BELIEVING THE LIE
TV Show: Roswell Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there! Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind. Rating: R for language Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding. Genre: Angst
Chapter 1: Living the Drama
Liz Parker and I go a long way back. I remember the years after my dad left my mom, no one in my 2nd grade class would play with me during recess. My then best friend Annie said that she couldn't be my friend anymore. Now I could look back at that and have a snarky comment like "Welcome to Roswell -- prig capital for both aliens and Americans". Even when the divorce rate has climbed faster than the S&P 500 index, people in Roswell still clung onto their perverse sense of conservatism. But no one told me that it was wrong for people to act like that. So back then, I used to think for some reason that all relationships were ephemeral and that I didn't deserve any better. But Liz has always been a contrarian and so she started being my friend probably out of pity at first. And because of this I guard our friendship with such zeal. To me envy for Liz Parker is a betrayal just as worse as sacrilege for the religious fanatics. I was never jealous of what Liz had. Not when she was voted the most beautiful or when she always gets to be the princess in our games with Alex and I always get to be the funny governess or even when Kyle started dating her and everyone in school wanted to be his girl. That is, 'til the Czechoslovakians came into our lives.
For the record, knowing the Czechoslovakians wasn't the worst thing about high school. The worst part of high school was being in high school and having the normal high school issues heightened by all this cosmic drama. And so a couple of months before her wedding, I slept over at Liz's house probably for the last time even though all I wanted was to just bury my head in the ground. I couldn't begrudge her of her happiness even though it throws in stark contrast how my life is peculiarly my own and that I'm destined to be alone forever. I'm losing my best friend the only other person who knows me for me and hasn't run away. I wish Alex were here. Then maybe he'd make some sense out of all this but he isn't around to deflect all that pre-marital bliss away from my full absorption. The problem is seeing how she rocks Max's world and how he does the same for her, I'm tired of pretending that this constricting in my chest doesn't exist. How much I envy her happiness and how things always go smoothly for her. Every time I see them so happy makes me feel like I'm drowning and this time no one's there to save me. May be that's how it was always meant to be. And so though I've managed to avoid meeting up with them in all their potential bliss by going off to New York. I can't run away forever and so I know I have to go back to Roswell soon. Another reason is that my quest in New York is over and there is no other reason for me to stay.
A day after I got back home, the phone rings and I know it's her and before I could make my escape good, my Mom picks up the phone and hollers, "Ria it's for you. It's Liz."
She must've seen the look on my face as I took the phone because she mouthed "what's wrong" but I just had to shoo her away and make excuses about being tired from my trip.
"Hey Maria, are you sick or something? You haven't been around much. Is everything all right?", concern filtering through her voice.
I was thinking of saying, "No not everything is alright because you're so happy and I'm not" but that would make me sound like a petulant brat so I don't say that. Instead I tell her, "Gosh! I'm really sorry Liz but I've been to New York and it was all so sudden so I didn't have time to say goodbye or anything. But yeah everything's okay. I mean what's up with you though? How's the wedding preparation going so far?"
"Nothing much. Isabel is running me harried with all her wedding preparation advice and now she's pestering me to have rehearsals a week before the day."
"Liz are you sure you want to marry into their family? I mean I love Isabel like a sister and she is a dear dear friend but it's her Czechoslavakian powers that stop me from throttling her sometimes."
"Maria you ninny," she laughs, "I missed you so much. But you are going to the wedding right? You have to you're my maid of honor!"
To which I replied in a heartbeat, "I wouldn't miss it for all the MTV awards."
"Say why don't I come over?! I'll borrow Max's jeep and we could go to the shop to have your dress fitted out. At any rate, you would have to do it today since the wedding is a week and a couple of days from now. I'll drop you off while I run some errands then we could talk some more about this New York jaunt that we've always been planning to do when we're old enough which I never got to go. What do you say? I won't take no for an answer after having ditched me like that!" The laughter in Liz voice masks some hurt but I know her too well and I'm flooded with guilt so before I could think up of an excuse not to my mouth as usual works in advance.
"Hmmm. sounds like a plan."
"Okay, I'll be there in two hours."
"Okay. See you later then."
