Title: Equilibrium
Author: icefalcon
Rating: M
Fandom: Mirage of Blaze (anime, as I only know bits and pieces about the books)
Pairing: Naoe/Kagetora, Naoe/Takaya
Warnings: Pseudo-threesome, emotional torture, non-graphic actual torture... arg, Naoe/Kagetora-ness!
Disclaimer: Not mine
Notes: Written for ulfhedhnar during Yuletide 2007. Prompt was 'Romance', and I did my best at interpreting that along the lines of Naoe and Kagetora... Thus, it is a bloody and twisted love affair (a little bit more so than I was anticipating) that I had far too much fun writing. I was somewhat iffy at words like exorcist and reincarnation, because I don't think the English terms really do MoB justice, but I felt more awkward using Japanese terms.

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- balance -

'It must be done.' Kagetora's voice echoed through the chamber, filling the space with hints of steel and bronze.

Naoe knelt at his feet, silent.

'It is dangerous, even for one of us,' Kagetora continued more slowly.

'I will go, my lord.' Naoe had to. He had to pay his debt back. He had to find a way to restore the balance between them, to get back what he had once found in Kagetora's eyes.

'Good.' Kagetora hesitated, glance fixed on Naoe.

'Your first death, Naoe – and you choose to give it to me. Do you think it will go some of the way towards repaying me for my first death?'

Naoe's silence was his answer.

'Don't forget, Naoe. You belong to me in your next life as well.' Kagetora's laughter, edged with rich amusement.

'Yes, my lord.'

Kagetora only smiled at him, and the smile was the howl of winter wolves among wastes of snow.

Yes, always yes.

- - counterbalance -

The patently false whimpers of the whore beneath Kagetora sent blood-deep shards of anger surging under Naoe's skin.

'Stand guard, Naoe,' Kagetora had said mockingly, ignoring the blatant invitation written across Naoe's body, a demand and a promise that never left Naoe's eyes.

Whatever... relief Kagetora had sought to find here, coupling with a piece of filth in exchange for something as insignificant as money, he was not finding it. Naoe spitefully noticed - without looking, not watching – that at least his Lord did not seem to be gaining much enjoyment from the cheap theatrics on offer.

Naoe wouldn't look, wasn't watching. He stepped back, needing the solid weight of the wall behind him to anchor his fury into controllable bounds.

'Naoe.'

His head jerked up involuntarily, body ever obedient to Kagetora's command even if the mind was not.

'Naoe,' Kagetora breathed out again, a demand curled around a snarl, coated with a desire that should only ever be for him, heard by him.

The sight of those pale limbs dampening with sweat should only be for him, that hair down and falling over the shoulders should be only Naoe's to touch. Only his.

The whore will have to die.

Winter-dark glare trailing over Kagetora's body, over all that should be his, his, Naoe raised his eyes to meet his owner's, murderous intent entwining with hopeless need, blazing clear.

'Naoe...' Kagetora slowly unhooded his eyes, lustfully golden with his war-rage, head aslant, the gleam of the firelight spreading a searing reflection in his eyes. 'Is that what you want me to say, Naoe?'

The whore whimpered again, into the crackling silence.

Kagetora clamped a hand over her mouth. 'Quiet.' he snapped, not breaking the heat of their locked gazes. His breathing was now finally quickening to something approaching excitement, eyes darkening with something approaching arousal...

Naoe did not look away. His breathing quickened in time, the painful electric shock of need in his abdomen building higher.

The expression on Kagetora's face was something he would not share. He would tear the memory from the whore's flesh, and take it for his own.

Kagetora. Two sets of loud, heavy breathing were dancing through the air. An occasional whimper from the whore emerged, and was ignored.

'Feel free to indulge, Naoe,' Kagetora murmured, and brought his mouth down on the whore's in a parody of a gentle kiss, before yanking her head savagely back and leaving a trail of teeth marks along her neck.

Kagetora's eyes flickered back up.

Naoe's hand had already flown instinctively to his own throat. He could feel Kagetora's teeth, feel the fingers that were ghosting across the skin of a woman who would be dead by sunrise.

No. No, he wouldn't.

He glared at Kagetora, and clenched his fists by his side, forcing down his lust, feeding into resentment, into fury, into the fire.

He wouldn't lose this one.

Kagetora would not have this one thing from him, no.

No.

- balance -

'Naoe, there's no time! We have to go! Naoe!'

Fire, fire burning.

Despite Nagahide attempting to hold him back, Naoe could not stop his body from struggling.

'Kagetora can take care of himself, if the worst comes, he'll just reincarnate! We'll lose a few years, but we've done it before! Come on, let's get out and finish the fucking mission!'

Naoe began to snarl, an animal noise of pure fury overpowering all words.

'Naoe, you idiot! We can't afford to lose both of you at once! He'll need you later-'

'I won't - leave him - now,' Naoe ground out, lashing at Nagahide.

'Fine! Be it on your head!' Nagahide gave up in disgust. 'He won't thank you for it, we need to complete the mission!'

'It can all burn if it means he's safe,' Naoe hissed, and turned and ran, ran into fire, smoke, burning, pain.

'Kagetora!'

Pushing through flame, breaking through glass.

Naoe, consumed: he's not there, he's not THERE. He has to be, he can't leave again, Kagetora can't leave him, not after what they'd... not after.

'Kagetora!'

Raging fear, black and deep, burning and desperate. Shaking, he was shaking, fire and blood, all around him.

'Kagetora!'

