It had been almost three weeks since he had been kneeling on what could have been Nicks grave. Looking through that glass was at the same time the worst and the best thing that had happened to him. They found him in time, but he knew that Nicks live was changed forever.
He had waked up in a sweat every night since that day. The nightmares just didn't seem to want to let him go. Only in his nightmares it wasn't Nick lying in the box. It was Sara. And when he pounded on the glass sweating she almost never responded. She'd just lay there, ants crawling in and out of her mouth and nostrils. And the times when he was able to wake her, all she said was: "It's too late". Just those few simple worlds before she drifted away again. And he didn't want to sleep ever again…
He was alive, but not really living. And he knew it. And although he had told her didn't know what to do about it, he had always known. He just didn't know how to. He knew he loved her. He felt like he had loved her for ever. But then there were all his fears. And he didn't know how to get past them. Maybe he never would… And he didn't know it then, but that was in fact his biggest fear.
Another nightmare… he's sweating, and shivering so hard he almost can't make it to the shower. He sinks down on the floor and lets the water run over his worn body. He has no idea how long he sits there, and he has no idea where the water stops and his tears start. Like in a dream he can see himself drying himself off and putting on a pair of worn jeans and a t-shirt. He slips into a pair of shoes and takes the keys off the wall. Air, he has to breathe, because he hasn't really for as long as he can remember. So he starts walking. In his heart he knows where he's going, and he is not going to let his head get in the way like it has so many times before.
There's a gentle knock on the door. It's so soft she's not even sure there's really someone there. So she looks through the peephole. The hallway is empty. It must have been her imagination. Or maybe someone walking by accidentally brushed against her door. She opens the door anyway just to make sure, and startles a little when she see's the slumping figure leaning against the wall just to the right of her door. He looks so worn and tired and old she almost doesn't realize that it's him at first.
"Griss… what's going on?" she speaks in a soft voice.
His mouth opens but there are no words there. She looks into his dark blue eyes, and she's worried. He looks tortured and sad and so utterly lost.
"Can I come in?" he asks, his fists clenched by his side.
"Yeah, of course…" She opens the door wider and steps to the side. He brushes up against her as he steps through the door, and she can smell the soap and the wet curls in the back of his neck and the sadness all at the same time.
He sits down on the couch. It reminds him of the time he came to her after she had been suspended, and she let her guard down for him. And he wonders if he can do the same for her…
"Are you okay?" Her voice is gentle and caring. And it gives him the courage he needs.
"I really don't know" he hears himself say. "I just needed to see you. I… I know that it's too late, but I need to let you know. I need to let you know that I'm sorry. I know I've hurt you."
There is only silence and he can hear his own heart pounding. He looks into her eyes and realizes that there are tears streaming down her face. But there is no sound, just silent tears. And he hates himself at that moment. He has hurt her again.
"I'm so sorry, honey, I never meant to hurt you again… I know you have moved on, and you have every right. I just wanted to tell you that I know I was wrong. And if I could do it all over I would be the one begging you to go out to dinner… I'm not asking for a second chance, I have no right to. I just hope that someday you may be able to forgive me…"
She reaches out and puts her hand over his. She can swear he is shivering, and she feels the electricity pulse through her entire body. "I forgave you a long time ago…" she whispers. Their bodies are closer now, and she can feel his unsteady breath surrounding her. "It's always been you, and as much as I tried to let you go, I never could, and I never will". Her voice is strained, and she realizes she is crying.
All of a sudden she can feel his lips pressing against hers, and they can both taste the years of longing, passion and tears on each others skin. It is everything they ever wanted and way beyond anything any of them ever imagined. He sweeps her up in his arms, and carries her into the bedroom, and she realizes that this is the first time someone has ever really made love to her. He is gentle and strong and passionate, and when he finally sinks into her, it is as if all of their dreams come through. And they both know there is no going back from this.
Sitting on the porch in each others arms 32 years from now they will both remember this sunday as the first day of their wonderful life together.