Author's Notes: Just a little thing about doing things you sometimes just can't. Enjoy.
Insomnia
-
He was lying there, spread out on his bed. His brain numbly playing things and events he experienced throughout the day. Mostly things he wanted to forget. Tired of trying he opened his eyes and stared blankly at the ceiling that he just could not bring himself to like.
He couldn't sleep.
Images from the whole day kept flashing off an on, fast as Asuka's changing mood. Way too quick for his brain to quantify.
"I really need some sleep."
He thought as he imagined himself walking as a corpse the next morning. Not that it would change anyone's opinion of him. As Asuka put it three days ago 'That idiot? He's just like a dead body waiting to be cleaned and shoved in a drawer.'
"Maybe."
His favorite musical device ran out of batteries and he was already sick of all the songs. Which were always spraying the air with their foul mood. All those little doses of emotions. It just made him feel like sniffing bleach, dizzy at first then a headache.
"Sleep already you stupid idiotic brain."
"...she's right."
"I'm a stupid little spaz that can't even fall asleep."
It wasn't because of nightmares, he rarely had any dreams at all. It was just so annoying to not be able to sleep that it made him more and more awake as he tried to fall asleep. Or maybe he was asleep and just dreamed all this stuff up. But he decided against it as he smacked his face, just to be sure.
"SLEEP! DAMMIT!" He shouted.
What the hell happened? Why couldn't he just lay and sleep instantly? Like certain someone. He grabbed his head and held the urge to beat himself to sleep. Too much adrenaline in blood, maybe? Yeah, that had to be it. Because that day he witnessed the awesome power nitroglycerin when you push your luck around the bottles for too long. Twice. She blew up like fireworks before him and he couldn't breathe properly for half a hour afterwards.
Why?
He came home and leisurely made his way toward the living room when he noticed her door slightly ajar. Whistling innocently he stopped and retraced his last two steps, turning his head. Asuka was there bent in her underwear and going through some stuff. What he saw made him give Asuka the whistle unintentionally. This in turn pulled the pin and bomb exploded. You can add up the rest of the story.
Shinji smiled rubbing his left cheek still feeling the impact.
"That sure stirred things up a bit."
And so he was thinking about Asuka again. Well he always thought about her. And there is always space to think about Asuka and her influence on him. Wonder why? He thought, confused how the thing he managed to get out of alive slipped in his thoughts so easily again. As his smile grew more pronounced Shinji thought that he almost enjoyed the moment. Almost.
"Can she?"
Words came before the idea popped up.
"Can I ... really?"
Again.
"Just sleep already, what is so DAMN HARD ABOUT IT!" He yelled.
Then something started banging on the wall as someone on the other side was getting upset by Shinji's shouting. Maybe Asuka. Maybe Misato. No it couldn't be Misato, because she pulled the short straw again and had to do the night shift.
Two minutes passed.
The slumber didn't come and Shinji was getting desperate.
"The normal frequency of breathing is twelve to sixteen inbreaths per minute, the faster breathing about twenty inbreaths per minute, it's called tachypnoea, the slower breathing about ten inbreaths per minute, that is er... bradypnoea, and not breathing at all is apnoea..."
With his brain on edge he started to repeat the lecture he drummed, no the lecture someone drummed in his head. And sure the lessons were getting weird these past few months.
But Shinji didn't want to count sheep, so he just revised what he had to know for school.
"Wonder what I have now."
He said and looked at the clock.
"One, two, three, four..." He started counting his breaths.
Suddenly very strange noise came from the apartment. Loud bang or something like that.
"What the..." He said on his feet already.
He straightened his ears curious for more noises.
None.
The idea of doing something else than staring at the clock and counting breaths crossed his mind.
"I guess I have no choice." He decided to check it out.
He reached the knob and opened his door, the hall was darker than usual but nothing weird. Nobody there. So, what room did it come from? Yes, of course. He thought it was Asuka's door. But he wasn't quite sure or ready for another beating.
Shinji advanced to the door and put his ear on the wood just in the case it was just some thing that accidentally fell.
Total quiet.
He could only hear her breathing.
But somehow his brain just wasn't working properly. It switched into sleeping mode without him being asleep. Remembering the test and the study he started to count the breathing coming from inside.
