The Art of Please and Thank-You

Ψ Ψ Ψ

Zuko said, "What are these?"

"Do I really have to answer that?" Katara replied.

"I know they're flowers, you idiot. Why are you throwing them at me?"

"Well, partially because I spotted a few black dots on the petals, and I hoped they carried a deadly fungal disease that you'd contract and subsequently die from."

"With any luck, you've caught it as well by now."

"Mm. Still worth it."

"What's the other part?"

"Huh?"

"You said partially."

"Oh. Did I?"

"Yes. Why are you so dense"

"Why are you so determined to comb the fur of a gift fox-cub!"

"..."

"Water Tribe saying. You're really quite unlearned, you know."

"'Unlearned' is not a word."

"An unlearned prince of a prosperous nation-"

"It's not a word!"

"- is just an embarrassment, frankly. I'd probably want to remedy that, if I was a prince."

"And as always, it's so nice to be reminded that despite your time in the Fire Nation, you're still a complete barbarian."

"Is it annoying you yet?"

"Why haven't I roped you to the underside of a Komodo rhino yet?"

"You can't just maim everyone who says you're stupid!"

"Actually, yes! Yes, I can!"

"There aren't enough rhinos, for starters! And stop thumping the grass like that, you're squashing the flowers!"

"Right, you have got to be the most irritating, witless savage I've ever had to suffer the company-"

"You like purple and red."

"- what?"

"That's the other part. You told me on Tuesday that you liked purple and red."

"Oh. Well, I do."

"I know."

"..."

"Your bedroom is so official looking, anyway. I thought some flowers might make you look a bit more human."

"A bit more of a girl, more like."

"An even better improvement, then."

"I don't want the servants to think I'm more human. They'll get ideas."

"Yes, that's understandable, because I'm sure it's only your terrifyingly regal presence that keeps in check their dreams of calling you 'Zuzu' and inviting you to all their weddings."

"If I wake up one morning and find they've put more flowers in my chambers because they thought I'm a weak-minded fool like yourself who likes that sort of thing, I'm having you executed. And never say 'Zuzu' again."

"But you are a weak-minded fool who likes that sort of thing."

"My rooms are functional. That's all that's required of them. A Prince of Fire does not feel any need to decorate, like a commoner. A Prince of Fire does not like flowers."

"Well, you don't have to say it. I already know you do. So, you should just shut up and enjoy them."

"Impertinent child."

"Flower-loving girly boy."

"..."

"..."

"There's plants in the hills around here that can poison you. I'll come tomorrow to show you," Zuko stated.

"Good. I'll come get you up."

"Are you going to jump on my bed again?"

"It's highly likely."

"I'm locking the door and posting a guard outside."

"Why! I mean, you do realise every guard in this palace is on my side, don't you?"

"What!"

"How did you think I got in your room the first time? Metalbending?"

"Those feckless traitors! How dare they admit anyone into a royal bedchamber without permission!"

"I told them you'd said it was okay."

"Like I'd ever give you permission for anything!"

"I know. So I had to forge a note that said you'd said it was okay."

"What!"

"With your signature and everything. Took me ages to get that little finicky way you do your horizontal strokes right. But I didn't need it in the end, he let me in anyway."

"He let... look! Look at that! I found it this morning! That's a white hair! I'm fifteen, and you've given me a white hair!"

"So, I'll come get you up tomorrow."

"I'm going to kill you one day. I'm going to be the person that kills you. And don't jump knees first again, for Agni's sake."

"Your bed is enormous, Zuko. I didn't land anywhere near you last time."

"Do I have to show you the bruise again!"

"No!"

"Look, right here-"

"Ugh! Put your tunic down!"

"Purple and sore-"

"Do the people of the Fire Nation know their prince is a pervert!"

"Alright, alright, alright. You don't need to yank my clothes so hard."

"Yes, well. Save it for Mai in the future, thank you."

"... Like she could care less."

"Hmm. I think you consistently underestimate the deep power of womanly desires. Assuming Mai is as much as a woman as any - what are you making that ridiculous face for!"

"'Womanly desires'?"

"Yes. I get womanly desires for Lu Ten all the time. Especially with he decides to go without his gei and obi for training, the sun beating down on his beautiful -"

"Stop. You're revolting me."

"- sweat-slicked -"

"Stop! That's disgusting!"

"'Disgusting' is definitely not the right word."

"I don't want to think about the sun beating down on my cousin's anything! And... did you just infer that I'm an object of 'womanly desires'?"

"No! I didn't!"

"You did! Ha!"

"The only thing I would ever infer about you, Prince Zuko, is that you're a colossal... a colossal..."

"Impressive."

"Shut up. You're a - "

"Wait, I know. A devastatingly talented firebender whose skills will always outstrip your own?"

"... You're a vain, head-swollen idiot who I'd never like like that and obviously no one else will either!"

"..."

"Oh... I didn't really - " Katara began to say.

"Excuse me."

