~ A Bored Otaku's Wonderland, Part One ~
[ The Oneshot Collection ]
Based from Ideas that sprung from Daily Idleness, desu~!
BY : Eriol Ishtal Fuuchoin
Absolutely NO PLAGIARISM!
The Umineko Chapter!
Title: When The Seagulls...Laugh (XD)
Summary/Author's Note:
On this chapter, I shall just be expressing a simple idea which came to me in a dream: "What if the Ushiromiya family lived in peace on the island of Rokkenjima instead of being toyed around by their family's head, Kinzo, and all those busty, heartless, and despicable witches along with their so-called furniture?" In short, I only wanted a simpler, less gore-filled, less bloody and less INSANE version of Umineko deep down inside, and yet, don't be mistaken! I still love this series the way it is! And, I'm sorry if I couldn't think of a better title, it's only a parody after all (*evil laugh*)
To all you Umineko fans...if you do not agree with my opinions, please DO NOT PROCEED! Thank you, I'm sorry for keeping you...
...let's get on with this fic! :)
-Eriol
When The Seagulls...Laugh
It was a fine, sunny Wednesday morning in October 1986. The Ushiromiya cousins, namely Battler, Jessica, Maria, and Ange were all hanging around in the front yard, having nothing to do, let alone something to worry about. Rokkenjima, after all, was practically a second Garden of Eden, where crimes were unheard of, "witches" granted wishes and maintained harmony, the government ruled fair and square, the townsfolk were all happy, industrious and creative individuals, not to mention it was quite blessed with a plentiful amount of quality natural resources.
In short, Rokkenjima was an island of pure bliss. Just what else could anyone ever ask for...?
"Yoh! Battler! Jessica! Maria-chan!" Ushiromiya George, the eldest one among the Ushiromiya cousins, called as he ran towards the huge mansion and guesthouse in which their family lived in, which was situated in a remote area densely surrounded by towering trees (apparently, Ushiromiya Kinzo had wanted it like this...for almost total privacy).
"Yoh, George!" Ushiromiya Battler, the lecherous one among the cousins, called back in reply. "You're lookin' pretty excited. What's up with you?"
Ushiromiya Maria, the second youngest cousin, looked up from the notebook which she happened to be scribbling in, and asked, somewhat innocently, "George onii-tan, did Shannon onee-tan accept your marriage proposal? Tell me she did~ uu-uu~!"
"WHAAAT? You must be kidding!" Battler and Jessica retorted in chorus, and then gaping at Maria, who was now smiling proudly. Since both were aged eighteen, Battler and Jessica were quite stunned that Maria knew so much about such things...
George smiled knowingly, a light red blush spreading across his face. "Yup...Maria-chan's spot-on, as always..." The nineteen year old young man then stooped down to rub Maria's head gently, handing the beaming nine year old girl a large pink swirly lollipop, which she gobbled up heartily. "George onii-tan...I'm smart, right? Say that I am. Uu-uu~!" Maria cried, taking the lollipop out of her mouth and prancing around happily.
The utterly confused George, not being talented at handling children, could only chuckle and scratch his head as little Ange rapidly approached him, apparently outraged. She did not want to miss any chance to prove to the "growed-ups" that she was capable enough...
"No way!" Six year old Ange Ushiromiya screamed, tugging onto George's shirt forcefully. "George onii-san thinks I'm the one who's smart! Neeee~! George-nii! Say that I'm the smart one! Ange's smart! Maria onee-sama's just a big fat dummy! Dummy! Dummy!" She added loudly, sticking out her tongue at Maria, who was now on the verge of tears.
"Hey, hey, hey...!" Battler awkwardly butted in, pulling Ange away from George gently. "Ange-chan, Battler-nii thinks you're smart, so leave Maria-chan alone now, okay? You weren't the one who knew what George-nii had to tell us...and besides...ummm...bullying isn't right. Okay?" He added, smiling nervously. Battler knew what was about to come...
"Ange-chan..." George muttered, chuckling. "If you also want a lollipop...you could just say so...I'll run to the candy store and grab another one for you..."
His effort was futile, however...for bribes were of no use to Ange, who wanted to surpass the adults and all those who were older and bigger than she was.
"NOOOOO! George-nii is a big fat MEANIE! I just want you to know that Maria-neesama spends the whole day making up silly magic spells! She thinks she's a witch, but she's NOT! She even says "uu-uu" all the time so she can get along with her mama...but I don't do those things! I do what grandpa tells me to, I read books, I play the piano, and I play with my dolls quietly! I'm smart! Maria-nee is crazy! Craaaazyyy! And Battler-nii's just nothing but a perv! I hate you! I hate you all...!"
And after a lot of crying, kicking and screaming, little Ange ran off towards the Ushiromiya guesthouse, crying herself hoarse. "Uwaaaaaaahhh!"
