Thank You, Heavenly
Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day
SEASON 6
EPISODE 6
Airdate: October 29, 2017
"RK's Monster" (cover of the Boondocks episode "Smokin' with Cigarettes")
Special Guest Stars: Kelsey Grammer as Agent Robinson, Dorien Wilson as Mr. Frax
Original teleplay written by Aaron McGruder
Featured music by Mobb Deep
#TYH606
SCENE 1
("Animal Instinct" by Mobb Deep featuring Twin Gambino and Ty Nitty plays in the background)
The episode starts by slowly fading into file footage of an young, overweight white boy in an interrogation room. The footage is dated "October 30, 2015" and is somewhat grainy looking in presentation.
AGENT ROBINSON: State your name, please.
DYLAN: Dylan. Dylan Harris.
AGENT ROBINSON: How old are you, Dylan?
DYLAN: Eight years old.
AGENT ROBINSON: Do you know why you're here, Dylan Harris?
DYLAN: Because you're a f***ing idiot who likes to waste my time?
AGENT ROBINSON: Come on, Dylan. You don't have to be like that. Work with me. I'm trying to figure out who you are.
DYLAN: Who I am? I like doing bad things. I hurt people and make them cry. What else do you need to know?
The scene cuts to RK waiting outside his house and immediately getting spooked by the sound of an SUV barreling down the street. It's revealed to be Dylan driving the car, which stops near RK's house. RK gets in the SUV.
RK: Hey, Dylan. What's the haps?
DYLAN: The haps is I finally got my driver's license.
RK: Hell yeah, after only six tries.
DYLAN: You want to go for a drive?
RK: Sure.
The SUV immediately drives off at that point. Sometime during the ride, Dylan offers RK a double Styrofoam cup filled with codeine cough syrup, Sprite, and Jolly Ranchers.
DYLAN: You want a buzz?
RK: Do I want a buzz? Of course I want a freaking buzz, man. Why wouldn't I want a buzz? I'm like a honeybee when it comes to that shit.
DYLAN: You do drink lean, right?
RK: Are you kidding me? I love drinking lean. I drink so much lean, my insides are more purple than the Minnesota Vikings.
Cut back to the file footage.
AGENT ROBINSON: You drink lean? What's that?
DYLAN: Lean. You know, purple drank? Sizzurp? Dirty Sprite?
AGENT ROBINSON: Dirty Sprite? I'm still not following.
DYLAN: Look, lean is part cough syrup, part Sprite, and part Jolly Ranchers.
AGENT ROBINSON: You drink cough syrup for fun? That's awful, no kid should ever drink that.
DYLAN: But I love rap, and all the rappers drink it so why can't I? By the way, you have any cough syrup here?
AGENT ROBINSON: NO!
Cut back to the current scene where Dylan's fast and reckless driving ends up causing some of RK's lean to spill on the floor. He quickly grabs a plastic lid to cover it, but the SUV continues to be driven carelessly as it goes right through a fresh lawn in the neighborhood, then the sidewalk and eventually takes out some bystanders walking by. The car then shifts backwards, but Dylan moves it forward and it keeps going as RK screams.
RK: We could have killed all those people!
DYLAN: I don't care.
Cut back to the file footage.
AGENT ROBINSON: Why do you like hurting people?
DYLAN: Because it's fun. I love putting people in pain. It always makes me laugh when they realize how hurt they are.
AGENT ROBINSON: How do you hurt people?
DYLAN: All types of ways. I stomp them out, choke them out, slam them into doors. I also love twisting their necks as much as I can until they can no longer walk.
The SUV ends up running three red lights and makes an illegal U-turn as it causes two other cars to crash into each other.
RK: Okay, I was lying about the lean! Just stop the damn car, we're gonna die! Oh, Jesus Christ, someone help me! Allah, Jehovah, Chief Running Water, HELP ME!
At this point, three police cars are chasing down Dylan and RK. RK looks in the side mirror and his jaw drops at the sight of the cars.
RK: Dude, the cops are after us now!
DYLAN: They are? Awesome.
Dylan decides to go even faster as he continues to avoid red lights and crash into other cars, leading to the SUV getting scratched up. Dylan looks in the side mirror, gives the police cars the middle finger, and rams three more cars, one of which goes over the highway and falls into the water below. Cut back to the file footage.
AGENT ROBINSON: What if people die because of your recklessness? You'll be responsible, Dylan.
DYLAN: I don't give a f***. If they die, they die. They shouldn't be in my way next time.
AGENT ROBINSON: Why do you enjoy doing these awful things?
DYLAN: Because I just do. It gives me a rush. I love seeing people bleed, I love seeing them die. You know what else I love? Watching children bury their parents. It's f***ing hilarious, man.
Back to the present day, Dylan drives the SUV through another sidewalk, injuring four more people, and heads towards the parking lot of a local shopping center.
RK: I wonder if they let you watch TV when you go to hell.
The SUV plows into three more cars in the parking lot and finally stops as Dylan parks it sideways. At this point, three more police cars arrive to the scene filled with people as Dylan gets out of the SUV. Policemen quickly get out of their cars with guns aimed at Dylan, and a visibly shaken RK gets out of the SUV with his lean cup still in hand. At this point, he sees the destruction caused in the parking lot and notices that him and Dylan are being held at gunpoint while everyone stares at them.
RK: Hey, um...if you guys saw the people who did all this, now's the time to say something.
Cut back to the file footage.
AGENT ROBINSON: Have you ever regretted anything you've done?
DYLAN: Never. Regrets are for weak people. Everything I've done, I've loved every second of it.
"Animal Instinct" slowly fades out as the camera zooms in on Dylan's blank, emotionless stare. Everything then slowly fades to black.
