Touch Me by patricia51
(Peeta's thoughts about Katniss as the victors' train pulls into the station. Katniss/Peeta)
(Title and lyrics taken from the song of the same name by The Doors first released in 1968. The song has been in my head recently and after watching (repeatedly) my brand new DVD I know why. And, LOL, I know many if not most of you all are going 1968? My parents weren't even born yet. *sigh* and that was the year I graduated from college.)
It's heady stuff. We slide into the station and it looks like the entire district is here to meet us. People are waving frantically and jumping up and down. Katniss and I return the waves, a bit more sedately as befits the winners of the 74th Annual Hunger Games and the first pair to survive. Besides, Haymitch told us to act a little restrained except when it comes to each other.
Yeah! Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Now touch me, baby.
There's my Dad and my brothers and good golly my Mother and even she's looking excited and happy. Maybe it's for Katniss, after all Mom DID think she had a much better chance of winning the competition than I did. But then I thought so as well.
There's Katniss' Mother looking years younger. And there's Prim waving and riding on the shoulders of…
Gale.
Can't you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
How much do I know about Gale? More to the point how much do I know about what has passed between him and Katniss? I know that the two of them have been hunting companions for some time now. It's an open secret they go beyond the district boundaries, the game they bring back would give that away if nothing else.
I study his face and it takes me only seconds to recognize the look there. It's an obvious one, to me anyway because I've seen it in the mirror quite often.
Gale is in love with Katniss.
Why won't you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that you made?
God, could I blame him? Of course not. And the thought hits me. This must have been hell for him, watching the two of us. Every moment, every touch, every kiss and embrace that brought joy to my heart must have hurt him. If our positions were reversed how would I have felt? So I can understand the pain I see in his eyes mingled with the hope that now that she's back everything will turn out to be a show.
And is it? Just a show? I can't believe that. In the end of course it doesn't matter how Gale feels, it only matters how Katniss feels. And one moment I'm sure she really is in love with me and the next I'm not sure of anything at all.
Just before we pulled in I asked her a question.
"So what happens when we get back?"
Did she see me hold my breath waiting for her answer? Did she even understand that what I meant was what was going to happen to us? If she did then her answered was a dream crusher.
"I don't know. I guess we try to forget."
I'm sure there are a lot of things she wants to forget. The deaths she caused: Glimmer and Marvel from District One and Cato even though those others were trying to kill her and Cato's death was a mercy killing. And not just the ones she killed. I know that no matter how hard she tries she will never forget little Rue dying in her arms. Because a part of her never wants to forget that little girl who shadowed her.
"I don't want to forget," was all I could say in reply.
Maybe I should have said more. Maybe I should have told her I don't want to forget a minute of it. Not a single moment with her whether she was angry with me, afraid for me, tolerating me or even ignoring me.
Now, I'm gonna love you.
Till the heavens stop the rain.
I'm gonna love you.
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I.
I realize something. No matter what happens between Katniss and me or between Katniss and Gale the last few days have fulfilled my dreams as I never thought they could be.
I heard the Game Master's announcement and thought it too bad that she and I wouldn't be the winners. But then she was standing over me, looking for me and calling my name. I grabbed her ankle and she looked down as startled as I ever think I will see her. And then she was on her knees and holding me and regardless of what she would say later on the stage to Caesar at that moment I was the happiest person in the world.
I won't forget that first kiss on the cheek nor the long deep one that came later. I won't forget her risking her life to get the medicine that saved me. I won't forget waking up that last morning and before I realized the pain of my wound was gone my whole world narrowed to the feel of my arm around her, her head on my chest and the light in her eyes when she lifted her face to me and whispered a simple "hey".
I won't forget the fire in her eyes when I reminded her that the Games had to have a winner and the power in her voice when she replied "No, they don't". I will never forget her whispered "Trust me?" and when she sat on the stage and declared "We saved each other."
I take her hand one more time and we lift our arms to show the crowd and they go even wilder. We're back. I can think this; that whatever the future may hold Katniss Everdeen, the girl of my dreams for years, the girl I will always love, was mine even if just for these few days. That's not enough but if it is all there is it will do.
(The End)
(This obviously follows the movie more than the book. In the movie Katniss seems much less conflicted to me about Peeta versus Gale. The last conversation and the scene at the station come straight from the movie as do other scenes and exactly whom Katniss killed. And since this is my first HG fiction I have been wondering if anyone can come up with the slightest possible reason why Jennifer Lawrence should NOT get the Academy Award this year for best actress? My Lord she is incredible.)