And as she put down the phone and I listened to the dial tone, it seemed that all my energy was spent and I plopped down on the sofa. My Mom's timing is impeccable and she comes in with chamomile tea.
"So Ria? Going out with Liz this afternoon?"
"Yeah Mom. I'm going to try out my dress for her wedding." And my tone probably gave her the hint that I'm not too enthusiastic about it so she peered into my face and asked, "Hon, what's wrong? You've been off since graduation?"
"Nothing Mom. I'm just thinking how blue has never really been my color." Literally or otherwise.
"Nonsense! Maria, blue brings out the highlights in your eyes. Drink your tea." Thank God that my Mom has never been that clued into when I'm telling a lie or not. So while I lay there thinking about how Liz always get to have a fairy tale ending, I fell asleep and thought that I was dreaming about another Czechoslovakian hovering over me.
"Maria, Maria wake up! We have to go to the store before it closes." He was barely touching me but his voice was enough to shake me out of my dreams.
"Wha-? Who? Li.. wait. You're not Liz."
"I sure hope not. As much as I am fond of Maxwell, I don't think I'd like to marry him." He smirks at me in that annoying way which makes my eyes tear up because I miss him so much.
So I pretend to be wiping the sleep from my eyes. "Michael what are you doing here?" Pointing the empty teacup, which I might add I was fortunate enough not to drop while I dozed off, at him for emphasis.
"I came to pick you up." He straightened up and didn't seem to know where to look all of a sudden like he was embarrassed to be with me in the same room. For a minute there, I thought that I must have drooled into the sofa or somehow gotten out of my clothes and just into my undergarments to make him feel so uncomfortable. But after checking that I haven't drooled into something and neither am I naked, I contemplated on going back to sleep but he catches me mid-way from heading off back to lalala land.
"No, no. I was supposed to go with Liz." I got up groggily to look for my other shoe, which was suddenly missing and nearly lost my balance but Michael caught me in time. "I'm fine. Help me look for the other pair of my shoe, will you? What happened to Liz?" I settle heavily back onto the sofa, my head in hand feeling like a migraine was settling in permanently since I got back. If this was Liz's idea to get me and Michael to spend time together, friend or no friend, I'm really going to skin her alive.
"She got into a minor accident on the way here." His voice muffled as he bent to peer under the sofa to retrieve my shoe and it was funny but it made me want to jump out of my skin seeing him bend over for me - no pun intended because God forbid that Michael Guerin will do that for anyone but the other Czechoslovakians. Meanwhile, I'm wondering how come I never noticed what a nice butt he had and how I wish it was still mine. "Here you go Cinderella. She's fine but she turned her ankle and told me to run her errands for her and bring you to the shop. So if you're ready, the chariot and I will be right outside." He turns and leaves the house.
I had half a mind to go back to sleep and leave him there waiting if not for my Mom hustling me outside with an Advil saying that it was rude to make Michael wait. There was a time when she wouldn't be too keen on me getting in a car with Michael behind the wheel but that was way back when my life wasn't so complicated.
I clambered into Max's Jeep and instantly knew that this would be the longest ride ever. And so under pretext of a migraine, which I really had, I looked right outside at the passing view and didn't attempt to make conversation but apparently Michael wanted to do the opposite. Typical.
"So you haven't been around much? Where did you go off to?"
"Michael, I'm not in the mood for an interrogation, okay?"
"Well aren't you being all prissy. I'm not interrogating you. I'm not even remotely interested in your answer but given that small talk is what civil people in your planet do, I try to practice the local custom." He glances at me and clenches his hands around the wheel.
"Fine. I've been to New York. Bill said that there was a guy who was interested in hearing some of my songs."
He squints into the distance and the muscles on his face tells me that he is itching to know more but I don't give him the satisfaction that I care to let him know what's been going on in my life. Apparently he didn't want to seem too interested as he steers the conversation elsewhere.
"So you're probably happy for Liz and Max."
"Why shouldn't I be? Here in my planet, that's what people in serious relationships do Spaceboy." I snap back.
"Well I wasn't the one who broke off our relationship remember?! I chose to stay because I thought I had a reason to. Guess I was wrong."
