The Man Lost Inside The Legend
David had just awakened from another terrible nightmare. This was the seventh nightmare this week alone, they were coming more often and becoming more and more realistic, but even worse then the frequency was the fact that most of them were about Meryl. This last one was no exception either. It was still vivid in his mind, how he had given into the pain of that bastard Ocelot. The electric shocks were painful, but selling her out was a worse pain to live with.
David sighed and brushed the long strands of dark hair off of his sweat- covered brow. These nightmares were becoming a nuance. It had been weeks since he had a decent nights rest. Sleep was something he desperately needed at this point too. He and Hal had so much work to do and he couldn't function with only one hours' worth of rest, maybe in his younger days, but not anymore.
There's no two ways about it. David thought. I'll have to have Hal forge another prescription for me.
David hated having to rely on anti-hallucination medicine and prescription sleep aids to get through life, but this was the only way he would be able to function, otherwise the hallucinations would come without warning. Besides, he had to be rational in order to convince the world of the new rising threat. A world full of Metal Gears. Just the thought of those gigantic walking death machines roaming the earth proudly, bathed in the blood of innocent people sent a cold shudder up his back.
I need a cigarette. He thought.
David pealed himself off of the mattress and placed his feet onto the cold hardwood floor. His dark hazel eyes quickly surveyed the room for his pack of cigarettes. Usually they were on the nightstand next to his bed, but for some odd reason he had left them on the desk next to the computer. David picked up his boxer short from the floor, placed them on and began to slowly walk across the room to the desk.
The apartment was dark and silent. The only sound was from the hardwood as it cracked and creaked underneath David's feet.
This new apartment is going to take some getting use to. He thought as he finally stopped at the desk and flipped the pack of Lucky Strip cigarettes open. But why bother? I won't be living here for much longer anyway.
David took out one of the long nicotine sticks and placed it into his mouth. Then he picked up the orange lighter and began to light the tip. But before he set the cigarette ablaze, the reflection of the fire gleamed in the mirror that was above the desk. David's eyes looked up quickly then back to the lighter as he lit the tip of the cigarette.
Inhaling the tobacco and basking in its dark flavor, David once more looks at his reflection in the mirror.
"Here's smoke in your eyes." He said blowing out the cigarette smoke into his reflection.
David put to lighter down onto the desk and looked again at his reflection. Ever since childhood, he had a slight problem with looking at himself in the mirror. Now he could barely stomach it. Every time he saw his reflection, Meryl's words to him would race through his head.
"I was just afraid to look at myself. I want to know who I am. What I'm capable of. I want to know why I've lived the way I lived until now? I want to know."
You'll never find out, now will you? He thought.
With a deep sigh he blew out more smoke and continued to look at himself. Beyond Meryl's words, there were the questions, the true reasons why he couldn't stand looking at himself.
I remember now. He thought as he walked away from the mirror over to the large window. His dark hazel eyes stared up at the full moon. The stars too, seemed to dance in his vacant eyes. This was just like that night many years ago. The only difference is instead of being six years old he was now 36.
It's strange. He thought. All those questions still nag at me after all these years. Where is my family? Who are my parents? Why must I be alone? Who am I really? I swore I let all of this go.
David smirked and continued to gaze at the moon.
If I still think about it, I must not have let it go.
At the age of six, David was living in an orphaned children's home. The retired hippies who worked their tried hard to make the place warm and loving, and for the most part it was, but nighttime was when the cold and dark settled in over him. One night, he just couldn't bring himself to fall asleep, so he crept out of bed, snuck up to the roof and sat up there staring into the full moon.
"I wonder what my parents are doing right now." He thought aloud. "I wonder if they miss me."
"What a naive kid I was." David said sitting down on the windowsill. "My parents. Ha, that's a joke. My father was a sick and psychotic man. He is the reason why there is all this horror in the world. If he had just left well enough alone."
David took a puff of his cigarette and blew out the smoke.
"Well at least I don't look like the old bastard." He said with a grin. "I don't think I could even bear to look at myself, if I knew it would be his reflection staring back at me. I must get my good looks from my mother. Musta been one hot babe, who ever she is."
His mind drifted again to the night and he could hear very vividly the questions he asked to the moonlight.
"I wonder if I have any brothers or sisters."
"Oh good lord?!" David groaned. "If I knew then what I know now?! Man, I'd a left that can of worms alone!"
However, He thought with a grin. It's nice to see the hereditary insanity has escaped me and moved on to someone else. Thankfully, I'm the last of this twisted bloodline, so the buck will stop here.
"I wonder what life will be like when I'm a grown-up." David recalled asking the moon. "I want to be big and strong. And I want to have lots and lots of friends."