SCENE 2
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Fade in. Later that night, Wade is shown reading a book and eating popcorn while he wears earmuffs, so he can't hear the screams of RK getting spanked by KG. While RK is getting spanked, the camera cuts to various rooms in the house so the dialogue can only be heard.
RK: OW! OW, GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, CALL CHILD SERVICES! KG, PLEASE STOP!
KG: What the hell is the matter with you? Hanging out with that little crap, getting in a high-speed chase! Have you lost your mind? Are you smoking crack now?! Do I have to send you to rehab, you little son of a bitch?!
RK: NO, DON'T SEND ME TO REHAB! OH MY GOD, I'VE NEVER BEEN ON CRACK!
KG: But you drink lean, right? You drink that codeine and have big fun, right?
RK: NO!
KG: RIGHT?!
RK: OW, DAMMIT, YES, I HAVE BIG FUN IN SOME AREAS!
KG: I never want to hear about you hanging with Dylan Harris again! You understand? I don't want you talking with Dylan Harris, I don't want you calling or texting Dylan Harris. I don't even want you dreaming at night about Dylan Harris! You understand me?
RK: YEAH, I UNDERSTAND!
Cut to KG about to spank RK one last time with the belt.
KG: YOU UNDERSTAND ME, DAMMIT?!
RK: YES, I'M A GOOD NOODLE! I'LL DO BETTER, SIR!
KG sighs and takes a short breather.
KG: Ugh. Okay. Now you're going to sit downstairs and think about your dumbass decisions today. I'm getting some damn sleep.
Cut to RK slowly walking downstairs and sitting on a chair away from Wade, holding back tears.
RK: He won't try it again. Wait, why are you here again?
WADE: Because I'm your best friend and when you called me, you were afraid KG would choke you until you couldn't remember your name.
RK: Oh yeah.
WADE: Dude, what were you thinking getting in that car today?
RK: I was thinking that I wanted to party?
Wade sighs, puts down his book, and turns on the TV.
REPORTER: Dylan Harris isn't your everyday ten-year-old. While most kids his age were on social media or playing games on their smartphones this afternoon, Harris was cutting a swath of destruction in an SUV he stole from his older sister, merely hours after he received his first driver's license.
Cut to Dylan's sister Cheyenne being interviewed near the Harris house.
CHEYENNE: And then I just came home and saw that my keys were gone. Once I saw that, I was like, "F***. Not this again."
RK: Are you kidding me? I get beat like a stepchild and Dylan's face is all over TV?! If they give him his own reality show, I swear to God...
REPORTER: Dylan, why did you steal your sister's car?
DYLAN: I just got my license and I wanted to pick up my friend. We were just getting our buzz on, slurping the sizzurp. The good stuff.
REPORTER: Once Dylan picked up his friend, another unidentified ten-year-old...
The TV shows a black-and-white picture of RK looking scared and confused.
REPORTER: ...the two went on a violent rampage through the Seattle area, injuring a countless number of civilians and potentially killing some as well. Dylan, what do you have to say to the people you victimized today?
DYLAN: What do I have to say? To hell with them. If they didn't wanna get hurt, they shouldn't have been in the way while me and my friend did our thing. F*** those people.
CHEYENNE: Look, Dylan's a really sweet boy. He's just a little mixed up. I mean, kids are always going to make bad choices. He didn't mean anything by it.
REPORTER: Dylan, do you have any remorse over wrecking your sister's car?
DYLAN: Is that a trick question? If I had a time machine, I would do it again.
WADE: RK, have you ever noticed anything...off with Dylan?
RK: Off? Define off.
WADE: You know, whacked out. Mentally unstable. A little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs if you know what I mean.
RK: Oh, so a kid takes a car for a little joyride and suddenly, the whole world's out of control. That's your problem, Wade. You don't want to embrace the weirdness of life. But Dylan does. And that's why I like him. He's so free. He's so free, it's strange to the average man. But not me. Because I'm not average. And Dylan's not average. We're two above average motherf***ers trying to make it in this world. And everyone who hates us can go suck on something!
*heard from upstairs* KG: Shut the hell up with your stupid rambling or I'm pulling out the switch this time!
Beat.
RK: He can suck on something too.
SCENE 3
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
The next day, someone rings the doorbell at RK's place. KG decides to answer it, but not before looking through the peephole.
KG: Who could that be?
KG sees that it is Dylan and his older sister Cheyenne at the door. At that point, RK walks downstairs.
KG: Oh no. No, no, no, no, no.
RK: Who is it?
KG: It's your psycho friend and some average-looking chick.
RK: That's his sister. Let them in!
KG: Okay, you probably drank more lean than I know. Do you really think after what happened, I'm going to let that kid anywhere in this house?
RK: Come on, KG, he's probably here to make things right. And since you didn't let me get interviewed or make the six o'clock news, the least you could do is let them in.
The doorbell is rung again.
KG: I need to think of a plan. Like, I have raging angina, and because of that, I can't allow any visitors for the rest of the weekend. Who's there?
CHEYENNE: It's Dylan and his sister Cheyenne, KG. We want to talk to you.
KG: Shit, how does she even know my name?
RK: Will you quit stalling for time and let them in?
KG: I can let them excuse themselves from this house. For all we know, he probably has a machine gun stuffed in his pocket and the minute we let our guard down, it's curtains for the both of us.
Cheyenne rings the doorbell again.
KG: ALRIGHT, DAMMIT!
KG opens the door with a disingenuous smile on his face.
KG: Hello there. Happy Saturday...you idiots.
CHEYENNE: Look, KG, I know you're probably busy and you're upset over what happened yesterday. But I want you to know that I feel the same way, and since it was RK drinking lean with Dylan, I brought him over here so he could apologize to the both of you.
KG: I really don't think he needs to do that.
DYLAN: Yeah, I don't. So can we go now?
