Karma Houdini Begone
WARNING: Contains violence and cannibalism.
Chapter 1: Stranded
Honest John woke up. He had had a wonderful day. He had tricked two kids into Pleasure Island and another furry, an anthromoporphic fox like him, into entering a cave full of poisonous gas. Best of all, he hadn't seen that wooden boy Pinocchio ever since the trip to Pleasure Island, and was sure he was a donkey working for the evil coachman in the salt mines.
It was only after Honest John stood up that he realized he was not in the village. He was on an island. And he had no idea where he was.
All around, he could see other people waking up at the same time, most beginning to panic. He recognized his partner Gideon, the mute humanoid cat. He also recognized Stromboli, the puppet master whom he had once sent Pinocchio to, and the evil coachman in charge of Pleasure Island.
He didn't recognize a Chinese gangster with a beard, an old man with glasses who spoke with an accent, a big man with pointy hair, a black suit, and sunglasses, another man with sunglasses and an American flag on his head, a woman with purple hair and a black cat, and several men in armor who immediately began yelling insults to whoever kidnapped them. The insults were more vulgar than anything Honest John had ever heard.
"Where am I?" said Honest John.
"I bet it was some English type that put us here!" said one of the armored men. He spoke with a French accent.
"This isn't Pleasure Island!" said the evil coachman. "Where are all my donkeys?"
"What is going on?" said the old man with the Eastern European accent.
"I just got here like you," said Stromboli. "I was counting some money I got in a puppet show, and next thing I knew I wake up here."
"I was selling a diamond that some merchant traded to me, before I hear something and then wake up here," said the Chinese man.
"Some merchant?" said the old man. "You can't fool me. You're a crime boss, just like I am. I can tell. I am Adelei Niska."
"I've never heard of you," said the Chinese man. "I am Lao Che. If you must know, I got the diamond from this guy that I poisoned, but he got the antidote. He ran off with my girl and I was about to find another. They're dead now, because I had my men crash the plane with them in it."
"I am Honest John," said Honest John. "I trick people into going to evil places. Like these two fellows here." He pointed at Stromboli and the coachman. "Oh, and this is my partner, Gideon. We fell asleep after a good day of tricking people to horrible fate, and then we woke up here."
"I am Stromboli," said Stromboli. "I am a puppet master and I once had this wooden puppet that I was going to make a lot of money off of, and chop into firewood when he was too old. But on the night after the very first appearance, he was gone."
"That was the same wooden puppet on my island," said the evil coachman. "I run an island where kids can have fun. There's even a place where you can be bad, cause destruction, break windows. Of course, I've put a curse on the island that turns them into donkeys so I can put them to work in the salt mines. I was just walking home from a session of imprisoning those who could still talk, when suddenly all went black, and I woke up here."
"I was just back from visiting my boss in the hospital," said the woman. "My name is Tiger Lucy. I'm a thief. I used to work for a man named Ramone De La Porta. But his other three henchmen ended up imprisoned on Kong Island for the rest of their lives, and Ramone got his life force sucked out by an evil demon. It was returned to him when the demon was destroyed, but it was broken. I overheard Jason talking about it. He's in a permanent state of shock and the doctors say he will never recover."
"I am Kemo," said the big man with the sunglasses. "I used to work for a man named Maximillion Pegasus. He vanished one day because he received a serious illness. So I worked for a board of executives in an attempt to bring down his enemy, Seto Kaiba. But Kaiba escaped and trapped the Big Five in another dimension. I tried to rescue them but Kaiba beat me up. As I was thinking of a way to get my revenge, everything went dark, and I woke up here."
"I'm Bandit Keith, the intercontinental champion!" said the man with the flag on his head. "I just got away from a ghost who was trying to possess me. I never saw him again. I was seeking a way to cheat and make my comeback in Battle City, a tournament hosted by Kaiba, when suddenly it all goes black, and then I wake up on this stupid island."
"What about you?" said Niska to the French people.
"We were drinking from the Holy Grail," said the French man with the mustache. "We were drinking eternal life to the arrest of a stupid English type king who was working for God."
"He's probably being fed rats in that prison cell!" said another French man.
"Yes," said the first French man. "His mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elder berries. And God is a big fat maggot filled pig to be affiliated with English type like him."
All the French men began sticking out their tongues.
"Shoot him," said Lao Che.
"No!" said the evil coachman. "We may need them! We have to know why we're here and what took us here!"
"It was that ghost! I know it was!" said Keith.
"The only ghost I know of is dead," said Kemo. "I saw him die. The Pharaoh killed him."
Tiger Lucy stroked her cat's head. "Then I wonder what could have brought us here? Kong couldn't do this, and he is the only supernatural force left aside from my Cyber Link. I overheard Jason talking about it. He said all the other forces were gone. Onimous, Harpy, Chiros…"
None of the others knew who these three demons were.
"Only supernatural force left?" said the evil coachman. "What about the curse I set on Pleasure Island?"
"Fair enough," said Tiger Lucy. "Are you going to tell me that curse sent us all here?"
"Maybe there's something we don't know about yet," said Honest John.
"I've heard talk of items like the Holy Grail," said Lao Che. "I've heard talk of the Ark of the Covenant. Dr. Jones mentioned it once. But I've never seen any talking foxes before."
"Yes, well, I haven't seen that type of hat before," said Honest John to Bandit Keith.
"It's an American flag," said Bandit Keith.
(AN: My instinct is to make Kemo and Bandit Keith like they are on the Abridged Series, Kemo talking about his hair and Bandit Keith always talking about America, but I want them to be accurate to the original anime this story)
"America was a long time ago," said Niska. "Now there is an entire system of planets run by a government called the Alliance."
"What are you talking about?" said Lao Che.
"I've never heard of any Alliance," said Stromboli.
"We found the castle so we should rule the universe!" said the French man, and he began yelling out vulgar insults toward the Alliance.
"What if we're all from a different dimension?" said Tiger Lucy.
"I've seen Bandit Keith at Duelist Kingdom," said Kemo.
"Gideon and I know Stromboli and the coachman," said Honest John.
"I'm guessing the French people all come from the same world," said Lao Che.
"Those French people look like they could be from medieval days," said Tiger Lucy. "I come from a modern world. Niska sounds like he could be from a futuristic universe. But I've never seen any humanoid animals except those merged by the Cyber Link, and those are usually a lot bigger than you two." She looked toward Honest John and Gideon. "I don't know anything about Lao Che, Kemo, or Bandit Keith, but I think they must each be from different universes."
"Very perceptive," came a voice.
AN: This story is about karma houdinis that have disappointed me they do not have a final fate. Honest John, Gideon, Stomboli, and the coachman are all from Pinocchio the Disney film. Bandit Keith and Kemo are from Yu-Gi-Oh! Niska is from Firefly. Lao Che is from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Tiger Lucy is from the animated series Kong. And the French people are from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.