Have a Hart

by Moon Prynces

Dr. Hart ponders just that: hearts. As well as her relationships with her parents, her new friends, this town that isn't so bad (as long as you're not on the outside like her) and her chosen career. Pre-episode 1x05

11-3-11

12:42am

Summary–Dr. Hart ponders just that: hearts. As well as her relationships with her parents, her new friends, this town that isn't so bad (as long as you're not on the outside like her) and her chosen career. Pre-episode 1x05

Disclaimer–I do not own Hart of Dixie, which belongs to its respective owner(s) and is only being used in a fan-made, fictional story.

xoxo

Title–Have a Hart

By–Moon Prynces

xoxo

"Our last name's Hart, so it's predestined."

Funny that. What did she do that the universe used her as a joke to prove something?

Hart. Heart.

Ha!

She knew nothing about either of those two words.

Well, I mean...she did technically know all about the literal heart. And she knew what the Hart family name represented.

But her knowledge was still severely lacking, and partly it wasn't even her fault. Not as if she was the one to make her mother have sex with some guy on a boat and thus ended her relationship with the Harts before she was even conceived.

But then the other part...well, that was all her.

She worked with hearts without dealing with them. Not even her own.

Was it time yet to bring up her failed long term relationship and mourn the loss? Or maybe she wasn't all that pained when it ended because she hadn't invested her heart in it like he had, and so no wonder she hadn't shed a tear over it.

Maybe she wasn't broken-hearted because she didn't even have one.

Nah, that's not true.

She could still remember the pain of her father ripping himself away from their family for reasons she now knew. All the ignored phone calls, harsh words of criticism and distance he put between them.

She didn't understand it before, and each time she thought that maybe he was just trying to teach her the tough lessons of the world – not getting too attached, keeping your eye on the prize, don't get distracted by emotions...

It was easier to smile and nod to herself while assuming she was being taught. Instead of admitting that she could feel that important organ cracking slowly inside her, deeper than flesh and blood and not something anyone could so easily repair with a simple surgery.

So she had a bruised, cracked, bleeding Hart. And she was ready to acknowledge it, and the damage.

"...but if you wanna be a heart surgeon, then you gotta work on your own."

Losing the boyfriend she could handle. Especially since he obviously didn't mean all that much to her (or maybe she just didn't want to admit it).

Losing the fellowship was like a punch in the gut. Doubled-over and in pain, but she could still stand and see and her hands were pristine (the best he'd seen in thirty years, said the Chief of Surgery). It was a learning experience. She just needed to adjust and come back stronger than before.

Losing her relationship with her father with the knowledge that she wasn't his daughter was, well, Hart-breaking. There was no way to rebound from that. She could never look him in the eyes knowing this. But also knowing that he had disowned her after finding out their lack of relation. It was this piece of information that sent that last, big, splintering crack that spread out in every direction. She would never be good enough to him – as a daughter, as a surgeon.

Was it worse that he had done this without telling her the reason why? Or that she found out the truth from a stranger, someone she had only known a few days, instead of the two people she trusted and loved most in this world?

So what was there to do now but push forward in this town she didn't know with people who didn't like her without her parents' (any of them) support and advice and reassurance. (A dead father's memory and faith could only get one so far.)

And anyway, maybe it's easier to mend when you're away from the things and people that caused you pain.

Harley Wilkes hadn't done anything to hurt her. Bluebell, while not exactly open and friendly, was just defensive against an outsider. These people didn't know her and didn't have anything specific to hate her for (well, until the parade anyway).

So she wasn't a real Hart. But she was a real surgeon, a real doctor. Just because she didn't have the family blood didn't mean she didn't possess the knowledge, skill and talent to be one.

Besides, maybe it was better to find she was another man's daughter. He wasn't the type to disown a child after finding out to not be a blood relative after ten years in that child's life! He was (was) older, wiser and kinder (from what she'd heard anyway).

It wasn't easy to get over, but she managed. Slowly.

All the distractions this town provided did help her along. Sometimes she couldn't stand having downtime, because her hands would itch for a scalpel or she'd reminisce on her childhood.

She put her energy forth to help people. Made a grand (and, at first, insincere) attempt at getting to know them and this place. Tried to win over their favor to help herself (maybe in more than just the obvious ways).

...And ignored all the problems she'd left behind while somehow belittling the fact that she was an illegitimate child. Well, hey, if everyone didn't show up at her front door with pitchforks over the parade and dozen other mistakes she'd made then they didn't care about that sorta thing, right?

"You need to learn to see patients as people to help, not puzzles to solve..."

There was also the matter of figuring out whatever big lesson she was supposed to take away from this whole experience.

Okay, well yeah, it was pretty transparent. She was supposed to care about people.

But that was ridiculous! She did care about people. Why else would she be in medicine?

