The Void, a doctor who fanfic

This story is dedicated to Ellena Tyler, a FANTASTIC person whom I have thouroughly enjoy emailing with. AKA my new cyber bestie ;) Anyways, go read everything she's written and reveiw it all. Because she's just awesome enough to deserve that. :) Also, this story is set as it Pete hadn't save Rose in Doomsday and she'd fallen into the Void. So, without further adeiu, please, enjoy.

-THE VOID-

When he'd called it Hell, he'd been under-exaggerating. Every atom in her body burned, horrible pain coursing through her boiling veins, but that wasn't even the worst part. No, because it mentally tortured her as well. She her Doctor. Everything they'd been, everything they could ever be, but that wasn't possible. And it kept her alive. Seeing him every second. It put her through so much emotional pain. It kept her alive. The worst punishment possible. She couldn't succumb to the pain, because he still existed. Perhaps if she were able to let the pain black out her thoughts, she could have just died. A merciful ending. But the void forced thoughts of him onto her. It sought out your reason for living, and it made you relive it over and over again, except you looked in from the outside. You weren't even allowed to feel it for yourself. Rose would have cried if she hadn't already clawed her own eyes out. She still saw him. She still heard his voice, clearly over the ringing omnipresent in her ears. She felt so much pain.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

The Rift closed. And he died. Not physically, of course. That'd be too easy. But his hearts- one broke into a centillion pieces, so small that if he moved, they'd be irrevocably scattered, the other grew cold and blackened, unable to feel anything. Two words echoed in his mind.

My fault.

It was his fault Rose was gone. She'd been ripped cruelly from his grasp saving the world, and it was all his fault. His fault she'd be spending the rest of eternity in horrible, unimaginable pain, forced to forever withstand it. Forever. That word felt hollow to him now.

A multiverse without Rose Tyler was completely unfathomable. As much as it'd hurt him to send her away, he'd known she was safe and unharmed. But she'd come back. Secretly, the selfish part of him was thrilled. Outside though, he'd been gruff, just telling her what to do. Even after she'd come back, he still kind of assumed everything would be alright. Then the switch had begun to fail, the vortex not pulling as hard, the Daleks and Cybermen slowing. but there were still too many. And the portal still needed to close itself. So Rose let go. She pushed the lever back into place and tried to hold on. Slowly, ever so slowly, her fingers loosened their grip. Thirty more seconds, he'd prayed. Rose gave the Doctor a looked that said everything that had been left unsaid between them before she fell, backwards into the horrific void. He reached out a hand in a futile attempt to catch her. ROSE! The anguished cry was torn from his lips as she disappeared into the gaping hole in the wall. He came so close to letting go, just to bear the pain with her, but three things stopped him.

1st: If there was any smidgeon of a chance he could save her, it would be here, in this dimension, not in the void.

2nd: As he contemplated following her, the rip folded in on itself and closed, sealing her off from him, making letting go futile.

3rd: Finally, in the back of his Time Lord brain, there was still a small spark of self-preservation; but it was fading fast.

The first was the most important. Because he would find her. Because he would never stop looking.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

The pain was constant, so constant. It was almost integral to her being, now. Almost. She still saw him in every waking moment, which is to say relentlessly, as she was never unconscious, never asleep. Her heartstrings had been snapped a long time ago, seeing him day in and day out. Oh, she'd promised him forever. She hadn't known the meaning of the word. She would've laughed at the thought of forever, had she been able to move through the unforgiving, agonizing nerves on every centimeter of her body. Every time she thought she couldn't go on, there was him, next to smiling, shouting happily, 'Run!' and so she did, away from the pain and loss. But it never worked. She always wound up back where she started. She was tired of running. But she could never say no to him.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

Of his time with Rose, the Doctor regretted two things. One which he planned to rectify, one which would haunt him for all of eternity. The first was never having told her he loved her. The second was being on the wrong side of the room. He wished with every fiber of his being that she was safe, even if it meant he had to endure the void. Anything for her. He reminded himself of this every time he was tempted to give up. The first and the second regrets, his constant companions. When he slept, if he slept, she filled every moment of his dreams. In his waking hours, she was always lurking in the corner of his mind. And so he continued his quest. He continued to search for her. He would not, could not, fail. He knew of the pain she felt. He wished he could kiss her and take it all away, like he'd done with Bad Wolf, even if it meant ending his own life. Even if it meant not regenerating again. Even if it meant losing her forever. At least she'd lose the pain. But he couldn't. And that was the worst part.

