I'm not the one who is supposed to be sitting here.

I can feel the truth of that thought the moment I realize where we are. It's the Paopu tree on that little island where we would always sit and watch the sunset. You, Riku and I. It was where we exchanged the Paopu fruits for good luck before the battle. Yesterday? It feels like yesterday in my head but I get the sense that it's been longer than that.

I was gone. I don't really remember much of it. I remember fighting alongside Axel, and you for a time. Axel and I didn't do very well. I guess as good as Merlin's training was it wasn't enough. I wish we'd been able to travel along with you instead. I'm not sure why we couldn't but fighting fake heartless is nothing compared to the real thing.

I remember being taken out of the battle by Xemnas. I was so angry. I'm a protector of the light! I shouldn't have let myself be taken like that. Especially with Roxas and Xion coming back to us. Being taken is the last thing I remember though. I was there and yet…

Yet now we're here. I can feel the setting sun against my skin and my hand in yours. It's so warm. It's only in this very moment I notice just how cold I had been. I can hear the waves and the people over on the beach trying to be quiet. I think it might just be everyone, it sure sounds like a lot of people. You are strangely quiet though and I don't know why but it scares me. You are smiling though and I can tell you are happy but there is something else lurking behind it.

You squeeze my hand in yours and I can feel a tear running down my face. I don't know why I'm crying because I am smiling too. We are home safe now, aren't we? So why am I crying?

It's a moment that seems to stretch forever but in a snap it's done and you are gone. Gone.

My smile is still strangely lingering on my face. This isn't real right? Me sitting here without you. It isn't supposed to be this way. This is your spot and I'm in it and you are gone and I don't understand why. Where did you go?

Sora…

What did you do?

I'm not supposed to be here. You are…

I can feel more tears starting to run down my face and my smile slips away from me. The sounds from the beach are getting louder now. People are yelling, panicking. What am I going to say to them, Sora? When they ask where you've gone? I don't know where you are. I don't even know what happened.

My shoulders are shaking now with the force of the sobs that I can't seem to stop. I want to get off of the tree but I'm scared to even move. What if I'm not real either? Will I fade away too, if I move? Is that what happened to you?

The silly thoughts are stopped in their tracks when I feel arms wrap around me tightly. Gently pulling me from my perch on the tree and wrapping me with warmth. I look up through teary eyes at Riku, and he just pulls me closer. He's not saying anything yet, letting me cry. Realizing this seems to open the floodgates even more.

It feels like hours pass. The light is still lingering when I finally manage to pull myself away, so it probably hasn't been that long. I can't make myself look at Riku yet. I don't want to face the question I know is in his eyes. I risk a glance at the beach instead and see everyone there. Well, not everyone. You aren't there are you?

"Kairi?"

As much as I hate it, Riku's voice brings my attention back to him. What am I supposed to say?

He speaks before I can anyways. "I'm so happy to see you."

My eyes water and I nod because I don't can't seem to make myself say anything but I feel the same way. I am happy to see Riku. To see everyone really. If we are all here then things must have ended successfully right?

"W-what happened?" I manage to croak out, voice catching slightly on the first word.

A dry chuckle escapes him. "I thought that was what I'd be asking you."

I pout a little at the teasing and gesture over to the beach where the others are gathered. I want explanations now. Maybe then I'll be able to make sense of what happened and give him an answer.

We sit down, on the solid ground this time instead of the tree, and he proceeds to tell me the story of the final battle. I feel like I'm on the edge of my seat as he describes how you volunteered yourself off alone for the final fight. Well, not entirely alone, thankfully you had Donald and Goofy with you. Of course you managed to save the world again too, just like always Sora.

Then he gets to the part of the story where you are going off alone after me. Tells me about King Mickey's warnings to you but you went anyways. I'm a little mad at Riku because he let you go. Mostly I'm mad at you for going though.