"Can we please not have this conversation now?! Or maybe ever?! I'm having a splitting headache and if it weren't for Liz who happens to be my best friend, I wouldn't even be caught within six feet of you Michael Guerin."
The silence after that was unnerving and I didn't know why I was even fighting with him considering that we weren't together anymore. He just knows what buttons to push, even if he didn't try at all. Which pretty much speaks for why I broke up with him. It wouldn't have worked out. We were too much like each other. We were alone and we were both broken. At least with Max and Liz and Isabel and Jessie, they had Liz and Jessie to put the pieces together. I had a hard time enough convincing myself that not all people I love leave, why would Michael be any different? I'm not saying that God or whoever was out there had a secret vendetta. I'm just saying that it was my history. So between that and the intense monologue slash pity party in my head, for some reason I couldn't stop myself from crying. I didn't know when Michael pulled over but the next thing I knew I was out of the jeep and he was running after me.
"Maria! Wait up."
"Michael leave me alone! Please. Go away."
"I can't leave. Not like this. What's wrong?" As he finally catches up with me and grabs my arm. He turns me around and cups my face in his hands which makes me start to cry even harder. By this time, he was really nervous and just pulls me in his arms and strokes my hair. "Shhhh. Maria. I'm sorry for picking a fight with you. Is, is it Bill? Are you having problems with him?"
I laugh into his chest and push him gently away. "No. It's not Bill. Things are fine with us."
"Oh!" Michael sighs raggedly and draws his hand through his hair "So what's wrong?"
"Michael, Bill and I -" I start to say but he cuts me off "No. You don't have to explain. I'm happy for you." He turns away.
"No, wait!" I stop him. "It's not that. Bill and I are just good friends and will never be more than that. I lied. I was in New York but not to audition. Well I did audition but nothing came through and I was also there because I wanted to find my father."
"Why didn't you tell us Maria? I could've gone with you." He looks into my eyes and I had to look away. There are times when I can't bear to look at Michael not because I didn't love him but because I did and still do. I just didn't want him to know that nor anyone for fear that like all the others I loved, they would be snatched away. My Dad. Alex. Liz. There's so little left in my life and my heart is cold from being alone I just couldn't bear to have anyone else go.
"Well, I couldn't and I wasn't sure whether I'd find him anyway. Everyone was so busy and I didn't want to bother anyone. Besides, who cares?"
"Are you kidding?! You'd think Liz, Max or Isabel wouldn't be concerned about you or what's been going on in your life." And I note that he excluded himself from the list and I feel colder like the hole in my chest was just picked at to make it bigger. I sat on the hood of the Jeep, which I knew annoyed Max because he didn't want to have an imprint of my rear end immortalized on it so I get down and lean lightly instead. Michael settles right beside me but was afraid to be so close like I'm a leper or some other social outcast.
"No. It doesn't matter what happened there. It was foolish of me to go anyway."
"You found him?"
"Yeah I met him."
"And?" He nudges for me to go on but there are some things that I don't want to say because saying them out loud makes them all the more real. At least, if I didn't say anything or if I lied, I can pretend that it never happened but not with Michael. He has a way of ferreting the truth out. No matter how much it hurts or how much it doesn't make sense.
I hesitate to tell but he sidles up closer, giving me this look which he knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing as he prods me to go on, "And..".
"Well, the long and short of it is that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Apparently, he had a wife before coming to Roswell and knocking up my Mom. They were having marriage problems but they resolved everything a short time after. Actually, I have a sister and a brother. He's in college playing varsity football. I didn't get to see him though. Although, I did get to see my sister. Hmmm. I have a sister. Her name's Liz. Eliza Andrews. She's about eight and she's really perfect too in that suburban prep school way. Anyway, she came to the door as I was about to leave and asked who I was. He said, 'It was no one honey. Someone just asking for directions.'"
"Oh god! Maria I'm sorry." And I couldn't stand to see the look of pity in his eyes.