"... Zuko, wait."

"No."

"Wait! I honestly didn't think - oh, stop for a moment, will you!"

"Get off me."

"Ow -"

"Let me go!"

"If you'd stop acting like a child - "

"I'm not the one holding onto someones leg!"

"I'm only doing that so you won't - oof!"

Zuko swore.

"- try to run off. Well, that might be sprained. You'll probably just have to sit here and listen to my apology while the swelling goes down."

"It's fine. I need to go, Katara."

"No, you don't. There are no official engagements tonight, the Fire Lord isn't in residence, your tutors have the day off, and you originally came out here because you were bored."

"Isn't wanting to be as far away from you as possible reason enough?"

"Not just at the moment. Look, stop trying to escape, you're just going to hurt yourself again."

"I've suffered worse. Or am I feeble as well as undesirable?"

"To address the first point; I'm sure you have, but it's unlikely you were being restrained by extremely determined water whips with your every step. And sec-"

"As though your puny element would ever be a true match for fire."

"... secondly, the only feeble part of you is your common sense. And I'm not commenting on desirability. There, you can go."

"That was your apology?"

"Yep."

"That wasn't an apology! That was a thinly veiled excuse to insult me more! You're...just - You've got some nerve, you disrespectful pea-"

"I'm disrespectful? You insulted my element! And my bending! And stop calling me a peasant!"

"Peasant peasant peasant. I'll call you whatever I want!"

"Oh, very mature, you firebending jerk."

"Why were you never taught to respect your betters in whichever ice cave it was that you were dragged up in?"

"Well, clearly you're living proof that being brought up in a palace doesn't prevent you from becoming an - an arrogant, spoiled, bad-tempered little sulk who doesn't care when he makes other peoples lives miserable!"

"Spoiled and bad-tempered? Arrogant? I am royalty, you ignorant arctic monkey! Forgetting just how far I was born above you makes you the arrogant one. And I already know what the entire palace thinks of me! I know no one wants to be around me! You're right, I don't care! I've - I have pride, and honour. I don't need - "

"Oh yes, because all the lands revolve around the little sun that is Zuko! I swear, your ego would put a pregnant elephant whale to shame. I know for a fact the entire palace doesn't hate you, you idiot! Hell, Mai's had a crush on you for ages and ages!"

"Wait, Mai... huh?"

"Apparently, she doesn't think I was born so far below her that I wasn't worth talking to. Amazing, isn't it!"

"But... I don't understand. I mean... Mai has a crush on me? Ages and ages? She said that? ... Why were you talking to her?"

"Because I went and found her in the training yard while she was waiting for her weapons tutor."

"And w-"

"Because I remembered you told me how much she hates weapons class, and I knew that's when she'd be bored enough to talk to anyone, even me, and I needed to talk to her because you were so miserable when she ignored you the other day and I wanted to find out if there was any chance she liked you as much as you like her, and if she didn't then at least I could tell you or... or reassure you or something."

"Oh."

"But, she does. I have no idea why she'd tell me, a lowly, poor, weak-bending peasant, but there you are."

"I... uh..."

"And now I'm probably going to wake up with a knife in my neck, because I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, and especially not you. So if you'll excuse me, I'd rather not spend the last hours of my life listening to a 'Prince of Fire' remind me how narrowly I was born above the dirt he walks on!"

"Wait... wait! You can't just storm off now!"

"Oh, can't I!"

"You're not... I don't get it. You talked to Mai -"

"What, surprised she'd still speak to me after what Azula said? Well, you'll be happy to know I was just as amazed as you! Why would Fire Nation nobles sully themselves with a dirty waterbender. A weak, useless waterbender, who can't even master a stupid, simple pentapus and who'll probably get shipped home in disgrace soon enough! Who can't even - "

"Oh, just shut up. You can't just use your self-pity as an excuse to stay angry at me! You can't hide behind it forever!"

"What? Self-pity? I'm not feeling sorry for myself! It's the truth."

Zuko replied, "If you believe a word of what Azula says, you really are a fool. And you do, you hide behind it. A blind rabbit-hen could see how strong a bender you are, and I'm sick of hearing you whine about being weak!"

"..."

"..."

"I don't... whine."

"You do."

"..."

"Just... let me help you with your stupid, watery pentapus, okay?"

"Well, I... if you want to."

"I do."

"Okay."

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow, in the bending yard."

"... Prince Zuko?"

"Yes?"

"I saw Mai smelling some of those flowers yesterday, in the east garden," Katara offered. "You could, you know, give them to her. She might like them."

"Oh. Well. Maybe. If we happen to see each other."

"Uh huh. If you happen to see each other? Boys. Just give her the flowers, Zuko."

"I said maybe! And not these ones!"

"Why not!"

"Because I'm keeping these ones. Two hours after sunset, in the bending yard. Be on time."

"..."

"..."

Katara said, "I will be, girly boy."

"See that you are... insolent peasant," Zuko replied.