CHEYENNE: After you apologize.
KG: Look, it's chilly out, it's tax season, I don't think we should...
CHEYENNE: Dylan, get in that house and start apologizing for what you did.
KG: Me and RK both have angina from this conversation.
CHEYENNE: Dylan, are you going to keep standing there like you don't hear me talking, or are you going to get your narrow ass in there and say you're sorry?
Dylan walks into the house and Cheyenne follows him. KG growls in anger.
KG: I'm calling in backup.
SCENE 4
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
RK sits with Wade and KG as Dylan speaks to them, with Cheyenne behind him.
DYLAN: And I would just like to apologize for the things I did yesterday. They were dumb and dangerous. I hurt a lot of people and I could have hurt both RK and myself. I hope to move past this and stop doing the things I'm known for doing. Maybe have a wife and kids years from now and move to the suburbs. However, above everything else, I'm sorry you have to listen to this crap because it's obvious to anyone with a brain that my sister made me do this and I don't mean a damn thing I've said.
CHEYENNE: You mean, you do mean it, right?
DYLAN: Oh yeah. Right, I do mean it.
WADE: I'm a hundred percent sure he doesn't mean it.
CHEYENNE: KG, I just hope this incident doesn't end the friendship between Dylan and RK. I mean, Dylan really likes spending time with your brother. He almost looks at him like a role model.
WADE: I think we need to pretend these people no longer exist.
KG: Well, as great as that apology was, Cheyenne, I think you should know that I look at your brother the same way I look at Satan and soap operas. So I'll probably be dead before I ever let my brother anywhere near yours ever again.
CHEYENNE: I'm telling you, KG, Dylan's nowhere near as bad as you think he is. I mean, yeah, he acts out sometimes, but there's a difference between doing f***ed up things and just being a f***ed up person.
KG: Yeah.
CHEYENNE: Dylan's been getting the best grades since preschool. He helps me around the house and he almost always does what I tell him. Most of the time, he's a great kid.
KG: Yeah. Tell me more, huh?
CHEYENNE: Well, Dylan and I grew up in an abusive family. Our parents were constantly fighting. It almost broke us up for good.
KG: Yeah.
CHEYENNE: And of course, I had to be the mom and look out for Dylan because no one else would. I had to fight for him to go to public school when no one wanted to admit him.
A time lapse shows that later on, Cheyenne is still talking.
CHEYENNE: I mean, I've tried getting Dylan some help like when he started playing with Nazi symbols. I told Dylan, "That's not cool, okay? You're not a Nazi. We love all people because God made everyone and everything in His image."
After some time, RK and Wade are already sleeping while KG is still awake.
CHEYENNE: He hit me over the head with a liquor bottle he found on the street once, but he just had a bad day at school.
Later on...
CHEYENNE: He's been struggling with his weight his whole life.
It is eventually revealed that KG is asleep too, while Dylan is still awake.
CHEYENNE: He doesn't always do what he should, but who does? Nobody's perfect. And when you're at that age, wanting everything in the world, you're going to get your hands dirty sometimes.
KG immediately wakes up and stands up.
KG: Okay, okay, I've heard enough. The boys can still be friends. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's some college football on today and I don't want to miss the Saturday night game so you could leave now.
Dylan and Cheyenne walk out of the house as KG holds the door.
KG: And I would really appreciate it if you guys never came here again. Like, ever or it's going to be shoot on sight. Okay, bye now.
KG slams the door shut.
RK: This is awesome! Dylan and I can still hang out?
KG: No, I just wanted those stupid f***s to go away. And if I ever hear about you and Dylan again, I'm going to make sure this year, you see your last Christmas.
KG walks upstairs at that point.
RK: My life is never-ending torture.
WADE: RK, I'm not trying to judge you or anything, but how did you end up being friends with a weirdo like Dylan?
RK: Well, we actually met at the community center during Anja's live poetry reading. We just realized we liked scary movies, rap, and funny YouTube videos so we clicked from there.
WADE: But you're going to stop hanging out with him, right?
Beat.
WADE: You're not going to stop hanging out with him at all, are you?
RK: No, sir.
WADE: Okay, may God have mercy on your soul and I will see you on Monday.
SCENE 5
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
On Monday, RK walks in with Sparky and Wade. Buster and Jaylynn are already at their lockers.
RK: And so that's when KG said he was only trying to get them to go away. Then he said something about me not seeing New Year's, I don't know.
SPARKY: Well, I'm glad he did what he did. Dylan's an evil kid. You don't need to hang around him.
WADE: Yeah, he doesn't. But he will.
SPARKY: What? RK, didn't you learn anything from Friday?
RK: Yeah. I learned that Ice Cube is one hell of a writer.
SPARKY: Not the movie, jackass, the high-speed chase. One of these days, you and Dylan are going to get in some real trouble and kill yourselves.
RK: Sparky, you just don't see Dylan the way I see him. What you see is just a brat out of hell, but what I see is a kid who wants to grab life by the horns and enjoy it as much as he can. You know, we could all learn something from Dylan.
WADE: Yeah. We could learn how to be a serial killer, a school shooter, a domestic terrorist. The options are endless.
RK: Are you done? Are you done insulting my friend?
WADE: No, because I want you to know that you're an idiot for endangering yourself by hanging out with a guy that looks like he went to Charlottesville this summer.
RK: Hey, Dylan and his sister are all about love and tolerance. I asked him. Then again, he did say that he didn't love anyone and he feels like the world would be a better place if more people died.
Beat.
RK: He's still really cool, though.
SCENE 6
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Playground
Seattle, Washington
RK is sitting by the big tree in the playground by himself, watching a news report on his phone.
