How this happened

Bella

You ever go over to a friends' house and wonder when certain things started? Like wonder what happened for that to have become their routine? Why did you stop eating together as a family? Did you ever? When did Friday become the day to do your laundry? When was it decided that your dad would take you Monday through Wednesday? When did you learn your mom was a drunk? Why did you let it go? I never thought of things like that, it never did me any good. I'm sure if I really sat down and thought about it, I definitely would know. I mean it is my life, but what good was knowing something if it wasn't going to change what was? As my aunt Shelly once said to me after she found her husband cheating on her but faced scrutiny from the family when she refused to get a divorce.

"Eh who cares? A man has cheated lets alert the fucking media. God spare me, if anything I feel sorry for him. He has to buy two of everything for every god damn occasion now if he keeps her. I suppose I could just file for divorce and tell some judge my sob story while she awards me alimony money we both know I don't deserve or I can just shed a tear apply some mascara and keep it moving kid. Sometimes that's just that. Keep it moving, The show must go on"

The woman doesn't say many smart things but that was definitely something I held onto. She was right though. Sometimes life is just… that. You can sit there and dwell or you can simply just… move on out. "Keep it moving". I have always been good at that, I used to think it was what kept me normal, little did I know. It did anything but.

"Bellsy! Bellsy!" Said the voice of my favourite five-year-old. I looked over the high counter where we served the drinks and laughed at Maria. I came from around the counter and let her jump into my arms. Alice was standing there in a really nice outfit holding Maria's school bag. Her husband owned this restaurant. She was an event planner and for all intense of purposes had taken it upon herself to be my surrogate mother. When I moved to New York and she found me sleeping in my car in the alley of a café, she offered me a job as a babysitter. Jasper was skeptical of course he didn't want a stranger sleeping in a car outside his establishment watching his kid. But overtime after a background check and me being a good baby sitter. I was accepted and soon they offered me a job waitressing at one of Jaspers' fine establishments. I got to keep the mini apartment at the top of the building and … that's how I ended up here. At Maria's . Couldn't afford to eat here though, Jasper only catered to the rich, and I helped him.

"Hey Al." I said kissing Maria's head and putting her down. Alice just smiled in greeting before sitting at one of the bar stools. I placed Maria on one beside her.

"How was school munchkin?"

"Boring. Absolutely boring." She stressed as I handed her an apple juice. Alice just laughed and I smiled, I put my elbows on the table and looked at her.

"I'm sorry to hear that kiddo. I'm sorry to say it only gets worse." I said sympathetically. She sighed a cute little five year old sigh.

"You're killin me" She muttered. I busted out laughing and Alice rolled her eyes.

"Just drink your juice." She said with an amused voice before she looked at me.

"So." She drawled on. It was my turn to roll my eyes. I knew that "So" she was about to recommend something. That was one thing about Alice she recommended a lot of things to me, she had good intentions. She wanted nothing but the best for me but damn she could be insufferable. I needed to do life at my own pace, and Alice wanted me happy and moved on now.

"Yes." I said casually handing her a glass of wine to match Maria's juice.

"There's this job opening at an art gallery." She started.

"I know nothing about art." I said softly and kindly. Lying.

"Yes but you could learn. This job is offering 60K a year and because it's my friend Riley you'd get first dibs." She said.

"As great as that is I don't think I want to take a job from someone who would really appreciate it. Plus I'm really figuring things out." I said not convincingly to her. She corked an eyebrow.

"Bella no you're not." She said

"I am." I argued. "I have an interview… With a book publishing company on Friday. That's why I took the day off on Friday." I said coyly… lying. I mean I didn't mean to lie I just didn't want to disappoint Alice. She wanted me to be something other than a waitress and I loved that she did It in a different way than anyone who I'd ever had in my life. She asked me. She didn't push me, everything was a suggestion with her. I wanted to be something… I guess. I mean eventually everybody decides to become something. That's what I was taught my whole life. It's ingrained in you from the time you're little.

And what do you want to be when you grow up?

Teachers would ask, parents would enquire. They'd make you write essays and make portraits of yourself as that thing.

Astronaut, Scientist, Firefighter, Police Officer

Nobody ever said Waitress. But I liked waitressing. It was always what I did when I relocated to a new place. I did odds and ends like babysitting or secretary work in different states, but waitressing was full proof. I loved it. I thrived on the idea of selling myself… not in a fucked-up kind of way. Just in a marketing kind of way. If it was a group of girls, I knew how to get along with them and seem nice. They would tip accordingly. People on dates, do not flirt with the guy no matter how hot he is, befriend them… as a couple.

