"Seriously? Third piece already?" She asks with a mocking voice while sitting in her chair.

I lift my gaze from the big, delicious, creamy and moist piece of tasty chocolate cake and turn to look at her feeling confused. "So?" I ask and shrug before continuing eat the cake while waiting for Metro Man step into my latest trap.

"Be careful you won't get fat." She snorts sarcastically and look at me nastily.

I smack a spoonful of cake slowly in my mouth and think what she just said. Fat. I stare at the half-eaten cake thoughtfully and sadly on the plate when her words are repeating themselves in my mind. Third piece already? Fat – Fat – Fat – FAT.

Just then Mr. Perfect hair rush in the middle of us, saves her and catch me.

He tries to banter something while hauling me back to penitentiary but I'm not in the mood. Instead I'm quiet and thinking if Metro Man was a normal person, could he notice have I fattened? He at least carries me occasionally.

The hero delivers me to the guards who cuffs me before they lead me first to the office and then to the shower room. After the shower I get the terrible orange prison jumpsuit I must put on before the guards lead me to my private, high-secure cell.

We walk through the aisle of regular cells and there starts loud shout emanate from the cells when the inmates spot I've gotten arrested again. Just like always.

"Hey look, it's Chubby." I hear how one of my uncles yell gladly when we past his cell.

Chubby? That was my nickname when I was a kid because I had chubby cheeks. My uncle hadn't used that name for years. Why now? Did – did it was true, had I gained some weight? I pondered when the guards opened the door of my personal cell and let me in.

It takes only few hours when I'm out again and back to my precious Lair. I lock myself in my bedroom and take off my clothes before I walk to the bathroom and start to examine my reflection in the mirror. I hate what I'm seeing; hideous blue skin, extraordinary big bald head, unnatural colored green eyes. Freak.

I pinch a skin of my belly between my fingers and feel how the wave of pure disgust and self-hatred sweep over me. Fat. I think while staring at my reflection. Fat ugly loser. That's what I am.

I step on a scale which lies on the floor in the bathroom and watch desperately how the numbers are growing bigger on the screen. When the reading finally stops I gasp and feel extremely distressed. It's way too much.

I run to my bedroom and open the drawer of my writing desk, searching frantically until I finally find what I'm looking for; a little black notebook.

I turn open a new page and scribble the date for a headline. Under the headline I write my regular weight. After that I put on my bathrobe and sneak to my working area in Lair, taking care Minion won't wake up. I take a tape measure before I return to my room.

I take the robe off and wrap the tape measure around my waist and wince when I see the reading. Closely I scribe the waist size in the notebook before I move to measure the sizes of my both thighs, calves and arms. I feel anxious and depressed after I've written down all the sizes and stare at them shocked.

'I'm ugly fat piece of shit.' I think sadly when I climb in the bed and start to wait for a sleep. 'Fat ugly loser' I'm blaming myself critically and churning in self-hatred until I finally manage cry myself to restless sleep.

Next morning I'm sitting at the table in the kitchen and staring at the pile of waffles in front of me Minion has made for a breakfast. 'They're smelling so good.' I think sadly. I take a strawberry from the top of the pile and put it in my mouth before I glance around making sure I'm alone. I take my DE-gun from its holster and shoot the waffle pile, finding soon a blue cube standing in front of me. Hastily I stuff the cube in my pocket just before Minion appears in the kitchen. I thank him for the breakfast before I disappear in my room.

I open my laptop and search a calorie calculator from the web. I key strawberry in the calculator before I take my black notebook and scribble that date for a headline. Then I write down: Strawberry: 5 kcal.

I click myself to sport equipment web page and after browsing the page for a while I whistle and a swarm of Brainbots rush into my room. "Get this to me." I command and point a treadmill on the screen. The swarm let out their bowg bowg- sound before they disappeared to fulfill their task.

It doesn't take long until there's a brand-new treadmill standing in my bedroom. I admire how it looks and can't wait to test it. Quickly I change sporty clothes on and step on my new equipment. I press Start and decree the pace.