It's not worth me sitting here if you aren't here with me. Didn't you see that? I don't think you did or you'd be here. I suppose you would say it was worth it. In fact I'm sure you would. For the record I completely disagree and you will be hearing it from me when we get you back.

We're going to get you back right?

I know I have to believe in you. I know the strength that belief can have. Something tells me it's going to be a lot harder to hold to that belief this time. Something has changed. I can't put my finger on what exactly yet but something has changed.

Riku is asking again what happened and I struggle to voice my only answer.

"I…I don't know, Riku. One moment I was fighting with Axel and Sora in the maze and then Roxas appeared and the next I was with Sora on the tree."

"Did he say anything? Anything at all?"

"No! He didn't. I'd tell you if he did! I wish he did. One moment he was there smiling at me and the next he was gone!" My voice is cracking and Riku looks guilty as he pulls me close again, murmuring quiet apologies.

After that we fall into a silence that lingers as we watch the sky turn darker and darker, the light disappearing and yet appearing again in the form of little stars up there. Different worlds. Are you out there Sora?

We used to think it would be so easy to travel to different worlds, so easy it could be done on a raft. I can't help but to laugh at the idea now. Despite that we learned how to traverse worlds didn't we? So that means that we can find you if you are out there somewhere, right?

Everyone is so smart and they love you so much. I am sure that they will be able to find a way to save you. If they don't than I know Riku and I will. Nothing could stop Riku from finding you I'm sure and even though I'm not very good at fighting, I swear I'll do anything to get you back with us.

"We're going to get you back Sora," I murmur softly, promising it to the sky and the stars because you'll hear it then. One sky, one destiny and all that.

"We just have to believe in him, Kairi." Riku's response is oddly unwelcome, it's passivity grating. Wasn't it usually me saying that kind of thing? Was it always that annoying? I know we have to believe in you but I'm going to do my best to help find you too. I won't leave this adventure all to you.

It's very dark by the time Riku stands and holds his hand out, wanting me to take it. I don't know if I am ready yet but I take it anyways. I can't help but to glance back as we cross over the bridge, staring at your usual spot on the tree and wishing you would magically reappear there. For just a moment, just when I am looking away again, I think I see you there. My head snaps back to look but there isn't anything there. Riku's gentle tug on my hand pulls me the rest of the way away.

The days are starting to blur together a little at this point. Everything started moving very quickly after that night on the beach and somehow everyone ended up where we are now. The new home base, Radiant Garden. I suppose it's because Ansem and his researchers have that fancy computer. We don't have anything like that on the islands.

The home base for what, you ask? For 'Project: Find Sora' of course. It seems like everyone was content to let you be if you were out there looking for me but bringing me back and then disappearing has them all worried Sora. Especially King Mickey. It's mostly him that has been taking charge of organizing all of this.

The more days pass the more I notice Riku's worry too. Even though he was the first to say that we needed to believe in you, I can see it's wearing on him already. He paces a lot when he is worried. In fact he's doing it right now. Left and right and left and right. It's making me a little dizzy.

Everyone has been keeping their distance from me since I came back. Not out of any bad intent I don't think but more that they are treating me with little kid gloves. Like if they aren't careful enough I'll break into pieces, quite possibly literally.

Granted I haven't exactly been in top form. Sometimes it's like the whole world just decides to break on me. I can't breathe and the world spins and I am more scared than I have ever been. Ansem says that they are panic attacks. I hate them. They make me feel so weak. Weaker than I have ever felt before.

We are having a very big meeting right now. Everyone is talking about what they have found (nothing), what they should do (no one knows), where we should get dinner in from (really?). It all seems very pointless to me. None of this is helping to find you.

They keep throwing around words and phrases without ever explaining them. Blah blah blah power of waking blah blah traversing hearts blah blah blah. I am starting to understand why you were always so annoyed in meetings like this. No one is talking about how this power really works or how you somehow used it to save me and why doing so made you disappear. Donald and Goofy have been full of stories of the foreboding warnings you were given by the members of the Organization. Things about paying the price and it being too late.

