Not Even With Yourself

Waiting at the train station in a different area of Tenguu city in order to return to his neighborhood, Shido Itsuka was checking his phone as he waited for the next departure. He was alone today for the sake of running an errand. As for why it had to be so far from his home, he wanted to keep the others from noticing. He scrolled up his inbox after seeing a new notification.

What would you like to eat for dinner?

The text message was from Kurumi Tokisaki, someone who had been living with Shido for over half a year now. Each day they were slowly getting used to their lifestyles overlapping, but there was still a moment of shyness that would occur now and then.

Not being able to help form a grin, Shido started replying to Kurumi's text.

Surprise me.

A reply followed shortly after.

That doesn't really tell me anything.

Shido's grin widened as he replied once more.

I'm telling you that whatever you make is tasty.

Another reply came, but it arrived several seconds later than the other text.

…you made me almost drop my phone…I'll think about what I should make then…

Feeling that that was a good place to stop texting Kurumi, Shido slid his phone back into his pocket, feeling a little triumphant. The next train would be arriving in a few minutes.

Just as Shido was dozing off, he suddenly felt as if he was being gently pushed from behind his back, causing him to lean forward a little before stopping.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I wasn't looking at where I was going."

A girl's voice could be heard from behind him.

"Oh, it's alright."

Shido replied as he turned around, but the moment he saw the person who had bumped into him, his jaw dropped a little. The person who had bumped into him was a girl with long blue hair and a four leaf clover decorating one side of her head. Her eyes were brown, and she was about his height. Admittedly, she was pretty, and so he should have had little to no problems, but there was certainly one big problem that he couldn't overlook, and that was that he knew someone who looked exactly like the person appearing in front of him.

The girl looked a little timid, causing her to shift uncomfortably. It may have been due to his imagination, but Shido thought he saw her blush a little. To what, he didn't know, but there was something that he felt that he had to know.

"Um…"

Not sure how he should talk to her, Shido stood, a little dumbfounded.

The girl remained quiet, not knowing what more she should do after apologizing. At times she looked away, but she would often glance back at Shido, only to blush again and become flustered. The behavior was so cute that it started to make him blush, which was a problem.

Trying to regain his composure, Shido cleared his throat and decided to throw the question out in the open.

"Um…sorry, this might be a little sudden, but…can I ask what your name is?"

Surprised that she was being asked her name all of a sudden, the girl looked up, a little wide-eyed for a moment, and remained quiet for a few seconds before deciding to tell him.

"I-Itsuka…"

The mentioning of his last name made Shido's heartbeat speed up a little.

"Shiori…Itsuka…"

Shiori's face flushed a little more after giving Shido her name, as if she were worried that she shouldn't have given it to a stranger.

Shido stood still for a while as things started to get awkward between him and Shiori. He had heard of the idea that everyone had at least one twin who looked exactly like them in the world, but he didn't think that he would meet his. And worse, his so called "twin" looked like his cross-dressing self, but since he was originally a boy, he was doubting as to whether the gender of the Shiori Itsuka in front of him was similar to his. Thus, for some reason, as if by instinct, his vision was lowered to Shiori's chest. The moment he lowered his vision, his eyes widened a little.

They're…bigger…

At first Shiori was a little confused as to why the man in front of her was staring at her so seriously. For some reason it made her heart skip a beat. As she followed his line of sight, she realized then that what he was looking at was below her face. Understanding eventually came through to her, and she immediately folded her arms across her chest. Her heart was now pounding.

Seeing Shiori panicking, Shido waved his hands in the air, trying to clarify what might be a misunderstanding.

"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to do something like that."

Not being able to stand confronting Shiori either, Shido turned to face his left a little, seeing the next train in the distance approaching. A little relieved that his ride was nearly here, he gathered some courage and turned to face Shiori once more, still feeling a little nervous, causing him to scratch his cheek.

"It's just that...you remind me of someone...and I wanted to know...if you were the same person."

Shido extended his hand out to Shiori.

"I'm Shido Itsuka."

Shiori relaxed a little when she heard a familiar name.

"Itsuka?"

"Y-Yeah, small world, huh?"

Shido gave an embarrassed laugh, hoping that maybe the mood was now a little better.