"Whew." Jessica sighed, as she embraced the teary-eyed Maria, who was still holding the pink lollipop in one of her chubby little hands. "There there, Maria-chan...Ange-chan didn't mean all that she said, okay? She just wanted to show off...you know how she is, don't you? No more tears now, I'll get Sakutaro for you if you want..." The blond then started rubbing Maria's head gently, as the child started sniffling continuously.
"I guess I'll have to admit defeat..." George laughed, his eyes sparkling. "Hey, Jessica...I'll need you to give me some advice about childcare...now that Shannon- no, Sayo - and I are getting married and all..."
"I'll be glad to be of use to a young married couple, George-nii..." Jessica giggled, blushing a light shade of pink. Meanwhile, Maria was still crying with her head nestled in between Jessica's heaving bosoms...which was something that sparked Battler's perverted character...
"Neh, Jessica-channn~" Battler sneered mischievously, his hands set into boob-squeezing position complete with some "finger exercises", "...it must be fan-tas-tic to be Maria-chan and all, seeing as she could be allowed to rest her tiny head between those mountains...those delightfully soft, round, and tender...boobies~!" The lust-driven fool swiftly began to approach Jessica, and Maria, sensing Jessica's anger and the danger approaching...immediately left the shelter of her elder cousin's bosoms and stepped aside, grinning mischievously.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Battler-kun..." George warned, trying to stifle his laughter. But, as always, Jessica's reflexes were quicker than lightning, and as soon as the words were out of George's mouth, she had delivered a forceful smack on Battler's head, making him exclaim out loud, "YEOW!" and fall towards the grassy ground.
Just then, one of the Ushiromiya's maids, and now George's fiancee, Shannon (whose real name is Sayo...you know, don't you?), came out of the guesthouse's kitchen to see for herself what the ruckus was all about, smiling happily.
"George-sama..." Shannon piped up, taking George's hand in hers.
"Oh, Sayo...there you are. I was about to go looking for you...but, as you can see..." George trailed off, lovingly gazing at Battler and Jessica's usual squabble, and taking in the refreshing sound of little Maria's girly, high-pitched, and continuous laughter. "Once again, my beloved cousins have sparked my interest...and I couldn't help myself but observe them..."
Shannon (Sayo) then giggled softly and replied, "George-sama...I know what you're thinking. I myself have always adored watching over the goings-on around the Ushiromiya household...and probably, you'd like to stay here even after we get married with Kinzo-sama's approval, and keep on being together with your loved ones forever..."
"As always, Sayo...you see right through me, as if we were of one mind...and yes, that's right." George answered, grinning, "I'd like to stay here in Rokkenjima, even after our marriage...have children right here, celebrate out golden wedding anniversary alongside everyone...in short, Sayo, I'd like to share with everyone in my family how much I do love you...for as long as I live." He continued, kneeling down and kissing Shannon's hand.
"P-Please don't say such things, George-sama...it's kind of...embarrassing..." Shannon giggled, blushing a light shade of pink.
"Sayo...there's nothing to be ashamed of, alright? I absolutely adore you..." George laughed, taking Shannon into his arms happily.
"And I love you too..." The brunette muttered, looking up towards George's lime green orbs, which were starting to fill up with tears of joy.
Slowly, the two's lips met, and so a passionate kiss began, with Battler, Jessica and Maria looking on, lost for words, along with the sound of the Rokkenjima island's seagulls making a shrill noise from far away...which, if you listened closely, actually sounded more like a derisive onset of raucous laughter...
- E N D -
To all the readers and to whom it may concern,
I'll have to admit: I am no good at making oneshots, and this is the first one which I'll dare to upload...
Reviews, comments, suggestions, plot challenges, or even flaming shall be taken without my complaint. Go all out! Use swearwords, totally criticize me, belittle me, whatever it takes for your frustration to disappear! XD I shall laugh it all away and take it as a reason to improve my works...
Oh, before I forget, if you're a Touhou project fanatic and you're reading this, don't you DARE CHALLENGE ME TO WRITE ANY TOUHOU FICS. I absolutely despise it for an extremely personal reason.
For my fellow fujoshis, gomen, I'm not up to making any hard yaoi fics, I can't handle doing so for a reason which even I am unaware of. :( But I am working on a simple shounen-ai one...only God knows when I'll be able to write it down, I'm busy finishing a whole truckload of anime...
No YURI challenges shall be taken either. I shall be honest, I'm not a fan of two girls making out, but I don't hate it either. O_O
Incest challenges, however, are very much appreciated. (Kagamine Len x Rin, anyone? :D)
These "Bored Otaku's Wonderland" oneshot fics shall be categorized among anime series that I had grown to love, so if you're interested, please watch out for them! I also have some Vocaloid ones in store for fellow Vocal-otaku...
...my ideas may be a bit eccentric to some...so please prepare for a bunch of randomness...
Ah, enough of this rubbish! I'm outta here!
Till the next oneshot,
Eriol I. Fuuchoin :)