Summary: Sequel to "Repetition."

Disclaimer: I own nothing CSI related. I don't even have the DVDs yet.

Rating: PG

Notes: Please let me know if this is a good sequel. Thanks much!

--In Denial...Maybe--

Catherine Willows is my best friend. Nothing less. Nothing more.

I admire her.

I respect her.

But I do not love her.

Because to love her would be the utmost folly I could ever commit. And I don't make any mistakes I can prevent.

I am never jealous when she turns away from me to talk to her latest boyfriend.

I feel happy for her when her face lights up when talking about him.

I have never wished it was me she was talking to in that low, sultry voice I have heard her talking into her cell phone when she thought no one was listening.

I don't think of her every morning before I go to bed.

Or when I wake up at night; she is not the first thing that comes to my mind.

I have never watched one of those sappy movies she accidentally left at my house, just because I know she loves it, and it reminds me of her.

I don't have more pictures of her than I can count.

I have never sneaked a peak when she bends down in front of me in one of those low cut shirts.

Those shirts that do not drive me wild when she wears them.

I never allow my hand to rest a little to long on the small of her back.

I never inhale the scent of her vanilla sugar shampoo when I am leaning over to look at something.

And the only reason I know it's vanilla sugar is because she left it at my house once, when she and Lindsey spent the night because their house was being exterminated.

And I did not lie awake that night, listening to the water run, imagining what she was doing right at that moment.

I am not jealous of the other men that get to see what I can only imagine.

And I am not in denial.

Then why do I have to keep telling myself these things?

Why don't I just know them?

The answer is so simple; not hard to believe, but terribly hard to admit.

Because if I am totally and completely brutally honest with myself, I know that I probably am.

In denial, I mean.

Because I am in love with her.

My best friend, my colleague.

Catherine Wilows.

It is true I don't make any mistakes I could prevent.

But I could not stop this from happening. Even if I had wanted to. Which I did.

I still do.

Because the pain of jealousy; the pain of being her friend...it's becoming too much for me to handle.

Against my will, I feel myself pulling away from her.

Retreating back into my shell I know she worked so hard to draw me out of.

But I can't seem to help it.

Because this way, I can pretend that I don't feel anything.

Pretend that I am indifferent to her in that way.

I am not jealous of her boyfriends

Because she is my best friend.

And I love her as a friend only.

Am I in denial?

Truthfully?

Yes, I am.

fin