"Wait. No, there's no time to count that. I need to go in. Something could have happened."
Like a soldier before minefield, Shinji knew that if he crossed certain lines he'd be dead for sure. But he was so out of it that the thought of being killed or crippled by Asuka didn't sound that bad. In other words his self-preservation instinct blew a fuse.
He opened the door and stepped in to see what happened.
Nothing.
Was he so tired?
Was it just his imagination playing around?
He just stood there watching the wall like someone temporarily dead, realizing that Asuka was out of a style. There was nothing on the wall. Even he had at least two random posters on the wall so nobody would think he doesn't have any character. But Asuka being stylish, it was... strange. Then he eyed her sleeping on the bed. He didn't want to. No, that's not right he wanted to, but he knew that if he looked it would be either hell or the struggle of looking somewhere else.
But she was asleep. What could possibly happen?
Whoa.
He looked at her and it instantly reminded him how painful it was to have her around.
He wanted to touch her. He may have wanted to sleep with her.
"At least she can sleep."
The 'no one could hear it' sentence didn't work here. She was a very light sleeper. At least that day.
She started moving about.
Yet he didn't panic. That's what the lack of sleep made him. But somewhere in his mind it screamed. She turned around slowly opening her eyes, trying to fix the blurry vision. Creating a sleepy look on her face. The loud sound couldn't wake her and his voice could?
Luck and Shinji weren't exactly on the speaking terms.
"Shinji?" She asked, not sure of what was happening.
"I... uh, what is it Asuka?" His brain still wasn't on the right track.
"What in the hell are you doing here?" Asuka asked.
Shinji took the defense and stepped back.
In his state he was slow. He quite didn't get that she was awake. Well he didn't really believe that he himself was awake in the first place. His mind was like a car without gasoline. But if it was real he had to get out. Strangely enough, he didn't leave.
"Well, I was... just... thinking about something."
Sure he was thinking. About how to slip in her bed.
"This better be good. About what?" She asked, somewhat angry.
But his brain just couldn't work with the material that was given at the moment.
"About inbreaths in sleep." He said. "Couldn't count mine if I slept."
Asuka winced. She never heard little Shinji talk like that. She decided to push it, saving the best for last. And the best was slapping him of course.
"Is that all idiot?" She stared at him, taking a half step out of bed.
"No?" He said.
"So what do you want?" She said rubbing her eyes.
The good thing was that it only took a minute.
The bad thing was...
"I just wanted to see you again, and tomorrow was too long for me to wait because I can't sleep and there was this sound and I can't sleep, ran out of batteries and I love you."
Asuka was... shocked. She looked away in desperate attempt to hide her blush. Shinji didn't get it. He was still in some sort of idiotic trance. Then he noticed that his face felt livid and hot with oxygenated hemoglobin. Something switched and he understood that he got it all backwards and that he said something he probably shouldn't have.
They stared at each other for a while.
"It was just... I... going back to my room now, I guess." He said turning around.
"Wait." She said.
Shinji couldn't tell if she was angry, but still prepared for the worst.
"Turn around." She said.
And maybe he pulled the pin again.
"Look Asuka I'm-"
But instead of getting hit, he got kissed. She kissed him on the cheek and was about to do more, but he stepped away holding his cheek and shaking his head. Okay, this dream was getting too small for comfort. Of course, it had to be a dream. But it felt so real...
"Asuka, why?"
A barely audible, "Because you didn't," slipped out before she could stop it, instantly causing her face to flush.
Shinji smiled. So that's why everything seemed so weird. It was just one of those dreams about her. Shinji never took these dreams for granted, so he quickly moved his mouth over hers in a gentle but firm kiss before leaning back against the wall so that he could see the girl in front of him more clearly. Asuka seemed to be stunned, but all to soon the moment was lost.
Enjoying that he could do what he wanted in his dream, he managed to trip the Asuka fist button with a cocky "So you like me too, eh?"
And Asuka being Asuka, Shinji was left laying on the floor clutching the steadily rising bump on his head as an irate Asuka stormed out of the room muttering obscenities about perverted boys and other things that shouldn't be repeated in polite company.
