A Cullen/Trevelyan fic for skullysmachete. Daeris Trevelyan belongs to them, not me.
Breaking Through Walls
She is a young woman, rushing in, her hand sparking green, and attacking the demons with a sort of reckless ferocity Cullen has often seen in young recruits.
She fights well, though she is clearly not experienced, and the rest of the demons are destroyed quickly. She spins to face the rift and raises her hand, waving it, and it closes, finally ending the seemingly never-ending stream of demons. She grins, and when she turns to face Cullen, her smile grows just a bit.
Her name is Daeris Trevelyan and Cullen is not quite sure what to make of her. She handled herself well enough against those demons, he gives her that, but it's obvious she is young and inexperienced. She smirks at him, clearly pleased with herself, and he thinks if she is the one who can close the rifts, she will need a steady head on her shoulders.
"I hope they're right about you," he says, straight to the point. "We've lost a lot of people getting you here."
Trevelyan's smile falters a bit, and her golden eyes flash. "I'll try my best."
Her voice is bright and determined, optimistic. Inexperienced or not, she is clearly ready to do all she can.
Cullen nods. "That's all we can ask."
Daeris Trevelyan is the Herald of Andraste… and a little frustrating.
Cullen never says this out loud, of course, but the Herald, for all her bravery and determination, is somewhat spoiled. She never outright complains, never hesitates to take on any number of missions to help refugees, but she doesn't always hide that she must have lived a pampered life. It could be she is unaware of her disgruntled sighs during a long treck, her occasional expectation of finer clothing and the flash of disappointment in her eyes, the somewhat horrified look at the living quarters in Haven. She certainly doesn't filter anything coming out of her mouth, saying exactly what she thinks of whatever bothers her… although Cullen can't really call it complaining. She sort of just states her opinion and leaves it at that, not that there are still situations those opinions are inappropriate.
Still, anyone could see she's trying her best to adapt. Cullen sometimes finds himself admiring her for that. Going from a noble used to finer things to a holy symbol living in a snow-ridden village can't be easy. He knows only too well what sudden changes in life can do to your mind, and not everyone would be able to shoulder it like the Herald does.
The Herald is a woman who knows what she wants… and doesn't seem to know when there are times not to be so blatant about it.
Trevelyan approaches him while he is watching over some recruits, giving orders for improvement, and receiving reports from his soldiers. She seems interested in what he has to say, and he doesn't notice the sudden smile on her lips, the hand on her waist, and the determined gleam in her eyes.
She follows him as he checks on the recruits and talks on, getting more excited as he reports, until he cuts himself off, realizing he's essentially lecturing her.
She just grins. "If you have one prepared, I'd love to hear it."
She puts a certain emphasize on love, but Cullen doesn't think much on it, not until the Herald grins again, her smile more… flirtatious than he was expecting.
Or had she been smiling like that before, and he just hadn't noticed it?
He coughs and stutters, because this really is not the time or place for flirting, and the way her freckles bunch together when her nose scrunches as she laughs is distracting, and- Maker's breath, what is he doing.
He clears his throat, manages to say something about having to get back to work, and does not walk away a little more quickly than necessary.
This one exchange starts the Herald down a path of incredibly determined flirting. She clearly is not one to hide her affections, and she ruthlessly peruses Cullen with a determination he has to admit he almost admires.
Unfortunately, the Herald seems to forget that flirting out in the middle of the field is not a good idea, nor is suddenly appearing behind Cullen when he is training recruits. It's absolutely unprofessional, but if Trevelyan has proven anything, it's that she doesn't care about what's professional and what's not.
Sometimes, when her eyes shine with laughter, and her nose scrunches up, bunching those freckles together, Cullen thinks he might not mind. Despite her bluntness and teasing, she is good company and obviously cares a lot about the people she is helping.
But then there are those walls of his, carefully constructed walls he has put up ever since- the Blight- and no, he does not, can't, think about it.
He doesn't know how to take down those walls, doesn't want to, and wishes he could. Anyone else would give up, frustrated that they can't break down those walls, but Trevelyan only smiles at him, winks, and presses further.
It's frightening and exhilarating and he starts to wonder if he even wants her to stop.
The Herald… Daeris Trevelayn is a strong and brave woman… and completely and utterly reckless.
She is reckless and courageous and altogether too selfless.
"And you? What of your escape?" he asks, because he has a feeling he knows that answer, and he suddenly wants her to say otherwise.
But she only looks away and her head dips slightly. She says nothing and doesn't have to.
