Chapter one

Bella wasn't used to feeling like this… she wasn't used to feeling reckless. However, the good thing about it all was she was feeling something other than numb. Jacob still wasn't talking to her so she couldn't get her adrenaline thrills with his help, so she had come up with this idea. She knew it was stupid, she knew that there were predicted storms, but she was so numb to pain she was willing to endure the possible pain with open arms. As it started to rain harder, she pulled her truck over by the side of the road and begun to walk along the beach to the rocky steps that led to the top of the cliffs, they were dangerous enough when you were as clumsy as Bella, countless times she almost slipped backwards and banged her head on the sharp edges of stone. Eventually she reached the top. Dumping her coat on the ground, she walked steadily to the cliff edge. Don't look down she said to herself, she wasn't scared of heights that she knew of but the view might make it harder. Why did that matter? She wanted to feel pain, it would be a nice change from feeling nothing; she couldn't cry which made it all worse. The feelings all bottled up inside of her, from Edward leaving her and taking the Cullens, to Jake completely breaking his promise and leaving her, abandoning her without a word. She thought about everything that had happened recently, how alone she had felt and how she spent every day doing the same routine: Number 1) Force yourself to get out of bed. Number 2) Realise with a sinking feeling that life is still continuing. Number 3) Have to go about the day and pretend you're fine. Number 4) Force yourself to eat something. Number 5) Go back to sleep hoping you won't wake again. Number 6) Repeat.

And then the thought that came to her was even worse… or was it good? She didn't even know any more. Would it really matter if she died? Nobody seemed to want to stay with her… she could jump off of this cliff right now and drown in the water below. What would happen? She would escape being a lifeless zombie and maybe finally be at peace. Just one leap and that would be it, over. Painless. Although…. Charlie. She knew Charlie would be upset. And Renee but they didn't even see each other, eventually she would get over it. Charlie needed her to live though, he couldn't cook. It was either exist but not live just to feed Charlie, or hurt Charlie. Surely he would find someone to cook for him, was that really all she was good for? Cooking?

Yes, she was only good for cooking. That was all she did for anyone, Bella told herself. It would be so much easier if she could just… step… and then she'd be gone. Simple.

Charlie didn't just see her as a chef though, did he? He cared about her, loved her. Amongst the memories of how she had been feeling, Bella saw the way her father looked at her, begging for his daughter to return. She saw the slight glimmer of hope return to his eyes when she started hanging out with Jake only for his hopes to be crushed, and his eyes emptied again. Her father needed her. It may not be everyone she loved and thought maybe loved her back, but it was one person. So she was about to step backward when somebody yelled her name.

"Bella?"

She looked over her shoulder and her eyes fell on one of those guys. The leader one, Sam. Her eyes hardened as he started to walk over to her, who did he think he was, yelling at her? Was he coming to dig the knife in further, taunt her that Jake chose him over her? He was just one of the other people out to get her, what did he want? He was getting closer, and Bella was frozen on the spot. How ever much she wanted to go and punch him, to scream at him, she knew that wouldn't help. Also, this man was giant. He would be able to crush her… would he really hurt a woman?

"What are you doing?" his voice was loud but level, he still sounded calm. He stood still at a safe distance, his eyes on her.

Bella opened her mouth to speak and then realised she hadn't spoken a word in five days, and she wasn't going to let her first ones be spoken to Sam Uley.

"Were you about to jump off that cliff?" he asked when she didn't speak.

How dare he jump to conclusions!? That angered Bella, even though he was right he didn't have any right to talk to her like that, like she was a child.

"Bella, please step away from the edge." Despite his insertion of the word 'please' it still sounded like he was ordering her, like telling a dog to back down. He didn't seem to care that she wasn't replying to him, he continued speaking anyway. "I know you're upset right now, Bella. You don't want to do this, though."

How did he know what she was feeling? How did he know she didn't want to 'do this'? How did he even know what she was thinking of doing?

"You… I took your best friend away from you, Bella. I'm sorry about that, but it was for your safety."

"My safety?" Bella spat, although it came out hoarse, barely even a croak.