Shiori had calmed down, but now she was examining the man in front of her more closely. Now that she had a better look at him, she noticed that his eye and hair color was exactly the same as hers, and so was his height. It was as if she were looking at a male version of herself. The thought of her being a man was a little awkward, but seeing it for herself couldn't stop her from suddenly giggling. She gently grabbed Shido's hand and shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Shido. Sorry for freaking out all of a sudden."

Seeing how friendly Shiori suddenly became, Shido gave a thin smile.

"It's alright, I'd do the same if someone suddenly started talking to me like that."

Shiori shook her head.

"No, that's not it. You just reminded me of someone too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, sort of."

Shiori gave a nervous giggle. Shido gave a chuckle of his own.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Let me introduce myself again."

Why was she so nervous?

"Hi, I'm Shiori Itsuka."

Was it because this man named Shido reminded her of herself?

"So, Shido, where are you from?"

Shiori never thought of herself as a narcissist.

"Oh, I'm from…"

She certainly never thought that she would fall in love with someone who looked like a male version of her.

"Really?"

Not to mention, they had just met.

"Then, do you go to…"

She didn't know a single thing about this person other than his name and that she looked just like him.

"Oh, no, I actually go to…"

And yet…

"That's actually close to…"

She couldn't help but think…

"Do you…"

That this…

"…"

…could be love.

As Shido and Shiori had what seemed like a very quick conversation, the train that Shido was waiting for had arrived, and the doors opened.

Shido turned to look at the doors of the train and then back to Shiori.

"Are you getting on?"

Shiori nodded.

"Yeah, actually."

"Feel like going together?"

Shiori replied with another nod.

"Yeah."

Shido and Shiori entered the train together, but it was more crowded than they thought, and so they had to find a spot where they could stand after roaming other parts of the train. They ended up in a tight fit.

Shido was standing while holding a ring handle while Shiori had to stand in front him, holding a ring handle of her own.

"S-Sorry, Shiori."

"Oh, it's alright."

It wasn't very comfortable to talk while being packed with this many people, especially when Shiori was leaning onto Shido from time to time due to the sudden motions of the train after it took off from other stops. It made both of them nervous. They remained quiet for the whole ride, apologizing once in a while when Shiori bumped into him. Over time the number of people inside the train decreased, making it easier to have small talk.

Eventually Shido's stop was here, and he had to get off.

"Guess this is my stop."

Shido let go of his handle.

"Are you going to get off too?"

Shiori shook her head.

"No, I'll be getting off at the next one."

"Alright then. I'll be heading off."

"Okay. It was nice to meet you, Shido."

"Yeah, it was nice meeting you."

Shido began to make his way to the exit of the train as he waved.

Shiori watched him step out, but as he left, she returned her attention to inside the train, more specifically, to the floor. There was something that looked like an earpiece that fell close in front of her. She picked it up and examined it.

When the number of people within the train decreased, Shido and Shiori were the only ones who were still standing in their area.

Other people were sitting a few seats away.

Thus, Shiori thought that this could only belong to one person.

The moment she realized who this may have belonged to, Shiori suddenly left her spot and eventually the train, just before the doors closed. Looking around, she saw that Shido was already heading for a staircase to her left. She began to run after him.

"Shido!"

Shido was now walking down the staircase. It seemed that he hadn't heard Shiori, but the moment she reached the top of it, she yelled his name again.

"Shido!"

Shido quickly turned around to see who had called his name. He eventually turned to look at the top of the staircase, surprised at who he saw at the top.

"Shiori?"

Relieved that Shido had finally noticed, Shiori ran down the staircase to show the earpiece in her hand.

"I think you dropped this. Is it yours?"

Shiori asked while panting a little, trying to catch her breath from the sudden running that she had to do. Shido's eyes widened as he saw the earpiece. He searched his pockets and ears and noticed that he couldn't find the one that he thought he had.

"Yeah, looks like it."

Shiori brought her hand closer to Shido, offering to return the earpiece.

"Here."

"Thanks."

Shido took the earpiece from Shiori after nodding.

"It would've been really bad if I lost that."

Shido placed the earpiece into his pocket. The moment he did so, his eyes widened again as he realized what had just happened, and so he started to apologize.

"Sorry, I made you get off the train."

Shiori shook her head while waving her hands.

"Oh, no. Don't mention it."

Shido shook his head in response.

"No, that was my fault, sorry."

Shido gave a bow.

"No, really, it's oka-"

Shiori tried to take a step down the staircase to be at eye level with Shido, but she lost her balance from overstepping. She yelped in surprise as she fell forward.