REPORTER: Dylan Harris is back in the news tonight. Two days after achieving nationwide fame by stealing his sister's SUV and going on a murderous rampage, the irascible ten-year-old made headlines by assaulting his older sister in a KFC restaurant. The reason? Harris wanted his own bucket of chicken and his sister said no.
Grainy, blurry security footage is shown of Dylan punching and kicking his sister multiple times. He then orders the chicken, snatches a tennis racket from the customer behind him, and starts chasing after his sister with the racket off-camera.
REPORTER: Here he is at the register beating his sister down until she retreats. Then he orders the chicken, steals a tennis racket from the customer behind him in line, and proceeds to assault his sister with the racket off-camera. Dylan, why did you attack your sister so viciously?
DYLAN: I wanted KFC, she didn't want to buy it for me, so I beat the hell out of her.
REPORTER: Do you think you did the right thing, just two days after you stole her SUV for a violent joyride?
DYLAN: You're kidding, right? Of course I did the right thing. You don't say no to me. My sister knows this, so no one should be surprised when I stick a tennis racket up her ass.
REPORTER: Cheyenne initially wanted viewers to know that the people in the video weren't really her and Dylan.
Cut to Cheyenne being interviewed, with a swollen face and multiple bruises along with sunglasses.
CHEYENNE: I mean, security footage doesn't prove anything, really. It could have been anyone who took that tennis racket.
REPORTER: However, with today's modern technology, our news team was able to enhance the footage for Cheyenne which clearly showed her getting beat up. Once that happened, she urged the public to give Dylan another chance.
CHEYENNE: Ever since he was a little boy, he's loved KFC and chicken in general. He even dressed up like Colonel Sanders for Halloween once. He didn't mean anything by this.
RK: Sweet.
SCENE 7
Seattle, Washington
After school, RK and Dylan are walking through the city together.
DYLAN: Did you watch the link I sent you?
RK: Hell yeah. That news interview was crazy. You were so smooth when you did it. You didn't give a shit about your sister at all.
Dylan takes a Gala apple from a nearby fruit stand and begins walking away.
VENDOR: Hey, kid, you have to pay for that.
DYLAN: Pay for what?
Beat.
VENDOR: Nothing. Nothing at all, I'm just talking to myself.
DYLAN: Yeah. Keep doing that.
Dylan and RK continue walking.
RK: See? That's what I'm talking about. Classic Dylan.
DYLAN: This is just the beginning, RK. I have plans to be the most famous kid in the world. I'm going to get recognized for all the wicked shit I do.
RK: Now, that's a plan for the future. My brother just doesn't get people like us. He said I couldn't hang out with you, but I was like, "Screw that. Who cares what you think?" I mean, we're young, we're live, we want to do the things we want to do.
DYLAN: Exactly. I don't listen to anything people say. If someone tells me not to do something, I do it. I love doing the things people don't want me to.
RK: So what do you wanna do now?
DYLAN: Have some more fun?
RK: Alright, let's go.
Dylan tosses away the apple and him and RK walk across the street to hang out some more. The apple rolls along the sidewalk and stops near a tree, where it is revealed that a bald, middle-aged white man with a beard is watching the boys.
SCENE 8
("G.O.D., Pt. III" by Mobb Deep plays in the background)
Dylan and RK continue their streak of bad behavior by taking a garbage can and dumping the contents off an overpass intending to hit a car or two. One car ends up driving off the side of the road due to the garbage covering the windshield and crashing down below. Later on, the boys buy two water guns and fill them up with a mysterious substance. Still using the stolen SUV, Dylan rolls the windows down as him and RK begin spraying people on the sidewalk with the substance, which makes them all throw up.
RK: Hey, what was that?
DYLAN: Island dressing, old rainwater, and fish guts.
RK: Nice.
Dylan and RK go back to the overpass, this time with a cardboard box. They then dump the contents of a box, a bunch of plastic babies, onto the streets. With the babies landing on windshields, they cause a huge pile-up on the road. Later on, while both guys wear masks and hoodies, they see a bum on the sidewalk and give him a dollar each.
BUM: Thank you.
RK and Dylan then proceed to assault the bum, take their money back and run away. However, RK returns to add the finishing blow by punting him in the head before running away again. They return to the overpass for the last time as they have an old, smelly mattress and a lighter. Dylan lights the mattress on fire, and RK tosses it over as it completely covers the camera in pitch black.
SCENE 9
Later that day, RK and Dylan are walking through an unidentified neighborhood.
RK: Oh, man. It's getting late. I need to head home.
DYLAN: Why? I wanna keep doing more wicked shit.
RK: No, that's okay. We'll just pick it up tomorrow or next week or something.
DYLAN: Did you not hear what I said? I WANNA KEEP DOING MORE SICK SHIT!
RK: Geez, Dylan, calm down. I'm tired, man, and it's getting late. You can do whatever you want, but I'm going home. Good night.
RK walks away from Dylan but he catches up to him.
DYLAN: RK, wait! Look, man, I'm sorry. We don't have to do anything else. How about we go to my place and just watch a movie?
RK: And you're sure that's all we're doing?
DYLAN: I'm positive, man.
RK: Alright.
SCENE 10
The Jennings Household
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
The bald man from earlier rings the doorbell and KG answers it.
KG: Oh. Hello, sir. What's going on?
AGENT ROBINSON: Is this the Jennings house?
KG: Probably. If you're a cop, I'm sorry, but I can't do anything for you.
AGENT ROBINSON: I'm not a cop, a door-to-door salesman, or looking for money. I'm here to speak with you about something very urgent. It's about your brother. May I come in?
KG: Sure, be my guest.
Wade shows up to the house.
WADE: Hey KG. Is RK here yet?
KG: No, but there's someone here who wants to talk to me about him. You could stay if you want.
WADE: Sure.
Agent Robinson and Wade walk in together and KG closes the door.