I watch happily how the reading of calorie consumption is growing on the screen while I'm jogging. I feel good and proud after I've run 7 miles and quit the exercise. I walk to my writing desk and scribe subtitle: Calorie consumption: run (7 miles): 760 kcal. My stomach lets out a loud growl, but I ignore it.

'I won't let anything ruin my diet.' I decide determinedly and smile at the numbers in my notebook.

When the dinner times come I feel terrible hungry. It doesn't help Minion has made one of my favorite: Creamy pasta with salmon. I sit at the table and stare at the delicious dish in front of me. I want so much to taste eat - eat all of it. My stomach is yelling me to do it, but my mind forbids me. 'Fat ugly loser.' My mind reminds me and finally I end up eating one little broccoli and two peas.

I dig a biobag from my pocket and empty the serving in the bag before I dehydrate it with my DE-gun and hide the cube in my pocket. Once again, I thank Minion for the delicious food and return to my room where I take my notebook and write down: broccoli 1 kcal, two peas 1 kcal, after I've checked the calories from the calorie calculator.

'I'm happy for today's readings.' I think when I take off my clothes and step on the scale and a smug grin spreads across my face when I notice the reading is lower than yesterday. I make a fist pump and go to write down today's weight before I go to sleep wearing a happy smile.

I've done it now couple weeks. It has asked self-control and willpower, but I've managed to stay away from food. The weight has already dropped 13 pounds and my waist, thigh, calf and arm sizes have started to narrow. So far Minion hasn't noticed anything. I dehydrate my dishes every time he's not seeing and take them to Lair's compost during night when he's sleeping. First days I was very hungry and it was so hard to fight against the temptation to have a proper portion. Now when my body has used to it I'm feeling better than ever. I've started to drink a lot of water to cheat the hungriness away and it works amazingly. It's dinner time again, should get ready to play that cool.

I write my weekly diary in the notebook before I close it and hide in the drawer. I stand up and suddenly the room is whirling in my eyes. I take a support from the desk until the vertigo passes and take a deep breath.

Determinedly I go to kitchen where Minion serves a dinner for me. I eat a piece of lettuce and cherry tomato before I set the rest of the portion in a biobag which soon turns to a blue cube. I leave the table and feel dizzy again. When it passes, I lift my gaze and notice my fish friend is staring at me worriedly.

"It's just blood pressure, stood up too quickly." I insure smiling and thank him for the dinner until I go back to my room and write down the calories I've eaten during the dinner. After that I take off my clothes and go to check my weight. Wave of shock and outrage sweep over me when I stare incredulously the reading on the dial of the scale. It's same than yesterday.

In panic I run to my notebook and page open notes of yesterday. I shake my head in disbelief when I compare the numbers of today and yesterday. 'There must be some mistake.' I insist appalled. 'Why the weight hasn't dropped?!'

I feel totally desperate and try to fight against the tears while the words Fat ugly loser are mocking me inside my head.

Despite I'm feeling dizzy and exhausted after running 7 miles already today, I put on my sport clothes and start to do X-jumps. After 100 jumps my world is whirling again when I drag myself to the scale and climb terrified on it. I let out a sigh of relief when the scale shows 0,22 pounds lesser then before jumping. I write the regular weight in the notebook before I collapse in the bed and fall asleep.

Next day I decide the 7 miles isn't enough so I start to run 10 miles every day. In the evening when I step on the scale I feel extremely happiness because I've lost 2 pounds for one day. 'I can handle this.' I think determinedly when I throw today's foods in the compost before getting back to bed.

After few months, I'm agonizing with my weight again. The reading has stayed same for days. I've felt dizzier than before and terrible tiredness has taken over me. My mind says I must eat but at the same time it says I must not. I assured I can handle the situation but I frighten totally when I suddenly realize it's now the situation which is handling me.