At least he'd die with his lord, this time.

A deep breath, and another. Flame and ether, burning through his veins.

A last, no more air to breathe, only smoke, no Kagetora.

Nothing.

A foolish hope, that he could have saved Kagetora, this time. That another of Kagetora's deaths wouldn't be on his hands. That a little of what lay between them could be squared. That he could do something that would make Kagetora look at him, only him.

Nothing, and trapped – by fire, at that. Nothing new, there. He would die as he had lived this life, but next time, then, next life with Kagetora, there would be another chance.

He closed his eyes, sank into himself, and began preparations to transfer his soul.

Then – 'You idiot,' a whisper barely audible through the roar of the fire burning around them.

Naoe, hazily unconscious, struggling back towards life, could only feel hands holding him tight, tighter and – a kiss?

Safe.

Yes.

- counterbalance -

'Did you really just try to leave me, Naoe?'

Naoe struggled to breathe, lungs gasping in shallow, painful breaths as he huddled on the floor.

'Minako doesn't like you very much, you know. You were very rude to her, Naoe.'

'If she's so important to you,' Naoe managed to gasp out, 'Why are you here with me?'

Even with his eyes closed, he could feel Kagetora's golden gaze gutting him.

'Discipline is very important, Naoe.'

Naoe laughed, a broken sound that tore through his broken ribs.

The taste of blood in his mouth, his body on fire. Always, on fire, with Kagetora. Two men, burning each other alive. Naoe didn't care, as long as it was the two of them.

He spat the blood onto Kagetora's feet. 'More important than her. Good.'

It had happened before. Kagetora occasionally became enamoured with another. But what lay between them came first, the push, the pull, the burning, the fire. The other left, the two of them remained.

Even if Kagetora beat him again... as long as he stayed. Kagetora had to burn with him, otherwise Naoe would be lost.

'Do you really think you can leave me?'

Naoe only laughed again, a laugh that broke down into heaving coughs.

Kagetora hissed, and yanked Naoe's head up in a movement that sent burning stabs of pain through him.

Once, before the beginning, he had not been able to face what was in Kagetora's gaze.

Once, when there had been more of him. Now, all that was left belonged to Kagetora, and the fire within, and it was the fire allowed him to withstand the fury in Kagetora's eyes.

'Then again, what use would I have for a disobedient dog?'

Kagetora let him go, and stood.

'I don't really care anymore, Naoe.' Kagetora, slow and clear, eyes fixed obsessively on Naoe's face.

Naoe slumped back onto the floor. Kagetora wouldn't leave him. He couldn't. He wouldn't. He was bound as much as Naoe.

Yet - Kagetora left him there, walking out the door with a deliberate smile thrown like a knife over his shoulder, walking to fight alone, walking away from Naoe's scream, from the sound of their desperate need given voice, their need that had festered deep over a long, long time, a need that was finally destroying him.

No matter what he thought, Kagetora couldn't walk away, he wasn't walking away, he felt it too, the fire that was theirs alone, he couldn't be walking away -

No, no, no!

- balancecounterbalancebalance see-saw margery daw johnny shall have a new master -

'Hey Naoe - how come we don't have cool outfits like that?' Takaya pointed at the television.

He had been lazily ensconced on Naoe's couch for the last few hours, drinking and watching a terrible historical drama, in an effort to convince Naoe that he should make more of an attempt to relax.

Relaxation was not happening, however, because Takaya kept on sliding in sly questions about what they had been doing when this battle or that war happened, and egging him on when Naoe started criticising the accuracy of the locations or even, yes, the costuming.

'I wonder what I'd look like in one of those outfits,' Takaya said, speculatively eyeing a rather bizarre leather concoction.

'I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kagetora.' Naoe's instinctive response.

The flinch that followed was equally instinctive. Kagetora would have looked at him, angry arrogance written across every inch of him, and struck back at him, tightening his leash.

Takaya only snorted, and threw his empty can at Naoe.

Strange, the little pieces that added up to a soul. Takaya was Kagetora, capable in so many ways of everything that Kagetora was. Yet – without Kagetora's memories, Naoe could see, clearer than from the first, all that Kagetora felt...

The burning, all-consuming love had been first, but so quickly entwined with hate and anger and jealousy and fear. Takaya was Kagetora without the weight of both their hatred tying his love down, and for that, Naoe would, however selfishly, carry the memories alone for as long as he could.

'Naoe! Are you listening? If I'm going to be stuck doing this, I need some kind of cool uniform. Maybe like an idol...'

'I really can't let you do that.' Automatic, a hand grasping at Takaya's arm. Casual and not so casual touches had been another luxury Kagetora had never permitted him – but a luxury Takaya had adjusted to all but unconsciously.

'I'll do it if I want to!'

'Kagetora –'

'Takaya, idiot. When is it going to sink in?'

'Only a prostitute would have worn something that impractical. We wore clothing that was much longer. And looser. For ease of movement.' Naoe said quickly.

'You just made that up.' Takaya narrowed his eyes, a golden flicker of Kagetora's flame.

Naoe flinched again, in a wary anticipation.

Takaya rolled his eyes, fire melting away. 'Naoe, sometimes... you're kind of stupid.'

When Kagetora said that, it was a precursor to something far worse.

When Takaya said it...

Naoe waited.

Takaya only rolled his eyes again, and brought Naoe's fingers to his mouth in an unselfconscious kiss.

Of course, he then bit them, and pushed Naoe off the couch but it was -

- equilibrium.

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