Triggar warning! Mentions of suicide, suicide attempt and strong self harm.
Disclaimer; I do not own Merlin if I did Athur wouldn't have died, Merlin wouldn't have to hide his magic and the pair would have many more adventures.
P.S. This is my very first fanfiction so I hope I did well. Reviews will be much appreciated.
Chapter 1; The means to an end.
Merlin had, had enough. Arthur was now the man he was meant to be thanks to Merlin and now that Arthur was king he was confident he was going to be the greatest king Camelot had ever known. Therefore he no longer needed Merlin. After all Arthur was and is the once and future king.
Merlin was tired and so done with hiding his magic. He no longer cared how Arthur would react or that he might be executed. Suppressing it hurt so much that he may aswell be dead, but the thing that hurt most was that he had to lie to his master, friend and king. He wasn't going to lie anymore. He was going to tell Athur no matter the consequence.
Gaius was having his afternoon nap. In his old age it was sometimes necessary. Meanwhile Merlin was in his room pacing. "I have to, I have to, I must do it. There's no other way." He said to himself. He then fell to his knees and pulled out his magic book from under the floor boards. He opened it up to a page near the end of the book. There staring back at him was the shaving razor he had 'borrowed' from Gaius a few months prior. He held the razor in his hand, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He traced his fingers along the red scars on his arm. He only started cutting himself a few months ago so the scars haven't had a real chance to heal, even though he's done it only four times. He brought the blade down to his wrist and held it there. The few times he cut he never cut his wrist because he didn't want Arthur or Gaius to see them. However now it didn't matter. He pushed down hard on the razor, blood already seeping from under the blade. Then he dragged the blade across his wrist hissing in pain. It hurt, terribly, but he didn't care. Once again he brought the razor down to his wrist and dragged. Merlin sat up and watched the blood begin to drip onto the floor. Bringing the razor to his other wrist he effortlessly dragged it across. How had he let himself become so far gone as to need to do this. He couldn't even remember why he started.
Now that blood was dripping from both of his wrists he made his way out of his room, leaving on his bed a note for Gaius he had written a couple days ago. He quietly moved toward the remedy shelf. He grabbed the first poison looking vial he could find and headed for the door. Merlin stopped at the door and starred into the room to see Gaius one last time. It was then he spotted the trail of blood, but it didn't matter he was already half dead, by the time Gaius woke up it would be too late.
He quickly but swiflty walked towards Arthurs chambers, making sure no one spotted him to stop or delay him. Merlin was on a mission and no one was going to stop him from succeeding .
When Merlin got to Arthur's door he stopped pulling out the vial of poison. He wasn't taking any chances. He pulled the cork off the bottle and swallowed it all in one go. That way Arthur couldn't stop him. Then he put the empty bottle back in his pocket and opened the door. As soon as he was inside he was met with Arthur standing right in front of him, arms crossed and a very annoyed look on his face. "Merlin! Where the hell have you been?" Arthur began, "You never woke me, you didn't bring me my breakfast, you didn't scrub my boots or polish my armour or..." Suddenly Arthur's look of annoyance became one of great concern.
Merlin was begining to feel faint. He knew it wouldn't be long now.
"You, you're bleeding." Arthur said nodding to his bloody hands. Merlin looked at him with tear filled eyes, then he looked at the ground. He watched his tears merge with the the droplets of blood falling from his wrists. "Merlin. What have you done? What's wrong?" Arthur's concern was growing more and more by the second. He was really worried about Merlin. Arthur couldn't wrap his mind around the scene before him.
Merlin again looked at Arthur tears streaming down his face. Merlin couldn't stop the tears from falling the realisation that this would be the last time he saw Arthur was too great. "I... I..."
Arthur could see that Merlin was literally dying to tell him something. The skinny boy before him had gone as white as snow.
It hurts too much Merlin thought to himself, but he knew he had to tell Arthur the truth. "I..." His emotions failed him once again. He took a deep breath and managed to compose himself long enough to say, "I have magic. I'm so sorry Arthur."
The second Merlin finished he collapsed. Arthur managed to catch him just before he hit the ground. He had completely forgotten what Merlin had just told him. He was too worried about his dear servant and friend to care. "Merlin!" He began to cry and rock on the floor with his friend in his arms, "Merlin. Please Merlin wake up. Please."
When Merlin collapsed everything went black and the last thing he heard was Arthur crying his name, begging him to wake up.
Thanks for reading. Chapter 2 'How to Save a Life' will be coming soon.