Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura and related parties. This is a non-profit fanwork. This fic was inspired by aeneus fic Envy and is a response of sorts. Dialogue is quoted from Envy. Envy can be found at .com/7_deadly_sins_.
Covet
By Terra3
Goku likes it when Hakkai asks him to help him with the shopping. However, he cant help but feel that if Gojyo never went missing in his crazy search for women and cigarettes, Hakkai would never ask. Sometimes, he cant decide which is worse: being left behind with Sanzo or going with Gojyo and Hakkai and feeling like he might as well been left behind.
But occasionally, thankfully, Gojyo goes missing and Goku has Hakkais undivided attention as he pulls him by the arm. Not that its worth much.
How come Gojyo can run off without warning and then just come back without Hakkai getting mad at him?
Gokus stomach growls at the scent of fried noodles. Hakkai smiles at him, his expression asking if he wants any. Hakkai always offers first; Goku never has to beg for it. At first, when the journey began, that was his favorite part about Hakkai. He was always so nice to him and took care of him and that made him happy.
Goku says he wants some and Hakkai nods.
But now, it makes him feel awful because he knows that's how adults treat children.
How come Gojyo can whine and moan all he likes but never once gets treated with the same patience that Hakkai uses for kids?
Goku and Hakkai sit on a bench, while Goku eats the noodles. Hakkai says nothing, just watches him eat. Hakkai always talks freely with Gojyo when the group is just sitting quietly. Goku wishes that Hakkai would talk to him. Not small talk, not oh, my, isnt this weather nice? talk.
He wishes that Hakkai would talk about his past. He wishes that Hakkai would tell him what he worries about. He wishes that Hakkai would come to him first when its raining. He wishes that Hakkai would depend on him, let him take care of him once in awhile, ask him make the nightmares go away.
How come Gojyo is the only one who Hakkai thinks is strong enough to handle all of his pain?
Goku knows why he does not open up. Goku is not to be trusted, Hakkai must think. He saw me without my limiters and he was afraid, Goku believes Hakkai thinks. He is a child and he cannot handle adult problems so I must not burden him, Hakkai must have decided.
Every morning, Goku wakes up and promises that today will be different. Today, he will be an adult and act mature and be responsible. Hakkai will notice and realize that Goku is an equal, not a child, not a baby. And then that night, Hakkai will come to him and theyll share something, something that Gojyo cant have and doesnt want.
Mature people do not dawdle. Goku stands up as soon as he is finished. He will not waste Hakkais time.
Why dont we rest here awhile? Its nice in the sunshine.
We have to bring the shopping back, Goku announces solemnly, even though he would rather sit on that bench forever. Sanzo will be mad if we are late. Goku congratulates himself on his foresight. He solved a problem before it started. He can put aside pleasure for the greater good.
Hakkai nods and smiles. But for a second, something flashes across his face: a look of disappointment. Goku mentally kicks himself. Hakkai must have wanted to stay. Of course. He must be tired. Now hell have to look after everyone else again. Why didnt Goku think of that? But its too late now, Goku already made a decision and adults dont change their minds every five seconds. So, putting on a confident air, he heads back to the inn as Hakkai trails behind.
Every night, he lays in bed alone, feeling as childish and immature as the day before.
Gojyo saved his life.
How do you compete with that?
The End.