SCENE 11
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Agent Robinson is talking to both KG and Wade.
AGENT ROBINSON: My name is Agent Robinson. I'm a social worker at Dylan Harris' school. What you need to know about Dylan is that he's not some everyday juvenile delinquent. He's far, far worse than that.
KG: Far worse? How far worse?
AGENT ROBINSON: I first met Dylan three years ago when he was in the first grade. I saw something inside him that was...abnormal. Beyond ordinary for a seven-year-old child. I spent the first year trying to help Dylan, and the last three trying to put him away for the rest of his life. Inside Dylan's eyes is nothing human. He's not a child. He's a monster. A pure creature of malice. He has no heart, no soul, no conscience, no capacity for empathy. And the longer he lives, the longer he gets to inflict pain and misery upon others without consequence.
KG: Ah, son of a bitch! I should have known he was evil when his sister kept making excuses for him. So now, what do we do?
AGENT ROBINSON: Well, we have to neutralize him before he inevitably goes on a killing spree never before seen in human history.
KG: So we need to kill him before he kills us?
AGENT ROBINSON: Exactly.
KG: Well, then it's settled. Let's go find that demon and blow his brains out.
WADE: No! We can't kill him!
KG: What? Wade, you heard what this man said. Dylan's a ticking time bomb, it's only a matter of time before he completely goes nuts and splatters our organs over the walls.
WADE: So the plan here is to kill him for something he might do?
KG: We're protecting ourselves and RK. I mean, this guy's an agent and he's endorsing it. So it's not like we're doing anything wrong.
AGENT ROBINSON: Exactly. If things were different, I would never condone these kinds of drastic measures, but those bastards up north refuse to lock him up. They want to wait until the situation boils to its highest point, until Dylan has no control of his malicious instincts and hurts as many innocent people as he can. For your sake and your family's sake, you need to protect your brother.
KG: Well, I already told RK to stay away from Dylan so we're good on that end. He knows I laid down the law.
AGENT ROBINSON: KG, he didn't listen. Because RK's with Dylan right now!
Beat.
KG: Shit.
SCENE 12
The Harris Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
That night, RK and Dylan are watching a gore-filled movie with endless violence. RK watches as a general gets his head sliced off by a radical Islamic terrorist.
RK: What the f***, man? I thought you said we were watching The War of Wars!
DYLAN: We are watching it. The original War of Wars from the seventies.
RK: But the remake is so much better.
DYLAN: That pussy shit? Please. They cut out all the best parts. Hollywood wouldn't have the balls to make a movie like this today. It's not "politically correct enough."
RK: So this is your favorite movie or something?
DYLAN: No doubt. I watch it at least ten times a month.
RK: Why?
DYLAN: Because people get hurt in all types of ways. Shot, stabbed, run over, decapitated. I always wanted to kill people just like these guys did.
RK: Lord, have mercy on this child's soul, please.
DYLAN: Hey, you wanna see something cool? Just give me a minute to get it.
RK: Uh huh.
Dylan leaves the room while RK tries to cover his eyes at all the violence. He opens them briefly to see a soldier get strangled to death while his eyes roll in the back of his head and he starts foaming at the mouth, with drool and blood coming out of him.
RK: What kind of nightmare world am I in right now?
DYLAN: Hey, RK, check this out.
RK opens his eyes to see Dylan pointing a gun directly at him.
RK: Whoa, dude, could you watch where you aim that shit?
DYLAN: This is my sister's gun. We got it after some clowns robbed us. She told me never to touch it, so I'm touching it.
RK: Do you even know the first thing about gun safety? If that thing's loaded and you pull it, I'll end up just like that frigging soldier.
DYLAN: Now we're secure. With this gun, we can do whatever we want, take whatever we want, and hurt whoever we want. Let's go have some real fun.
RK: Look, dude, you're on your own with this one. I'm going home.
RK gets off the couch and heads for the door but Dylan blocks him with the gun.
DYLAN: I want to have some real fun, SO LET'S HAVE SOME REAL FUN!
At that point, RK pulls out his gun and aims it at Dylan.
DYLAN: Holy shit! You never told me you were packing!
RK: Didn't have to, because the only time people like you know about it is when you're a victim of it. Now let me go home or I'm telling you, Dylan, this is the last step you'll ever take.
DYLAN: Okay, man, damn. Go home.
RK continues holding Dylan at gunpoint as he leaves the house.
DYLAN: But when you're through being a pussy, you know where to find me.
Dylan closes the door at that point. RK puts his gun away and sighs.
SCENE 13
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
Wade is reading And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie while KG paces back and forth.
KG: I've had it! I use the belt, I tell him twice that he can't hang out with the boy, and it doesn't matter to him!
WADE: To be honest, you telling him that he couldn't hang out with Dylan only made him want to do it more.
KG: Maybe. But I'm not about to start using that reverse psychology shit. I'm telling him straight up, either he stops talking to that maniac or he's going to become a foster kid! Yeah, that'll show him.
At that point, a visibly tired RK walks into the house.
KG: RK, you and I need to have a really serious talk.
RK: KG, I'm not gonna lie to you. I've been hanging out with Dylan behind your back and doing things that I shouldn't have been doing. But honestly, I think I'm done hanging out with him. I should start hanging out with my real friends again and listening to you more. Right now, I'm going to go up to my room, give myself a spanking, look in the mirror and let myself know what a stupid dumbass I am for thinking I could get away with this. Good night, guys. See you at school tomorrow, Wade.
RK proceeds to walk upstairs as KG and Wade look shocked and dumbfounded.
KG: Yeah, well...just don't break my belt when you use it, okay?
SCENE 14
Ken Griffey Jr. Park
Interior Basketball Court
Seattle, Washington
A couple days later, RK is shooting hoops by himself.