"Perhaps you'll surprise it. Find a way," he says, but they all know how unlikely that is.
She is going to sacrifice herself to save Haven and its people and he no longer sees a girl thrust into a role too big for her, a blunt girl who says so many inappropriate things.
She is Daeris Trevelyan, the Herald of Andraste, and she is going to die.
But she doesn't die, because they find her, kneeling in the snow, because they never gave up the search.
She is cold, too cold, and barely conscious when Cullen picks her up. He carries her back to their make-shift camp, and she stirs a little, her golden eyes glazed with confusion and pain. He can't think of anything to say, but perhaps he doesn't need to, because she smiles slightly and relaxes.
Daeris Trevelyan is going to live, and Cullen finds himself more than a little relieved.
Daeris Trevelyan is a woman who would sacrifice herself to save Haven's people… but still comes at Cullen in a way that now flusters him.
She probes him with countless questions and sometimes, when the need for lyrium pulses through his veins and his head hurts, he's annoyed and snaps at her, because, Maker, she does not need to constantly ask him things. He feels a little guilty when this happens, because it isn't her fault that his need for lyrium is making him miserable, but his head pounds and it takes all he can to remain upright.
Other times, when the lyrium withdrawal is not so bad, he doesn't mind so much, and he can even feel his walls crumbling, bit by bit. He finds he can open up to her, more and more, and she is delighted. Her smile and laugh is beautiful, and by the Maker, she is beautiful.
The thought startles him a bit, but it's true, and only more so when he challenges her to a game of chess. She clearly plays to let him win, and he does not bring it up, because it is touching that she would do that. He finds himself opening up more, about his family, because it is very hard to put up walls when she smiles like that at him.
Daeris beams at him when they finish and says they should spend more time together… although she had said that before. He can't help but point that out, chuckling a little, and her flustered reaction is adorable. He returns to his work feeling lighter than he has in weeks.
Daeris Trevelyan is a wonderful and compassionate woman, and he does not deserve her.
Cullen's head pounds and his body cries for lyrium. He stares at his small supply. He needs to take it. The Inquisition needs him at his best, and he can't perform with this- this-! He must take it.
But he can't. He can't. He can't remain dependent on it, it's killing him, he needs-!
Cullen yells in frustration and flings the box against the wall… and nearly hits Daeris with it.
Horrified, he is horrified, and he stammers an apology, ashamed, he is so ashamed. But Daeris only goes over to him, asks him what's wrong, and suddenly he can't hold it in anymore. He tells her everything, the lyrium, the disaster at Kinloch Hold, watching his fellow Templars suffer, and they gave everything they could, and he cannot do less.
His head pounds, his body hurts, and he needs to take the lyrium, he must give everything to the Inquisition-
And then her hands reach out, she gently touches his face, her voice is soft and concerned, and he clings to it like a lifeline.
"You can," she says, and her voice holds absolute faith in him.
And so Cullen breaths deeply. "All right," he says.
Daeris Trevelyan holds the weight of the world on her shoulders… but sometimes she takes on more than she should.
Cullen sees Daeris running around everywhere, helping everyone she can, taking on any task. He admires her dedication to her duties as the Herald and Inquisitor, but she can only handle so much. Before, he might have seen it only right that the Inquisitor take on as many tasks as she can, as befitting a leader, but she is not just the Inquisitor or Herald, a holy symbol, she is Daeris Trevelyan, and he can't stand to see her run herself into exhaustion.
She snorts when he brings up this concern, and tells him he's really one to talk, when he's constantly running himself ragged, as she puts it. Cullen can grudgingly admit to himself that, yes, he does take on a lot, and hardly rests, but he is the Inquisition's Commander, and he can't just… stop.
He thinks the subject is going to be put to rest, but the next day, Daeris finds him and tells him they're going horse riding. And he protests, because he has so much more work to do, and he can't just delay his duties, but there is no arguing with Daeris Trevelyan when it comes to horses.
And despite the thought of his reports and recruits nagging at the back of his mind, he does find himself enjoying the rest of the day. It's… nice, to be out and alone with Daeris, not worrying about anything, just relaxing. Daeris's eyes sparkle and she is happier than ever, as she always is when she is riding her horse. She seems lighter, somehow, not as weighted down by her duties as she has been.
He's pleased that something so simple as taking their horses out can lift her weight, because Daeris deserves to be happy, and he would do anything to keep her this way. She's done so much for him and made him happier than he has been in a long time.
Daeris Trevelyan is a woman who is strong, bright, and compassionate… and Cullen would do anything for her to smile as brightly as she is smiling now.