That's what she'd be thinking until someone said her name or title.

Hart.

Right. So maybe she wasn't so sure about her reasons anymore. Maybe she had just been enamored with the thought of becoming a great person like her father. And that image was shattered now because he wasn't her father.

She kinda hated that she only found out this late in the game. If she had known the truth then, would she have steered in a different direction and detached herself from this line of work before even starting?

It was a lot to ponder.

Which was why she refocused on the (real? bigger?) important issue here: getting on track to her fellowship. (She still wanted it. She didn't quite know why, but she did.)

But really, this whole endeavor was pointless. She cared about people, wanted to help, wanted to fix things...

So if all she had to do was suck it up for a year and remember patient names, then great! Piece of cake.

Of course, it was easier after that first pati–

Mabel. Her name was Mabel.

"Dr. Hart and I, we're in this together! She's my doctor."

Not that she let her head get clouded in the moment, but really...those words were something. Something she hadn't really heard before.

Yes, in New York she was a great doctor. But patients didn't really choose, not in a city so big with so much going on. They were usually assigned to patients (or she fought tooth and nail for the best cases).

This type of-of validation was so new, so different, so...comforting. There was someone out there who would choose (choose!) her.

It was different with Harley because they were related, there was blood between them and that made him care. But having an absolute stranger trust her that much? Mind blowing.

...And then the magic moment was gone and things were back to normal. Meaning, she had no willing patients. No one else wanted to give her a chance.

She managed somehow. Slowly.

It was pretty foolish to think she'd won over people with just that one incident.

But maybe this pace was better, because she was actually learning things that would stick with her. Things that she didn't know before. Things that she needed to know.

Things...involving the heart.

"You still believe in me though, right?"

Dr. Zoe Hart was a confident, intelligent and driven woman. But even people as strong as her needed some encouragement from time to time.

And that was not something she could so easily find these days.

With no father (figure) in sight, and her mother sighing in exasperation over her decisions, who could she turn to? In fact, how could she turn to anyone? That would just be showing weakness, looking for pity and inviting humiliation!

But it was important. Though she seemed so determined, with this nothing-can-stand-in-my-way attitude and knew she was good at her chosen profession...her Hart still ached for some positive reinforcement.

Which might be why even the smallest instances stayed with her (not that she would admit any of them out loud, that'd be embarrassing).

Like the short, and partly snide, comment that Brick made after Mabel had...you know. In the moment it had only struck her with the impact of leaving behind this town that she'd only spent about three days in. But afterward she couldn't help but smile wryly as she recalled his words.

It reassured her that she was competent for such an intense line of work.

"Nice job. You know, it's too bad you're not gon' be stayin'."

Or hearing the awe in George's voice as he tried to verbalize his feelings on what he'd witnessed that day. Yeah, she knew the procedure like the back of her snake-bitten hand, but the compliments still washed over her, covering her in pride.

It reminded her how gifted she was. There was no room for mediocre surgeons.

"That was amazing. You were– you were so focused and in control in there. That was– It was– That was impressive."

Still, those things were easy. Those were the things she had learned and trained for her entire life. It was also quite obvious how to measure those skills.

What really stuck with her was this one action she performed, something she didn't even know she had in her. But she hadn't thought about it like that in the moment, only thought of herself as a doctor and not a person. She only realized after someone spelled it out for her.

"Listen, what you did today, sacrificing yourself to be part of this town to treat a patient...That was amazing."

She could– She did truly care about people, patients or not. Her reputation and renown didn't cross her mind when she looked over. She wasn't thinking of how the town would judge her when it was all over.

She just wanted to help someone. Even if no one could know. Even if it put her in a bad light.

It made her realize...her heart wasn't as ruined as she thought.

Or maybe it was just healing right.

"Knew you and I were gonna be friends." "Well, I guess I could use a friend."

It was helped along by the fact that she wasn't completely ostracized by the town. She had people to count on. Sort of. Well, it wasn't like she had requested any crazy, big favors yet to prove their loyalty.

But loyalty, she did see.

Who knew that Crazy Earl was actually crazy enough to get himself up on that roof? And why couldn't anyone have told her what was going to happen and prevented the panic attack she was having?

But maybe it was just a tiny bit worth it to see the display Earl and his son put on (apparently once a month) for the town.

She would never have believed it if she hadn't had a front row seat. Seen that even the town's bad boy had a heart. Seen that he was willing to go up on that roof and reluctantly (though more importantly, still gave in) to sing for the old man.

And then she saw it.

No one would have actually let Earl jump. If there had been a real threat then she bet her medical career that half the town would have joined Wade in preventing such a tragedy.

They cared about each other.

Even more beautiful was that they didn't acknowledge it as something out of the ordinary.

"When your dad's the town drunk, you get used to climbin' roofs, that's all. Doesn't mean anything."