*imitating Marv Albert* RK: Game seven of the Western Conference Finals. The Warriors have a two-point lead over the Thunder. Only four seconds to go and no timeouts for either side remain. The ball belongs to OKC. The inbounds pass from Adams. To Westbrook, for three...
RK ends up landing a three-pointer.
RK: YES! AND IT'S OVER! THE THUNDER ARE GOING BACK TO THE NBA FINALS! AND THERE WILL BE A NEW NBA CHAMPION THIS SUMMER!
RK goes to pick up the basketball while Dylan can be shown slowly creeping up behind him.
RK: An incredible MVP-worthy performance by Westbrook as he scores a triple-double and the game-winning buzzer beater as he gets his sweet revenge on Kevin Durant!
RK picks up the basketball and when he turns around, Dylan is right behind him.
RK: GAH! Dylan, what the hell?! Did you hear any of that?
DYLAN: Where have you been, RK?
RK: Oh, you know, I've just been around. Watching TV, being with Anna, other stuff I might be lying about.
DYLAN: When are we going to hang out again? Get on some more rude shit?
RK: Well, my brother said I can't hang out with you anymore. So we can't be friends.
DYLAN: Well, I say we are.
RK: But my brother said we're not, okay? So just drop it.
RK tries to leave the park, but Dylan forcefully grabs his arm.
DYLAN: Well, I say we are.
Dylan pulls up his shirt to reveal his sister's gun in the back of his pants.
DYLAN: So let's go.
RK: Damn, I picked the wrong day to leave my gun at home.
SCENE 15
The Halberstadt Residence
Exterior Entrance
Seattle, Washington
(The instrumental to "Give Up the Goods" by Mobb Deep featuring Big Noyd plays in the background)
RK and Dylan pass by Mrs. Halberstadt's house later that night.
RK: Ugh, this day was painful. Why did I have to watch you eat?
DYLAN: Because we were at Burger King? What kind of question is that?
RK: And you couldn't have bought me anything? I thought you said lunch was on you!
DYLAN: I lied. Wait a minute. Could we go back to that house?
RK: Um, okay...weirdo?
RK and Dylan walk back to the house.
DYLAN: Whose house is this?
RK: It's Mrs. Halberstadt's. She won the lottery and got this brand new mansion loaded with guns. Why? What do you want to do to her?
DYLAN: Rob her. Take all her stuff.
RK: Rob her?! Are you insane?!
RK follows Dylan, who has already started walking on the premises.
RK: We can't rob Mrs. Halberstadt!
DYLAN: Stop being a pussy, man.
RK: No. This is a stupid plan! We'll never get away with this!
DYLAN: It's a genius plan. How hard can it be to rob an old lady? She probably won't even know we're there.
RK: Very hard. I mean, did you put angel dust in your lean or something? We could both go to jail for this!
DYLAN: I'm famous now. I've been on TV twice. They're not going to send a famous person to jail.
RK: I could go on and on about all the famous people who thought the same thing you did, but...
RK stops talking momentarily when he hears something.
RK: What was that? HOLY SHIT!
RK falls down when he sees Mrs. Halberstadt's attack dog, barking loudly and chained to a pole. Dylan pulls out his gun.
DYLAN: Come on, man. You want some of this? Huh? You want it?!
RK: Look, Dylan, I can't do this. I'm going home.
At this point, the following lyrics appear over the instrumental: "I got my mind on the stick-up, now it's time to get paid/Thinking of ways to take loot already made/There's crime in the air, ain't no time to be afraid/Gimme yours and get laid/Give up the goods and get sprayed." At the same time, the camera cuts to a close-up of the dog, then of Dylan's disturbed face. RK tries to run away, but he hears a gunshot and runs back. Dylan is now standing over the dead dog, which he shoots twice more in the head.
RK: What the hell are you doing?!
A light turns on in Mrs. Halberstadt's mansion, and RK immediately tries to pull a blank-faced Dylan away from the crime scene.
RK: Okay, we gotta go now. Dylan, come on, let's go!
RK and Dylan begin running away from the mansion.
SCENE 16
Ken Griffey Jr. Park
Seattle, Washington
(The instrumental to "Hell on Earth (Front Lines)" by Mobb Deep starts playing in the background)
RK and Dylan stop running once they reach the park. They then catch their breath.
RK: You idiot! Why would you shoot the damn dog?!
DYLAN: He got loose. He was about to bite me!
RK: Are you seriously lying to me about what happened when I was standing right there? HE WAS CHAINED UP, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
DYLAN: I didn't know what else to do! He deserved it anyway.
RK: Man, you're a sick, twisted little boy.
DYLAN: I bet you don't want to be friends anymore, right?
Dylan pulls up his shirt again.
DYLAN: I bet you want to tell on me for shooting the dog.
RK: No, I don't. I'm not a rat! But I tried to give you a second chance and you threw it all away! I'm done! Just stay the hell away from me!
RK walks away from Dylan.
DYLAN: RK? RK?!
Dylan decides to leave and as he passes a tree, it is revealed that Agent Robinson is standing behind it, having overheard the whole conversation.
SCENE 17
The Jennings Household
Interior Living Room
Seattle, Washington
KG is watching TV the next day.
REPORTER: Dylan Harris was apprehended today for the murder of a Seattle resident's dog.
KG: Wait, he was? They got him? They got him! THE NIGHTMARE'S OVER! RK, COME QUICK!
RK immediately runs downstairs.
RK: What happened, KG?
KG: They got Dylan for shooting Mrs. Halberstadt's dog. Finally, that dog was getting on my nerves.
RK looks shocked beyond belief as he watches the report.
RK: No, dammit!
REPORTER: Despite Harris only being ten years old, the police decided to get him into the system early, so he could receive the psychological help he so desperately needs.