"Oh where are you guys coming from tonight? Oh you went to watch that… Yah I saw that movie it's great isn't it?"

Or

If it was a group of rowdy guys be the cool girl. Don't shy away from their flirting laugh it off but don't seem too flirty and available either. Be cool. They would tip accordingly. Even if it wasn't a huge over the top tip. I always knew when a person bought whatever I was selling them, it was fun for me to be a different person at a different table. I loved it for that reason. You're being a snob? Meet sarcastic Bella. You're rich and single? Meet flirt Bella. You're tourists? Meet overly nice Go-see- Staten-Island Bella. I lived for the thrill I got from making people think I was something that I wasn't.

I remember my drama teacher Mrs. Cope telling me that she believed I had the gift of reinvention. She said I had the born given talent of being able to deceive my audience. I remember how I would get into my roles and she said I had the art of persuasion down to a science. I remember laughing at her glowing reviews and her hooded eyes as she Insisted I apply to places like Julliard.

Isabella Dear… Please. I'm telling you think about your future think about the talent you have… such promise such I don't even know… You just got a light inside you kid.

She would say as she tried to get me into the arts. To make "A name for myself" out there. But at that time in my life I was so sure of my name and all that it stood for that Cope was nothing but a whacky drama teacher. Now only three years later and six changed zip codes do I kind of understand what she meant. It was easy for me to be what people saw me as and never grow uncomfortable with my character. I liked it this way. Every city was a new show staring Bella. The minute the plot started to twist and turn and go in directions I didn't like or got boring. I packed up took my tip jar and left… started a new plot in a new zip code and played the first character that was projected onto me and I started the show.

"Really?" She said not believing me. Taking me out of my self reflections. With who?"

"Cullen Publishing." I said with a bright smile. It was a half lie, I did apply but I didn't actually have any kind of interview with them yet. I did this to make Alice happy because she wanted me to stay. She didn't know much about my past and all that nonsense… because it didn't matter. But Alice was getting nervous about me waitressing because one night two months ago I accidentally told her the truth kind of… about how I ended up in New York anyways. While I had always known that I'd most likely end up somewhere else. That night it dawned on Alice that it was nothing personal but sooner or later. New York was just yet another pit stop in this long ass continuous journey I had set out on. Ever since then she had been on a real mission. She wanted me to stay. She hadn't out rightly said it. She knew that would probably scare me into leaving quicker. But she implied it. She implied it by making me work more hours encouraging me to date. She implied it by asking me about my future and suggesting I start one. Maybe there was even a part of me that indulged her solely because for once in my life… I didn't know what my next character would be. I was in a slump … going through a creative block. So I held off on the production of my next season of the Bella show. Cause all the plots and characters kind of all seemed like they were getting old. And I hated the idea of living my life in the "Same old same old" type of way..

"Really?" Alice asked impressed. Jacob came beside me putting a menu down on the bar and poking Maria in-between her forehead. She smiles brightly at him. They were best friends… those two. Well Maria was friends with everyone at her dads' restaurant.

"What are we talking about?" He asked, he was the store manager. Jasper couldn't run all these restaurants himself and Jacob was his right-hand man.

"Bella has a job interview with the best publishing company in… the world." Alice said still not believing it. Jacob raised an eyebrow and I smiled sheepishly caving.

"Okay maybe I don't but I applied it's the same thing." I said finally saying the truth.

"But it's not." Maria said brightly. Jacob and Alice laughed and I rolled my eyes but before I could even say anything further Jacob looked panicked. Alice sobered up and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"The hell is your problem freak?" She asked him.

"Shit Shit Shit Irene is here." He said freaking out. Alice and I rolled our eyes. Another one of his conquests. Out of all of them she happened to be the craziest. I to this day claim that Emily the girl who spray painted Pig on the restaurant window was the craziest. But I guess only his opinion mattered.

"What do I do?" He whispered panicked. Alice and I didn't say anything as we looked at her.

"She's hot." I said not helping.

"Yeah and crazy." He muttered. He groaned when she walked over to us excitedly.

"Jacob!" She screeched causing Alice to touch her ear delicately. Maria just sipped her juice, looking interested.

"Hey Irene. Baby." He said giving her a chaste kiss. She smiled at him but got awkward when she noticed us staring at her.