Did you know? Did you realize you would have to pay the price if you came after me? I'd like to think that you didn't know, that it was some accident but the more I hear the more I doubt that. You did know, didn't you? Maybe not the specifics but you knew something bad was coming for you and you did it anyways.

Suddenly I realize that Riku's hypnotic pacing has stopped. He is now having a heated discussion with Roxas and Ven in the corner. Not an argument exactly but something has them all fired up. I keep my eyes on them, unable to hear but trying to discern the conversation anyways. I feel like there is some connection with those three that should be obvious but I can't pick it out.

When the conversation ends Riku slips out of the meeting room and quietly I follow him. I have a terrible feeling about this. For a moment I think it might be another panic attack coming on but it settles into a pulsing worry and concern, not the crashing tidal waves of despair and the inability to breathe.

I follow behind Riku quietly and he doesn't even realize it, lost in whatever thoughts finally have him walking with a purpose. Somehow I am not surprised to see him throwing things into a bag on the bed when I get to the doorway.

"You're going after him."

It's almost funny to see Riku freeze like a deer in the headlights at my voice. After a moment he goes back to packing. "I have to. I can't just sit around like this. I believe he is out there somewhere but I just… He went after us didn't he? Back when all of this started? I can't just not go searching for him now," he explains. You can practically hear the determination dripping from his choice.

I steel myself with a deep breath. "I know. Let me come too."

Now this makes him stop. He turns to stare at me. "Absolutely not. I can't lose you too, Kairi."

"Oh, right. So it would be terrible for you to lose me too but it's not terrible for me to lose you?" I bite back to him. There is this red, simmering anger that has been laying under the surface of my thoughts for days now. Maybe it's because I always knew it was going to come to this. Riku was going to abandon me too.

"Kairi… You know it's not like that. I just…"

"Just what Riku?" I question, my voice rising just a little. "Just think that I'm not good enough to go with you? That I'm too weak? I couldn't even keep myself from getting captured so how could I possibly help you get Sora back? JUST WHAT?"

He's angry now, I can see that. Well good for him, so am I. Maybe this is something we have both been struggling with for days. After all, while you may have a lot of friends Sora, it's always been the two of us the longest. As much as we want to deny it and pretend we are okay, we are broken without you.

Riku grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me a little. "Don't say that! You know I don't think that Kairi. You shouldn't either. It wasn't your fault that you were grabbed, it could have been any of us."

I purse my lips together and look away. The words may sound pretty and encouraging but I know that some of this is my fault. If I hadn't been captured the battle may have been over without even unlocking Kingdom Hearts. Without you having to fight more or go on your stupid rescue mission for me afterwords.

"Kairi," I focus back on Riku at the sound of my name, "I can't take you with me. Not even if I wanted to. I think I can use the power of waking to get him back. That was what he was using after all. I've managed to use it to save him once before. Why can't I do it again? Roxas and Ven reminded me. They could try too technically, they have the power too. But they thought my connection would be stronger and out of all of us I'm the one who has consciously used the power before."

"I can try, can't I?" I hate how my voice comes out pleading. There are words unsaid behind them. Please don't leave me too Riku. I know Riku loves you though and even trying to plead is a fools errand. I still do.

"Sora saved you Kairi. You were that important to him. He loves you. Because of that I can't go dragging you into danger with me. He would never forgive me."

"I can make my own decisions, Riku! I want to help save him. I can't be on the sidelines again!"

"I'm sorry Kairi, but it isn't going to happen."

"Fuck you!" I pull away from Riku's grasp and move back a little. The anger that has been building for days in me has no other course but to break free. "It's always about the two of you isn't it. Neither of you give I damn what I've been through because I've been 'safe'. So you just keep doing it over and over. Leaving me behind. I bet this would have happened with the stupid raft too. That the two of you would have thought of some reason to leave me behind and go off on your merry adventure!"

