DISCLAIMER: I do not own Dragon Age.
So yeah, random parody of my elven mage Grey Warden Tisiphone and her travels. I'm thinking that I might do some more parodies like this one of other Grey Wardens, each of them with a different origin story. It depends.
I also don't own Assassin's Creed, Prototype, The Simpsons, Ahmed the Dead Terrorist or A Very Potter Musical.
Dragon Age: Origins
A Parody
Chapter ONE: The Fade of blurriness and boring.
Author: BEHOLD! The greatest, fairest, awesomest, Grey Warden to ever walk upon the surface of the world! TISIPHONE SURANA!
Tisiphone: …
Author: :D
Tisiphone: Let's just get on with this.
Templar guy: Yeah, let's get on with this! *starts babbling about mages, gifts and curses*
Tisiphone: "Blah, blah, blah… always the same thing… oh shit, someone else is talking."
Mage Guy: ... armed with only your will.
Tisiphone: Yeah, sure, whatever. Can we start now?
Mage Guy: I uh...
Templar Guy: Just put your hand in that weird, shiny stuff.
Tisiphone: "Oooh, shiny…" *reaches down and touches it*
Templar Guy: Oh, and one more thing, fail and you die.
Tisiphone: Oh, cool.
Shiny Stuff: Wooosh!
The Fade: *is dull. And brown. And blurry*
Tisiphone: *is not impressed*
The Fade: *has shiny stuff!*
Tisiphone: Okay, let's just go and look what's in this vase… oh cool, healing stuff. Who the hell put it there? Anyway… *sees huge statue of Altaïr/Alex Mercer* What the hell is that? *touches*
XP: PLUS 50!
Codex: A discussion of the creatures of the Fade…
Tisiphone: Yeah, whatever. Let's go, I mean, is there anyone who actually reads that stuff?
Author: I do…
Tisiphone: … well, you're a freak, and why am I talking to someone who's just a voice in my head?
Author: I don't know…
Tisiphone: Great! Let's just go…
*walking*
Wisp Wraith: I'm going to FRY you to death!
Tisiphone: *freezes it*
Wisp Wraith: Oh shit… *is dead*
Tisiphone: Really? That's it? Nothing more? Gosh, this will be easy…
Walking continues. All innocent bystanders are killed.
Mouse: Hi! *is clearly not wearing apprentice robes*
Tisiphone: Hi…
Mouse: I'm going to follow you because I think you might succeed, kthnxbye!
Tisiphone: Why would you say "bye" if you're obviously going to stalk me?
Mouse: ... I don't know…
Tisiphone: Great… now I have a confused mouse following me around… yay…
Mouse: What did you say?
Tisiphone: Nothing :D
Mouse: Right…
Tisiphone: Just get back to stalking me, 'kay?
Mouse: Sure!
More walking.
Creepy Ring of Fire: *is creepy*
Mouse: Here there'll be a demon who's waiting to kill you!
Tisiphone: Huh. I must be early then.
Mouse: Huh? What makes you think that?
Tisiphone: Well he's not here yet, is he?
Mouse: True but…
Tisiphone: *keeps walking*
Mouse: *keeps stalking*
Wisp Wraith: Hi! I am going to throw a lightning bolt at you in a pathetic attempt to kill you!
Mouse: EEEEEP! *hides*
Tisiphone: "Coward." Okay, don't mind if I send a bolt at you!
Wisp Wraith: No problem, ma- *dies*
Tisiphone: Too easy.
Mouse: OHMIGOSH YOU'RE LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME!
Tisiphone: … I know. WORSHIP ME! MORTAL!
Twisted Structure: *is shiny*
Tisiphone: *touches*
Codex: An explanation of the Dark City
Tisiphone: SHUT UP! *raids a vase and gets some more healing things* Oh, cool. *keeps walking*
Spirit of Valor: *is cool*
Mouse: You suck.
Spirit of Valor: Blah, blah, blah, you mages should try and kill each other in order to become mages and not be sent here to fight demons.
Tisiphone: Why? I mean, demons are kind of our specialty. And besides, all those wisp wraiths provide excellent target practice.
Spirit of Valor: Oh em… yes… anyway…
Mouse: Ha Ha!
Tisiphone: Shut up Nelson.
Mouse: Sir, yes sir!
Tisiphone: Who's a good boy? You're a good boy!
Spirit of Valor: Anyway, I hope you survive fighting that demon!
Tisiphone: Yes… did you make those shiny weapons and stuff, the ones back there?
Spirit of Valor: No. My MIND made them!