Rising to his feet, Shinji dusted himself off with a grin on his face despite his aching head. The brain sure knows how to keep her true to the original. Heh, maybe I can talk Asuka into kissing my new wound? It's a dream, can't hurt to try.
Still something about this dream was off. He thought as he rubbed his head.
"It seems too re-"
But it really didn't matter, because as soon as Shinji left the room to find her and finish his dream, Asuka threw him back in her room and had him pinned to a wall and began showering his face with kisses. In between kisses, sly grin crossed his face. He supposed it was a good thing that Misato wasn't coming home anytime soon, because he was pretty sure that he wouldn't be leaving for a while.
-
Shinji opened his eyes, he was in his room. Hm. It was morning so he actually slept.
"Maybe not."
Shinji said as he recognized that he was tired as mule. Maybe he did sleep, but not that much for him to get a rest. Insomnia, that's what they call it. It started a week ago, his first day without sleep. They say that if you don't sleep for about five days you get crazy. But Shinji felt normal, tired like a drug addict without his shot, but not the insane kind.
Shinji looked at the clock again.
"Half past five, it's still too early."
He closed his eyes and tried. But the slumber wasn't there to comfort him, to swipe away the madness and thoughts. Shinji opened his eyes put his hands behind his head, smiling. Well at least he slept for a while. And sure as hell he wasn't alone in that dream.
He yawned.
"Was it reality with Asuka or I was actually sleeping all the time?" He whispered towards the ceiling not very sure if the madness didn't take over already.
"Heh. Either way, it wasn't half bad."
When Shinji had a dream he always did the things the way he wanted. In dreams his personality changed completely, nothing scared him and he never ran away. The complete opposite of reality. He feared nothing and always argued back. But that happened only occasionally.
"I wonder... why I can't sleep."
Maybe the stress.
Maybe something else.
Maybe Asuka.
"Don't know." Shinji yawned again.
He felt like crap.
"...did I say that... to Asuka." His brain again found the thing he thought most about.
"If I was asleep, it's okay, but what if I wasn't?"
He could always ask.
"Yeah, right."
In his dream he might be brave, but reality is reality.
"Hi, did I said I love you, yesterday?"
"Yeah, right..."
He pondered it for a while.
"Wait, that's it!"
Shinji jumped out of the bed as he got an idea, but snuffed it just as fast. He thought of trying a different approach. But only in his dreams he could play it cool. Well what could he do? He went through several solutions. Some, logic told him, wouldn't work. Others were morally inappropriate.
"I'll just let it be. It was just a dream anyway."
"Shinji, are you awake already?" It was Misato behind the door.
"Yeah, I'm up."
"Could you help me out with the breakfast?"
"Who would I be otherwise?" He said to himself as he started to dress.
He got out of the room.
"Is Asuka sick or something?" Misato asked eyeing her door. "She's usually the one that wakes you up."
The way he felt, the idea of getting Asuka's beat up call wasn't that bad. His back hurt. His eyes felt cut open with a razor.
"Maybe she is still upset because of you peeping on her." Misato answered herself.
"Probably." Shinji rubbed his left cheek again.
True Asuka slapped him there, but she kissed him there too.
"Nah..."
Minutes later Asuka's door slid open and she made her appearance. Shinji was too busy with breakfast so he decided he'll leave it at that.
"So did you sleep well?" Misato asked getting tired of the wait for the meal.
Shinji couldn't see, but there was a slight blush on Asuka's face.
Shinji thought Misato asked him so he answered.
"Yeah perfectly." He joked as he sat down.
Asuka's blush deepened drastically. Shinji realized that she was watching him with a shy look blushing all the time.
Suddenly the swirling mess of thoughts came back on.
Did... I... with her.
Dammit, I, she, us together!
What the hell happened yesterday!
He looked at Asuka, she looked away shyly.
Whoa. Just, whoa.
As he unloaded her food like a corpse, Asuka grabbed his arm and whispered.
"You're right, I think I like you too." She blushed some more. "Though I never thought you were so experienced in such things Shinji-kun."
What could he possibly do that made her behave like an average schoolgirl and call him Shinji-kun?
The swirling mess in his head came together as Misato added, "I asked because I think you had a nightmare Asuka, all that shouting and moving about."
Shinji smiled weakly, took two steps back and fell asleep on the floor.