Seeing Shiori suddenly tumbling towards him after straightening himself from his quick bow, Shido held his hands up in hopes of catching her.

The result of Shido catching the girl in front of him by her arms was that his face was now very close to hers. Now that he had a better look at her, she was more than pretty.

Shiori was suddenly taken off guard, and her face suddenly reddened.

"U-Um…"

Shido tried getting Shiori's attention and wanted to let go of her, but she was leaning rather heavily toward him, and she didn't seem as if she was trying to recover her balance.

The two of them stayed like this for a while until Shiori finally realized what was going on, and she hurriedly regained her composure.

"S-Sorry, I was a little…surprised, I guess."

"O-Oh…that's alright."

There was another awkward silence.

"So…what are you going to do now?"

"Eh?"

Shiori had forgotten about her dilemma.

"O-Oh, the stop. Um…I'll just wait for the next one."

"Is that really okay?"

"Y-yeah, it's just a few more minutes. It's not like that was the last one or anything."

Shido stood in place at the staircase for a while.

"Alright. I'll go with you."

"Eh?"

"It's my fault after all. I'll make sure you get home this time."

"N-No, that's okay, really. You don't have to go that far. You just got off the train."

"So did you."

"But this isn't my neighborhood."

"It'll still be here when I get back. Probably."

Ignoring the strange part where Shido said "probably," Shiori grew more flustered. Why was she uncomfortable with Shido walking her home?

Because he's a boy, obviously.

Shiori thought that to herself. A stranger would probably let her go by herself right about now. At the very most he would wait at the stop with her, but to walk her all the way home? It was absurd.

But maybe…

Maybe…that's what makes him kind of…

Shiori shook her head before finishing her thought.

"I-I'm alright, really."

As Shiori rejected Shido's offer, Shido himself was already walking back up the staircase.

"Eh?"

"Come on, let's go."

Confused at Shido's behavior and not understanding why he would go so far, Shiori began to follow his lead. The two of them found a bench to sit at.

Shido decided to get drinks for him and Shiori. He returned and handed one to her.

"You don't really have to go so far for me."

"I guess not."

Shido opened his can and took a sip.

"I'll at least wait with you until you go."

"O-Okay…"

Shiori suddenly realized that she was sitting on a bench with a boy, and she felt as though she was closer than she should be. But for some reason, she didn't hate it.

"H-Hey, Shido…"

"Hm?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

There was a pause.

Shiori suddenly felt as if her heart was about to leap out of her chest.

Why did I say something like that!?

It was true that she thought Shido was a nice person, despite the fact that she had just met him today. Chances are this would probably be the last time she saw him anyway. And yet here she was, asking all of these personal questions about him.

"Yeah, I have one."

And just like that, Shiori's chest tightened.

There was another pause.

Shiori turned to look at Shido.

Shido remained staring straight ahead.

What she saw was a smile. A smile that didn't belong to her. It made her heart ache more than it already was at this moment.

The reason Shiori didn't break apart was probably because she had only met Shido today. If he was her childhood friend, or maybe even his sibling, she might have felt devastated.

But even so…

…it still hurts…

Shiori's grip on her drink tightened a little.

"I see…"

"What about you, Shiori? Do you have a boyfriend?"

Surprised at the question, Shiori started panicking.

"Eh? Me? Uh, no, not quite…"

"Really? I'm surprised."

"Why is that?"

"Well, you seem like you'd be asked out by a lot of guys."

Shiori suddenly felt hot, as if she were having a fever.

"N-n-n-n-no way…"

"I'd think so."

"S-s-s-stop joking with me."

Shido laughed at Shiori's sudden behavior. He could tell from this that she was totally different from him and the Shiori that he originally knew. After all, he would never be able to pull off this kind of act.

Shiori grew quiet, trying to recover from her loss of composure.

There was another moment of silence.

"…do you mean it?"

"Yeah, I mean it."

Shido had heard Shiori perfectly. It was expected.

"Then…would you…love someone like me too?"

Shiori turned to look at Shido.

"Yeah."

Shido turned to return Shiori's stare. A door that belonged to the train that the two of them were waiting for had stopped right in front of them and opened. But neither of them left their seat.

"But I'd love a certain someone even more."

Shiori grinned at Shido's remark.

"Then, take responsibility."

