Written for the Baby Think It Over Challenge in HPFC by cuz-snarry's-awesome.
Hope you enjoy :)
"Settle down, everyone," Professor McGonagall said impatiently, after a couple of minutes of bustling around by the class. When the students were relatively quiet, she began speaking. "I know we're a magic school, but we're still human. We still get married and have children..."
"I'd like to see her get married and have children," muttered James quietly, receiving a few sniggers from other people in the Great Hall.
"What was that, Mr Potter?"
"Nothing Professor," James replied, grinning.
"Good. Now, where was I? Yes... most of you, at some point will be thinking of settling down and getting married and having children. Now, we're running a 1 – 2 week Parenting assignment called 'Baby Think It Over' where you will be sent off in pairs to look after a baby for the given time."
There were murmurs around the room.
"Listen," Professor McGonagall said loudly. "I shall be picking your pairs, because I'm sure there will be people left on their own if I let you choose. They won't necessarily be boy-girl pairs, because we have more boys than girls in this school. Any questions?"
Severus lifted his hand.
"Yes, Snape?"
"It's not a real baby, is it?" he asked.
"Of course not. It's a very realistic baby. We've had permission from the Ministry to allow us to use magic on these babies. They're now magic-proofed for you, so you have to do everything the Muggle way. That means cleaning it, changing it, feeding it."
"What's the point of this rubbish anyway?" Snape asked again.
"For you all to experience the realities and hardships of trying to raise a child."
"What if we don't want children when we're older?" Sirius asked impatiently.
"Mr Black, I'm afraid this is going to be compulsory, so if you don't show a little enthusiasm, I shall partner you with Snape over here, who shares the same distaste."
Both boys sent glares at each other, but remained silent.
"Now, before I was rudely interrupted, I was saying how real these babies are. As I've said, we've put some spells on them, to make them as real as possible. They'll come to recognise you and your partner, and depend on you. If you fail to feed them, you will find symptoms. You've also got to play with the baby. It doesn't want to be alone all day. I suggest when you're in a lesson, let your partner look after the baby, and vice versa."
"Will there be a prize?" asked Mary excitedly.
"Yes, Miss McDonald, there will be a prize. The winning pair get ten free books and potions, along with two tickets to the Quidditch World Cup in August. But in order to win, you must have the best parenting techniques in the school. After dinner every two days, you need to bring your baby to your head of house, and we'll check over your baby to see that you've been looking after it properly. Everybody understand?"
Sirius sighed loudly.
"Something to say, Mr Black?"
"No."
"Good then. I shall choose your pairings now."
Everyone looked around nervously.
"Mary McDonald with Peter Pettigrew."
Mary groaned as Peter came walking towards her table.
"Severus Snape with Alice Prewitt."
"Eww," whispered Alice, as she joined her partner.
"Regulus Black with Gilderoy Lockhart."
People sniggered, as they all silently agreed... nobody wanted to be with Lockhart. He was a big-headed git.
"Bellatrix Black with Fabian Prewitt."
"Lucius Malfoy with Rodolphus Lestrange."
"Lily Evans with Narcissa Black"
James groaned. "She was supposed to be with me," he whispered to Sirius.
"Who? Evans or Narcissa?" Sirius sniggered.
"Shut up."
"Enough talking, boys. Sirius Black with Frank Longbottom."
Frank came over to join them, a look of relief on his face. "So glad I'm not paired with a Slytherin."
"Me too, mate," Sirius said.
"James Potter and Remus Lupin."
"Yes! I have Remus!" James said excitedly, receiving an amused look from Remus.
"Why are you so excited?" Remus asked.
"Because you're good with babies. We're going to win Quidditch tickets!"
"I've never even held a baby," Remus whispered.
"Well, you're the 'baby type'..."
"The 'baby type'?"
"Yeah, you know..."
"James, you're so weird," Remus said, rolling his eyes. The day went on, people being put into pairs. Groans, blushes, and exclamations of happiness.
10 hours later...
"Remus! I have our baby!" James shouted, running through the door of the dorm. He was holding the baby over his shoulder, by the foot.
"James! You're not supposed to hold it like that!"
"Why not?" has asked, pulling it back over his shoulder and staring at it blankly.
"Would you do that with a real baby?" Remus questioned. "Actually, don't answer that. Pass it to me."
James handed the baby to Remus, and sat down on his bed. "We have to name it, apparently."
"Oh. What do you want to call it?"
"How about... James?" said James, grinning from ear to ear.
"How about no. Um, let's think. For one thing, it's a girl, and anothe-"
"-How do you know it's a girl?" James asked, peering at the baby.
"Hello? It's wearing pink..."
"It might be gay..."
"You don't get gay babies, James."
"Right... So, let's call her Lily."
"Really, James?" Remus asked. James nodded and Remus sighed. "Fine, Lily it is."
James unexpectedly grabbed the baby and cradled it to his chest. "There's a baby... Peek-a-boo!" He started making funny noises, and Remus couldn't help but laugh. Sirius came walking in with his baby slung over his shoulder.
"And what are you doing?" Remus asked.
"Coming into my dorm... isn't that allowed?" Sirius asked.
"I'm talking about the baby. You can't just hold it like that. Honestly, you two..."
"What?" Sirius asked.
"Let's hope the both of you never have any children..."
"Why not!" James asked, hurt. "Me and Lily are connecting over here, look."
The fake child had fallen asleep in James's arms.
"You called her Lily?" Sirius asked.
"And?"
"Nothing," Sirius said, trying not to laugh. "By the way, they're all boys. Just thought I'd let you know. They ran out of blue clothes, so had to use pink ones instead."
"Ha! Told you it was gay," James said to Remus.
"Whatever. We need a new name," Remus said.
"What about my first choice... James. It's a wonderful name," James said, smiling down at the baby.
"No, I don't like James," Remus said.
"You don't like my name? Moony, I'm hurt! Ok, fine... how about... Harry? I like that name, do you?"
"Harry... yeah, it's a nice name. He's now called Harry," Remus said.
"What's yours called, Sirius?" asked James. Sirius stared at James, and then back at his baby that was now currently lying on the floor.
"Oh... err... I think we're just calling it 'The Baby'," Sirius said.
"Do you want to win?" Remus asked incredulously.
"Yes! I'm just not a baby person," Sirius said. "I'll leave all that to Frank."
"Well, me, Moony and Harry are going to win," James said. "Yes we are, aren't we? Yes we are..." he said to the baby, who was still fast asleep.
"James, you'll wake him up, stop it!" Remus whispered, as James started poking its' chest.
"God, look at you three... like a proper family," Sirius smirked from his bed. James and Remus glared at him. Remus picked up his book and started reading again, leaving James to take care of the baby.
Please review! Review make chapter 2 come faster :)
EDIT ;Sorry everyone who's already read it, but I had a few typo's so I reposted it :)