When I sit at the kitchen table again and stare at the food in front of me I gravely consider eating it. 'Fat ugly loser' My mind sneers and I make a new decision: from now on I don't put even a little piece of food in my mouth. I finish my glass of water and dehydrate the dish before I wobble back to my room.

"Are you okay?" She asks while sitting in her chair, after I've kidnapped her.

"I'm fine." I mutter while I'm supporting myself against the wall while the room and the world around me is whirling frantically. It's a lie and I know it. For months, I've played everything's perfectly fine. The truth is I must fight I'm able to stand on my feet. I smile and play I'm fine though deep inside me I'm totally broken. The food is controlling my life and making me feel sick. First I was only hungry and tired. Now I'm suffering for insomnia and depression.

Suddenly I collapse on the floor when my strength breaks down. Minion and miss Ritchi looks at me worried when I get weakly up and state that today's kidnapping is cancelled before I rush out of the room.

Once again I'm sitting at the kitchen table and staring at the piece of chicken pie on a plate in front of me. Minion is sitting opposite me and observes me closely. 'He knows something's going on.' I furrow while he's looking at me and taking care I eat the pie. Reluctantly I take a fork in my hand and start slowly eating the piece of pie. It feels marvelous to taste food after months but at the same time the taste of grease is disgusting me. I have to fight against the tears when I'm thinking how much calories the pie contains. 'Fat ugly loser' my mind scoffs when I finish the last piece.

After Minion has forced me to eat that pie where's way too much fat and cream I run to my bedroom and there straight to my bathroom. I bend over the toilet and dart my fingers in my throat forcing myself to throw up. Tears are rolling down my cheeks when I'm gaging and furiously thinking how much calories already managed to absorb in my body.

I return to bedroom and lay down on the floor where I start to do abs. After 100 abs I do 100 X-jumps. I fall asleep on the floor.

I hate myself. I've always hated. The dark thoughts have captured my mind and self-hatred has taken over me.

Minion is sitting every mealtime opposite me and forcing me to eat. And I keep vomiting everything out right after eating. Why I'm so weak I can't tell fish I don't want to eat?!

My weakness is making me hate myself even more. For one night, I'm crying quietly and mocking at me about everything: failed kidnappings and evil schemes, bad discipline, fat ugly loser.

Carefully I get up from the bed and sneak in the kitchen. I take a knife from the drawer and return to my room. I go to the bathroom and turn the light on. I see my reflection in the mirror and turn my gaze quickly away.

'I hate me.' I remind myself and sit on the bathroom's floor. I'm feeling so weak and numb at the same time. I stretch my arm, ready to make the first cut until I realize anyone can see the cuts there. Instead I pull my leg in my lap and cut my sole open.

I wince for the pain. Cutting myself is a punishment for being weak and at the same time meter telling me I'm still alive because I feel so terrible numb.

I watch awhile how blood covers the floor until I make couple cuts more.

I'm feeling so tired I have problems to get up from the bed. 'Must stand up running.' I tell myself and force me on the treadmill. Every step hurts because of the wounds in my soles but I do my best to ignore the pain. 'Must stay slim.' I encourage me to continue. 'Do you wanna be FAT UGLY LOSER?' With my last ounce of strength I manage finally handle the 10 miles of the day before I collapse back in the bed.

When I wake up next day my heart beats weakly. I force myself up from the bed and start to do abs. After doing 100 abs I step on the scale which is at the same time my best friend and worst enemy. I smile happily but tiredly when I notice the weight has dropped again. Feeling satisfied I write down readings of today's calorie consumption and my weight.

I've already stayed few days in bed. I honestly don't have any strength to stand up. I've wearily tried to move my legs up and down to consume some calories. Minion has tried to feed me soups and other liquids but I've refused to swallow anything. He says I'm sick. Well, rather slim and sick than fat and healthy, I think contently before I fall asleep. My heartbeat is getting weaker all the time until it beats the last time.

I feel good now.

I haven't felt good lately so I had a need to write about things I'm experiencing and thinking about almost every day.