Ugh Bella, you just spoke. To him, she internally scolded herself.

"Yes, your safety. Please, come away from the edge. You… you can see Jake again."

Bella laughed, this time silently, she wasn't going to give in this time. She didn't want to see Jake anymore; she clearly meant nothing to him. He didn't return her calls, the rare times she had seen him he looked at her like she was a stranger, a disgusting bug who wouldn't leave him alone. Why would she even want to see him? Nevertheless, Sam had this way about him that made her want to listen to him. It was like a pull she couldn't explain, because she really hated him.

"Or not, it's up to you. Bella, please."

Why did he even care? He didn't want some messy unexplained death to occur in La Push, something that golden boy Sam Uley couldn't stop.

"Don't do this. Think of Charlie. Think of your mother. Think of your friends."

I don't have any of those she thought to herself.

"Please."

He sounded like he was begging, that at least made Bella feel like maybe listening to him. She stood there looking at him, her back facing away from the edge of the cliff. He had a point. Charlie… Renee… This wasn't a good way to go; it wasn't noble or worth anything. Except for the pain relief… no she shouldn't think like that! Nervously, uncertainly, she began to step forward and walk away from the edge, only Sam didn't notice. He spoke again, this time louder.

"Please Bella!" it was almost a shout, it took Bella by surprise.

She stumbled in the process of getting away from the safety of attempted suicide, and her arms flailed. A scream escaped her lips, Sam yelled and began to run forward to grab her but even he wasn't fast enough… Bella Swan was tumbling backwards, down, down, down. In to the water below, she was drowning. She was going to die. She wasn't scared though, despite her last minute decision to not kill herself she still thought it might be nice. No more existing on an earth that she was worth nothing on. Her life didn't flash before her eyes, though.

"SWIM!"

A familiar voice shrieked, but she couldn't swim, she had never admitted to anyone but Bella was too scared of water to swim. The voice was getting closer and closer and Bella was growing weaker and weaker.

Eyes open, Bella she told herself, but she couldn't. Her arms had grown limp, she was sinking away…

What Bella first heard was the same voice that had been ordering her to swim.

"She's been out for a while, but I got her heart pumping again. Took her to Sue, I didn't think it would be good for her to wake up in a hospital, she did something to her and then I bought her back here."

Where was here?

"…must have been terrible for you, Sam. Are you going to tell her?"

So Sam had rescued her… how had he got down there so fast? Nobody could have survived swimming in those currents, surely? Why was it terrible for him? And what was he going to tell her? Who was her, Bella? All these unanswered questions made Bella's head ache. She wanted to hear more of their conversation so she kept her eyes pressed shut, but somehow they seemed to sense she was awake because the voices halted and then a moment later the two owners entered the room. One was Sam, Bella knew that much, she didn't recognise the other one. The way he looked at her wasn't particularly friendly; he was even more surly looking than Sam. Like all the La Push boys, he seemed like a giant to Bella; at least six feet. He was big and broad shouldered, but the only thing that Bella seemed to be able to concentrate on was how he was looking at her. It was like… like he didn't like her, yet he also looked like he was glad she was okay. What was going on?

Sam's face looked friendlier, although he wasn't exactly grinning from ear to ear; you could see it in his eyes.

"Good morning, Bella."

Morning!? How long had Bella been out, what was Charlie thinking? Was he looking for her? She didn't voice any of those questions; she just mumbled a greeting and did her best to sit up. She didn't feel good, her heart seemed to burn.

"Billy Black will come over soon; he thinks you'll be better if you see a friendly face."

"Uh, he's not exactly classed under friendly with me at the moment." She said, the words should have been barely audible but the giant boys, or men, seemed to hear anyway.

"He did everything to protect you and Jacob."

Ignoring him, I tried to get to my feet, "I need to go home."

"You can't, we need to talk to you first." Sam said softly, but Bella just swivelled her eyes to him and glared. "Your father knows you're safe."

"What, I'm safely kidnapped?"

Sam's accomplice laughed, it wasn't a happy laugh exactly. "She's good, Sam."

"Billy told him you were staying at his."

"Why'd he lie? Why didn't you just take me home?"

