Chapter 1: Concern
The whole Company was standing on the edge of the cliff looking into the distance where they could see a lonely peak. It was covered in snow but it was clearly seen on the horizon. Bilbo said with relief in his voice:
"I truly think the worst is behind us."
The sun started to sink and the light was fading. They all heard Thorin say:
" Let's get a move on. We should build our camp in the woods at the bottom of the Carrock."
They looked at their leader standing at the start of the stairs waiting for their reaction. After a short moment everyone started to move and packed their bags ready to start the journey down.
Thorin was walking in front of the company alone as usual. Dwalin and Balin followed behind him with Fili and Kili at their heels. After they walked for some time Fili could see a glimpse of his uncle and realized that he was limping. He also had one hand at the cool rock to support him. Kili had seen it too and they exchanged concerned glances. Balin and Dwalin were not looking happy either. Everyone saw the slouched shoulders of their leader and they could read in them that he was indeed weary.
Finally when they reached the bottom they spread out and made a short rest. With every step closer to the ground they had walked faster. Thorin had grabbed the rock on his left side tightly and although he had a light smile on his lips the ones who had known him for a long time knew that he was in pain. Everyone was happy to have solid ground under their feet again. After a few minutes Thorin started to walk again and moaning followed his words as he said: "Come on, we have to find a clearing where we can build our camp. We cannot stay here."
They knew he spoke the truth and so they came after him.
They were not far when Kili caught sight of his uncle stumbling. He hastened to get to him in time but he was too late. Thorin fell to his knees and would have landed in the mud if not for Dwalin catching him right after he first touched the ground. He held his friend at his shoulders. Then Thorin raised his head and looked around in surprise. His nephews fell to their knees right beside him and looked worried. He gave them a small smile before he started to get up. He grimaced when he felt the pain but was determined to stand and keep walking. Balin came to his side and wanted him to stop but Thorin cast off his hand and walked on not without shouting behind:
"Are you coming or do you want to wait to the next morning?"
Chapter 2: Injuries
So they walked on but their leader was still stumbling and he prevented himself from falling just with holding tightly onto a tree growing right beside him. When they finally reached the edge of a small clearing which was much to their liking Thorin could not stand any longer and he dropped to his knees again nearly falling unconscious. Fili and Kili were at his side in no time and were supporting their uncle. When they felt his body tense again they tried to get him to lie down.
"No, please…"
Fili and Kili were looking at each other clearly showing concern in their eyes. They have never heard their uncle talk like this.
"What uncle? You have to lie down. You are injured and have to rest."
"Please, Fili, Kili not here. Take me to that tree would you? I cannot lie, I have to sit."
After that they helped their uncle getting up again. Together with Kili and Fili at both sides Thorin leaned heavily on them but managed to walk to a tree at the edge of the clearing. There the dwarf king fell to the ground with his back to the oak and hissed in pain when his wounds were moved suddenly. His nephews looked at him with more than concern in their eyes and Kili immediately ran off to get Gandalf and Oin.
Fili stayed with his uncle. Now that he was closer to him he could see the sheen of sweat on his forehead and his pale face. It took a moment to adjust his eyes since Bifor and Bofur lighted the fire in the middle of the clearing but now he could see the dark, red liquid soaking through his uncle's clothes. He immediately started to press a hand on the wounds but he already felt Thorin slipping into unconsciousness.
Then Gandalf came running with Oin right behind him and Kili leading them. Since the dwarf was too weak to resist they laid him down and took the layers of armor and clothes away. They could see the big holes in the armor Thorin wore before and then they realized how severe his injuries actually had to be. Since they had not found any stream where they could get fresh water from they knew they had to use alcohol to clean the wounds which was absolutely necessary but they also knew how painful it would be for Thorin. Fili and Dwalin held him down while Kili was holding Thorin's hand to comfort him through the pain. Then Gandalf started to pour the wine over the wounds and suddenly their leader jerked out of unconsciousness and tried to free himself from the iron grip the others had on him. It took nearly the whole company to get him still so Gandalf and Oin could examine the injuries. The cuts were not so deep but they had been bleeding for quite a time without tending so Thorin had lost a lot of blood. What worried the two healers were actually the tooth marks the great white Warg had left. They were dark and a foul odor could be smelled. The whole Company watched concerned when Gandalf took out a knife and started to cut the wounds open again so the yellow liquid would flow out.