Well, the big and strong is very nearly true, but I don't have a lot of friends. He thought. Which is all well and good. Every now and then I'll see Roy and we'll talk and Hal. God, I see Hal everyday. He's the closest friend I've ever had not to mention, we're business associates too. Actually he's one of the few people on earth who can say they honestly know me, and my secrets.
David took one last good puff on his cigarette before putting the butt out on the windowsill. He turned away from the moon's gaze and looked around his apartment. For the first time it dawned on him, this was a furnished apartment, none of the personal effects were his at all. Ever since his humble abode in Alaska as destroyed, he figured keeping personal things was useless.
"Damn!" He cursed. "And after all that trouble I went though to build that place too."
Besides, keeping personal things isn't the smartest thing to do when you're supposed to be dead. The dead don't have possessions. But I'm not dead; I'm very much alive. I. I.
"I don't understand who I am."
"Man, I really was a strange kid." David said getting up from the windowsill and walking back over to his bed.
Who I am is a man who is determined not to see anyone else murdered by another hellish Metal Gear. I am a man who will destroy Metal Gear no matter what the cost. But more then anything, I'm a solider. A solider who despite all odds, manages to live though whatever firefights come my way, the legendary Solid Snake.
"What bull-shit!" He said sliding onto the soft mattress.
I'm no more a legend than anyone else. If anything, I'm a man who is buried inside his own myth. Caught between reality and mythology. A man who cannot escape his own legend is a pathetic creature indeed. Most people will only see in me as cold and calculated killer, but that isn't true of my entire personality. When Meryl died, I felt and still feel an intense amount of pain and remorse. When Frank was crushed to death, I felt a part of me die with him. Cold? No, my heart is not entirely cold. If it were, I could not fully devote my time and effort to Philanthropy. I would not be willing to fight this new evil. I would just give up and let Metal Gear destroy everything. But I can't, I must take down every Metal Gear, even if the cost is my life.
David yawned and nestled his head into the soft pillow. Slowly his mind began to clear of all thoughts and his eyelids began to feel heavy, sleep was eminent, hopefully the nightmares would be done for the night. Thankfully his dream this night was peaceful. It was a dream of a world of peace and tranquility. Free of fear and despair. It was a dream that always was in the back of David's mind. From the time he was a child until now, the dream of peace and harmony.
David had just awakened from another terrible nightmare. This was the seventh nightmare this week alone, they were coming more often and becoming more and more realistic, but even worse then the frequency was the fact that most of them were about Meryl. This last one was no exception either. It was still vivid in his mind, how he had given into the pain of that bastard Ocelot. The electric shocks were painful, but selling her out was a worse pain to live with.
David sighed and brushed the long strands of dark hair off of his sweat- covered brow. These nightmares were becoming a nuance. It had been weeks since he had a decent nights rest. Sleep was something he desperately needed at this point too. He and Hal had so much work to do and he couldn't function with only one hours' worth of rest, maybe in his younger days, but not anymore.
There's no two ways about it. David thought. I'll have to have Hal forge another prescription for me.
David hated having to rely on anti-hallucination medicine and prescription sleep aids to get through life, but this was the only way he would be able to function, otherwise the hallucinations would come without warning. Besides, he had to be rational in order to convince the world of the new rising threat. A world full of Metal Gears. Just the thought of those gigantic walking death machines roaming the earth proudly, bathed in the blood of innocent people sent a cold shudder up his back.
I need a cigarette. He thought.
David pealed himself off of the mattress and placed his feet onto the cold hardwood floor. His dark hazel eyes quickly surveyed the room for his pack of cigarettes. Usually they were on the nightstand next to his bed, but for some odd reason he had left them on the desk next to the computer. David picked up his boxer short from the floor, placed them on and began to slowly walk across the room to the desk.
The apartment was dark and silent. The only sound was from the hardwood as it cracked and creaked underneath David's feet.
This new apartment is going to take some getting use to. He thought as he finally stopped at the desk and flipped the pack of Lucky Strip cigarettes open. But why bother? I won't be living here for much longer anyway.
David took out one of the long nicotine sticks and placed it into his mouth. Then he picked up the orange lighter and began to light the tip. But before he set the cigarette ablaze, the reflection of the fire gleamed in the mirror that was above the desk. David's eyes looked up quickly then back to the lighter as he lit the tip of the cigarette.
Inhaling the tobacco and basking in its dark flavor, David once more looks at his reflection in the mirror.
"Here's smoke in your eyes." He said blowing out the cigarette smoke into his reflection.
