REFLECTIONS OF A TIME LORD
WHOUFFALDI FANFICTION by profilersinacastle
(Past Doctor/River, Clara/Danny mentioned)
I blew into this world on a leaf. I'm still blowing. I don't think I'll ever land. I'm Clara Oswald. I'm the impossible girl. I was born to save the Doctor.
-Clara Oswald
I.
He often catches himself wondering why Clara has stayed with him for so long. He was and still is an old Scottish alien, with a hero complex and never in his life deserved someone like Clara. River was like him in many ways and he guessed that's what his past self loved about her. She was an enigma that even when solved was still troubling him; her living in his future knowing him and everything they did and ever would do. But they were too alike and there was no method to their madness. They had a love that burned bright and quickly. They were not good for each other; they didn't balance out each of the personalities, but it was different with Clara. They completed each other and he found himself able to show all of him to her with no fear of judgment. Having seen all his self from young boy to who he was now might have helped but Clara was more than an enigma. Yes she was the Impossible Girl, the Woman twice dead, lived a thousand lives but she was and had been the voice in his head keeping him steady. With him every step of the way since he was a child. She was his guiding light, his salvation, his equal and even more. Not only had she had her entire being split into millions copies to save him from death and evil, she saved him from himself. She was his solid ground. Even when she dated Danny the Doctor knew he could never let her go, not without a fight and in the end he won. He got his carer, the woman who could make him good again, who always made him better. She helped him save his own people, showing how incredible she was.
II.
He also catches himself thinking that she's too good for him, she deserves someone better. She needed someone sane who she wouldn't have to die multiple times for and who could bring some normality in her life. That's mainly why he took so much time to let her in, with that new face. He knew she was not to be taken lightly and didn't want to hurt or lose her. She was worth too much, she was a gift from the universe and he couldn't be more thankful. It might have helped with the not-ever-leaving-and-staying-with-you-forever when they admitted their love to each other, it might have involved an alien attack and the Doctor thinking Clara was dead and swearing he would kill this whole species and seek revenge. It might also have been because she knew the Doctor should never be alone and that he lost enough people during his life. But it might also have been the fact that Clara knew that Danny was only a distraction. She unwillingly used him to help her avoid her feelings for the Scottish two thousand year old time lord. Age was never a problem for her; after all she never liked pretty young men. That did not mean she was not apprehensive of this new man, even if he was the Doctor. No doubt in that, but he looked so fragile, so lost when he thought she wasn't looking. She was sacred of losing the man that showed her the most beautiful things in the whole world. So she tried distancing herself as much as she could without leaving the blue box and its owner. She had seen too much to come back to her everyday life and that strained the relationship she had with Danny. She knew that unconsciously she didn't love him or at least not as much as she did the Doctor and not in the same way. She did give her life for the Doctor; he was everything she needed and more. He knew her inside and out and he could confide in her and she could confide in him.
III.
The Doctor and Clara wondered about many things, but one thing they knew for sure was that they loved, respected and valued each other. Clara might have given up part of her human life, the Doctor might have lost hope of finding the promised land, but one thing they wiil never have to wonder about is their devotion and love for each other.
AN: Hello guys! This is a random piece I started writing before I went to sleep and slightly altered it. I don't know if I will add more chapters to this, but I have to admit I thought about it. So we'll see. I really hope you guys like it, I tried something new in the way I organize the fic and I don't know if I will stick to this during the story or in my future fics...
xx
Océane