The pain subsided. She'd been with it so long, it was strange for it to be gone. Rose didn't understand. She was still there, still in the Void, she could still see his face everywhere. But the pain was lessened. It wasn't completely eliminated, more like a dull ache. No more, she'd thought. No more! she'd thought. NO MORE! she'd screamed mentally. So she'd left. She didn't know how it was possible, or even if she should still exist, but Rose Tyler left the Void. She blanketed herself from the dark expanse with the fabric of two universes, both of which she had saved. At least she had solace in that. Away from the pain, away from the forced images of him, she fell asleep, gently rocked by only the memories she wanted to relive. The pain dissolved completely.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

The TARDIS emitted an incredibly loud noise, enough to where the Doctor heard it on the other side of the planet.

"Right then, gotta run!" he said to the bemused native and sprinted off towards the transport circuit. Seconds later, he was only 100 meters from his TARDIS. He jumped in with something he dared not feel: hope.

The TARDIS displayed the anomalous information that could be Rose. Or background radiation. He wanted so much for it to be Rose. The Doctor ran- no sprinted- around the console, slapping buttons, pulling levers, spinning wheels, and finally being knocked on his bum when the TARDIS gave a giant heave. He mentally crossed his fingers, unconsciously saying her name over and over again.

"I'm coming, Rose," he promised to the empty room.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

Rose was so deeply asleep that she felt not the passage of time, nor the images that should have shaken her to her bones. The first thing she did when she felt her sleep begin to lift was frown slightly. Mentally, she shrugged. After all, what was life if you only slept. Besides, with the D- then she remembered where she was. No! Please, no! Let me sleep, let me sleep! I can't go back! she screamed mentally. She begged the warmth not to lift; she pleaded, she cried.

"No, no, no," she moaned softly. With a start, she realized she could speak. Mustering all her courage, Rose opened her eyes; here vision, however, was quickly obscured by tears. How could she ever have doubted him?

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

"Rose..." the Doctor stoked her cheek with affection, eternally thankful it wasn't background radiation that lay in front of him. As hard as it would be for both of them, her dealing with what attempted to devour her soul, possibly succeeding, in the Void, and him steeling himself to her mental state. He was sure she would never again be his Rose. Her time in the Void ensured that. She probably wouldn't even know him. But he would never leave her behind. He loved her too much for that.

"Doctor!" Rose gasped, her eyes flying open, a grin lighting her face. The Doctor stared with disbelief.

"R-Rose?"

"I'm... here," she gave a half smile before passing out.

"Rose!"

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

Rose awoke to familiar surroundings, albeit a bit cleaner than she remembered. And he was there. Tightly grasping her hand, despite his obvious sleep deprived stupor. Rose squeezed his hand, just enough to let him know she was awake. The Doctor looked up at her through watery eyes. He's been crying! she realized with a shock.

"Rose are... are you..." he trailed off.

"No, but I will be. After all, I have you."

"You always will."

She was grateful he didn't press her for details like she knew he wanted to, grateful he would just let her sort the thoughts that whirled in her head. One stood out from the rest, however. Tell him.

"Doctor, there's something I-"

"Sh, you don't have to talk about it."

"Yes, I do." she braced herself to relive the pain of her entombment in the Void. "The Void (He winced at the word) not only harms you physically. It throws the most painful images and scenarios it possibly can into your head. Hurts you emotionally, mentally, everything. What I saw was you."

The Doctor recoiled, like he'd been dealt a blow. "I'm so, so sorry. I'll just- just leave, and-" he began to stand up, tears threatening his heavily walled emotions.

Rose tighten her grip on his hand, forcing him to stay. "You didn't let me finish."

He nodded, but Rose could help but notice the drop of moisture that landed on the back of her hand. "I saw every timeline, everything that could be, is, was. What I saw were possibilities. I didn't think... I didn't think you would get me out of this."

She paused at his expression, in incredible pain before, crumple further. "The pain, in all those images was regret."

"I thought you wanted to travel, to see the stars, to-"

"Not regret for what we did do, regret for what we didn't do. What I didn't say. It was more painful than anything to think that I never told you, that I left you alone without anything. It's just-"

"Rose Tyler, I love you."

"What?"

"I love you."

Rose's brain worked faster than it ever had before. It was still too slow. "You- what?"

