.
'1. Rose was safe. 2. She was with her family. C. He had managed to say goodbye.' He stopped and received a mental elbow in the ribs. 'Oh, and 4. I have my beloved TARDIS."
He started to set the controls to take him away from the super-nova when a woman suddenly appeared on the opposite side of the console. "What?" he said out loud. She was gobby with an attitude, a ginger attitude to make it worse. And why the hell was she dressed like a bride?