"He lied because your father probably wouldn't be happy to hear you were staying over night at the house of a man you previously accused of being a gang leader."

"Why didn't you just take me home?" she repeated.

"I had to be able to check you were okay."

"I don't even know who you are, other than that you seem to have a knack from brainwashing teenagers."

"Just shut up." The nameless guy muttered rudely.

"Paul." Sam cautioned, and the boy gulped like he was swallowing venom and stared out the window.

Bella didn't try and move away, she felt too tired, but she felt wary when Sam came to sit at the end of the sofa she was lying on.

"Bella, I am going to explain everything to you, alright?"

Reluctantly, Bella nodded and closed her eyes; she didn't feel the need to talk.

"We'll wait until Billy is here, though. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you feeling ill?"

"…my chest hurts."

"I'll get you some painkillers, anything else wrong?"

She didn't really want to tell him, but he sounded worried, "I feel a bit like I'll vomit if I move. I… I feel a bit out of breath. And I'm cold."

"Err…" Sam seemed to hesitate, and then he gingerly reached out a hand. "May I?"

"What are you doing?" Bella demanded, flinching away from his touch, alarmed.

"Please, I don't want you to be cold. I could get you some blankets too, but this will work faster."

The way he was looking in to her eyes was so intense it was almost frightening, but she nodded. Gently, Sam pressed his fingers against Bella's face and automatically it was a relief, she didn't need to try and conceal her shivering as she warmed up. How were his hands so warm!? Without saying anything, Sam placed the fingers of his other hand on Bella's cheek and he kept his eyes glued on her. Without even meaning to, Bella's eyes flickered to his lips and her own lips parted, like they were about to kiss. When she realised, she pressed her lips back together and bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop herself from even getting close to wanting to kiss him again, he was a stranger and even if he had his hands pressed on her face it was still weird. Paul had left the room without Bella realising because he returned with a pile of blankets and Sam moved his hands from my face. The brief rush of adrenaline Bella had felt at his touch had tired her out even more, so she lay back down on the pillows and went to reach for a blanket, only to find she had already been covered in one.

"You want another, or are you okay?" Sam asked, hovering beside her.

"I'm okay." Bella whispered.

"Sue gave me an inhaler to help with breathlessness. I'll go grab that and some pain killers. You want something for in case you're sick?"

She nodded and Sam left the room, returning only a second later. He helped her sit up and Bella tried to hide her blush, it was sort of humiliating to be treated as frail as an old lady. Following his instruction, she breathed from the pump twice and then took two pills. Sam placed a small bucket on the floor beside her and her eyes slowly closed.

Once Bella awoke again, she realised there was a clock on the mantelpiece and it was only nine thirty… how early in the morning had it been earlier? She recognised Billy's voice in the other room but she was too tired and his voice was too quiet and deep it was just a rumble so she couldn't really understand a word he said. As she examined the room further she noticed she wasn't alone in the room, someone else was watching her.

It took her a moment to remember the face, "Embry?"

He nodded and scooted slightly over towards her on his sofa, "Yeah. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. I feel a little light headed…"

"Want me to get Sam?"

She shrugged, "I don't see what he can do."

"You'll be surprised." He muttered quietly, he didn't mean for her to hear but she did. What did he mean by that, why were people speaking to her so cryptically? As if on queue, Sam entered the room. This time he wasn't shadowed by the mean guy… was it Paul? He was followed in by Billy who wheeled to sit close to Bella.

"Hello, Bella." He said, smiling at her.

She didn't smile back, all she remembered when she saw him was how he had basically told her to piss off when she needed her friend.

"Do you want us to tell you everything now?" Sam asked gently, kneeling down beside her and smiling.

She did smile at him, she felt better when she saw him.

"Yes." She replied; she needed answers. "Please." She added.

Sam got to his feet and looked around awkwardly before finally deciding to just sit next to Bella who shuffled upright to make room for him. She shivered, and he reached out a hand. He didn't say anything and he didn't grab her without permission, but Bella slipped her hand in to his and warmed up instantly.

"Alright, Bella. I'm going to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago."