A/N - Hi everyone! This is my first fan fiction. It takes place just after Death in Heaven and the Doctor leaves the UK and travels to Canada. Canada because... well, I know the terrain better. The Doctor finds a new companion - male - because I honestly loved Capt. Jack and I don't think the producers/writers of the series give the idea of a male companion enough attention. I'm not sure how quickly I will update. Probably not very often but I'll try my best to update in a timely fashion. Anyway, please be nice and review.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any characters or plots that appear in the BBC series.
"Danny's gone, Clara," the Doctor says gruffly, "I'm so sorry. I really am. I tried…"
Clara's arms are crossed. Never a good sign. It always means he's in for a lecture. They're standing in her bedroom again. The TARDIS is parked by the door, blocking most of it but someone could squeeze by if they tried hard enough. "Clara," he says, "He made a decision, he decided to send the boy home instead. He chose death."
Clara's face clenches and then dissolves as she breaks down in tears. "Danny…" she sobs helplessly. Her arms fall limply to her waist, clutching it like it's the only thing keeping her upright. "Why did I call him?" she screams, "It's all my fault! I could have waited for him in my flat. I could have talked to him in person but I thought it would be easier on the phone. I thought…"
"You thought you would screw everything up if he was there in front of you when you told him. I know, Clara," the Doctor says gently, "Please believe me. I know and I gave him the option to come back… but he didn't. I'm sorry. So sorry." Clara shakes her head, sobbing harder and collapses slowly to the ground. The Doctor kneels beside her. His skills in comforting others have never been good and since he (almost) destroyed Gallifrey he doesn't have the patience or the empathy to comfort anyone. Now though, he wishes that he knew what to do to help Clara.
"You could've just left him!" Clara screams, "I would have gotten over losing him. I may not have loved again but at least I would have only lost him once."
The Doctor reaches out to touch Clara. He places a hand on her shoulder. "If I could make it up to you I would," he whispers softly, "You know that right?"
Clara looks up at him, her eyes hardening. Tears still stream down her face but she isn't sobbing anymore. "Get out," she whispers, "I never want to see you again. I can't do this. He wanted me to give this up ages ago and I couldn't. Now I can. I am. So get out."
"Clara," the Doctor protests, "Please, we could go somewhere. Take your mind off it…"
"No," she snaps, "Get out. I won't. I won't do this anymore." She shakes his hand off her shoulder violently and gets up.
The Doctor shakes his head. "GET OUT!" she screams, "Please, this is the only thing. The only way… Just go." She grabs his arm and pulls, trying to make him move… to leave. The idea is incomprehensible to him. He thought of all his companions Clara would be the one who finally stayed. She had continued travelling with him even after Danny found out and said he didn't like the idea of her going all over space and time with the Doctor.
Still shaking his head the Doctor stands up. Clara shoves him toward the TARDIS. "Go," she whispers, "You have Gallifrey now. You found it. They need you. Please. Go."
The Doctor opens his mouth to tell her Missy lied. That the coordinates Missy gave him had found him staring into empty space. He didn't though. Clara didn't want to know and he'd lied to her about it earlier. She thought his pain was healed after all this time, while hers was still a raw open wound. No wonder she wanted him to leave. "Ok Clara," he says finally, "I'll go. If you want to talk though, you have my number." He walks to the TARDIS and opens the door, turning to look at her crying behind him.
*DW*
The Doctor wanders through time and space for months. Clara left him. His last companion, he swears. It hurts too much when they leave for him to find someone else. Rose… Donna… Amy and Rory… In the end none of them were better off for having met him. Rose was in an alternate universe, Donna had no memory of him, Amy and Rory were trapped in the past… And yet, for all the pain he brings them and they bring him, it is easier than travelling alone. Because he is always alone now, and sometimes he catches himself muttering to himself under his breath, talking to thin air.
And yet, it always surprises him how they come into his life. Just when he has sworn there will not be another, someone else steps from the shadows to intrigue him. For in their own ways they are all novelties… mysteries to be unravelled with careful fingers – not too fast or they'll take flight.
He finds himself fascinated with little things. The glint of her hair in the sunlight… The way she bites her lip before she asks him a question about the TARDIS... The curve of his hand as he cradles his instrument, fingers dancing up and down its neck, bow tip glinting in ever changing light…
Not all of them are women but enough are to make him suspect he is searching for something he lost when he was younger… when Gallifrey fell. None of them has ever been his lover though. How could they be? How could they accept his many faces… the many facets of his life that they cannot hope to ever see, experience, or understand? He has fallen too far for the trivialities of love. He would only hurt them in the end, although he fears he does anyway. Sometimes it feels like they're just creased paperbacks with smudged pages and broken backs, discarded carelessly over his shoulder.
Because you can't travel with the Doctor forever. He is ageless, or very nearly, and they are mortal. And while the inevitable can be postponed for a good long while, eventually they have to live the lives they need to live – emptier perhaps for the adventures he took them on and the strange sights they saw. But leave him they will and so it goes on.
*DW*
The months pass slowly. The Doctor refrains from visiting Earth, at least in the present because he is afraid it will bring him face to face with Clara… But he can't hide in the future or the past forever and eventually he realizes he has to return the present on Earth. He can't bring himself to land the TARDIS in London, UK as he normally does though, and instead chooses to bring the TARDIS down somewhere where there would be no chance of him even catching sight of Clara.
The TARDIS wheezes in its familiar litany of noise as it lands on the corner of a busy street. The Doctor watches as people scurry past the blue box disguising the TARDIS' true nature. He never did get how people could just not notice when it appeared.
"Ok," he mutters, staring at the screen that showed what was going on outside the Police Box. A couple of people were looking at it curiously but for the most part ignoring it like they normally did. He scans what he can see of the skyline and pauses when he catches sight of the tall narrow tower with a bulb near the top. "What's that?" he mutters, checking the scans and finally looking at the location. Toronto, Canada… so that's the CN Tower, he thinks. He wonders briefly, why the TARDIS landed in Toronto before dismissing it out of hand. He'd decided not to land in the UK, so the TARDIS was obviously respecting his wishes for once.
He continues to mutter to himself for a while as he checks all the scans again. He's not normally this cautious but he's remembering the last night with Clara and everything that happened now that's he's back in the present. Finally, he takes a deep breath. "You're not going to run into her old man," he tells himself sternly, "There's an ocean separating you!"
Cautiously he steps out of the TARDIS. He's not exactly sure how to do this without Clara – or any companion really. It's been so long since he's done anything in the present without a companion that he wonders what he should do. His companions act like his compass in the present. They know what is normal and what is unusual so he doesn't get sidetracked chasing ghosts.
Clara. His breath catches. No, she's on the other side of the Atlantic. He bares his teeth in a grimace and steps into the crowds of people wandering down the street.
Now what? he wonders. No compass… He doesn't even know the normal climate in Toronto, whereas he might be able to guess at something odd happening in London. He pushes the thought aside. Let's go sightseeing, he finally decides.
A/N - If anyone has any suggestions for a name for my male companion, I will field them. I don't have a name yet so I'd appreciate your help. We'll meet him next chapter. Thanks for reading! Please review!