Title: A Freudian Slip
Rating: PG
Genre: Introspection
Pairings or Characters: Kaoru/Haruhi/Hikaru
Warnings: It's a threesome. Not entirely a happy one
Summary: I'm experimenting with this, and would probably go further with it, but I worked on a tight deadline for this to get it into ouran contest over at LJ on time. So it's an application of Freudian psychology by means of flashbacks prompted by the text. Basically, drabbles within a story. Much love to Emmy for her helpful insights into my rantings.
It had seemed at one time, that the Host Club would go on forever. On reflection, it had been wishful thinking. It was one year, a year that hung crystalline in their memories. They were still together, but meetings grew less frequent without what had brought them together. That separation had started after Mori and Honey had left, for university. They had put off replacing them, until suddenly it was Tamaki and Kyouya leaving. That left the twins and Haruhi. It was then they realized how much they still needed their parents.
Haruhi had long since paid off any obligation to the Club, the only ties holding her there still was friendship. So it was that the Host Club faded into the antiquity of school legend, its members now dedicated to other causes.
They still managed to drift into each other though; it was to be expected. They were all heirs to corporate heavyweights and their friendships were morphing into strong alliances.
These connections, however subtle had smoothed many a bump on Haruhi's road to success. It had become a custom to the Host Club to help the commoner in the big world, and it remained a habit. Hikaru and Kaoru were most direct. Manipulative as always, but for once with good intentions, they fulfilled a promise (or threat, it depended) to adopt Haruhi into the Hitachiin family. Tamaki had protested voraciously when he found out, until he realized that they couldn't molest their own sister. No one felt the need to remind him why the twins had been so popular as Hosts.
It was at one of those meetings, shortly after Haruhi's second year of university, when they had congregated at Karuizawa. It was where they had spent their first summer together, and they all had familial homes in the area. It was only natural to spend a few days there, before they went to some exotic place overseas.
Haruhi liked it there, because it was a simple and quiet place. Here she could spread out her books and work. She was deeply engrossed in a dry, dusty book called 'The Criminal Mind' when Kyouya found her hiding place.
"Interesting place, boring book."
Haruhi grimaced slightly and pushed the heavy book aside. "It's not so bad once you get into it."
Kyouya grabbed the book and flipped it open, his finger tracing lines of the tiny black text. "Care to wager on that? I'll read a passage out loud and-"
"I'm not stupid Kyouya-senpai." Haruhi retrieved her book, closing it quite firmly.
"I'm surprised the twins or Tamaki haven't found you yet." He smiled at the slight look of panic that crossed her face.
"Don't tell them please! I need this space!"
He felt about asking how much she would pay him to keep that tidbit to himself, but a moments reflection, he figured driving Tamaki and the twins crazy with hints would be much more profitable.
"This is summer. Hardly the time to read books like that. I don't think it's even on the list you do have to read."
"Well, the thing is, there's an internship for third years. It's an opportunity I have to take, and I figured this would give me an edge." Haruhi explained, glancing distastefully at the book lying innocuously on the table.
"Do the twins know about this internship?"
"I'll tell them when the time comes." Her tone was closed off.
"I'm sure they had other plans for the summer though," he probed gently.
He smiled when she didn't respond. "Well, I think I'll head down to the beach. You should think about joining us soon, before they decide to search for you." Kyouya's glasses glinted in the sun, underscoring the hidden threat.
He paused thoughtfully, before he exited. "If you want an edge, try some more general psychology. Criminal psychology is rather broad in the assumptions it makes."
He left, closing the door with a click. She never got the chance to ask him why. Why he was telling her this? Why this effort? Why this action would profit him?
Actually, maybe looking into some psychology would be useful. She made a note to visit the library by her old house once they returned.
The librarian was a kind, old man. He had helped Haruhi find books ever since she first came here for a school project. He pointed her in the direction with a smile, telling her to start with Freud. She found the right book soon enough, there was a whole shelf filled with his books. Tentatively she ran her fingers along their spines, unsure of where to start. Finally, like a little kid faced with a difficult choice, she closed her eyes and picked at random.
It was a solid weight in her hands and she checked it out from the kindly old man. It was late afternoon by then, and she hailed a taxi fro, the corner. Sitting on the vinyl backing she gave him the address of the Hitachiin mansion, completely missing the startled look in the driver's eye when he found this unlikely customer was headed for one of the posh areas of town.
The trip wasn't overly long, but it was enough time for Haruhi to open the book and read the first section, stumbling slightly over unfamiliar words and strange concepts. The odd thing was, even though the whole thing was so alien and strange, it felt like it would make very good sense once she got it. She slightly resented it when the cab driver told her she was at her destination.
She paid him, and made her way across the sculptured gardens, her nose already back into the book. She had to stop it when she reached the front doors. They were heavy wooden things that even after a few years still required both of her hands to yank it open.
Absentmindedly, her eyes still focused on her book, she slipped out of her shoes and dropped her bag in the corner. She was making her way up the stairs when she bumped into someone. Two someones to be correct.
"Haruhi! We were wondering where you were." Kaoru said, peering curiously at the book. "The Ego and the Id? Isn't an ego like when you exaggerate your own worth?"
"What's an id? Where'd you get that book? It looks old." Hikaru's nose wrinkled a bit as he poked the cover.
"I'm not sure what an id is yet. It's part of the mind or something like that. I got it from the library." Haruhi muttered, moving her book out of their reach.
"The library? Why go to a musty place like that. You could have sent someone out to fetch the book for you." Hikaru complained.
"Or at least told us so we could go with you," Kaoru added.