Thorin's resistance began to stop and suddenly he lay there motionless surrounded by all his comrades. Oin searched for a pulse but he could feel nothing.
"No! Uncle! Stay with us!"
Both Fili and Kili screamed into the darkness. Gandalf reacted fast and bandaged the last wounds and then started to mumble something. Although it seemed to work the dwarf king was still motionless but then with a sudden movement he started breathing again. His chest still rose shallowly and his pulse was weak. Fili and Kili released the breath they had not realized they were holding.
After that the two princes of Erebor were settling into the evening right next to their uncle. They would not leave his side. After some time Balin came around and held out two bowls with stew in it. They gratefully took them and Balin sat down beside them. It was silent with some small laughters from the fire but the subdued atmosphere in concern for their leader and king would not leave. After everyone had eaten they prepared for the night; Kili and Fili lying on each side of their uncle. His chest rose just slightly but it told them that their uncle was still with them. Anyway they could not do much to help him. He had to rest and recover from alone. The wounds were tended to; the rest was up to Thorin.
Chapter 3: Family History
Kili awoke from the tossing and wriggling next to him. At first he thought it was Fili but then he realized it was Thorin who was lying there. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and examined Thorin's tossing. He saw that his uncle was fighting against invisible enemies. His lips were moving too but Kili could not make out the words he was muttering. After a few minutes Thorin's struggling increased and Kili shook is brother's shoulder until he woke up.
"What is it Kili? It is night, you should sleep!"
"It's uncle", he answered. Fili jerked up and went to feel Thorin's pulse.
"No, he is not dying but I think he is having a nightmare!"
"Uncle, a nightmare?!"
"Just look at him, he is tossing around with this painful expression on his face. That's not normal."
"Maybe we should wake him up, the nightmare won't help him to relax and he needs to rest" suggested Fili.
"Ok,I'll do it."
Kili was walking to Thorin's side and tried to wake him the same way he woke his brother. His uncle did not even stir so he shook him a little bit harder and then with a sudden scream Thorin woke up.
"Frerin!"
Kili found himself with a knife at his throat. On Fili's face you could see shock and fear and Kili was not looking better either. Then Thorin seemed to notice who was in front of him and he slumped back with utter horror on his face.
"I am so sorry, Kili. I didn't mean…I never thought…You should leave me here."
He muttered under his breath and then turned quiet.
Now it was Fili and Kili's turn to stare at their uncle with horror. Kili was the first to find his speech.
"Thorin…Uncle, what do you mean? We and leave you?! That will never happen. You are our family!"
Thorin just sat there and did not even dare to lift his gaze to meet Fili or Kili's. The two brothers exchanged a few glances. Why would their own uncle say something like that and then not even dare to look upon them?
"I am not worth your concern and your time", came the low reply.
That was when Thorin's body started trembling again and suddenly their king's form went numb again and he fell back into unconsciousness.
The two brothers checked the pulse again and then realized that the whole camp was up and about.
After some time they walked over to the fire to sit with all the others. There was nothing they could do for Thorin in his unconscious state. Balin came to sit next to them.
"What concerns you both so much?" he asked.
"Uncle, doesn't think he's worth our time and concern", answered Fili.
Balin stared at them and then realization dawned on his face.
"He really said that?"
"Yes, he said that and that we should leave him here! I think it has to do with the name he screamed when he first woke up", replied now Kili.
"What name did he call out? Was it Frerin?"
"Yes, that was the name", both nephews said in unison.
"Ah, well that explains a little bit what he said to you. He never told you about Frerin, did he?"
"No, who is he?"
" He is Thorin's and Dis' brother and your uncle."
"How come that Uncle or Mother never talk about him?"
"Even though he died long ago Thorin is still grieving and cannot let go of his past."
"What happened?"
By now the whole Company was sitting around the fire listening to Balin and when he revealed the identity of Frerin everyone glanced a look at their leader. He was now leaning against a tree and had his head held in his hands.