If she thought about it more deeply at the time, she would've noticed that despite her out of place heels and mocking of their traditions, she was assimilating more than anyone could notice.

Why else would she have made that sacrifice? Who knew how Lavon's plan would have worked out if she had just stayed put on that float?

Well for one, Betty might have hurt herself irreparably. Brick and Lemon would have looked at her accusingly, figuring out that she had known all along and somehow put some blame on her. Maybe she'd be receiving friendly smiles and grins while walking into the Rammer Jammer the next day, instead of glares and frowns.

But most importantly, she would probably have this cloud of guilt and regret hanging over her head for the rest of her life. For this...one girl that she barely knew in a town that hated her!

It was amazing, as Mrs. H had said, that her first instinct was to help. Help this person who was putting on a two-faced personality so as not to lose credibility and enjoy herself for a summer.

And there it was. Her newfound loyalty to this town of people who deserved it, no matter how they treated her sometimes.

It had nothing to do with her just being a doctor. It wasn't brought on by the fact that she was Harley Wilkes' daughter.

It was just her.

"Thank you, for coverin' for me. I know this is not going to help with your popularity problem."

The real shocker had to be, not her turnaround, but theirs.

Wasn't like everyone all at once changed, or that it was obvious.

But, like she hung onto the small words of praise, she noticed these subtle instances as well.

Maybe because she didn't expect them. Not even from her new friends. Because although they were her friends, they still belonged to this town. And she had made enough mistakes and damaged her already flawed reputation so many times in the first two weeks that she wouldn't blame them for not coming to her aid in any more disputes.

As indignant as she was in the beginning, she was just trying too hard and feeling lonely.

It wasn't so bad, the weird and offhand ways that people revealed their warming up to her.

Well yeah, she put way too much stock in that gumbo contest. She was about to start crying over her frustration (and over the shrimp) about something so...something not that important.

But Wade summed it up nicely.

"Geez, Lavon! Cheatin' for a girl. Where have your mayoral ethics gone?"

Or that even said bad boy didn't want her role in that barn to go unnoticed, unrewarded.

He knew how important she considered people's opinions of her. From the way he spoke, it sounded like he wanted to reveal the truth himself, just to make her feel better as she sulked at the bar.

"Are you not tellin' the truth to protect George Tucker for some reason? Cuz if you were, that'd be real stupid."

Or that her role in that barn didn't go unnoticed, unrewarded.

"Uh, Mrs. Dixon, it's gon' be a while. Um, why don't you see Dr. Hart today? She'll take good care o' ya."

It was nice to know she had real friends that really cared. (Did she even have friends back in New York? No one worth mentioning apparently.) To know that even someone as rigid and competitive as Brick could see she wasn't all that bad.

She wasn't a bad doctor, or a bad person.

And yeah, she continued to make mistakes and judge them just a little – based on her many previous experiences – but she was glad to have found a place in this town (even as the slightly inexperienced new doctor who made some strange errors).

"Thank goodness you're stayin'!"

She already knew she would do just about anything to help anyone in any way she could, but she wasn't expecting such a gesture in return. Not so soon anyway. There were a lot of people, whose minds were made up or on the fence or whatever.

But maybe someday, in the (hopefully foreseeable) future, things would change. And then they'd all care about her too.

Not that she'd ever admit it, but it was something she desperately needed, someone having her back. It'd be nice after being emotionally stranded since the divorce.

Hearts needed that kind of stuff, didn't they? All kinds of stuff, apparently. Like more than just some stitches, which was the easiest repair, she now realized.

Like the seemingly insignificant words of praise that made smiling easier and renewed her energy for another day. And people who cared enough about her to do unnecessary and un-mayoral things for her. Even the small rewards from her own job that she hadn't known before.

She learned a lot in med school, and even more in her rotations at the hospital. And there were all those years of lessons from her father (or so she thought).

But she hadn't learned everything she needed, not for this line of work, or this life.

"Believe me, you gon' do just fine."

Hearts were so complicated, she thought while sitting on her couch, spacing off.

But she had one and, despite the turns her life had taken and the supposed lessons she'd learned early on, it still worked. And just like that saying about the brain, the heart was a muscle too.

Time to use it or lose it.

"Oh, I know it's not that easy..."

xo end xo

11-6-11

3:42pm

Well look at that. I've written something decent in just a few days. Finally. And for a brand new section of the site! I am quite proud of myself here.

I've reread this thing over a dozen times while writing, and then once more just now to nitpick a bit and whatever. I'm really into this show, but I didn't have any inspiration to contribute any fanfiction because the episodes are so satisfying and I'm just waiting for more information to leak out through the upcoming episodes.

I had started something else that was more from Wade's POV with the injection of romance, but it wasn't turning out like I'd hoped so I opted for another direction.

Tell me what you think and thanks for any support.

7:12pm