KG: Wait, so he's going to jail, the stupid dog's dead, and they're putting him into the system? Man, this is the best day ever! Now we can finally get back to our normal, boring lives!
RK: Yeah, we can. I'm going to take a walk. You know, clear my head.
KG: Oh yeah, sure. Enjoy that walk. Because it's not like Dylan can enjoy it. BECAUSE HE'S IN THE SYSTEM!
KG cackles with his tongue out and starts rolling on the floor.
KG: That little bastard's gonna die in there!
RK closes the door behind him and begins his walk when he looks up and sees Agent Robinson standing a few feet away from him. The instrumental to "Can't Get Enough of It" by Mobb Deep featuring General G immediately plays in the background.
AGENT ROBINSON: If you're wondering, I was the one who told the police that Dylan shot the dog.
RK: How did you even find out?
AGENT ROBINSON: I was following you and Dylan yesterday. I know he coerced you to spend the day with him or he would kill you.
RK: So why didn't you give the cops your name?
AGENT ROBINSON: A year ago, Dylan's sister filed a restraining order against me. She said that I was insane, obsessed, a madman. She even insinuated that I wanted Dylan all to myself which set my case back for several months.
RK: This is horrible! Now he's going to think I snitched on him and come after me!
AGENT ROBINSON: Don't you understand? After today, Dylan can't hurt you or anybody else. He's going to be in the system until the day he dies, and he's never getting out.
The camera slowly zooms in on RK's confused face.
SCENE 18
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Mr. Frax's Classroom
Seattle, Washington
The next day, RK is in class and looks bored as usual as he sits by the window. The "Can't Get Enough of It" instrumental continues to play in the background.
MR. FRAX: So, many people are confused about the true origins of Christopher Columbus. If you look at page 44 of your textbook, you'll see that...
RK: Oh, kill me now.
RK yawns, looks out the window and sees the playground's basketball court. He turns his attention to the book, gets bored again and looks out the window one more time. The camera cuts to a medium close-up, then a close-up, then an extreme close-up of Dylan standing by a bush.
RK: MOTHERF***ER! LOOK OUTSIDE!
MR. FRAX: RK...
RK: You have to look...
When RK looks outside, he sees nothing again.
RK: I swear, he was just there trying to kill me!
MR. FRAX: RK, I'm sick and tired of warning you about your language. I'm afraid I have to write you a detention slip.
RK: But that's not fair! He was...oh, forget it.
RK sits back down in his chair with his arms folded. Jaylynn looks worried as she stares at RK.
SCENE 19
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
RK leaves the classroom when he ends up being surrounded by the guys.
JAYLYNN: RK, is everything cool? You look like a wreck.
RK: No. It's Dylan. He's stalking me!
SPARKY: I thought they put that wacko in the system.
RK: Whether it's the prison system or the Gregg Popovich system, he's not getting held anywhere. I'm so freaked out, I can feel his presence around me right now.
WADE: Whoa, this is serious. Do we need to report him to the police?
RK: No, they won't believe a bunch of kids. I'm just gonna go to detention and pretend that none of this ever happened.
BUSTER: Okay, but if you think anything's funny, let us know so we can help you.
RK: Thanks, guys. Now I feel better.
At that point, Jaylynn hugs RK.
RK: What's this about?
JAYLYNN: It's just to let you know we've got your back.
RK: And now I feel even better.
SCENE 20
Ike's Ice Cream Emporium
Exterior Phone Booth
Seattle, Washington
Agent Robinson is currently in the phone booth.
KG: Hello, who's this?
AGENT ROBINSON: Mister Jennings, it's Agent Robinson. I have some alarming news to share with you.
KG: Okay, spit it out.
AGENT ROBINSON: They let him go! They let him GO!
KG: They let Dylan go?
AGENT ROBINSON: YES, THE BRAIN-DEFICIENT CRETINS LET HIM GO!
KG: But I thought he was supposed to be in the system!
AGENT ROBINSON: It doesn't matter, they freed him when they realized there was inconclusive evidence. After that, they knew they couldn't hold him for long.
KG: Dammit, we're all screwed! Once he gets his hands on RK, the first thing he'll do is kidnap him or torture him or WORSE!
AGENT ROBINSON: If RK's at home with you, don't let him leave the house for anything until things boil over.
KG: He's not home! Last time I spoke to him, he was on his way to detention!
AGENT ROBINSON: Dear God. Okay, meet me at his school as soon as you can, and bring as many weapons as you can find! We're dealing with something whose sole purpose is to cause depravity and mayhem.
KG: Gotcha!
KG immediately hangs up and tries calling someone. Wade picks up his phone at home.
WADE: KG?
KG: WADE, BRING YOUR GUNS AND YOUR BATS, ANYTHING YOU CAN GET YOUR HANDS ON! DYLAN ESCAPED!
WADE: He did?
KG: YEAH, HE'S OUT OF THE SYSTEM! HE'S ABOUT TO PUT RK ON HIS LIST!
WADE: Oh no, RK was getting stalked by him this whole time! Okay, I'm going to call the rest of the guys, and call you back as soon as I can.
KG: Okay. Godspeed, Wade. We need the whole army out here!
KG hangs up and Wade starts making a phone call.
SCENE 21
iCarly Elementary School
Interior Hallway
Seattle, Washington
An exhausted RK leaves detention and goes to his locker to pick up some things. Once he grabs his hat and his jacket, he closes his locker and sees Dylan right next to him drinking a cup of lean.
RK: What the f***?!
DYLAN: How's your afternoon, RK?
RK: What the hell is wrong with you, man? You can't just go around and sneak up on people like that. And why are you here when you don't even go to this school?
DYLAN: Why did you rat on me? I thought we were friends, man.