"You all know the Battle of Azanulbizar. Where Thror, King Under The Mountain was beheaded by Azog. It was the battle when Thorin became our leader and received the byname Oakenshield. It was also the battle where he lost nearly his whole family along with his own brother Frerin. "
The battle was fierce. The dwarves against the Orcs lead by the pale Orc Azog. After King Thror was beheaded the dwarves thought they were defeated and death was upon us. Then I saw Thorin facing down the pale Orc and he defeated him by using an oaken branch as a shield and then cut off Azog's arm. After that we charged at the Orcs again. I fought beside Thorin and Frerin. The two brothers always fought together. They were slashing and charging at the Orcs around them, it looked more like an elegant but lethal dance to the dwarves around them. I fought near them with my brother by my side. Somehow the two princes must have gotten separated because we just heard a scream full of agony and pain. I turned around and saw Thorin kneeling on the ground with a spear pierced through his chest. Maybe 50m away you heard the answer from his brother and Frerin came running through the Orcs and dropped to his knees at his side. Frerin pressed a hand to Thorin's side although he himself bled out of a few cuts. The Orcs soon recognized the pair and began to surround them. Thorin managed to get up with the help from his brother and together they faced their enemies again. Even though Thorin was injured he still was a fierce enemy. He fought two Ors at the same time and they kept attacking him. When he glanced a look around he saw another enormous Orc running to his brother. He screamed out a warning and tried to get into the way of the Orc's blade but he was too late the sword had already sunken into Frerins chest. He saw when his little brother went to the floor. He killed the Orc with his sword and fell to his knees. He cradled his brothers dying form in his arms while he wept. "Frerin, forgive me. I failed you, I failed father and grandfather and I failed our mother."
"Do not say such a thing Thorin. You failed no one, you have been strong all those years for me and for our little sister Dis."
"I failed to protect you as I vowed when mother died. I should have protected you, I should have been there."
"You are with me now. Never think yourself unworthy, brother, promise me. You are the best big brother I could have wished for. Be strong for Dis and our people, they need you."
"How can I be strong without you?"
"You were always stronger than me but we were a perfect team", answered Frerin with low voice but a smirk in the corner of his mouth.
"I will always be with you, in your heart Thorin."
"Please, Frerin, brother…"
"You have to let me go. I love you…Khâzash…", these were the last words Frerin, son of Thrain would say to his bigger brother. After that Thorin let his tears fall freely and he wept and grieved openly his brother lying in his arms.
"But why does Thorin think himself unworthy?" asked Kili, he still could not understand why his uncle would say such a thing.
"Because he thinks he is responsible for his brother's death. He thinks he could have prevented it. "
"He should not blame himself, there is nothing he could have done to protect his brother. He died by the sword of an Orc. Furthermore he was injured." said Fili with determination in his voice.
"He doesn't think so apparently. But it is true, he was gravely injured. We had to wait until he fell unconsciousness because he would not let go of his brother, aye Dwalin?"
"Aye, he's always been a stubborn one same as his brother."
"It was my fault that he died", came from the tree where Thorin was leaning.
"Unlce, no it is not!" both Fili and Kili said in unison.
"Yes, it is. I swore to protect him even if it costs my life, I would see him live and then he was gone and I still breathed but not Frerin, not my brother."
A single tear rolled down Thorins cheek and they all could see the pain written on his face.
"Thorin…Uncle…there is nothing you could have done." His nephews said while walking over to him to sit by his side.
"Aye, Thorin, Frerin was more than capable to look out for himself. Remember your father taught both of you how to fight and no one could match him except you. "
"And if you had died you never would have to get to know us. Are you not happy to live?"
"I am grateful for such good nephews and I cannot say how proud I am", Thorin said with a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth.
After that the Company went back to sleep, Fili and Kili again to either side of their uncle. Thorin chose to stay leaning against the tree. Before they fell asleep he whispered in their ears.
"I am so thankful that I saw you growing into the heroes you have always been."
Then the whole company was asleep except Thorin thought about his family. Then before he went to sleep he gazed to the stars and said in a low voice:
"We will see each other again but not today. I will teach them everything I know and when Fili is ready he will be a fine king. Then we will be united and I will leave this earth with joy in my heart. I will always be with you, brother."He imagined hearing a whispering reply…I know you will and I will always be with you, Khâzas.