"Oh how rude of me… Irene this is Bella and this is Alice the owner's wife and right here we have-

"Maria!" Maria answered excitedly. I smiled at her.

"Yes." He said amused. Irene greeted us all politely underneath that façade I knew she had to be crazy. There was something there that screamed "Nuts".

"Baby I've been trying to get a hold of you for a week what is going on?" She asked in a low voice. He glanced at me and Alice but we didn't hide our shame in the fact that we didn't even try to look away.

"Look baby I don't know how to tell you this but-

"Daddy… When are we going home?" Maria asked in the sweetest voice up at Jacob. Alice and I widened our eyes in surprise at her but didn't make any comment.

"Uh- What?" Jacob asked Maria with a really worried look on his face as if she'd grown two heads.

"Daddy I know you don't want me to call you that in front of your girlfriends but I'm just really tired." Maria said and I just stared at her.

This kid was a fucking genius.

"She's your kid!?" Irene exclaimed looking at Maria with horror.

"Yah daddy said I can't tell the females he dates that though… but I can call him daddy in the car." She said brightly.

"You're a pig!" Irene exclaimed grabbing her clutch slapping Jacob across the face and storming out of the restaurant. Alice and I just looked at Maria with an.

"O" shape of our mouths.

"Uncle Riley always says when a girl thinks you're a dead beat dad you'll never hear from her again. So when his girlfriends get crazy daddy lets me be his daughter for a few hours to scare a girl off." Maria says looking at us innocently. I burst into hysterics and Jacob was just smiling looking so amused despite his reddening cheek.

"He does what?" Alice asked bemused.

"I wasn't s'posed to tell you that… I gotta potty." She said casually jumping off the stool before she ran into the back to find the bathroom.

"Bella it' not fucking funny." Alice hissed. I just wouldn't stop laughing because who knew that a kid would do something totally and incredibly fucking ridiculous and my heart would swell with pride.

-Friday April 20th 2018 -

"So, what exactly do you plan on telling them?" Jacob asks as he and I lay out on the Patio of Maria's smoking individual blunts.

"Well the truth… that the interview was trash and I didn't get the job." I said with a lazy shrug as I took a pull. Jacob did the same before bursting into a fit of coughs.

"Jesus Christ where'd you get this shit?" He asked.

"That bimbo girl from the pharmacy on fifth." I answered.

"I hate it when you buy from her, her shit always puts me in a frenzy." He said not stopping taking pulls though.

"Anyways." I said ignoring his ungratefulness at the fact that I trekked all the fucking way to fifth to get us weed.

"Yeah anyways… That's not exactly what happened though. You cussed off the biggest book publisher in like… the city."

"Ugh Jacob who cares. I don't even want to work with books anyways." I said annoyed that we were discussing this.

"Yeah but… Alice is worried about you Bella… She really doesn't want you to leave." He said bluntly. I didn't say anything to that because I didn't really know what to say. Not because I didn't want to come off rude or even come off dismissive but because Alice …the way she acted with me had always been so foreign to me. It was a long time ago since I remember feeling certain things that Alice made me feel like… having roots…a permanent place to stay. Having friends who didn't just email, or see each other once in a while. But having a permanent life. I didn't think of the last time I had a permanent life because well… For what?

"I know but…Fuck that guy was a dick." Was all I can say.

"He sounds like one but just….chill I mean …fuck Bella. who the hell am I gonna smoke with if you leave?" He said honestly. Not looking at me with a shred of romanticism. I know what people think, maybe Jacob and I had something for each other. No. We went on one date when I got here realized that was a joke and we've been like best friends ever since. I knew I was a decent looking girl who'd make a lot of guys lucky to parade me around and I knew that Jacob was a hot guy… a really hot guy who popular to contrary belief wasn't horrible that a lot of girls would be lucky to have. But we didn't make each other feel that way. Him because he wasn't into me that way and me because I wasn't into anyone that way. I didn't have the fucking capability to be honest.

"I don't know Jake… I'm getting restless I need some new shit but … fuck I don't know where to go. I don't want to go anywhere but it's one of those things where I know I should… because I always do." I explained to him what I had explained to Alice a few nights ago.

"Okay well listen to this. Every night at eleven o clock I get up and eat because I'm hungry. Then one night at eleven I wake up and I'm not hungry but I still eat because it's just something I always do so what the fuck does it matter. I mean I wasn't hungry but … food is food right? Well then I get a fucking stomach ache and I can't get to bed and I'm pissed because I couldn't get a good night's rest cause I did something I usually always do at a time when I really didn't need too." He said satisfied with his little analogy. I just crinkled my face at him with a

Really

Look. But he was un-phased with my facial sarcasm.