I sound like an idiot. Or more likely a child. Why did I even bring up the raft? That was stupid and so long ago. There is just this fear running through me at the idea of being left behind again. It feels like walls closing in around me. I'm scared I'll never see Riku again. I'm scared I'll never see you again…

"Kairi," Riku is suddenly very close to me. When did that happen? His hand reaches up and brushes my cheek lightly, a gesture I'm not really expecting from him. "We would never have left you behind. We aren't leaving you behind now. We are all connected, aren't we? One sky, one destiny? You are in my heart and in Sora's heart. Just like we are a part of your heart. You can't break that connection. It's there forever."

I feel tears welling up in my eyes and shake my head a little to try and get rid of them.

"After all, didn't you shove paopu fruit down our throats just to prove it?" Riku adds. I can't help but to laugh at that, even though I don't want to. I want to stay mad at him. Nothing has changed after all, he's still going to go. Without me.

"I did. Please don't go Riku. Not without me."

"Sorry Kairi, but this is one adventure I have to go on alone. Just believe in me, okay? And in Sora. I'll bring him back to us."

I reach up to scrub some of the tears from my eyes. "You had better come back Riku. I'll never forgive you if you don't."

"I will. I promise. We'll be back before you know it."

I smile a little bitterly at the sentiment, trying to will my heart into believing it. I curl up on a chair and watch quietly as Riku finishes packing. He's not going to stop. He's not even going to wait and say goodbye to everyone. I know he's afraid they'd stop him. After all, didn't I try?

I realize that if I hadn't followed him then he would have left without a goodbye to me too. I want to be angry at that but I'm just tired now. All of my energy went into our earlier fight. I don't have enough fight left in me.

You'll find him right, Sora? Or let him find you? Somehow the two of you always do find each other after all. It's only me who gets left behind. If he doesn't come back though, I promise I'll find you and him. No matter what.

He shoulders his bag when he is done and moves for the door. I stand to follow him. For a moment his mouth opens as if to say something to stop me but I shoot him a glare that seems to silence him. We walk together out of the castle and out towards some of the gardens.

This place looks so much like my hazy childhood memories now. Before when it was under construction it was like something was not clicking right in my brain, it made this place feel unfamiliar. Now though it looked right. I could almost imagine my grandmother's voice calling my name. Or your voice.

I see you again. Just in the corner of my eye, like you are darting away behind a building. Playing some game of hide and seek. You aren't there of course, when I stop to look. I can't linger long either because Riku's determined footsteps are continuing forward.

We finally stop in one of the gardens. Unspoken words stir in the space between us. I'm sure we both have so much to say to each other and yet we can't seem to bring ourselves to say it.

"Kairi… Stay safe. I promise I'll be back soon, with Sora."

"You had better be." I manage to squeeze out. The fear and worry that had been ebbing before are threatening to overtake me now. This was it, the last time I might see Riku. I know I shouldn't think like that but it was all my mind was screaming at me.

Without much more thought I throw my arms around Riku, holding him tightly. I don't want to let him go. He squeezes back but after a few minutes he pulls away. He summons his keyblade to his hand and points it to the sky.

"Riku!" I call out quickly. "May your heart be your guiding key." That was what we are supposed to say right? When one of us keyblade wielders goes out on a journey. It makes Riku smile and so I figure it was the right thing to say. Then there is a flash of light and he is gone.

I stand alone in the garden. The night sky is peppered with hundreds of stars. Hundreds of worlds. I wonder where they are.

Gone.

The whisper comes from the dark little corner of the back of my mind but I push it away. It tries to come back louder but I ignore it. I'll see them again soon. I have to believe that.

Thank you for reading! Comments are awesome!

I decided to cross post this from ao3 as this was where I got started in writing fanfiction and where most of my Kingdom Hearts fanfiction resides. You can find more recent works there.

I have plans to write another 2-3 chapters for this fic. If you are interested in beta reading please send me a message.