"All I can ask, all I want to say to you (scum who still graces the earth), is why?"

Each dream (that plague me each and every night) are always the same, filled to the brim with sand and blood, with him, the one that brought on the blood, my key fear being the main character of each one.

(eyes yellow and wicked grin spreading wide, being the monster I now see him as)

The need to know why, why the blood, why the love and why the hate, has been there from the very start of this.

The moment I felt that blinding pain once again, but this time I just let him finish the job he started.

(back when my power decided I needed to live a few more months)

And waking up keeps getting hard and hard to do, because I'd rather not stick around when he doesn't answer me and just proceeds to kill me for the hundredth time in a row.

(with that wicked grin of his always in place, the one that I see in the mirror each morning)

"Claude!"

-

"This is getting old, barbie, just go ahead and off the wanker before he gets you, dream or not. And I don't think all the stress is good for the baby."

Oh, did I forget to say each time I walk into this dream world of mine (that dripping night black and crimson red) that I'm about eight months pregnant and each time just like that sandy night he kills the both of us all over again.

But instead of being alone during all of this, when reality took a bite of my ass and still hasn't let it go, I have someone that is there for both me and the baby, Claude Raines, my invisible angel.

(and besides it's nice to have someone around that's even more bitter then myself, thanks to Sylar who left a bitter taste in mouth that I can't wash out)

"Trust me, Claude, I would stop these damn things if I could. Besides I've always tried killing him and and all that gets me is a whole lot more dead."

And instead of staying dead, burning hell while baby stays in heaven, I get to wake up and do the exact thing all over again, oh joy.

"Well, look at the bright side, pet. It's better then really kicking the bucket, and trust me you would have if I hadn't found you."

"I know that, Claude, I know that a little too well."

-

I wanted to be dead, take that last breath (instead of keeping still so the monster won't look my way) and find the hellfire at the end of tunnel, but fate had something different planned for me.

"I'll be damned, people just leave all sorts of things on the beach, well, finders keepers."

At that moment I thought I was either finally dying or slowing going insane (or at least finally hitting rock bottom) because I could hear his voice but all I saw was blue (and a coating of red) sky and sand.

"Oh, sorry, I'm Claude, blondie and it looks like you need a whole lot of help."

I was getting ready for death, waiting for this stranger to leave me to die (or for the monster to rear his ugly head, grin intact) and for it all to come to a bitter-sweet end but instead I got all the things I've always wanted but never knew.

I got a second chance, to be a hero, to gain the redemption that Sylar let slip through his fingers, I finally got to be a daughter (to a lovely and grumpy father), and most of all I got to be a mother.

And that last one just snuck up on me and now I wouldn't trade the little boy growing deep inside for anything in the whole goddamn world.

But there is only one thing that I need (something even us heroes need to survive) and that is my murderer's head on a stick.

(and someday my day will come when it's my turn to kiss his lips and rip him open just like he did to me)

-

"Don't worry, dad (a name he's grown used to), next time I see him, in my dreams, he won't be living very long."

"Fine, kiddo, have fun but not too much. I'd rather you didn't have Noah in our living-room."

(and about three weeks from today that's just what happened, and he was too dazzled by his grandson to care)