"Okay Jake… I'll stay but the minute I know where the fuck I feel the need to go. I'll go."

"That's all I ask… But yeah don't tell Alice what happened at that interview." Was all he said before he bust out into a howling laughter at my expense.

-Earlier that day-

I was fucking annoyed because I had to wake up the fucking crack of dawn to get downtown, because traffic was a fucking bitch in Manhattan. I learned that quickly and sold the car when I realized just how fucking nuts this city was. Nobody drives in Manhattan. I woke up and realized that the only adult blouse I had, had a pit stain on it and that I used the wrong shampoo so my hair was frizzy and wouldn't do the sleek professional hair look I was aiming for.

"Fuck." I muttered as a cigarette dangled from my mouth as I stood in my apartment in my pantyhose. Wet hair, with one roller in it, trying to figure out of this tank top could suffice for an interview.

Why the fuck did I have to look professional to be a secretary?

"This is bullshit." I said realizing I was going to be late as I smoked. I stood there in my apartment for five minutes contemplating on what I should do before I left my house and went to my neighbours. I knocked on the door. Angela Webber was a bratty private school girl whose father was a wall street big-wig and her mother was a botoxed whore. I mean I'm sure she had a real job but in my mind that was her occupation. Botoxed whore.

Angela and I didn't like each other very much. She said when I smoked she could smell it and complained to the tenants and Jasper had warned me about it because he and Alice are renting their place out to me. I then went to Angela and told her the next time she snitched I would kick her ass. So ever since that little incident she never told, I smoked but she did always roll her eyes when she saw me and muttered "Poor loser" Under her breath. If only she fucking knew.

When she opened the door to see me in my bra, cigarette and pantyhose she looked incredulous and disgusted at the same time. She was a little priss that girl. She was always prim and proper her school girl uniform was always perfectly rolled up. She wore her little dresses to those society events her parents made her go to and I know she definitely probably got straight A's. But I knew girls like Angela and I definitely know she probably played perfect societal princess for the big wigs and the society pages and then let frat boys snort coke off her tits for fun in whosevers vacation house in the Hamptons. This was Manhattan rich kids we were talking about.

"Did you need something… peasant?" She asked disgusted.

"Give me a cute business casual outfit and I won't tell mommy I saw you blowing your married teacher in his car last night two blocks down." I said nicely. Her eyes widened in shock. Her mouth opened and closed then opened again before she huffed and opened her door even wider to let me in. Now I didn't know that he was her teacher per se… but I knew he was way too fucking old for her. I also knew from mine and Jacob's stalking when we noticed it was her. That the man had a wedding ring. He definitely wasn't married to the fucking high school junior that was for sure.

"You get one ounce of ash on any of my furniture and I'll murder you." She said determined as she walked me into the huge ass place I'd never been in before. Angela's parents may have lived in the same building as me but we were not living the same life. My apartment was clean and tidy but… small. It was a maintenance place meaning it was meant for you to stay there if you worked in the building or downstairs like I did. So I didn't get a two level marbled home that Angela had. I didn't get a spiral staircase and a grand baby piano with a kitchen with stainless Steele appliances. The place was adorned with golden trimmings and black and white theme.

Oh so fancy.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at all the bullshit. Angela brought me up to her room and it was everything I assumed her room would be. Huge ass bed with expensive ass pretentious bedding. Pictures of her whore ass friends looking innocent in one frame and whore-ish in the fucking other. She went to the double doors of her closet.

"Now I know you know nothing about designer and business casual because I mean… well yah." She said looking at me up and down. I just rolled my eyes as I puffed. "But I would suggest something Gucci.. maybe this?" She said pulling out a dress that still had the tag that my grandma wouldn't be caught dead in.

"Did your mother pick that out for you?" I asked.

"No my grandmother I needed someone to get it off my hands." She said.

"I will pick my outfit and you will sit there and watch… thank you." I said having my way with her walk in. I tapped my chin dramatically loving making her squirm. I chose her favourite pair of LV's because I had seen the girl wear them so many times and then I paired it. with a tight black blazer with a white silk shirt underneath and a skirt, that was shorter than usual but still screamed professional. I turned to face her when I was done doing my hair in her pretty little vanity.