Shido also couldn't help but grin. He couldn't help but grin at the curse that he had, and the unpleasant feeling that the girl in front of him had to remember for the rest of her life.

"You owe me for being my first crush."

"Sure. But you won't like it."

"Why not?"

"Because it won't be special."

"…"

Suddenly, Shido leaned closer.

Shiori backed herself away a little, but somehow, and for some reason, stopped herself and advanced forward.

The both of them now had their eyes closed, and slowly, their lips were getting closer until…

Shido woke up hearing birds chirping outside his window. For some reason he felt a little tired, and so he gave a heavy yawn.

"…that was one of the worst dreams I've ever had…"

Shido managed to pull himself up, rub his eyes, and eventually get himself out of bed.

"Shido, is something wrong?"

Kurumi had woken up early to make breakfast and Shido's lunch. When she finally noticed him, he had greeted her with a tired "morning" and immediately sat down with his head lying on the table.

"I didn't sleep so well."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I'll get through the day somehow."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Kurumi was currently taking the role of Shido's girlfriend. Since their relationship was rather special, he was reluctant in telling her about his dream of Shiori Itsuka, but at the same time he didn't want to keep secrets.

"Let's just say, I don't feel like going out of town for a while."

As Kurumi listened to Shido, she placed his plate of breakfast in front of him. Seeing how he wasn't touching his food yet, she walked over to where he was sitting, lifted his face up with both of her hands, and pressed her forehead against his. The sudden action made Shido wake up for the moment.

"Eh? Kurumi?"

Kurumi took her forehead off of Shido's and stared intently into his eyes. Shido himself was a little confused as to why she was doing such a thing. He was also a bit aroused due to her face being so close and her expression being so serious. Moments passed until Kurumi suddenly smiled.

"Good, it's not a fever."

Kurumi let go of Shido's face and straightened her posture.

"Shido, come to my room later today."

Kurumi said so with a smile on her face.

"…excuse me?"

Standing in front of the door to Kurumi's room, Shido cleared his throat and tried to calm himself down before meeting the person on the other side. After taking a few deep breaths, he knocked on the door a few times.

"K-Kurumi? It's me."

Shido didn't think he had to identify himself with his name.

The door to Kurumi's room opened seconds later.

"Oh, Shido, welcome."

Shido made a nervous smile at the strange greeting.

"Come in."

For the most part, everything seemed normal as Shido entered Kurumi's room. The room itself was neat and organized, and nothing was out of the ordinary.

Kurumi closed the door gently.

"So, what's this about?"

Shido turned to face Kurumi after he finished seeing what was inside her room. She was staring at him with a neutral expression. No, actually, it was a little…unnatural…It started to make him feel a little…uneasy…

"H-Hey, Kurumi…"

Kurumi suddenly took a step forward. Shido immediately backed away.

"Why are you backing away?"

Kurumi took another step forward. Shido took another step back.

"W-Why?"

"We're a couple, after all. There's no need to be so distant."

"W-Well, that's…"

Kurumi kept advancing as Shido kept retreating. Eventually he backed into her wall and found that he had nowhere to go.

"…"

Shido looked nervously at Kurumi. He wasn't necessarily afraid of her. No, instead, he was afraid of what she'd see.

The moment he thought that, Kurumi brought her arms forward and held his face with both her hands, similar to what she did this morning. Her hands were cool but gentle to the touch.

"It's alright. I'm not upset."

Shido looked at Kurumi in surprise.

"But I hope you know that not telling me won't keep me from finding out."

There was a moment of silence.

"I know everything about you, Shido."

Once again, Shido felt as if he was being mesmerized as he stared into Kurumi's eyes.

"You were dreaming about another girl this morning."

Shido's heart had skipped a beat a little towards what Kurumi said.

"And it makes me happy that you still care about how I feel."

Kurumi brought her face a little closer to Shido's. It seemed that she had already seen through him.

"T-Then, why are you doing this again?"

"Because I thought I should remind you."

Shido's heart was now drumming, as always.

"Remind me of what?"

"Of how deeply I actually care about you."

Shido remained speechless.

"I won't let you fall in love with anyone else."

Kurumi's face was much closer to Shido's now.

"Not even with yourself."

As those words echoed in Shido's ears, Kurumi brought her lips to Shido's and began to kiss him.

As always, Shido returned the kiss in kind.

It's a little late, but Happy April Fools Day, everyone~ (At the very least, it was still April 1st where I live when I published this)