A/N: This fic is in no way a joke... I sincerely hate these people. (Fairy Tale Dragon Slayer, book lover reader, NeonZangetsu, Kyuubi16, etc)
Hello, welcome to 'How to be a popular fanfiction author'. Here I will guide you through the easy steps on becoming the worlds biggest fucking untalented piece of shit.
Let's get started.
-Step 1- Write a Naruto fanfiction.
This site is filled with thousands of different fictional works; from books like Harry Potter and Hunger Games, to movies like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, to fantastic anime like Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note, and Gundam. Somehow, Naruto, otherwise known as the most overrated anime in shonen history, managed to become one of the most written about series on this site. How this happened could be because of the overwhelming amount of Narutards floating around. But anyways, back on track, these Narutards don't even seem to care about the quality of a story; if you are to post any sort of Naruto fanfiction, it WILL get hundreds of reviews, even if you don't really deserve it. Your grammer could be that of a 1st grader, your punctuation could be nonexistent, and your plot can be pulled straight out of your anus and it will still be read; because Naruto fans are easily impressed.
-Step 2- Use Naruto fanfic cliches
Almost every Naruto fanfic, and anything Naruto is crossed with, has some of THE MOST OVERUSED PLOT DEVICES KNOWN TO MAN;
Don't believe me?
-Harems (Because all of the virgin losers who will never get a girlfriend like to live out their fantasies through their writing. It's easy to tell. And if you give Naruto a big ass harem for no good reason, even in a crossover, it will make you popular.)
-Character bashing (Poor Sasuke, Sakura, and Village council. They get it the worst.)
-Mobs Attacking Naruto and Anbu or any Professional Shinobi ignoring Naruto being attacked (Do you idiots really think the Hokage would allow that?)
-Civilian council (Does this even exist?)
-Naruto is suddenly Strong or Godlike (Every. Fucking. Story. There doesn't even have to be any development to Naruto's strengths. Just give him every jutsu under the fucking sun including the Sharingan and Rinnegan and Narutards are happy. Hell, you'd get even more praise if you make Naruto stronger than every character in every story he's crossed with.)
-Naruto being the God of Sex. (For some reason every author believes Naruto has a 10 inch dick. Need I say more?)
-Woman feels Instant pleasure during Anal sex (Not in every Naruto fic, but in almost all of the lemon scenes you'll see this.
-Relationships being rushed and/or forced.
-Characters killed off because the Author find them unlikable or useless
And Naruto readers like to eat this stuff up as if they've NEVER seen this shit before in their life.
-Step 3- Reuse the same damn story already established by other authors, tweak it a little, and call it your own
This step kind of falls under the 'cliche' category, but I thought I would make this a whole nother topic. Most Naruto writers like to completely alter the lore to the Naruto series when they make a crossover. Here's what I'm talking about.
NarutoXDBZ- Naruto is born a saiyan.
NarutoXSuperman- Naruto is born kryptonian
NarutoXBleach- Naruto is a Hollow
NarutoXStar Wars- Naruto is a jedi master.
And on top of this, add in a bunch of cliche's like Harems, God mode, and character bashing.
-Step 4- Make Naruto a Mary-Sue
This mainly applies to crossovers but can be found in a lot of casual Naruto fics as well. Naruto writers like to make Naruto flawless; as in making him uber-powerful, a ladies man, a genius, eye-candy to every woman of every age, and capable of solving any and every issue that comes his way because 'fuck you I'm Naruto Uzumaki BELIEVE IT!'. Smh.
-Step 5- Block any and all criticism to your stories.
Some authors like to censor their stories to make only the positive reviews come in; this makes them appear to be better authors than they really are. (Looks at FTDS) Fuckin douche. and if you criticize these authors in any way they will block you from ever reviewing again.
-Step 6- Adopt the belief that Naruto is superior to anything and everything it is ever crossed with
Basically, become a Narutard yourself. Narutards are ALL OVER the damn internet and if they see that someone else is a mindless Naruto zombie like they are; they will show you the utmost loyalty. Like a dog. And a benefit to this will be that you can trick 30 retards into sending you $300 every month (looks at FTDS) Just try not to focus on how much a waste of human resource you are.
XXX
NOW YOU ARE READY, NOW YOU ARE READY TO BECOME A POPULAR FANFICTION AUTHOR! Get out there and make me proud...
...just kidding if you're a generic Naruto writer you're a bitch.
THE END