"That's fine. Hey, you know it was just as well. It cleared up a lot of things. At least I don't have to hold on to the false illusion, waiting around for him to come 'coz there's not going to be anyone. It's like I've put my life on hold without knowing it, waiting for someone to save me. From what? Roswell? Myself? Who knows? But you know what, I'm fine with that. I've got my Mom. I've got Liz well until she gets married anyway. Damn Max! And well let me see I've got Alex even though he's not here and I've got me. I'll be super fine. I'm Teflon baby and you know problem just slides off my back." I give out a shaky laugh. Guess my attempt at humor to deflect his pity wasn't working and we were quiet for awhile looking up at the sky. I follow this cloud move and wish that I could float away like that.
I was the first to break the silence. "Hey Michael, promise not to tell anyone. My Mom didn't even know about it." I push myself from the Jeep's hood and turn to walk back to the passenger side, "So now that we've got my sob story out of the way, why don't we go to store before Liz gets our hide."
He stops me from entering and says, "Maria, you don't have to be so brave. You have us."
I sigh and feel more tired as I try to keep my voice even, "You're wrong. I have no one." And I go back to the jeep, settling into the passenger seat. He looks down at his shoe and jams his hands into the pockets of his jeans before following me back in. We didn't talk about anything after that. Well mostly about neutral things. All I remember was hearing his voice blocking out thoughts of my Dad and the pain that I went through for nothing. But the rest of the trip it seemed like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and just when I thought that that was enough drama for the night as I stepped out of the Jeep, he holds my hand and says, "Maria, I hope that you get to find your happiness. Don't give up on that. It may not exactly be a fairy tale but things will work out. I used to think that there was no reason for me to stay and I did put my life on hold waiting for a ride back home. But see, I went through all that trouble to find out that it was closer than I thought. There's reason for me to be here just as there's some reason for you to be here as well. I'm not really good at this but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll find that when you least expect it, things fall into place. Maria, I don't know how to say this but I want you to know from me instead of hearing it from someone else. We are friends and we'll always be. You were the first reason why I felt that I truly belonged here but I'm - I'm seeing someone and she's made me feel like I've finally come home."
I look at him and say in a flat voice that I don't even recognize as my own, "I'm happy for you."
TV Show: Roswell Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. In fact I don't own anything of value to anyone. I have no car. I live with my parents and about too many credit card bills. So there! Author's Note: First-time fanfic writer so please be kind. Rating: R for language Summary: M/M. Maria confronts issues in her life when she was forced to face them right after graduation and before Liz's wedding. Genre: Angst
Chapter 1: Living the Drama
Liz Parker and I go a long way back. I remember the years after my dad left my mom, no one in my 2nd grade class would play with me during recess. My then best friend Annie said that she couldn't be my friend anymore. Now I could look back at that and have a snarky comment like "Welcome to Roswell -- prig capital for both aliens and Americans". Even when the divorce rate has climbed faster than the S&P 500 index, people in Roswell still clung onto their perverse sense of conservatism. But no one told me that it was wrong for people to act like that. So back then, I used to think for some reason that all relationships were ephemeral and that I didn't deserve any better. But Liz has always been a contrarian and so she started being my friend probably out of pity at first. And because of this I guard our friendship with such zeal. To me envy for Liz Parker is a betrayal just as worse as sacrilege for the religious fanatics. I was never jealous of what Liz had. Not when she was voted the most beautiful or when she always gets to be the princess in our games with Alex and I always get to be the funny governess or even when Kyle started dating her and everyone in school wanted to be his girl. That is, 'til the Czechoslovakians came into our lives.
For the record, knowing the Czechoslovakians wasn't the worst thing about high school. The worst part of high school was being in high school and having the normal high school issues heightened by all this cosmic drama. And so a couple of months before her wedding, I slept over at Liz's house probably for the last time even though all I wanted was to just bury my head in the ground. I couldn't begrudge her of her happiness even though it throws in stark contrast how my life is peculiarly my own and that I'm destined to be alone forever. I'm losing my best friend the only other person who knows me for me and hasn't run away. I wish Alex were here. Then maybe he'd make some sense out of all this but he isn't around to deflect all that pre-marital bliss away from my full absorption. The problem is seeing how she rocks Max's world and how he does the same for her, I'm tired of pretending that this constricting in my chest doesn't exist. How much I envy her happiness and how things always go smoothly for her. Every time I see them so happy makes me feel like I'm drowning and this time no one's there to save me. May be that's how it was always meant to be. And so though I've managed to avoid meeting up with them in all their potential bliss by going off to New York. I can't run away forever and so I know I have to go back to Roswell soon. Another reason is that my quest in New York is over and there is no other reason for me to stay.
A day after I got back home, the phone rings and I know it's her and before I could make my escape good, my Mom picks up the phone and hollers, "Ria it's for you. It's Liz."
She must've seen the look on my face as I took the phone because she mouthed "what's wrong" but I just had to shoo her away and make excuses about being tired from my trip.
"Hey Maria, are you sick or something? You haven't been around much. Is everything all right?", concern filtering through her voice.
I was thinking of saying, "No not everything is alright because you're so happy and I'm not" but that would make me sound like a petulant brat so I don't say that. Instead I tell her, "Gosh! I'm really sorry Liz but I've been to New York and it was all so sudden so I didn't have time to say goodbye or anything. But yeah everything's okay. I mean what's up with you though? How's the wedding preparation going so far?"
"Nothing much. Isabel is running me harried with all her wedding preparation advice and now she's pestering me to have rehearsals a week before the day."
"Liz are you sure you want to marry into their family? I mean I love Isabel like a sister and she is a dear dear friend but it's her Czechoslavakian powers that stop me from throttling her sometimes."
"Maria you ninny," she laughs, "I missed you so much. But you are going to the wedding right? You have to you're my maid of honor!"
To which I replied in a heartbeat, "I wouldn't miss it for all the MTV awards."
"Say why don't I come over?! I'll borrow Max's jeep and we could go to the shop to have your dress fitted out. At any rate, you would have to do it today since the wedding is a week and a couple of days from now. I'll drop you off while I run some errands then we could talk some more about this New York jaunt that we've always been planning to do when we're old enough which I never got to go. What do you say? I won't take no for an answer after having ditched me like that!" The laughter in Liz voice masks some hurt but I know her too well and I'm flooded with guilt so before I could think up of an excuse not to my mouth as usual works in advance.
"Hmmm. sounds like a plan."
"Okay, I'll be there in two hours."
"Okay. See you later then."
And as she put down the phone and I listened to the dial tone, it seemed that all my energy was spent and I plopped down on the sofa. My Mom's timing is impeccable and she comes in with chamomile tea.
"So Ria? Going out with Liz this afternoon?"
"Yeah Mom. I'm going to try out my dress for her wedding." And my tone probably gave her the hint that I'm not too enthusiastic about it so she peered into my face and asked, "Hon, what's wrong? You've been off since graduation?"
"Nothing Mom. I'm just thinking how blue has never really been my color." Literally or otherwise.
"Nonsense! Maria, blue brings out the highlights in your eyes. Drink your tea." Thank God that my Mom has never been that clued into when I'm telling a lie or not. So while I lay there thinking about how Liz always get to have a fairy tale ending, I fell asleep and thought that I was dreaming about another Czechoslovakian hovering over me.
"Maria, Maria wake up! We have to go to the store before it closes." He was barely touching me but his voice was enough to shake me out of my dreams.
"Wha-? Who? Li.. wait. You're not Liz."
"I sure hope not. As much as I am fond of Maxwell, I don't think I'd like to marry him." He smirks at me in that annoying way which makes my eyes tear up because I miss him so much.
So I pretend to be wiping the sleep from my eyes. "Michael what are you doing here?" Pointing the empty teacup, which I might add I was fortunate enough not to drop while I dozed off, at him for emphasis.
"I came to pick you up." He straightened up and didn't seem to know where to look all of a sudden like he was embarrassed to be with me in the same room. For a minute there, I thought that I must have drooled into the sofa or somehow gotten out of my clothes and just into my undergarments to make him feel so uncomfortable. But after checking that I haven't drooled into something and neither am I naked, I contemplated on going back to sleep but he catches me mid-way from heading off back to lalala land.
"No, no. I was supposed to go with Liz." I got up groggily to look for my other shoe, which was suddenly missing and nearly lost my balance but Michael caught me in time. "I'm fine. Help me look for the other pair of my shoe, will you? What happened to Liz?" I settle heavily back onto the sofa, my head in hand feeling like a migraine was settling in permanently since I got back. If this was Liz's idea to get me and Michael to spend time together, friend or no friend, I'm really going to skin her alive.
"She got into a minor accident on the way here." His voice muffled as he bent to peer under the sofa to retrieve my shoe and it was funny but it made me want to jump out of my skin seeing him bend over for me - no pun intended because God forbid that Michael Guerin will do that for anyone but the other Czechoslovakians. Meanwhile, I'm wondering how come I never noticed what a nice butt he had and how I wish it was still mine. "Here you go Cinderella. She's fine but she turned her ankle and told me to run her errands for her and bring you to the shop. So if you're ready, the chariot and I will be right outside." He turns and leaves the house.
I had half a mind to go back to sleep and leave him there waiting if not for my Mom hustling me outside with an Advil saying that it was rude to make Michael wait. There was a time when she wouldn't be too keen on me getting in a car with Michael behind the wheel but that was way back when my life wasn't so complicated.
I clambered into Max's Jeep and instantly knew that this would be the longest ride ever. And so under pretext of a migraine, which I really had, I looked right outside at the passing view and didn't attempt to make conversation but apparently Michael wanted to do the opposite. Typical.
"So you haven't been around much? Where did you go off to?"
"Michael, I'm not in the mood for an interrogation, okay?"
"Well aren't you being all prissy. I'm not interrogating you. I'm not even remotely interested in your answer but given that small talk is what civil people in your planet do, I try to practice the local custom." He glances at me and clenches his hands around the wheel.
"Fine. I've been to New York. Bill said that there was a guy who was interested in hearing some of my songs."
He squints into the distance and the muscles on his face tells me that he is itching to know more but I don't give him the satisfaction that I care to let him know what's been going on in my life. Apparently he didn't want to seem too interested as he steers the conversation elsewhere.
"So you're probably happy for Liz and Max."
"Why shouldn't I be? Here in my planet, that's what people in serious relationships do Spaceboy." I snap back.
"Well I wasn't the one who broke off our relationship remember?! I chose to stay because I thought I had a reason to. Guess I was wrong."
"Can we please not have this conversation now?! Or maybe ever?! I'm having a splitting headache and if it weren't for Liz who happens to be my best friend, I wouldn't even be caught within six feet of you Michael Guerin."
The silence after that was unnerving and I didn't know why I was even fighting with him considering that we weren't together anymore. He just knows what buttons to push, even if he didn't try at all. Which pretty much speaks for why I broke up with him. It wouldn't have worked out. We were too much like each other. We were alone and we were both broken. At least with Max and Liz and Isabel and Jessie, they had Liz and Jessie to put the pieces together. I had a hard time enough convincing myself that not all people I love leave, why would Michael be any different? I'm not saying that God or whoever was out there had a secret vendetta. I'm just saying that it was my history. So between that and the intense monologue slash pity party in my head, for some reason I couldn't stop myself from crying. I didn't know when Michael pulled over but the next thing I knew I was out of the jeep and he was running after me.
"Maria! Wait up."
"Michael leave me alone! Please. Go away."
"I can't leave. Not like this. What's wrong?" As he finally catches up with me and grabs my arm. He turns me around and cups my face in his hands which makes me start to cry even harder. By this time, he was really nervous and just pulls me in his arms and strokes my hair. "Shhhh. Maria. I'm sorry for picking a fight with you. Is, is it Bill? Are you having problems with him?"
I laugh into his chest and push him gently away. "No. It's not Bill. Things are fine with us."
"Oh!" Michael sighs raggedly and draws his hand through his hair "So what's wrong?"
"Michael, Bill and I -" I start to say but he cuts me off "No. You don't have to explain. I'm happy for you." He turns away.
"No, wait!" I stop him. "It's not that. Bill and I are just good friends and will never be more than that. I lied. I was in New York but not to audition. Well I did audition but nothing came through and I was also there because I wanted to find my father."
"Why didn't you tell us Maria? I could've gone with you." He looks into my eyes and I had to look away. There are times when I can't bear to look at Michael not because I didn't love him but because I did and still do. I just didn't want him to know that nor anyone for fear that like all the others I loved, they would be snatched away. My Dad. Alex. Liz. There's so little left in my life and my heart is cold from being alone I just couldn't bear to have anyone else go.
"Well, I couldn't and I wasn't sure whether I'd find him anyway. Everyone was so busy and I didn't want to bother anyone. Besides, who cares?"
"Are you kidding?! You'd think Liz, Max or Isabel wouldn't be concerned about you or what's been going on in your life." And I note that he excluded himself from the list and I feel colder like the hole in my chest was just picked at to make it bigger. I sat on the hood of the Jeep, which I knew annoyed Max because he didn't want to have an imprint of my rear end immortalized on it so I get down and lean lightly instead. Michael settles right beside me but was afraid to be so close like I'm a leper or some other social outcast.
"No. It doesn't matter what happened there. It was foolish of me to go anyway."
"You found him?"
"Yeah I met him."
"And?" He nudges for me to go on but there are some things that I don't want to say because saying them out loud makes them all the more real. At least, if I didn't say anything or if I lied, I can pretend that it never happened but not with Michael. He has a way of ferreting the truth out. No matter how much it hurts or how much it doesn't make sense.
I hesitate to tell but he sidles up closer, giving me this look which he knew I wouldn't be able to resist doing as he prods me to go on, "And..".
"Well, the long and short of it is that he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. Apparently, he had a wife before coming to Roswell and knocking up my Mom. They were having marriage problems but they resolved everything a short time after. Actually, I have a sister and a brother. He's in college playing varsity football. I didn't get to see him though. Although, I did get to see my sister. Hmmm. I have a sister. Her name's Liz. Eliza Andrews. She's about eight and she's really perfect too in that suburban prep school way. Anyway, she came to the door as I was about to leave and asked who I was. He said, 'It was no one honey. Someone just asking for directions.'"
"Oh god! Maria I'm sorry." And I couldn't stand to see the look of pity in his eyes.
"That's fine. Hey, you know it was just as well. It cleared up a lot of things. At least I don't have to hold on to the false illusion, waiting around for him to come 'coz there's not going to be anyone. It's like I've put my life on hold without knowing it, waiting for someone to save me. From what? Roswell? Myself? Who knows? But you know what, I'm fine with that. I've got my Mom. I've got Liz well until she gets married anyway. Damn Max! And well let me see I've got Alex even though he's not here and I've got me. I'll be super fine. I'm Teflon baby and you know problem just slides off my back." I give out a shaky laugh. Guess my attempt at humor to deflect his pity wasn't working and we were quiet for awhile looking up at the sky. I follow this cloud move and wish that I could float away like that.
I was the first to break the silence. "Hey Michael, promise not to tell anyone. My Mom didn't even know about it." I push myself from the Jeep's hood and turn to walk back to the passenger side, "So now that we've got my sob story out of the way, why don't we go to store before Liz gets our hide."
He stops me from entering and says, "Maria, you don't have to be so brave. You have us."
I sigh and feel more tired as I try to keep my voice even, "You're wrong. I have no one." And I go back to the jeep, settling into the passenger seat. He looks down at his shoe and jams his hands into the pockets of his jeans before following me back in. We didn't talk about anything after that. Well mostly about neutral things. All I remember was hearing his voice blocking out thoughts of my Dad and the pain that I went through for nothing. But the rest of the trip it seemed like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and just when I thought that that was enough drama for the night as I stepped out of the Jeep, he holds my hand and says, "Maria, I hope that you get to find your happiness. Don't give up on that. It may not exactly be a fairy tale but things will work out. I used to think that there was no reason for me to stay and I did put my life on hold waiting for a ride back home. But see, I went through all that trouble to find out that it was closer than I thought. There's reason for me to be here just as there's some reason for you to be here as well. I'm not really good at this but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll find that when you least expect it, things fall into place. Maria, I don't know how to say this but I want you to know from me instead of hearing it from someone else. We are friends and we'll always be. You were the first reason why I felt that I truly belonged here but I'm - I'm seeing someone and she's made me feel like I've finally come home."
I look at him and say in a flat voice that I don't even recognize as my own, "I'm happy for you."