Tisiphone: … because that clearly isn't part of you…
Spirit of Valor: *is babbling* Here, fight me, and I'll give you a weapon.
Tisiphone: Fight you? What, do you want to kill me instead?
Spirit of Valor: :O How dare you accuse me of such evil! I am the most noble spirit of all! I'm no demon preying upon helpless mortals to steal their essence! I AM A WARRIOR!
Tisiphone: … so you challenge helpless mortals to duels?
Spirit of Valors brain: *implodes*
Spirit of Valor: Anyway… you're a rude and a cocksure little bastard so I'll bet you're going to defeat that demon. Here's your staff.
Tisiphone: Good spirit.
Spirit of Valor: Yeah… sure…
Tisiphone: *leaves*
Spirit Wolves: KEEL ZE 'UMAN!
Tisiphone: ATTACK!
A few moments later...
Spirit Wolves: *are dead*
Mouse: OMIGOSH YOU'RE SO AWESOME!
Tisiphone: I know. *pauses* What the hell…? Is that what I think it is?
Mouse: Eh… no…
Tisiphone: You jizzed on my robes when I wasn't looking, right?
Mouse: no…
Tisiphone: You're disgusting.
Mouse: yes…
Tisiphone: *keeps walking*
Sloth Demon: *is sleepy* Hey, did you bring that mouse so that I can eat him?
Mouse: He's a bad person. Let's go.
Sloth Demon: Eh. I hope you die so that I can eat whatever scraps there are left.
Tisiphone: Why don't you try and kill me yourself?
Sloth Demon: Meh. You'll just run. Now go away, you bore me.
Tisiphone: Do you know anything useful? Like how you get mouse-jizz from your robes?
Sloth Demon: Just poke it away with your staff.
Mouse: You know… he could probably teach you to be like him…
Sloth Demon: Why? She's going to fail anyway. I can teach you, however.
Mouse: Eh… but how would I hide?
Tisiphone: Coward.
Mouse: I'm no coward! I have waited for years, and years to get out of this place!
Tisiphone: *raises eyebrows*
Mouse: Okay, I'll try.
Sloth Demon: No. I'm too tired to teach you.
Tisiphone: Teach him. Or else…
Sloth Demon: If you answer three riddles correctly.
Tisiphone: Somehow I already know the answers so no, I think I'll just threaten you instead… teach him… or DIE!
Sloth Demon: SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
Tisiphone: Meh… I think I'll just attack you now, 'kay? *attacks*
A fight ensues...
Sloth Demon: OKAY OKAY OKAY! I GIVE UP! LEAVE ME BE! I'LL TEACH THE SON OF A BITCH!
Tisiphone: Good demon!
Mouse: I am really fat now.
Tisiphone: Yeah I know, just don't jizz on me again, or else…
Mouse: Okay…
And then they leave, fight some more wolves and then they go back to the Creepy Ring of Fire.
Demon: MOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *chokes on his laughter* DAMMIT!
Mouse: That guy is a spirit of rage.
Tisiphone: Looks more like a spirit of lava.
Demon: So… You're here at last… Thanks Mouse, we'll dine on elven flesh tonight!
Mouse: Yeah, no…
Tisiphone: DIIIIIEEEE!111oneoneone
Mouse: *jizzes all over himself* ZOMG YOU'RE SO GOOD!
Tisiphone: Yeah… I can see that…
Mouse: You're a TRUE mage! Sorry for killing people though.
Tisiphone: You're obviously trying to get something from me.
Mouse: blah blah *gives a speech* You know… if you want to I can totally attach myself to you and then I'll leave to wreak havoc on the world.
Tisiphone: Yeah right. Do you think I'm stupid?
Mouse: SHUT UP! I'M NOT EVIL! *turns into a demon* true tests never end…
Tisiphone: Oooh, ominous!
So... this was short. The next chapter is going to be uploaded today probably and I'm probably making it longer. This was just the part in the Fade.
also, Italics + "" means someone's thinking. But I'm going to assume that you had figured that out already, so...
... anyway... R&R everyone! ^^
I think that's all, really. Or maybe not...
Tisiphone is one of the Erinyes in Greek mytholgoy, her name means "avenging murder", it's derived from 'tisis' = "Vengeance" and 'phone' = "murder".
There was something more... shit I can't- oh wait, now I remember! (hehe ^_^') if anyone wants me to raise the rating, please tell me and I'll do it. Even though I don't really see the point considering I don't fall under the category of an M-rating so... yeah... anyway...