"It was just a quick errand. I wasn't sure what the book was anyways." Haruhi explained, her eyes already flicking back to the pages.
She continued walking until she reached her room, closing (and locking) the door quite firmly, despite the twin's protests. It was time to do some serious reading.
The pleasure principle is a force that drives the person to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
The twins from a young age trusted only each other. It was safer that way; they could rely on each other. The one time they had reached out, to a nanny that wasn't really a nanny, she had used them, and they knew it. The betrayal of trust still hurt. They learned more lessons than she knew from her. Never trust anybody but yourself; they'll only betray you. In their case, two, because they might as well as be one, no one knew the difference.
The mind matures and moves on, bringing into existence the reality principle. It is reasonable, it seeks pleasure that takes account of reality, though this pleasure is delayed and diminished.
When Tamaki had first brought the idea of a Host Club to them, they had said no. Why waste their time on other people, why be that intimate, however false. They had each other. They needed no one. It was Kaoru that pointed out the obvious. The Host Club would be an ideal place to wreak their special brand of havoc. They would still have each other at the end of the day.
Haruhi entered soon after that. She was partial and oblivious, almost immune to their antics. They worked long and hard at outrageous stunts to know they had fooled her. They found themselves making plans concerning her, including her. Anything to spend a little bit of time by her side.
An immature ego does not realize the boundaries between it and objects.
They were two and they were one. Two halves of one whole, they realized soon enough they were the only ones that knew each other. They recognized the boundary quite succinctly that it was 'Them' and 'Us'. N one else understood this and tried to blur lines they couldn't grasp. Some few of these people became toys, for no special reason other than they dared to come close to an insurmountable barrier.
They held that belief firmly, that there was no one besides them as worthy to talk to, to acknowledge.
Then a commoner entered their lives, erasing lines as she went.
She knew them, and all of a sudden it was no longer 'Them' and 'Us'. They didn't know what it was anymore.
The id is the primitive part that lurks in our mind, it desires and is demanding.
They were always pushing the limit; it was the first thing Haruhi noticed. Their exaggerated affection for each other was a good example. Once she realized that, she knew the intent behind their actions was for a reaction. She didn't often give them one.
Tamaki, however was indulgent.
They left her alone the first few weeks as she settled into that marble pile they called home. She still wasn't sure how to react to their-her-parents, settling on being civil and staying out of the way. That approach would never work with them. The first time there was a storm, they found her almost immediately. She woke up the next day, cuddled between them, and strangely enough, stayed.
It was rainy season and she drifted in there often. Rainy season ended, but the shared room didn't.
They were oddly compassionate of her fear, but once it had passed, the almost cruel edge of their teasing was back. Innuendo bubbled from their lips and she told herself they didn't mean it.
It was later they proved her wrong. They meant every word, and she found herself hard pressed to keep ahead.
The ego is the balance between the desires of the id and the reality of the outside world.
Haruhi had never realized until then, just how sharp their contrast of their world was, until they were alone. They did whatever they wanted with no repercussion. At first she attributed it to their upbringing.
It was Kaoru that corrected her.
"We never had much interaction with others. We had us, and didn't see the need for me. Now we have to deal with others and…" he trailed off, not sure what words could convey their feelings, how they were lost in a world gone topsy-turvy.
"Grow up?" Haruhi suggested bluntly.
Kaoru was shocked at first, but those words really did make it seem ridiculous.
It is also a balance for what the super-ego, the conscience, if you will deems to be 'good'.
"No," was her flat refusal.
"But this belt would make it look like…." Hikaru began.
"The fabric floats around, the contrast is needed." Kaoru finished.
Haruhi paused as if she was considering. The twins leaned forward, hoping she would say yes.
"No."
The ego channels the id's desire in ways that are socially acceptable and realistic.
Tamaki, as always, was the last to know. Kyouya had accepted it, as he had nothing to gain from it. Mori and Hunny were happy at their friends happiness (at least, they thought Mori was happy), it was only Tamaki who objected. Quite violently too.
At first he lectured them all about how improper it was and how his daughter deserved better. It was Hikaru who pointed out they were technically her brothers. That sent Tamaki down another path, of how they shouldn't corrupt sweet little Haruhi. She was less than impressed with the amount of hugging that Tamaki felt was needed. A few harsh words from her and he was sulking in the corner.
They all welcomed the respite.
Tamaki spent his time cultivating mushrooms and plotting a new plan of attack.
"It's wrong. Love isn't three people. It just isn't." he exclaimed proudly.
Softly, Hikaru objected. "We're twins, we're practically one."
"Her reputation will be ruined! Not married…or an adulteress!" Tamaki wailed as his imagination ran away with the idea.
"I don't mind," Haruhi said.
Point by point, they reasoned him through the realties of the situation. His last frantic tactic was easily deflected, but it had rocked them at night. While Haruhi slumbered peacefully between them, they talked.
"He was right. This isn't realistic." Hikaru started off.
"She might love one of us more than the other. Or we might not love her as much as 'Us'" Kaoru fretted, one hand reaching out for his brother.
"I'll deal with that when it happens." Hikaru decided, pulling Haruhi closer, so she was cuddled against his bare chest.
"It's not socially acceptable though. We'll hurt the Hitachiins." Kaoru watched as Haruhi, in her sleep reached a hand towards him.
"Since when have we cared if it was right or not?" Hikaru asked, placing his hand over Haruhi's to pull Kaoru in close.
Together, the id, the ego, and the super-ego make a balance in our mind, it is how we function, sacrificing the immediate desire for the reality of the future.