"I love you more than anything. I loved you before, I've always loved you. I'll always love you. You're amazing, strong, beautiful, brilliant, and just fantastic. What you went through, it should have reduced you to a vegetative state, unable to even think, let alone put together coherent sentences and remember! And Rose! I didn't pull you from the Void. You pulled yourself out. I don't even know how that's possible. You, Rose Tyler, are amazing. And I love you."

"Kinda took the thunder out of what I was about to say," Rose gave a quirky grin.

"Oh, I'm so-"

"Don't apologize, Doctor, just let me finish." The Doctor remained obediently silent. "All my regrets were bundled into one things. I never told you I love you. I love you, Doctor, more than life, time, the multiverse, even bananas." On that, she released his hand and grabbed his lapels with surprising force, pulling his face towards hers.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

The Doctor shook with tears, wishing they would disappear, knowing they won't. Not as long as she lay unconscious before him. He felt her stir and did his best to wipe away the wet.

"Rose are... are you..." he trailed off. He was too afraid of the answer to finish with the 'okay' that was obviously not.

"No, but I will be. After all, I have you." It killed him a little to hear her say this. After everything he'd put her through, he couldn't believe she'd forgive him.

"You always will."

"Doctor, there's something I-"

"Sh, you don't have to talk about it." he was terrified she'd hurt herself, as much as he was amazed she remembered him.

"Yes, I do. The Void," Rose said, voice shaking, in a tone that smashed the Doctor's hearts, "not only harms you physically. It throws the most painful images and scenarios it possibly can into your head. Hurts you emotionally, mentally, everything. What I saw was you."

The worst grief he'd ever felt came with those five words. Worse than the destruction of Gallifrey worse than originally losing Rose, because her pain was his fault. He couldn't live with that. His eyes burned.

"I'm so, so sorry. I'll just- just leave, and-" the Doctor began to stand up.

Rose surprised him by gripping his hand. Softly, she said, " You didn't let me finish."

Nodding slowly, the Doctor sank back to his chair.

"I saw every timeline, everything that could be, is, was. What I saw were possibilities. I didn't think... I didn't think you would get me out of this."

He hated that she hurt. He hated that she'd given up on him. He hated himself for letting her give up on him. The Doctor forced himself to keep listening, no matter the agony it caused him.

"The pain, in all those images was regret."

"I thought you wanted to travel, to see the stars, to-" he didn't understand. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Not regret for what we did do, regret for what we didn't do. What I didn't say. It was more painful than anything to think that I never told you, that I left you alone without anything. It's just-"

"Rose Tyler, I love you."It just came tumbling out of his mouth. The under exaggerated sum of everything he felt for her. Everything he couldn't feel, shouldn't feel, but did. He loved her with every fiber of his being.

"What?"

"I love you." His fear of rejection was being suppressed by the growing certainty in his words.

"You- what?"

"Kinda took the thunder out of what I was about to say," Rose gave a quirky grin.

"Oh, I'm so-" he'd been about to say sorry when she interrupted.

"Don't apologize, Doctor, just let me finish." The Doctor wisely shut his mouth. "All my regrets were bundled into one things. I never told you I love you. I love you, Doctor, more than life, time, the multiverse, even bananas." More than bananas. That was all he could process as she grabbed him and yanked, pulling their faces closer together.

/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`/`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\`\

The kiss was the most amazing either of them had ever felt. It wasn't so much fiery as it was long, slow, filled with every passion, emotion, everything. In that moment, everything in the universe fell into place. Decades long war signed peace treaties, people admitted love for one another, no one went without perfection. Time might've stood still for how long Rose Tyler and the Doctor kissed. He breathed air into her lungs using his respiratory bypass system so they didn't have to break the bond. It didn't travel farther than that kiss; it didn't have to. They loved just each other's company; this was beyond ecstasy. This was life itself. In the entire multiverse, no two people would ever share a kiss as beautiful as theirs, nor a love so deep or passionate.

AN ancient Greek myth states that man was created with four arms and legs, but that Zeus was afraid they were too powerful. He split the beings in half, leaving them to search for the rest of their souls. They were known as soul mates.

In this moment, Rose knew the myth was a lie. Because the Doctor was so much more than that. He was beyond such mundane description. They both knew: never again would they not have a hand to hold. Never again would they wake up cold. Never again would they guard against the love in their eyes. The bond couldn't be broken. It was too beautiful. Too powerful.

The words didn't need saying. Nor were they enough. So they continued the kiss that would be an eternal flame, defeating Vashta Nerada, lighting the dark; letting them see love.

And love they would see.