RK: I didn't say anything, you asshole! And we're not friends either. I told you before to stay away from me. Sure, it was funny in the beginning, but I'm not joking around anymore. You're screwed up in the head so leave me alone and go back to whatever psych ward you crawled out of!
RK walks away from Dylan but he immediately gets slammed back into his locker by him. Dylan then takes out the gun.
DYLAN: Everybody says I'm screwed up, but I don't care. I don't care about my sister, I don't care about that dog, and I don't even care about myself. But since we're not cool anymore, the only person I care about is you!
RK: *high-pitched* What?! *normal voice* You know what, buddy? Maybe I was being a little too judgmental. Of course, we're still cool. What you just saw was me testing you, to see how you were going to take it. And you passed.
DYLAN: I did?
RK: Yeah, you really impressed me. Why don't we go hang out?
DYLAN: Really? You promise?
RK: Scouts Honor. We can do whatever you want. It's your special day.
DYLAN: Awesome. Let's go.
RK: I'm right behind ya.
The instrumental to "Temperature's Rising" by Mobb Deep featuring Crystal Johnson plays in the background as RK watches Dylan walk away for a few seconds with the gun. He then throws his hat and jacket down.
RK: F*** the Scouts.
RK runs up to Dylan and tackles him, forcing him to let go of the gun as it slides across the hallway. The boys look at the stray gun and briefly wrestle before RK kicks Dylan in the face and grabs the gun. Dylan gets up, unhurt, as RK begins to run away and accidentally knocks down a teacher.
RK: Look out! Psycho kid on the loose!
RK keeps running while Dylan just walks. RK opens a door that leads to a stairwell and begins running up it while Dylan continues to walk towards him. RK continues to run up the stairwell until he opens another door that leads to the school roof.
("Drop a Gem on 'Em" by Mobb Deep plays in the background)
RK looks around and as an act of desperation, throws the gun away and tosses it into the city. Meanwhile, Dylan has caught up to RK and inches closer towards him.
RK: Alright, no more guns. Let's settle this the old-fashioned way!
Dylan punches RK in the face, but he responds by taking him down and landing a couple strikes. Dylan kicks RK away and stomps on his head, then puts on a black glove and proceed to elbow him a few times in the skull. RK spits in Dylan's eye, kicks him in the stomach, and tries to Pedigree him but he is unable to because of Dylan's frame. Dylan takes advantage of his strength and gives RK a back body drop. He then begins choking him, and although there's an initial struggle, RK begins to lose consciousness and lays limp on the ground. Dylan smirks and begins to leave but RK immediately gets up, having played possum to bait Dylan into letting his guard down.
RK takes Dylan down again and starts using a more aggressive attack, punching Dylan several times in the face and head, then giving him a roundhouse kick. RK then removes Dylan's glove and tries to use his elbow attack, but only gets in a few shots in before Dylan pushes him off. Dylan tries to kick RK in the groin, but RK avoids it and gives Dylan an uppercut. With Dylan woozy, RK lands some strategic punches: A punch to the throat, a punch to the temple (that brings Dylan down to one knee) and a punch between the eyes. RK tries to catch his breath, but all Dylan does is spit out a tooth and flip RK off. RK, without saying a word, slaps his thigh and superkicks Dylan, which causes him to lose his balance and fall off the roof. He screams as he falls, but RK leans over and grabs his hand.
RK: AAH! Dylan!
DYLAN: RK! You gotta pull me up, man!
RK: I know, but...you're obese, bro!
DYLAN: RK, I'm sorry I tried to kill you! I've been dealing with some anger issues!
RK: You've been dealing with issues with your eating portions too!
At that point, KG kicks the door open with the rest of TSE and Agent Robinson alongside him.
KG: RK, where are you?
RK: I'm right here, KG! Somebody help!
BUSTER: Oh no, Dylan's trying to pull him over the roof!
KG: We're coming, bro!
The guys rush towards RK but Agent Robinson easily beats them to it and tries to release RK's grip.
RK: What are you doing? I'm trying to pull him up!
AGENT ROBINSON: No! It's time for him to die!
The camera cuts to Dylan's worried face, then Agent Robinson's deranged face, as he successfully releases RK's grip. Dylan yells as he falls to his presumed death and lands viciously on the ground below, then rolls down the stairwell.
RK: You...you killed him.
AGENT ROBINSON: He deserved to die! Four years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off!
KG: Wait a minute. He's not dead. He's gone!
Cut to the ground below, where no one is even there. It is revealed that Dylan has already recovered from the fall and is limping off on the other side of the school.
KG: Oh, wait, he's not.
BUSTER: The hell is he, a cyborg? Someone do something!
AGENT ROBINSON: NOOOOOOOOOO! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
Agent Robinson screams as he jumps off the roof and lands on Dylan. With the exception of RK, everyone looks bored by the struggle.
AGENT ROBINSON: As God as my witness, I will see to it that you are extinguished in the fiery pits of hell!
DYLAN: What the...where's Cheyenne? You're not supposed to be within 100 yards!
JAYLYNN: You guys really should've stabbed him when you had the chance.
KG: Okay, I'm done with this. Let's go.
KG leads the way as the kids begin leaving and a crowd of teachers and students have gathered on the roof.
SPARKY: So we're just never going to talk about this again, right?
WADE: Probably not.
BUSTER: I was really rooting for that kid to die. Kinda bummed me out that he didn't.
As RK tries leaving, he gets stopped by one of the kids.
KID: Hey, Jennings.
RK: What, man?
KID: You got some of that sizzurp?
"Drop a Gem on 'Em" plays briefly as the camera quickly zooms in on RK's confused expression. Fade to black.
("Quiet Storm" by Mobb Deep plays over the end credits)
©2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS
In memory of Mobb Deep's Prodigy
November 2, 1974 - June 20, 2017