A Completely Accurate and Unbiased Essay on America under Bush's Leadership

By an Ultra Conservative Republican

This is truly a chaotic time in our nation's history. We, the good Christian citizens of America, are under the tyrannical oppression of a socialist, Islamic President. Barack Hussein Obama has been recognized by many highly intelligent and rational people as the Anti-Christ. Note that his Chicago zip code was 60606 and "Obama would be a 'black' president in the 'white' house—Satan is described as black in attribute and who seeks to take over the white mansion known as heaven." (Highly Informed Person Who Wrote an Anonymous Blog Post, 2009) He has begun to spread his evil across the world in many ways. He has enacted policy offering benefits to gay partners of federal employees, which "…is a significant advance for gay rights." (Mark Z. Barabak and Jessica Garrison, 2009) He has threatened to drag our soldiers out of Iraq, where they happily fight against terrorism and that Mohammed guy. (Stu Pidd and Vera Ignorant, 2009) He is attempting to steal from hard working Whites to give health care to lazy, poor Black single mothers with bastard children that don't work because they live comfortably off welfare. (Kay K. Kay, 2008) Yes, thanks to the Godless Democrats, we are facing Armageddon. In these times, we can only take comfort in our memories of former President George W. Bush Junior's days in office.

George W. Bush Jr. was the best president we've ever had and did many great things for our country. After Muslims murdered millions of citizens on September 11th, 2001, President Bush discovered that Iraq had been involved with the attack and they had weapons of mass destruction. The weapons were not officially found because the Democrats snuck into Iraq before soldiers could get there and helped the terrorists move them to North Korea. (N. Sanely-Idiotic, 2008) Former President Bush was very wise and enacted laws that kept Iraqi terrorists on indefinite detentions. Some liberals claim that some people put on indefinite detention are innocent civilians, but George Bush knew the truth: there are no innocents in the Axis of Evil. He also approved of the use of waterboarding and other highly effective and ethical forms of interrogation. (A. Hole, 2009) He also enacted the very moral Patriot Act. Bush understood that the only way to protect American rights was to take them away. This has proven to be one of the best acts ever passed in the history of the U.S. (D. Lusional, 2007)

Even as Bush was leaving office, he tried to ensure that our country would flourish. He took wolves off the endangered species list since there are now nine billion of them in the U.S. (Mae Ditup, 2009) He gave the go-ahead to a multi-million dollar expansion of our nuclear weapons since the bombs we have are old and might not work well anymore. (B. S. Warmonger, 2008)

In conclusion, President Bush was perfect and our country was the happiest we'd ever been under his leadership. Now we just have to hold on until Jesus comes back and sends Obama and his Legion of Pro-Choice Liberals to Hell.