And I'm back again, this time with some evil satire directed at today's presidential election. (Before anyone asks me, I support Obama, and no, I'm not going into a friggin' political discussion on a fanfiction website!) This story was not meant to offend anybody who supports any candidate. It's just a funny political satire (though if you really want to see masters at this in action, check out Jibjab on Youtube.)

I don't own anything. I'm only using the dub names for clarification; I prefer the Japanese names, and that is NOT turning into a discussion on the reviews, got it?!

Election Day

"How come I don't get to vote? I'm as old as Yusuke and Zane," Atticus whined, pouting and trying to kick Jaden in the crotch. He missed and got himself in the sweet spot, but Jaden panicked and fell over, impaling his crotch on a fireplace poker.

"OW!" Both of them started crying really loudly. Alexis opened the door.

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND BE QUIET!" Both did and looked at her.

"All right, listen carefully because I'm not gonna repeat this! Jaden, don't go near my brother because he'll cause you to lose what little brain cells you have, if you currently have any. Atticus, none of us sane people are gonna let you vote because you failed the citizenship test, which you had to take because you weren't born here!" (A/N: I know Rhodes sounds like an American name, but like I said in the introduction, I like the Japanese names better, and here I'm going to go by Atticus's Japanese name, Fubuki Tenjoin.) Zane and Yusuke both passed that exam with flying colors, so they can vote!"

"What're ya talking about, sis? I thought I gave the right answers!"

"RIGHT ANSWERS?! You told the tester that Patrick Henry was his middle name, Lafayette was a French brand of cheese, and George Washington was the guy who built the Washington monument in the capital, which was apparently Sandwich MA!"

"But that was right!"

"No it wasn't!"

"Yes, it—"

"Are you two at it again?"

Jaden yelped and fainted out of fear as Bastion seemingly appeared out of nowhere, his nose stuck in a book that was titled Modern Chess Openings. "Oh dear," the genius commented calmly as he stepped over a prone Jaden, "Looks like I scared the blimmin' devil out of the poor chap. So, how many people do you think will vote for Cynthia McKinney?"

Alexis snorted and immediately forgot about her brother. "The Green Party? Who the hell ever heard of them? No chance."

"Bob Barr?"

"Old fart."

"That's McCain."

"They're both going to die soon." Syrus joined in the conversation.

"Said who?" Bastion challenged.

"McCain's 70 something!"

"His mom's still alive!"

"So what?"

"Anyway," Alexis put in hastily, "what about Chuck Baldwin?"

Bastion snorted. "Hypocritical jackass. His website says a vote on him won't be wasted because a vote on McCain will be wasted. What the bloody devil!"

Syrus nodded wisely. "Plus people only vote for Ralph Nader because of his name."

"Which is ugly." Aster entered the room and sank into a couch, sighing.

"Some people would disagree, you know," came Chazz's voice as he also entered the room. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway.

"Isn't Ralph Nader that mouse in Cinder—" Atticus was cut off by Chazz coming over and sitting on top of him.

"Shut up…."

"Stupid dueling dick!" Jaden screamed out suddenly, making Syrus yelp.

"Aniki! What're you saying?!"

"I was dueling a dick…and I thought I was gonna die…" Jaden drifted off again.

Aster sighed. "Anyway, so who're you gonna support, McCain or—"

Jaden's hand immediately flew up as he screamed, "I PLAY POT OF GREE—"

"Good Lord," Bastion murmured as he pinned Jaden down and used some string to tie him up. "What does it take for a lad to get some rest around here?"

"Quite a lot," Alexis growled. "Anyway, I like McCain."

"Really? I like Obama better," Syrus commented.

"Are you kidding me?" Chazz exploded. "You—"

This might have turned into a normal, boring political discussion if it weren't for the presence of two very…special people, named Jaden and Atticus.

As everyone got more heated, Atticus suddenly threw himself off of the couch, toppling a startled Chazz over, and ran into the kitchen screaming, "FREEDOM!"

Alexis's eyes widened. "Shit! Mom was having a wine party and we haven't cleaned up! And Atticus is underage….Oh shit! Shit! Shit!"

There was a loud crash and Atticus, with glazed eyes, staggered into the living room. He picked Syrus up, sat down on a couch, and plopped the smaller boy into his lap, then began stroking his chin gently with a finger. "Oh yes, I think you would look absolutely perfect in a dress. A pink one, with white fr—"

Syrus, who had started blushing furiously, socked Atticus in the face and hopped off the pervert's lap, screaming loudly, "HELP!"

Jaden chose this time to wake up.

The first thing he saw was a mop of light blue hair circling around getting chased by something brown and screaming like a girl. There was only one conclusion—

"EVERYBODY RUN! WE'RE GETTING INVADED BY MARTIANS!"

Shrieking and cursing the name of "Parah Salin", Jaden ran out the door, snagging his boxers on the doorknob and getting his pants pulled down as he continued.

Zane and Yusuke returned home to Jaden looking like he'd been chased out of the bathroom, Syrus screaming and getting chased around by Atticus making kissy noises and holding out a disgustingly frilly pink dress, and Chazz sitting around with a twitching eyebrow and a random banana peel sitting on his head.

Everybody froze at the appearance of the Kaiser.

Zane blinked. "Did I miss something?"