This is an idea of what Zaf will be feeling after returning from his kidnapping in season 6. This is purely made up (as in my world he is alive and returns!!) Little bit of ZafJo
DISCLAMIER: I don't own Spooks or anything in it (shame, I would love to own Zaf!!)
Zaf had always been a light sleeper, sometimes at night he couldn't sleep so he crept downstairs and worked on his laptop, careful not to wake his co-worker and flatmate Jo. Since his return from being shot and kidnapped he hardly ever slept and any sleep he got (usually from sleeping pills) was haunted by horrible, terrifying dreams and flashbacks.
Tonight was no exception, Zaf thrashed around, he could feel the bullet enter the skin, the burning of his torture. He could hear his owns screams and the evil laughter of his captors. Waking with a start, he looked around only to find his room and he was now on the floor. His jaw was aching, sweat was dripping face and his throat was sore from talking and groaning in his sleep. He had a horrible sick feeling in his stomach and his healing scar of the bullet wound on his abdominal burned. "Shit!" He thought, "I hope woken up Jo."
As it happened Jo was awake anyway, it was just one of those nights where she couldn't sleep. She heard Zaf groan in his sleep and realised he must be dreaming again, for the past month, since he was released from hospital following his 3 week capture he was dreaming pretty much every night. Jo thought about waking him but knew he would be mortified if he knew she knew the nightmares he was having. She heard the light footsteps belonging to her friend , deep down she wanted more but after the recent incidents she felt it was the wrong time to start anything , Zaf wasn't in a good place right now. She then heard the living room door shut quietly, Zaf had given up on sleeping. Jo wanted to seen how he was but thought it was probably better for him to have a few hours on his own but she did set her alarm for 5AM so she could check on him.
During the day he seemed his usual self, maybe a little quieter and his boyish, cheeky grin displayed less often but that seem to be expected after everything. But at night he couldn't forget like he did when he was working or chatting, he couldn't help but dwell and relive his nightmare. He shivered as he thought of one of the many beatings he'd received. They were brutal and he still had the scars to prove it. He glanced at the large clock, it was 3AM he had the grand total of 4 hours of sleep. "Great" he muttered, and today ends my first day back on the grid.
He was told to visit a councillor and he did once, but he didn't talk much and cancelled further appointments. He just wasn't ready to talk about it. It was only three weeks, and he knew in that respect he was lucky but it still affected him deeper than he would admit to. They were the most lonely, painful and terrifying three weeks of his live. He couldn't remember being that scared in his life ever and he thought of Jo everyday and how she was. It was the only thing that made him feel better or indeed anything. He wanted to maybe go further in their relationship but now he thought she wouldn't want to. He was damaged goods and needed time to heal, if he could ever. His eyes shone with unshed tears as he thought of her and the relationship he'd probably lost. He just wanted to feel and behave normal.
So what do you think? Who can help Zaf? Who will choose to ? Read the next chapter to find out . Sorry if chapter is a bit short