David put to lighter down onto the desk and looked again at his reflection. Ever since childhood, he had a slight problem with looking at himself in the mirror. Now he could barely stomach it. Every time he saw his reflection, Meryl's words to him would race through his head.
"I was just afraid to look at myself. I want to know who I am. What I'm capable of. I want to know why I've lived the way I lived until now? I want to know."
You'll never find out, now will you? He thought.
With a deep sigh he blew out more smoke and continued to look at himself. Beyond Meryl's words, there were the questions, the true reasons why he couldn't stand looking at himself.
I remember now. He thought as he walked away from the mirror over to the large window. His dark hazel eyes stared up at the full moon. The stars too, seemed to dance in his vacant eyes. This was just like that night many years ago. The only difference is instead of being six years old he was now 36.
It's strange. He thought. All those questions still nag at me after all these years. Where is my family? Who are my parents? Why must I be alone? Who am I really? I swore I let all of this go.
David smirked and continued to gaze at the moon.
If I still think about it, I must not have let it go.
At the age of six, David was living in an orphaned children's home. The retired hippies who worked their tried hard to make the place warm and loving, and for the most part it was, but nighttime was when the cold and dark settled in over him. One night, he just couldn't bring himself to fall asleep, so he crept out of bed, snuck up to the roof and sat up there staring into the full moon.
"I wonder what my parents are doing right now." He thought aloud. "I wonder if they miss me."
"What a naive kid I was." David said sitting down on the windowsill. "My parents. Ha, that's a joke. My father was a sick and psychotic man. He is the reason why there is all this horror in the world. If he had just left well enough alone."
David took a puff of his cigarette and blew out the smoke.
"Well at least I don't look like the old bastard." He said with a grin. "I don't think I could even bear to look at myself, if I knew it would be his reflection staring back at me. I must get my good looks from my mother. Musta been one hot babe, who ever she is."
His mind drifted again to the night and he could hear very vividly the questions he asked to the moonlight.
"I wonder if I have any brothers or sisters."
"Oh good lord?!" David groaned. "If I knew then what I know now?! Man, I'd a left that can of worms alone!"
However, He thought with a grin. It's nice to see the hereditary insanity has escaped me and moved on to someone else. Thankfully, I'm the last of this twisted bloodline, so the buck will stop here.
"I wonder what life will be like when I'm a grown-up." David recalled asking the moon. "I want to be big and strong. And I want to have lots and lots of friends."
Well, the big and strong is very nearly true, but I don't have a lot of friends. He thought. Which is all well and good. Every now and then I'll see Roy and we'll talk and Hal. God, I see Hal everyday. He's the closest friend I've ever had not to mention, we're business associates too. Actually he's one of the few people on earth who can say they honestly know me, and my secrets.
David took one last good puff on his cigarette before putting the butt out on the windowsill. He turned away from the moon's gaze and looked around his apartment. For the first time it dawned on him, this was a furnished apartment, none of the personal effects were his at all. Ever since his humble abode in Alaska as destroyed, he figured keeping personal things was useless.
"Damn!" He cursed. "And after all that trouble I went though to build that place too."
Besides, keeping personal things isn't the smartest thing to do when you're supposed to be dead. The dead don't have possessions. But I'm not dead; I'm very much alive. I. I.
"I don't understand who I am."
"Man, I really was a strange kid." David said getting up from the windowsill and walking back over to his bed.
Who I am is a man who is determined not to see anyone else murdered by another hellish Metal Gear. I am a man who will destroy Metal Gear no matter what the cost. But more then anything, I'm a solider. A solider who despite all odds, manages to live though whatever firefights come my way, the legendary Solid Snake.
"What bull-shit!" He said sliding onto the soft mattress.
I'm no more a legend than anyone else. If anything, I'm a man who is buried inside his own myth. Caught between reality and mythology. A man who cannot escape his own legend is a pathetic creature indeed. Most people will only see in me as cold and calculated killer, but that isn't true of my entire personality. When Meryl died, I felt and still feel an intense amount of pain and remorse. When Frank was crushed to death, I felt a part of me die with him. Cold? No, my heart is not entirely cold. If it were, I could not fully devote my time and effort to Philanthropy. I would not be willing to fight this new evil. I would just give up and let Metal Gear destroy everything. But I can't, I must take down every Metal Gear, even if the cost is my life.
David yawned and nestled his head into the soft pillow. Slowly his mind began to clear of all thoughts and his eyelids began to feel heavy, sleep was eminent, hopefully the nightmares would be done for the night. Thankfully his dream this night was peaceful. It was a dream of a world of peace and tranquility. Free of fear and despair. It was a dream that always was in the back of David's mind. From the time he was a child until now, the dream of peace and harmony.