"Okay do I look hirable?" I asked despite my better judgement as she sat there on her bed flicking through a vogue.

"I guess… but if you really want the job just don't open your fucking mouth." She said rolling her eyes as she continued to look.

"Be nice to me or I'll accidentally walk into a pile of mud on my way home."

"You ruin my LV's and I'll-

"You'll what? Tell mommy and daddy you suck dick for extra credit?" I asked innocently.

"you're such a stalker." She exclaimed. "I knew you were a fucking nutjob ever since you moved in months ago. I tried to warn people about you the minute you opened your fucking mouth and now we have a fucking crazy person in the building." She ranted off to herself.

"Rather be crazy than a skank." I said wistfully before I walked out of the room, satisfied with the look of anger on her face.

-4:00 PM-

I hate to admit it but maybe Angela was right about one thing. I really should have kept my mouth shut. Because the minute I opened it, the prospect of me getting this job was thrown no hauled out the window. But it was not my fault. No it was Edward Cullen's fault he was a massive dick. I walked into the huge ass pretentious building and was arguing with the secretary because I was five minutes late. She said that because I was late Edward Cullen wouldn't see me. I said it was five minutes and because of that fact she needed to take the stick out of her ass. Once Edward's assistant… Nessa? Renesaam? Or something? Heard the commotion I started, she allowed me to go in- much to the secretary's dismay. Unfortunately, things didn't get better with Mr. Cullen. Who already looked pissed as hell.

"So you spent one semester in college?" He asked dryly. Mr. Edward Cullen was hot. He had bronze hair, nice green eyes and I could tell under that expensive suit he was fit. He was also very tall. Unfortunately, I couldn't admire all of that because he was such an ass.

Now I know I wasn't the poster child for scholarly success in terms of a post-secondary education. But the requirements on the stupid website just said you had to have knowledge on the book publishing world and reputable references. I had that. Dick.

"No I didn't I dropped out of-

"I know where you dropped out from." He said lazily glancing at my resume unimpressed. Not even hiding it.

"So where are you originally from?"

"Nevada." I answered mechanically.

"And you've had no experience in the book publishing world."

"I have.. like stated in my resume I-

"Yes you interned for a few random publishers in… random cities for… random amounts of time but what did you learn. How can you apply it to anything you'll be doing here?" He said. At that point I had already known I wasn't getting the job. So I gave up on trying to get it. Now I was good at selling myself but I feel like I didn't even really try with this guy because well… I didn't want him to purchase me. I just scoffed at his words and his head snapped.

"Really you need me to file papers and get you coffee, lie to the wife you probably have and tell her you're in a meeting when you're having an affair… it doesn't take much experience. You're hiring a secretary… not the president. Get over yourself" I stressed rolling my eyes.

"Excuse me?" He said his eyes widened I just shrugged.

"I mean be professional but look at the fucking facts here… all of this is bullshit. You don't need a secretary with a university diploma… judging by the secretary out there the one she probably has didn't do her any good." I said getting up.

"Yah that's right get up and get out… where do you country bumkins get the nerve to come get jobs at places like this anyways!?" He said and I froze. I turned to him.

"Places like this!? You mean really nice big buildings with people who wear expensive shit and take their cars to their fancy job, in their fancy office and talk to other fancy people who all sit around holding hands and just soak up each others fancy lives and awesome work ethic. When in reality they don't realize that their heads are so far up their asses that they don't do anything special and they're just over payed, over dressed, insecure, insignificant Xanax popping losers" I exclaimed. He didn't say anything as his eyes blared with anger and I continued as I picked up my resume and ripped it up as I spoke to him.

"Your website said you had to have knowledge on the book publishing company. I'll have you know that if you read that resume past my dearth of a college experience you'd know that I interned with some of the best literacy agents in the continental US. That I won not one not two but three Twilight writing awards for my short stories before I even graduated high school and that I know everything there is to know about every classic, every new aged book every trend because I was trained to know that." I said as I finally had enough of the ripping and placed it on his desk in a neat little pile.

"But I guess all that stuff doesn't matter because I was five minutes late and didn't finish college. I don't even want to work here with people like you who think they're so special because they have nice things and go to nice places and judge everyone. Well you can suck my dick." I sneered the last part quietly before I stalked out of the office. The minute the elevator brought me down to the first floor. I lit up a cigarette and smoked slumping again the glass door of the huge building.

Book publishing industry was a no… I would have to stick for waitressing for the time being.