Altered Dib

An Invader Zim fan fiction

by monkey byte

Gather 'round, chillin! Dis be me very first submission! Nothing screamingly original here but that's OK because you're all looking at fan fiction, not ground breaking literature. Anyhoo, I gave this thing a PG-13 for some swearing, flying dookie, culinary road kill, violence, boot humping and a bare assed Dib (You slash fans settle down back there! This ain't no ZADR! Well, not consciously, anyway). Think this should have been an R instead? Well in my sick little constitution an image carries more impact than a description of one-especially when you generalize the hell out of it like I do. Yes, I'm fully aware of my reference to Devo and some of you might recognize my vague reference to the film Altered States (s'in the name! Hee!). Note: I will not post a copyright disclaimer as I have slaved for hours on this escapist fan swill and will not see a dime for my efforts while the owners of said intellectual property get more free publicity.

Well, here it is. R&R, wouldja? Real criticism will be vastly appreciated and flames (there is a difference) will at least be amusing. Enjoy!

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Part One: Transformation

The Gnome's sensory and video feeds were malfunctioning and GIR was upstairs watching TV (door and window closed, mind you!) so Zim had to take the Computer's intruder alert more seriously than usual. All the weird noises and stirrings confirmed his suspicions: the Earth Boy had found his way in again. Dib really outdid himself this time. He was decked out in his usual cloaking jacket but with the added bonus of being weighed down with all his surveillance gadgets. Some were Membrane's, some were Crop Circles' specials, some were his own concoctions. This cocktail of accessories struck up an image of Mission: Impossible shot on location in a garage sale.

Both Dib's getup and his very presence more than irritated the Irken. This encounter was becoming too commonplace for his liking and he was prepared. Amid Dib's melodramatic and redundant ranting (notice he foregoes running like hell in favor of this) Zim produced from a pocket something that resembled a laser pen. With his face crinkled up like his head would explode if he heard one more second of Dib's voice, Zim aimed the pen at his target and pushed a button on the end. A silent, royal blue beam landed right between Dib's eyes. Dib stopped, suddenly realizing something just happened, his face fading from angry determination to startled confusion to a look of mind searing agony as he screamed, convulsed and hit the floor with a dull thud.

Zim smirked coldly but without any satisfaction. He put the pen away, crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his foot impatiently. This was it , the moment of truth. The outcome of all the hard work and preparation for this little eventuality was about to be shown. Dib lay face down on the cold floor, a small puddle of blood trickled away from his head. Zim listened for the human's vital signs but the monstrous, cybernetic rhythms of his house drowned out any faint breathing he might have heard. He took a step closer and leaned in for a better listen.

The stink beast was breathing. Good. If he can survive the transformation this might be more entertaining than destroying him right away. Zim cracked an evil smile, prodding Dib with some subtle kicking from his feet. A morbid gasp and a violent body quake erupted from the boy, Zim was startled momentarily but quickly regained his arrogant composure and chuckled venomously. Dib's breathing picked up but went straight from first gear to manic hyperventilating, his raspy, short breaths hissed with panic. Here and there he submitted a grunt to go with the violent convulsion that were now starting up again. Zim took a cautionary step back, wondering in the back of his mind if this wasn't going to conclude with an explosion. Just then Dib's voice ripped through the room, making Zim flinch. More screaming. Normally this would be amusing but how long is this going to take? Dib wasn't convulsing anymore, he was flailing around like he was set afire. He suddenly flipped onto his back and continued his gasping and screaming, all the better for Zim to hear. The joke was getting old fast and Zim started to think about finding an Irken equivalent to ear plugs . Then as abruptly as it started the anguished cries stopped. The labored breathing was still there but it was winding down quickly. Zim stepped back in for another look.

The lighting there was bad so a long appendage with an incandescent-like light emerged from Zim's Pak. The luminous globe swiveled on the end until a white spotlight rained down on Dib's tortured countenance. Zim was crouched over the limp body, his eyes narrowed in anticipation. He studied the now unrecognizable features that were compressed into a tight grimace. Dib's nose (which was still bleeding) didn't stick out as prominently as before but his other features were drawn into it and formed into a fearsome snout, complete with protruding canines. His forehead sloped backward sharply and his brow was set like a brick wall. The spectacles were still on his face but were cracked from the fall earlier. His normally pallid complexion was now covered by brown hair follicles that were plastered with perspiration and framed his features in a beastlike cowl.

Zim's inquisitive frown reversed into a wicked grin. The test cells reacted exactly the same way some weeks ago. Dib was now in a state of what some humans called Devo, or de-evolution. If the big headed freak still had the brain capacity this could very well be his ultimate humiliation before Zim would leisurely terminate him. "Hah!!" Zim figured this was a good time to gloat. Then again with Zim, when wasn't it? "Pathetic Earth monkey! You have violated the lair of Zim for the last time! I laugh at your primitive…uh….primateness!! Here I go.." the maniacal, evil and utterly adorable laughter stirred around the base and forced Dib's eyes to flutter open . The Irken noticed this and stopped to peer at the amber orbs now locked in on him. The eyes had also changed, they now had a dull, misty, animalistic quality. Zim finally returned the gaze with another evil, toothy smile.

Now anyone who knows anything about primates knows that this isn't the smart thing to do. Unfortunately for Zim he wasn't one of those people. Dib responded to his display of pearly whites (or is it pearly pinks?) instantly. Zim shrieked at the impact of Dib's sudden lunge and let out a juicy, bloodcurdling scream (think The Wettening) as he hit the floor and felt something tear into his right arm, cutting through the sleeve, breaking the skin and cutting some depth into his flesh.

The filthy Earth-stink bit me! Zim wanted to squirm free of the agonizing hold but doing so would only tear his poor arm some more. After what was only a few seconds but felt like to Zim like an arm piercing eternity, Dib let up on his oral grip but not before putting a few broad slashes into Zim's shirt with his new fingernails. As you can imagine this got another scream out of our Irken bad boy. With a graceful leap the monkey boy soared over the battered green man, leaving him with his wounds and fractured dignity.

Zim hissed at the burning throb in his arm and torso as he staggered to his feet. Can't lose track of the human, he thought through gritted teeth. He spun around on his heels to catch Dib running down the corridor opposite him. Shit, the arsenal room! The state of Dib's grey matter was uncertain and Zim hoped he didn't have the capacity to get any inspiration from the array of weaponry he was headed towards.